Bimala

“ It was owing to my own weakness that I indulged in such idolatry. I was too greedy. I created an angel of Bimala, in order to exaggerate my own enjoyment. But Bimala is what she is. It is preposterous to expect that she should assume the rôle of an angel for my pleasure. The Creator is under no obligation to supply me with angels, just because I have an avidity for imaginary perfection.
I must acknowledge that I have merely been an accident in Bimala's life. Her nature, perhaps, can only find true union with one like Sandip. ”

“ Pray, do you, for one day, act like a relative. But to whom am I saying this? The fortunes of these wretched women are like flames; they have touched the friend who was near us. Be that as it may, do you, Sir, remember this petition of your humble servant. When people will say that Bimala was a harlot, that Bimala was a mistress in the guise of maid servant, pray, do you say that Bimala was low-born, Bimala was wretched, that solicited by strong sensual promptings, she committed a thousand wrongs, but Bimala was no harlot. ”

“ Bimala's eyelids drooped and she became rigid in her seat like a figure of stone. Had I continued she would have gone off into a trance. When I ceased speaking she opened wide her eyes, and murmured with fixed gaze, as though still dazed: "O Traveller in the path of Destruction! Who is there that can stay your progress? Do I not see that none shall stand in the way of your desires? Kings shall lay their crowns at your feet; the wealthy shall hasten to throw open their treasure for your acceptance; those who have nothing else shall beg to be allowed to offer their lives. ”

“ I was vain enough to think that I had the power in me to bear the sight of truth in its awful nakedness. It was tempting Providence, but still I clung to my proud determination to come out victorious in the trial.
Bimala had failed to understand me in one thing. She could not fully realize that I held as weakness all imposition of force. Only the weak dare not be just. They shirk their responsibility of fairness and try quickly to get at results through the short- cuts of injustice. Bimala has no patience with patience. ”

“ I did not realize all this while that it must have been this unconscious tyranny of mine which made us gradually drift apart. Bimala's life, not finding its true level by reason of my pressure from above, has had to find an outlet by undermining its banks at the bottom. She has had to steal this six thousand rupees because she could not be open with me, because she felt that, in certain things, I despotically differed from her.
Men, such as I, possessed with one idea, are indeed at one with those who can manage to agree with us; but those who do not, can only get on with us by cheating us. ”

“ When Bimala saw that the clever Osman was away, she revived courage, for now she could hope to regain her freedom by dint of her cleverness. She anon fell to thinking how to effect it.
After the sentinel had remained standing for sometime, Bimala began to converse with him. Sentinel or Pluto's messenger,—who can ever willingly abstain from conversing with a fair woman? At first Bimala talked on various indifferent matters; gradually she introduced a variety of questions regarding the guard's name, country, home, employment, happiness and misery. ”

“ Tilottama was seated on the couch; Jagat Singha stood by, holding the lily hands of the beauteous damsel. Jagat Singha was also wiping his eyes.
"This is perhaps the watery passage of Farewell," thought Bimala. "Whatever it may be, certain it is that these two have not yet dreamt the impending disaster. O! Love alone is mighty in this world! ”

“ Tilottama uttered a faint shriek and sank down senseless on the couch.
Jagat Singha turned pale. "Help, help! ho!" he exclaimed; "look to Tilottama."
Instantly Bimala took a vessel containing rose-water, and began to sprinkle it over Tilottama's mouth, neck and forehead;— as well as to fan her with a troubled heart. The uproar drew nearer and nearer.
"There they come, Prince," cried out Bimala. "How shall we save ourselves?"
"God of Heaven!" exclaimed Jagat Singha, his eyes flashing fire. "Is this thy will? Am I destined at such a moment of peril to remain cooped up here with women!" ”

“ When the Prince came to Abhiramswami, guessing something, Bimala and Ashmani had softly followed in his wake; and from the outside had learnt all. On coming out, the Prince found that Bimala had suddenly changed her former manner. She was incessantly laughing, and tearing Ashmani's hair, and dealing her blows right and left. Taking no heed of the beating, Ashmani was learning to dance from Bimala. ”

