William Schwenck Gilbert

“ Yum. (still sobbing) . Yes. How time flies when one is thoroughly enjoying oneself!
Nank. That's the way to look at it! Don't let's be down-hearted! There's a silver lining to every cloud.
Yum. Certainly. Let's— let's be perfectly happy! (Almost in tears.)
Pish. By all means. Let's— let's thoroughly enjoy ourselves. Pitti. It's — it's absurd to cry! (Trying to force a laugh.)
Yum. Quite ridiculous! (Trying to laugh.)
(All break into a forced and melancholy laugh.)
MADRIGAL.
Yum-Yum, Pitti-Sing, Nanki-Poo, and Pish-Tush. ”

“ Enter Katisha, Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing and Pooh-Bah. They throw themselves at the Mikado's feet.
Kat. Mercy! Mercy for Ko-Ko! Mercy for Pitti-Sing! Mercy even for Pooh-Bah!
Mik. I beg your pardon; I don't think I quite caught that remark.
Pooh. Mercy even for Pooh-Bah.
Kat. Mercy! My husband that was to have been is dead, and I have just married this miserable object.
Mik. Oh! You've not been long about it!
Ko. We were married before the Registrar.
Pooh. I am the Registrar.
Mik. I see. But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the Heir Apparent—
Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum. They kneel. ”

“ If my married happiness is to be— to be—
Peep. Cut short.
Yum. Well, cut short— in a month, can't you let me forget it? (Weeping.)
Enter Nanki-Poo, and Pish-Tush.
Nank. Yum-Yum in tears— and on her wedding morn!
Yum. (sobbing) . They've been reminding me that in a month you're to be beheaded! (Bursts into tears.)
Pitti. Yes, we've been reminding her that you're to be beheaded. (Bursts into tears.)
Peep. It's quite true, you know, you are to be beheaded! (Bursts into tears.)
Nank. (aside) . Humph! How some bridegrooms would be depressed by this sort of thing! (Aloud.) A month? ”

“ I marry Katisha!
Yum. I really think it's the only course.
Ko. But, my good girl, have you seen her? She's something appalling!
Pitti. Ah! that's only her face. She has a left elbow which people come miles to see!
Pooh. I am told that her right heel is much admired by connoisseurs.
Ko. My good sir, I decline to pin my heart upon any lady's right heel.
Nank. It comes to this: While Katisha is single, I prefer to be a disembodied spirit. When Katisha is married, existence will be as welcome as the flowers in spring.
DUET. — Nanki-Poo and Ko-Ko.
(With Yum-Yum, Pitti-Sing, and Pooh-Bah.) ”

“ Exeunt Pitti-Sing, Peep-Bo and Chorus. Yum. Yes, I am indeed beautiful! Sometimes I sit and wonder, in my artless Japanese way, why it is that I am so much more attractive than anybody else in the whole world. Can this be vanity? No! Nature is lovely and rejoices in her loveliness. I am a child of Nature, and take after my mother.
SONG.— Yum-Yum. ”

“ Nanki-Poo.
Ko. It's quite easy. That is, it's rather difficult. In point of fact, he's gone abroad!
Mik. Gone abroad? His address.
Ko. Knightsbridge!
Kat. (who is reading certificate of death) . Ha!
Mik. What's the matter?
Kat. See here— his name— Nanki-Poo— beheaded this morning. Oh, where shall I find another? Where shall I find another?
(Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing fall on their knees.)
Mik (looking at paper.) Dear, dear, dear! this is very tiresome. (To Ko-Ko.) My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry out my wishes you have beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan! ”

“ Enter Pooh-Bah.
Ko. Now then, Lord Mayor, what is it?
Pooh. The Mikado and his suite are approaching the city, and will be here in ten minutes.
Ko. The Mikado! He's coming to see whether his orders have been carried out! (To Nanki-Poo.) Now look here, you know— this is getting serious— a bargain's a bargain, and you really mustn't frustrate the ends of justice by committing suicide. As a man of honour and a gentleman, you are bound to die ignominiously by the hands of the Public Executioner. ”

