W. W. Jacobs

“ Not that the crew were particularly brutal, but a sound cuffing occasionally is held by most seamen to be beneficial to a lad's health and morals. The only really spiteful fellow among them was a man named Jem Dadd. He was a morose, sallow-looking man, of about forty, with a strong taste for the supernatural, and a stronger taste still for frightening his fellows with it. I have seen Bill almost afraid to go on deck of a night for his trick at the wheel, after a few of his reminiscences. ”

“ Afloat upon the black waste of waters, at the mercy of wind and sea, with vast depths and strange creatures below them, a belief in the supernatural is easier than ashore, under the cheerful gas-lamps. ”

“ George couldn't believe 'im at fust, but when 'e did he swore that if a 'air of that cat's head was harmed 'e'd 'ave the law o' Bob Pretty, and arter Henery Walker 'ad gone 'e walked round to tell 'im so.
“You're not yourself, George Barstow, else you wouldn't try and take away my character like that,” ses Bob Pretty.
“Wot did Joe Clark give you all them things for?” ses George, pointing to the furniture.
“Took a fancy to me, I s'pose,” ses Bob. “People do sometimes. There's something about me at times that makes 'em like me.” ”

“ The traveller grunted and, returning to the settle opposite the old man, fell to lazily stroking a cat which had strolled in attracted by the warmth of the small fire which smouldered in the grate.
“He's a good mouser,” said the old man, “but I expect that Smith the landlord would sell 'im to anybody for arf a crown; but we 'ad a cat in Claybury once that you couldn't ha' bought for a hundred golden sovereigns.” ”

“ When I think of the evenings I've wasted over a fat old woman I feel——”
“That'll do,” ses old Sam, very sharp; “that ain't the way to speak of a lady, even if she 'as said 'no.'”
“All right, Sam,” ses Ginger. “You go in and win if you think you're so precious clever.”
Old Sam said that that was wot 'e was going to do, and he spent so much time next morning making 'imself look pretty that the other two could 'ardly be civil to him.
He went off a'most direckly arter breakfast, and they didn't see 'im agin till twelve o'clock that night. ”

“ Higgs, only half-comprehending, sat back gasping.
“If I can stand this,” pursued Brother Burge, gesticulating wildly in the direction of the shop, “if I can stand being here with all these 'ere pretty little things to be 'ad for the trouble of picking of 'em up, I can stand anything. Tempt me, I says to Brother Clark. Put me in the way o' temptation, I says. Let me see whether the Evil One or me is the strongest; let me 'ave a good old up and down with the Powers o' Darkness, and see who wins.” ”

“ Strange stories of the sea are plentiful, and an incident which happened within my own experience has made me somewhat chary of dubbing a man fool or coward because he has encountered something he cannot explain. ”

“ The traveller continued to caress the cat.
“A white cat, with one yaller eye and one blue one,” continued the old man. “It sounds queer, but it's as true as I sit 'ere wishing that I 'ad another mug o' ale as good as the last you gave me.”
The traveller, with a start that upset the cat's nerves, finished his own mug, and then ordered both to be refilled. He stirred the fire into a blaze, and, lighting his pipe and putting one foot on to the hob, prepared to listen. ”

“ For over six months I wrote all 'is love-letters for him, 'e being an iggernerant sort of man and only being able to do the kisses at the end, which he always insisted on doing 'imself: being jealous. Only three weeks arter he was married 'e come up to where I was standing one day and set about me without saying a word. I was a single man at the time and I didn't understand it. My idea was that he 'ad gone mad, and, being pretty artful and always 'aving a horror of mad people, I let 'im chase me into a police-station. ”

