Humphrey Crewe

“ Humphrey Crewe was transformed, by one of those subtle and inexplicable changes which occur in American politics, into the Honourable Humphrey Crewe. And, as interesting bits of news about important people are bound to leak out, it became known in Leith that he had subscribed to what is known as a Clipping Bureau. Two weeks after the day he left Mr. Braden's presence in the Ripton House the principal newspapers of the country contained the startling announcement that the well-known summer colony of Leith was to be represented in the State Legislature by a millionaire. ”

“ Humphrey Crewe needs no defence—the Honourable Timothy avers—at his hands, or any one's. Not merely an idealist, but a practical man who has studied the needs of the State; unselfish to the core; longing, like Washington, the Father of his Country, to remain in a beautiful country home, where he dispenses hospitality with a flowing hand to poor and rich alike, yet harking to the call of duty. Leaving, like the noble Roman of old, his plough in the furrow— (Same voice as before, “I wish he'd left his automobil' thar!” Hisses and laughter.) ”

“ Crewe at Mr. Flint's—who asked the hypocritical question, “Who is Humphrey Crewe?” A biography (in pamphlet form, illustrated,—send your name and address) is being prepared by the invaluable Mr. Tooting, who only sleeps six hours these days. We shall see it presently, when it emerges from that busy hive at Wedderburn.
Wedderburn was a hive, sure enough. Not having a balloon ourselves, it is difficult to see all that is going on there; but there can be no mistake (except by the Honourable Hilary's seismograph) that it has become the centre of extraordinary activity. ”

“ In this modern version of ours, the fathers throng about another than Horatius after the session of that memorable morning. Publicly and privately, Mr. Crewe is being congratulated, and we know enough of his character to appreciate the modesty with which the congratulations are accepted. He is the same Humphrey Crewe that he was before he became the corner-stone of the temple; success is a mere outward and visible sign of intrinsic worth in the inner man, and Mr. Crewe had never for a moment underestimated his true value. ”

“ Flint, "that Humphrey Crewe is quite epris."
"Poor dear Humphrey!" exclaimed Mrs. Pomfret, "he can think of nothing else but politics."
But we are not to take up again, as yet, the deeds of the crafty Ulysses. In order to relate an important conversation between Mrs. Pomfret and the Rose of Sharon, we have gone back a week in this history, and have left Victoria—absorbed in her thoughts—driving over a wood road of many puddles that led to the Four Corners, near Avalon. ”

“ A careful perusal of the biographies of great men of the dynamic type leads one to the conclusion that much of their success is due to an assiduous improvement of every opportunity,—and Mr. Humphrey Crewe certainly possessed this quality, also. He is in the Pelican Hotel this evening, meeting the men that count. Mr. Job Braden, who had come down with the idea that he might be of use in introducing the new member from Leith to the notables, was met by this remark:—“You can't introduce me to any of 'em—they all know who I am. ”

“ Mr. Humphrey Crewe discovered her in a boa-stall at Wedderburn,—as his place was called,—for it made little difference to Victoria that Mr. Crewe was a bachelor of marriageable age and millions. Full, as ever, of practical suggestions, Mr. Crewe proposed to telephone to Ripton and put an advertisement in the Record, which—as he happened to know—went to press the next day. Victoria would not trust to the telephone, whereupon Mr. Crewe offered to drive down with her. ”

“ Despairing of that, he decided that any subject would do.
"That Humphrey Crewe up at Leith is smart—smart as paint," he remarked.
"Do you know him?"
"I've seen him," said Austen. "He's a young man, isn't he?"
"And natty. He knows a thing or two for a millionaire that don't have to work, and he runs that place of his right up to the handle. You ought to hear him talk about the tariff, and national politics. I was passing there the other day, and he was walking around among the flowerbeds. 'Ain't your name Tooting?' he hollered. I almost fell out of the buggy." ”