“ If the Prince really loves you—"
Before she could finish, Tilottama gagged her mouth with her cloth.
"I am ashamed to hear your words," said she. "You may go wherever you like; but you shall not speak of me to any one or to me of any one."
Bimala again laughed. "Who then told you to plunge into this ocean in this girlish age?" said she.
"Off!" exclaimed Tilottama. "I won't hear you any more."
Bimala. "Then I shan't go to the temple?"
Tilottama. "Am I forbidding you to go any where? You may go wherever you will."
"Then I must not go," said Bimala laughing. ”

“ She loves to find in men the turbulent, the angry, the unjust. Her respect must have its element of fear.
I had hoped that when Bimala found herself free in the outer world she would be rescued from her infatuation for tyranny. But now I feel sure that this infatuation is deep down in her nature. Her love is for the boisterous. From the tip of her tongue to the pit of her stomach she must tingle with red pepper in order to enjoy the simple fare of life. But my determination was, never to do my duty with frantic impetuosity, helped on by the fiery liquor of excitement. ”

“ Bimala went on,
"Our shāstras declare that when one person places her garland on another person's neck,—this constitutes marriage."
The guard's teeth stared as he laughed.
"Ha! then we have been married sure," exclaimed he.
"To be sure," said Bimala, and seemed plunged in thought.
"What are you thinking about, eh?" enquired the guard.
Bimala. "No, I am not destined for happiness—meseems your people will never be able to take the castle."
"Never doubt it; by this time the castle is almost ours."
"Oh no"—said Bimala; "there's a very particular secret about this matter." ”

“ That is just where her beauty lies,—she is ever so much more personal than man. When man was being made, the Creator was a schoolmaster,—His bag full of commandments and principles; but when He came to woman, He resigned His headmastership and turned artist, with only His brush and paint-box.
When Bimala stood silently there, flushed and tearful in her broken pride, like a storm-cloud, laden with rain and charged with lightning, lowering over the horizon, she looked so absolutely sweet that I had to go right up to her and take her by the hand. ”

“ Let those who have made the mistake learn their error by knocking against the world. Why need I bother about their plight? For the present I find it wearisome to keep Bimala soaring much longer, like a captive balloon, in regions ethereal. ”

“ Said Ashmani.
"Suppress your desire as best you can"—returned Bimala. "But what am I to do now?"
Bimala began to think. All of a sudden, Ashmani began to laugh in her sleeve.
"Ill betide thee!" said Bimala. "Why are you laughing without rhyme or reason?"
"A thought has struck me," answered Ashmani. "What if my darling Diggaja goes with you?"
?"Ah! well said," replied Bimala joyfully. "I'll take that gallant with me."
"Gracious me! but I was jesting," said Ashmani in surprise.
"No joke," replied Bimala. "I don't mistrust the numskull. Night and day are all one to the blind man. ”

“ Like the land-lotus in the grove, like the peacock among birds, a certain fair one, after having finished her toilette, was roving from room to room. One could go anywhere that night. Nature had made the woman the receptacle of her sweets; Katlu Khan had given her every member its appropriate ornament; yet her face did not show any marks of pride either for her beauty or for her ornaments. She knew no mirth, no laugh. Her face was grave—calm—her eyes showed the fire burning within.
After roving here and there, Bimala entered a handsome chamber. ”

“ Was I the god of her worship that I should have any qualms?
Bimala's Story
XXIII Come, come! Now is the time to set sail towards that great confluence, where the river of love meets the sea of worship. In that pure blue all the weight of its muddiness sinks and disappears.
I now fear nothing—neither myself, nor anybody else. I have passed through fire. What was inflammable has been burnt to ashes; what is left is deathless. I have dedicated myself to the feet of him, who has received all my sin into the depths of his own pain.
Tonight we go to Calcutta. ”

“ Bimala hesitated for a reply and then said: 'Both ways seem good,—to do the work from a centre, as well as by travelling about. That in which you find greater satisfaction is the way for you.'
'Then let me speak out my mind,' said Sandip. 'I have never yet found any one source of inspiration suffice me for good. That is why I have been constantly moving about, rousing enthusiasm in the people, from which in turn I draw my own store of energy. Today you have given me the message of my country. Such fire I have never beheld in any man. ”