“ Finch, and thought wot a nice-looking woman she was.
“This is nicer than being aboard ship with a crew o' nasty, troublesome sailormen to look arter, Captin Small,” he ses.
“It's wonderful the way he manages 'em,” ses Peter Russet to Mrs. Finch. “Like a lion he is.”
“A roaring lion,” ses Ginger, looking at Sam. “He don't know wot fear is.”
Sam began to smile, and Mrs. Finch looked at 'im so pleased that Peter Russet, who 'ad been looking at 'er and the room, and thinking much the same way as Ginger, began to think that they was on the wrong tack. ”

“ The on'y thing that George didn't like when they went out was that young Ted was with them, but Gerty said she preferred it till she knew 'im better; and she 'ad so much to say about his noble behaviour in saving life that George gave way. They went out looking at the shops, George thinking that that was the cheapest way of spending an evening, and they were as happy as possible till Gerty saw a brooch she liked so much in a window that he couldn't get 'er away.
“It is a beauty,” she ses. “I don't know when I've seen a brooch I liked better. ”

“ Mitchell, shaking her 'ead. “You know wot your uncle is, Gerty.”
“There now, I never thought o' that,” ses Gerty, with a start; “p'r'aps it is.”
“Joke?” ses George, choking and staring from one to the other.
“I was wondering where he'd get the money from,” ses Mrs. Mitchell to Gerty. “I see it all now; I never see such a man for a bit o' fun in all my born days. And the solemn way he went on last night, too. Why, he must ha' been laughing in 'is sleeve all the time. It's as good as a play.” ”

“ Old Cook shook his 'ead. “Though mine is next Wednesday,” he ses, “and thank you for thinking of it. No; you're just in time for the biggest bargain in the chandlery line that anybody ever 'ad a chance of. If you 'adn't ha' come back we should have 'ad to ha' done it without you.”
“Eighty pounds,” ses Mrs. Cook, smiling at Charlie. “With the money Emma's got saved and your wages this trip you'll 'ave plenty. You must come round arter tea and 'ave a look at it.”
“Little place not arf a mile from 'ere,” ses old Cook. “Properly worked up, the way Emma'll do it, it'll be a little fortune. ”

“ A man who used to grumble awful about the sea was old Sam Small—a man I've spoke of to you before. To hear 'im go on about the sea, arter he 'ad spent four or five months' money in a fortnight, was 'artbreaking. He used to ask us wot was going to happen to 'im in his old age, and when we pointed out that he wouldn't be likely to 'ave any old age if he wasn't more careful of 'imself he used to fly into a temper and call us everything 'e could lay his tongue to. ”

“ Mr. Evans, breathing painfully, supported himself with his hand on the fence.
“They went that way, but I suppose you didn't see them,” continued the householder. “Halloa!” he added, as somebody opened the hall door and the constable's damaged condition became visible in the gas-light. “Are you hurt?”
“Yes,” said Mr. Evans, who was trying hard to think clearly. To gain time he blew a loud call on his whistle.
“The rascals!” continued the other. “I think I should know the big chap with a beard again, but the others were too quick for me.”
Mr. Evans blew his whistle again—thoughtfully. ”

“ Brother Clark said it took 'is breath away.”
“And he's a judge too,” said the admiring jeweller.
“Now,” continued Brother Burge, helping himself plentifully to pickled walnuts. “Now there ain't standing room in our Bethel when I'm expounding. People come to hear me from all parts—old and young—rich and poor—and the Apostles that don't come early 'ave to stand outside and catch the crumbs I throw 'em through the winders.”
“It is enough,” sighed Brother Higgs, whose own audience was frequently content to be on the wrong side of the window, “it is enough to make a man vain.” ”

“ Instead o' giving up work as he'd thought to do, 'e told Henery Walker that 'e'd never worked so 'ard in his life.
“Wot about fresh air and exercise for it?” ses Henery.
“Wot about Joe Clark?” ses George Bar-stow. “I'm tied 'and and foot. I dursent leave the house for a moment. I ain't been to the Cauliflower since I've 'ad it, and three times I got out o' bed last night to see if it was safe.”
“Mark my words,” ses Henery Walker; “if that cat don't 'ave exercise, you'll lose it.
“I shall lose it if it does 'ave exercise,” ses George Barstow, “that I know.” ”

