“ A troop-sergeant’s widow’s the nicest, I’m told;
For beauty won’t help if your rations is cold,
Nor love ain’t enough for a soldier.
—Kipling. October Third
Your spouse, who husbands dear hath buried seven,
Stands a bad chance to make the number even.
—Martial. October Fourth
Marriage is a lottery; every wife does not become a widow. ”

“ There is a great charm in loving a woman who is versed in the lore of love and who is practiced in all the sleight-of-heart tricks of it.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Thirtieth
And there came a certain poor widow and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.
—Mark xii:42.
October Thirty-first
And not only idle, but tattlers also, and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
—I Tim. v:13.
November First
If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps. ”

“ Once you are married there is nothing left for you, not even suicide, but to be good.
—Robert Louis Stevenson.
April Eighth
“Didn’t you do well by your second marriage?”
“Oh, yes indeed; the clothes of my wife’s first husband just fit me!”
—Danbury News Man.
April Ninth
The lachrymose widow is one of those clinging vines that always gets there.
—Dorothy Dix.
April Tenth
“Of course I am a widow. Sure, that poor little insignificant crayther of a husband is not worth mentioning.”
—Irish Life.
April Eleventh
Old friend—“Was your daughter’s marriage a success?” ”

“ All things have changed to me since he was here;
I thought to die when first he went away,
And now I name his name without a tear.
—Anonymous. August Sixth
Is it dyin’ ye’re shpakin’ of? What would I do,
An unmarried widda in mournin’ for you?
—David L. Proudfit. August Seventh
It is better to have courage than a wife. A man can’t have both.
—Life.
August Eighth
The widow knows man as merely a fallible human institution and she works him for all that he is worth.
—Dorothy Dix.
August Ninth
The instances that second marriage move
Are base respects of thrift and not of love. ”

“ Keep yourself from the tumult of the mob, from fools in a narrow way, from a man that is marked, and from a widow that has been thrice married.
—Proverb.
February Eighth
Lawyer. “I can get a divorce without publicity for two hundred and fifty dollars.”
Actress. “How much more will it cost with publicity?”
—Judge.
February Ninth
A man that marries a widow is bound to give up smoking and chewing. If she gives up her weeds for him he should give up his weed for her.
—Louisville Journal.
February Tenth
There is but one good excuse for a marriage late in life, and that is a second marriage. ”

“ An Atchison girl will marry a widower with five hand-me-down children.
—Atchison Globe.
May Thirty-first
A widow is a woman who has buried her husband; a grass widow is one who has simply mislaid hers. ”

“ I praise th’ saints I niver was married, though I had opportunities enough when I was a young man, an’ even now I have to wear me hat low whin I go down be Cologne Street, on account iv the widow Grogan.
—Mr. Dooley.
January Eighth
Tush! herself knows not what she shall do when she is transformed into a widow.
—Chapman.
January Ninth
Widows are such a subtle generation of people they may be left to their own conduct; if they make a false step, they are answerable for it to nobody but themselves. ”

“ He who marries a widow will often have a dead man’s head thrown in his dish.
—Proverb.
March Thirteenth
Divorce, with all its privileges and possibilities, must continue to be a second-rate bliss by no means comparable to true marriage.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
March Fourteenth
“Mind that no widder gets a inklin’ of your fortun, or you’re done.”
—Dickens.
March Fifteenth
Mrs. Biffery Biff. “You should be happy. You have such a kind husband.”
Mrs. Quittem. “Yes; we are getting along splendidly, since we don’t live together.” ”

“ For women I care not a rap,
But give me a jolly and gentle
Rich widow in weeds and a cap.
—Strong. June Twenty-sixth
When they deal directly with widows, they want a class that knows nothing of business. ”

“ April Fourteenth
“There is more to be learned from one widow than from a whole Smithsonian museum of anthropology.”
April Fifteenth
Fijjit—“The widow says that her marriage to Gobang was secret.”
Ijjit—“It must have been. Gobang himself did not mention a widow in his will, so he could not have known of the wedding.”
—Life.
April Sixteenth
“Widows, gentlemen, are not usually timorous, as my uncle used to say.”
—Dickens.
April Seventeenth
The good widow’s sorrow is no storm, but a still rain.
—Fuller.
April Eighteenth
A woman deserted by one man has no remedy but to appeal to twelve. ”