“ Crewe. "Every hour is valuable to me, and I've got to take my chances when I get 'em. For some reason, you haven't been down at Leith much this summer. Why didn't you telephone me, as I asked you."
"Because I've suddenly grown dignified, I suppose," she said. "And then, of course, I hesitated to intrude upon such a person of importance as you have become, Humphrey."
"I've always got time to see you," he replied. "I always shall have. But I appreciate your delicacy. That sort of thing counts with a man more than most women know."
"Then I am repaid," said Victoria, "for exercising self-control." ”

“ When I read the bills to-night, and saw the scope of your work, it came over me in a flash that Humphrey Crewe was the man they left out. You'll get a good man to write your life, and what you done for the town and State, and all them societies and bills, won't you? ”

“ Crewe tooted his horn: the sound of it was drowned by the gay talk and laughter in the carryalls, and shrieks ensued when the Leviathan cut by with only six inches to spare, and the candidate turned and addressed the drivers in language more forceful than polite, and told the ladies they acted as if they were going to a Punch-and-Judy show.
“Poor dear Humphrey!” said, Mrs. Pomfret, “is so much in earnest. I wouldn't give a snap for a man without a temper.”
“Poor dear Humphrey” said Beatrice Chillingham, in an undertone to her neighbour, “is exceedingly rude and ungrateful. ”

“ They're at the mercy of any political schemer who thinks it worth his while to fool 'em. Take Leith, for instance. There's a man over there who has controlled every office in that town for twenty-five years or more. He buys and sells votes and credentials like cattle. His name is Job Braden."
"Why," said Victoria, I saw him at Humphrey Crewe's garden-party."
"I guess you did," said Mr. Flint, "and I guess Humphrey Crewe saw him before he went." ”

“ Do you believe I came all the way up here just to hear Humphrey Crewe make a speech and to drive with him in a high sleigh and listen to him talk about his career? When serious men of the people like Mr. Redbrook and that nice Mr. Jenney at Leith and a lot of others who do not ordinarily care for politics are thinking and indignant, I have come to the conclusion there must be a cause for it. They say that the railroad governs them through disreputable politicians,—and I—I am beginning to believe it is true. ”

“ Flint, “not that this Crewe business amounts to that” (here the railroad president snapped his fingers with the intensity of a small pistol shot) , “but what's he been doing?”
“Political advertising,” said the Honourable Hilary.
“Plenty of it, I guess,” Mr. Flint remarked acidly. “That's one thing Tooting can't teach him. He's a natural-born genius at it.”
“Tooting can help—even at that,” answered Mr. Vane, ironically. “They've got a sketch of so-called Northeastern methods in forty weekly newspapers this week, with a picture of that public benefactor and martyr, Humphrey Crewe. ”

“ He remembered Austen's remark about riding a cyclone.
Mr. Crewe took the Tunbridge road. On his excursion of the day before he had met Mrs. Pomfret, who had held up her hand, and he had protestingly brought the car to a stop.
“Your horses don't frighten,” he had said.
“No, but I wanted to speak to you, Humphrey,” Mrs. Pomfret had replied; “you are becoming so important that nobody ever has a glimpse of you. I wanted to tell you what an interest we take in this splendid thing you are doing.”
“Well,” said Mr. Crewe, “it was a plain duty, and nobody else seemed willing to undertake it.” ”

“ Victoria turned to him seriously—and yet the creases were still around her eyes.
"I can well believe it, Humphrey," she answered. "But—have you time?"
"Yes," he said, "I have learned the value of minutes."
"But not of hours, perhaps," she replied.
"That," said Mr. Crewe, indulgently, "is a woman's point of view. A man cannot dally through life, and your kind of woman has no use for a man who dallies. First, I will give you my idea of a woman."
"I am all attention," said Victoria.
"Well," said Mr. Crewe, putting the tops of his fingers together, "she should excel as a housewife. ”

“ Humphrey Crewe himself.
Mr. Crewe was silent awhile, that this formidable array of things might make the proper impression upon his visitor.
“It was lucky you came to-day, Vane,” he said at length. “I am due in New York to-morrow for a directors' meeting, and I have a conference in Chicago with a board of trustees of which I am a member on the third. Looking at my array of pamphlets, eh? I've been years in collecting them,—ever since I left college. Those on railroads ought especially to interest you—I'm somewhat of a railroad man myself.”
“I didn't know that,” said Austen. ”