“ As the shop-bell went the door of a little parlour at the back of the shop opened, and a stout and uncommon good-looking woman of about forty came out. Her 'ead pushed the Police News out o' the way and her 'and came groping into the winder arter a toy.
Ginger 'ad a good look at 'er out o' the corner of one eye, while he pretended to be looking at a tobacco-jar with the other. As the little boy came out 'im and Peter Russet went in.
“I want a pipe, please,” he ses, smiling at 'er; “a clay pipe—one o' your best.” ”

“ You never saw such a hunt then in all your life. Nearly every man, woman, and child in Claybury left their work or school and went to try and earn that five pounds. By the arternoon George Barstow made it ten pounds provided the cat was brought 'ome safe and sound, and people as was too old to walk stood at their cottage doors to snap it up as it came by.
Joe Clark was hunting for it 'igh and low, and so was 'is wife and the boys. In fact, I b'lieve that everybody in Claybury excepting the parson and Bob Pretty was trying to get that ten pounds. ”

“ He slept again in the dead man's bunk, and when morning came still lay there.
Until dinner-time, nobody interfered with him, and then Roberts, pushed forward by the others, approached him with some food. He motioned, it away with a dirty, bloated hand, and, making signs for water, drank it eagerly.
For two days he stayed there quietly, the black eyes always open, the stubby fingers always on the move. On the third morning Bill, who had conquered his fear sufficiently to give him water occasionally, called softly to us.
“Come and look at him,” said he. “What's the matter with him?” ”

“ Gerty jumped up off of 'er chair and kissed 'im, while Mrs. Mitchell said she knew 'is bark was worse than 'is bite, and asked 'im who was wasting his money now?
“You meet me at London Bridge Station at two o'clock,” ses Uncle Joe, getting up to go. “It ain't extravagance for a man as can afford it.”
He shook 'ands with George Crofts and went, and, arter George 'ad stayed long enough to hear a lot o' things about Uncle Joe which made 'im think they'd get on very well together, he went off too. ”

“ George told the cabman, and then he got in and sat on Ted's knee, partly on Gerty's umbrella, and mostly on nothing.
“You are good to me, George,” ses Gerty, touching the back of 'is neck with the brim of her hat. “It ain't often I get a ride in a cab. All the time I was keeping company with Bob we never 'ad one once. I only wish I'd got the money to pay for it.”
George, who was going to ask a question, stopped 'imself, and then he kept striking matches and trying to read all about cab fares on a bill in front of 'im. ”

“ Young Joe Clark couldn't bear it, but being down in 'is uncle's will for five cottages and a bit o' land bringing in about forty pounds a year, he 'ad to 'ide his feelings and pretend as he loved it. He used to take it little drops o' cream and tit-bits o' meat, and old Clark was so pleased that 'e promised 'im that he should 'ave the cat along with all the other property when 'e was dead. ”

“ Cook. “Don't you worry; it's in a safe place.”
“Sailormen are always being robbed,” ses George Smith, who 'ad been helping young Bill with 'is sums while they 'ad gone to look at the shop. “There's more sailormen robbed than all the rest put together.”
“They won't rob Charlie,” ses Mrs. Cook, pressing 'er lips together. “I'll take care o' that.”
Charlie tried to laugh, but 'e made such a queer noise that young Bill made a large blot on 'is exercise-book, and old Cook, wot was lighting his pipe, burnt 'is fingers through not looking wot 'e was doing. ”

“ I've lost my young man through you, and I'm not going to lose you too. I'll send my two big cousins round to see you to-morrow.”
“They won't put up with no nonsense, I can tell you,” ses Mrs. Mitchell.
She called the boys to her, and then she and Gerty, arter holding their 'eads very high and staring at George, went off and left 'im alone. He went straight off 'ome, counting 'is money all the way and trying to make it more, and, arter telling Bob 'ow he'd been treated, and trying hard to get 'im to go shares in his losses, packed up his things and cleared out, all boiling over with temper. ”