“ The first moment the widow Wadman saw him she felt something stirring within her in his favor,—something, something.
—Sterne.
December Twenty-ninth
But with a husband we demand
The coin that’s current in the land.
—Richard Realf. December Thirtieth
In her first passion woman loves her lover; in all others, all she loves is love. ”

“ Divorce is necessary in advanced civilization.
—Montesquieu.
July Twelfth
Woman, by nature, is a thing of change.
—Petrarch.
July Thirteenth
They can show no mercy to the widow.
—Barnich.
July Fourteenth
God has to me sufficiently been kind,
To take my husband, and leave me here behind.
—Anonymous. July Fifteenth
Whoso has married once and seeks a second wedding, is a shipwrecked man who sails twice through a difficult gulf.
—Greek Epigramme.
July Sixteenth
A mistress I’ve lost, it is true ”

“ Peachblow—“Why does your husband carry such a tremendous amount of life insurance when he’s in such perfect health?”
Mrs. Flicker—“Oh, just to tantalize me! Men are naturally cruel.”
—Life.
December Eighth
She that is a widow is a lady.
—Kent.
December Ninth
The particular skill of the widow has ever been to inflame your wishes and yet command respect.
—Addison.
December Tenth
Second marriage: “The triumph of hope over experience.”
—Johnson.
December Eleventh
Lawyer—“Incompatibility? How does this incompatibility manifest itself?”
Lady—“Why, I want to get a divorce and my husband doesn’t.” ”

“ At the prospect of a cosy separation society would reach at last the condition of Rome as described by Seneca, when women computed their ages by the number of their husbands instead of by the years they had lived. ”

“ September Thirteenth
“By George! if I were in your place I would apply for a divorce.”
“I’d like to, but she won’t let me.”
—Indianapolis Journal.
September Fourteenth
George Washington was rejected by at least one young lady and finally had to marry a mere widow.
—Judge.
September Fifteenth
Divorce Lawyer—“What’s the cause, madam?”
Client—“I have been married two years.”
—Puck.
September Sixteenth
One husband on earth is worth two underground.
—Widow.
September Seventeenth
A woman enjoys two days of happiness on earth: when she takes a husband and when she buries him. ”

“ If a widower buys a new tie and it is of a bright color, his daughters begin to grow suspicious.
—Atchison Globe.
September Twenty-fifth
“All the world loves a widow.”
September Twenty-sixth
“Do you think that was a fortunate marriage?” asked the minister’s wife.
“Oh, yes, very!” replied the reverend gentleman; “I needed the money.”
—Yonkers Statesman.
September Twenty-seventh
Mrs. Black—“They say he’s dreadfully henpecked.”
Mrs. Dash—“Henpecked! why the man does not even dare to get a divorce.” ”

“ For it is better to marry than to burn.
—I Cor. vii:9.
February Twelfth
“Ven you’re a married man, Samival, you’ll understand a good many things as you don’t understand now: but vether it’s worth while goin’ through so much to learn so little, as the charity boy said ven he got to the end of the alphabet, is a matter o’ taste.” ”

“ It is but a shallow philosophy that underrates the married state; and he who bids you avoid matrimony because he has tried it and failed, is a fool for his pains.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Eleventh
We would the widow wed; she’s old, say I,
But if she older were, I would comply.
—Martial. October Twelfth
To be a widow is a mournful state ”

“ Get a wife who has learned how to keep house on your predecessor, and is in no danger of giving you dyspepsia while she experiments with cooking school recipes.
—Dorothy Dix.
March Thirtieth
“So they were divorced for incompatibility of temper?”
“Yes; you see he had the incompatibility and she had the temper.”
—Judge.
March Thirty-first
The shameless Chloe placed on the tombs of her seven husbands the inscription, “The work of Chloe.”
—Martial.
April First
Few persons turn grey because their husbands die.
—Proverb.
April Second
He that’s married once may be pardoned his infirmity ”