“ Yum. Come, come, bear up. After all, it's only for a month.
Ko. No. It's no use deluding oneself with false hopes.
Ko. (to Yum-Yum.) My child— my poor child! (Aside.) How shall I break it to her? (Aloud.) My little bride that was to have been—
Yum. (delighted) . Was to have been?
Ko. Yes, you never can be mine!
Ko. I've just ascertained that, by the Mikado's law, when a married man is beheaded his wife is buried alive.
Ko. Buried alive. It's a most unpleasant death.
Nank. But whom did you get that from?
Ko. Oh, from Pooh-Bah. He's my solicitor. ”

“ Exeunt Pitti-Sing and Pish-Tush.
(Nanki-Poo embraces Yum-Yum.. Enter Ko-Ko. Nanki-Poo releases Yum-Yum.)
Ko. Go on— don't mind me.
Nank. I'm afraid we're distressing you.
Ko. Never mind, I must get used to it. Only please do it by degrees. Begin by putting your arm round her waist. (Nanki-Poo does so.) There; let me get used to that first.
Yum. Oh, would you like to retire? It must pain you to see us so affectionate together!
Ko. No, I must learn to bear it! Now oblige me by allowing her head to rest on your shoulder.
Nank. Like that? (He does so. Ko-Ko much affected.) ”

“ Pitti-Sing, Katisha, Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Mikado.
Mik. See how the Fates their gifts allot.
For A is happy— B is not.
Yet B is worthy, I dare say,
Of more prosperity than A!
Ko., Pooh., and Pitti. Is B more worthy? ”

“ Ko. Well, well, never mind that now. There's only one thing to be done. Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet— he must come to life again at once. (Enter Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum prepared for journey.) Here he comes. Here, Nanki-Poo, I've good news for you— you're reprieved.
Nank. Oh, but it's too late. I'm a dead man, and I'm off for my honeymoon.
Ko. Nonsense! A terrible thing has just happened. It seems you're the son of the Mikado.
Nank. Yes, but that happened some time ago.
Ko. Is this a time for airy persiflage? Your father is here, and with Katisha!
Nank. My father! And with Katisha! ”

“ But the fire will not be smothered— it defies all attempts at extinction, and, breaking forth, all the more eagerly for its long restraint, it declares itself in words that will not be weighed— that cannot be schooled— that should not be too severely criticised. ”

“ Merely corroborative detail intended to give artistic verisimilitude to a bald and—
Ko. Will you refrain from putting in your oar? (To Mikado.) It's like this: When your Majesty says, "Let a thing be done," it's as good as done— practically, it is done— because your Majesty's will is law. Your Majesty says, "Kill a gentleman," and a gentleman is told off to be killed. Consequently, that gentleman is as good as dead— practically, he is dead— and if he is dead, why not say so?
Mik. I see. Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory!
FINALE.
Pitti. ”

“ All.Tra la la la, Tra la la la, &c.
(Dance and exeunt Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, Pooh-Bah, Pitti-Sing, and Ko-Ko.)
Enter Katisha.
RECITATIVE and SONG.—Katisha.
Alone, and yet alive! Oh, sepulchre!
My soul is still my body's prisoner!
Remote the peace that Death alone can give—
My doom, to wait! my punishment, to live!
SONG.
Hearts do not break! ”

“ Mik. And this is the certificate of his death. (Reads.) "At Titipu, in the presence of the Lord Chancellor, Lord Chief Justice, Attorney-General, Secretary of State for the Home Department, Lord Mayor, and Groom of the Second Floor Front—"
Pooh. They were all present, your Majesty. I counted them myself.
Mik. Very good house. I wish I'd been in time for the performance.
Ko. A tough fellow he was, too— a man of gigantic strength. His struggles were terrific. It was really a remarkable scene.
Mik. Describe it.
TRIO and CHORUS.—Pitti-Sing, Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Chorus. ”

“ Pianoforte Solo, complete.
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Separate Songs and Dance Music.
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