“ Always stretching out them blessed hands of 'is to make one of the fallen a Seventh Day Primitive.”
“And success attends his efforts?” said the jeweller.
“Success, Brother!” repeated Mr. Burge, eating rapidly and gesticulating with his knife. “Success ain't no name for it. Why, since this day last week he has saved three pick-pockets, two Salvationists, one bigamist and a Roman Catholic.”
Brother Higgs murmured his admiration. “You are also a power for good,” he said wistfully. “Brother Clark tells me in his letter that your exhortations have been abundantly blessed.” ”

“ Henery Walker got up and tried to speak, but 'e couldn't, and he didn't get 'is breath back till Bob said it was plain to see that he 'adn't got a word to say for 'imself. Then he shook 'is fist at Bob and called 'im a low, thieving, poaching murderer.
“You're not yourself, Henery,” ses Bob. “When you come round you'll be sorry for trying to take away the character of a pore labourin' man with a ailing wife and a large family. But if you take my advice you won't say anything more about your wicked ideas; if you do, these pore fellers won't get a farthing. ”

“ One time when 'e was ashore with Peter Russet and Ginger Dick he seemed to 'ave got it on the brain. He started being careful of 'is money instead o' spending it, and three mornings running he bought a newspaper and read the advertisements, to see whether there was any comfortable berth for a strong, good-'arted man wot didn't like work.
He actually went arter one situation, and, if it hadn't ha' been for seventy-nine other men, he said he believed he'd ha' had a good chance of getting it. ”

“ But Charlie Tagg 'ad got better things to do than to dream, and 'e sat up in bed arf the night thinking out a new plan he'd thought of to get that money. When 'e did fall asleep at last 'e dreamt of taking a little farm in Australia and riding about on 'orseback with the Sydney gal watching his men at work.
In the morning he went and hunted up a shipmate of 'is, a young feller named Jack Bates. Jack was one o' these 'ere chaps, nobody's enemy but their own, as the saying is; a good-'arted, free-'anded chap as you could wish to see. Everybody liked 'im, and the ship's cat loved 'im. ”

“ Mrs. Finch told 'im not to talk nonsense, but both Sam and Peter Russet could see 'ow pleased she was.
“Truth is truth,” ses Ginger. “I'm a plain man, and I speak my mind.”
“Blue is my fav'rit' colour,” ses old Sam, in a tender voice. “True blue.”
Peter Russet began to feel out of it. “I thought brown was,” he ses.
“Ho!” ses Sam, turning on 'im; “and why?”
“I 'ad my reasons,” ses Peter, nodding, and shutting 'is mouth very firm.
“I thought brown was 'is fav'rit colour too,” ses Ginger. “I don't know why. It's no use asking me ”

“ On his second appearance before the magistrates he was confronted with his past; and his past to the great astonishment of the Brethren being free from all blemish with the solitary exception of fourteen days for stealing milk-cans, he was discharged with a caution. The disillusioned Primitive Apostles also gave him his freedom.
THE MADNESS OF MR. LISTER
Old Jem Lister, of the Susannah, was possessed of two devils—the love of strong drink and avarice—and the only thing the twain had in common was to get a drink without paying for it. ”

“ When he had 'ad his tea she gave 'im a cigar she had bought for 'im herself, and when he 'ad finished smoking it she smiled at him, and said that she was going to take 'im out for a pleasant evening to try and make up to 'im for wot he 'ad suffered for 'er.
“We're all going to stand treat to each other,” she ses. “Bob always would insist on paying for everything, but I like to feel a bit independent. Give and take—that's the way I like to do things.”
“There's nothing like being independent,” ses George. “Bob ought to ha' known that.”
“I'm sure it's the best plan,” ses Gerty. ”