“ What impossibilities have not taken place in this world?
Yes, the Prince listened to Hope.
"To-day my mind is exceedingly restless;—I am incapacitated quite to judge the right course. What Fate has decreed must happen afterwards, for who can control Fate? Now I can only express my mind. Here, before the holy presence of Saileshwara, I vow never to accept the hand of any one save Tilottama's. I implore you to speak to your companion all that I have said. Pray, tell her that I long to see her once more only. I swear never to ask for this boon again."
Bimala's countenance beamed with joy. ”

“ Here it should be remarked that from the day when he happened to make this display of his wit, Bimala nick-named him "Rasikdas Swami" (illustrious bond-slave of gallantry) . Form and bearing apart, Bimala's civility and conversation were such as could by no means be expected from an ordinary maid-servant. Many people said that for a long time she was an inmate of the Emperor's Zenana. ”

“ I smiled inwardly. "These are not your words", I thought to myself. "You have learnt them from Nikhil. You are a healthy human being. Your flesh and blood have responded to the call of reality. You are burning in every vein with life-fire—do I not know it? How long should they keep you cool with the wet towel of moral precepts?"
"The weak are in the majority," I said aloud. "They are continually poisoning the ears of men by repeating these shibboleths. Nature has denied them strength—it is thus that they try to enfeeble others."
"We women are weak," replied Bimala. ”

“ After bowing down to Saileshwara, Jagat Singha and Bimala set out for Garmandaran, in an alarmed spirit. After proceeding in silence for some time, the Prince said,
"Bimala, I am curious about one thing. I don't know what you will say, when you hear it."
?"What is it, Sir?"
Prince. "I am convinced you can never be a maid-servant."
"And why should you think so, pray," asked Bimala with a smile.
Prince. "There is some very particular reason why the daughter of Virendra Singha cannot be the daughter-in-law of the lord of Abnir. It is a very great secret. ”

“ Bimala sent for me that day, but for a time she could not utter a word; her eyes kept brimming up to the verge of overflowing. I could see at once that she had been unsuccessful with Nikhil. She had been so proudly confident that she would have her own way,—but I had never shared her confidence. Woman knows man well enough where he is weak, but she is quite unable to fathom him where he is strong. The fact is that man is as much a mystery to woman as woman is to man. If that were not so, the separation of the sexes would only have been a waste of Nature's energy. ”

“ Just when I want a helpmate most, I am thrown back on myself alone. Nevertheless, I record my vow that even in this trial I shall win through. Alone, then, shall I tread my thorny path to the end of this life's journey ...
I have begun to suspect that there has all along been a vein of tyranny in me. There was a despotism in my desire to mould my relations with Bimala in a hard, clear-cut, perfect form. But man's life was not meant to be cast in a mould. And if we try to shape the good, as so much mere material, it takes a terrible revenge by losing its life. ”

“ The water of the distant river is shimmering with light; the leaves are glistening; the rice-fields, with their fitful shivers, break into gleams of gold; and in this symphony of Autumn, only I remain voiceless. The sunshine of the world strikes my heart, but is not reflected back.
When I realize the lack of expressiveness in myself, I know why I am deprived. Who could bear my company day and night without a break? Bimala is full of the energy of life, and so she has never become stale to me for a moment, in all these nine years of our wedded life.
My life has only its dumb depths ”

“ The eyes of some women unmistakably show that they are ambitious, and that they are ever eager to tread 'the primrose path of dalliance.' Bimala's eyes were of this kind. I tell the reader that Bimala was youthful;— nay, she may more justly he considered as enjoying a perpetual youth. ”

“ From her countenance, she appeared to have been surpassingly fair in her youth—a ray of that beauty still lingered, like the setting moon in the 'sweet hour of prime.' Gajapati Vidyadiggaja, a disciple of Abhiram Swami, was an inmate of the castle. Whatever his attainments in Rhetoric, he had an inordinate thirst to display his wit and to pass for a wag. "The goodly maid-servant," he used to say, seeing Bimala, "is like a pail of clarified butter: as love's fire is cooling more and more, her frame is getting more and more compact." ”