“ Pomfret. "Alice is taking such an interest. Every day she asks, 'When is Humphrey going to make his first speech?' You'll let us know in time, won't you?"
"Did you put all that nonsense in the New York Flare?" asked Mr. Crewe.
"Oh, Humphrey, I hope you liked it," cried Mrs. Pomfret. "Don't make the mistake of despising what women can do. They elected the Honourable Billy Aylestone—he said so himself. I'm getting all the women interested."
"Who've you been calling on now?" he inquired.
Mrs. Pomfret hesitated.
"I've been up at Fairview to see about Mrs. Flint. She isn't much better." ”

“ Humphrey Crewe might have had, with King Charles, the watchword “Thorough.” He sent to the town clerk for a check-list, and proceeded to honour each of the two hundred Republican voters with a personal visit. This is a fair example of what took place in the majority of cases.
Out of a cloud of dust emerges an automobile, which halts, with protesting brakes, in front of a neat farmhouse, guarded by great maples. Persistent knocking by a chauffeur at last brings a woman to the door. Mrs. Jenney has a pleasant face and an ample figure. ”

“ It is natural for a man to like to hear the points of his character discussed by a discerning woman.
"Yourself," said Victoria, suddenly looking him full in the face. "You are complete, Humphrey, as it is. You are happily married already. Besides," she added, laughing a little, "the qualities you have mentioned—with the exception of the sense of humour—are not those of a wife, but of a business partner of the opposite sex. What you really want is a business partner with something like a fifth interest, and whose name shall not appear in the agreement."
Mr. Crewe laughed again. ”

“ Crewe's cause. "A new era in American politics!" "Society to take a hand in the gubernatorial campaign of Millionaire Humphrey Crewe!" "Noted social leader, Mrs. Patterson Pomfret, declares it a duty, and saga that English women have the right idea." ”

“ Billings in a voice which, by dint of long training, only carried a few feet.
"There's the man the Northeastern's got to look out for," he said. "The Humphrey Crewes don't count. But if Austen Vane ever gets started, there'll be trouble. Old man Flint's got some such idea as that, too. I overheard him givin' it to old Hilary once, up at Fairview, and Hilary said he couldn't control him. I guess nobody else can control him. ”

“ The word "affairs" was accompanied by a brief inspection of Austen Vane.
"That's all right," answered Mr. Crewe; "it doesn't cost anything to look at flowers, that's what they're for. Cost something to put 'em in. I got that little feller Ridley to lay 'em out—I believe I told you. He's just beginning. Hello, Alice."
"I think he did it very well, Humphrey," said Miss Pomfret.
"Passably," said Mr. Crewe. "I told him what I wanted and drew a rough sketch of the garden and the colour scheme." ”

“ Mrs. Pomfret lamented. "Poor dear Humphrey is so conscientious. When can you come, Humphrey?"
"Don't know," said Mr. Crewe; "I'll try to come tonight, but I may be stopped again. Here's Waters now."
The three people in Mrs. Pomfret's victoria were considerably impressed to see the dignified Waters hurrying down the slope from the house towards them. Mr. Crewe continued to tap the trees, but drew a little nearer the carriage.
"If you please, sir," said Waters, "there's a telephone call for you from
Newcastle. It's urgent, sir." ”

“ Crewe, as near genuine alarm as he ever got. You never let me see you. I was going to drive you home in the motor by moonlight."
"We all know that you're the most original person, Victoria," said Mrs. Pomfret, "full of whims and strange fancies," she added, with the only brief look at Austen she had deigned to bestow on him. "It never pays to count on you for twenty-four hours. I suppose you're off on another wild expedition."
"I think I've earned the right to it," said Victoria;—I've poured lemonade for Humphrey's constituents the whole afternoon. ”