Edith E. Wiggin

“ We have no right to more room than we pay for, and, unless there are plenty of unoccupied seats, it is rude and selfish to spread out our parcels and wraps so as to discourage any one from asking to sit beside us; yet a well-dressed woman, with her possessions unconcernedly arranged on a seat facing her, ignoring the fact that others are standing in the aisle, is not an uncommon spectacle.
Courtesy in the cars or in a coach is as binding on us as courtesy in the parlor, and never, perhaps, is it better appreciated than by tired travellers. ”

“ We must not think we are too well informed to be taught on this or any subject, but keep our eyes and ears open, and be always ready to learn a "more excellent way." The greatest advantage to young people of being in good society is the opportunity to learn by observation.
We began this lesson with a quotation, and we will close by another worth remembering: "Politeness is like an air-cushion; there may be nothing solid in it, but it eases the jolts of this world wonderfully." ”

“ On entering or leaving a store in cold weather we should consider the comfort of those behind the counters and shut the door, if there is no one whose business it is to do it for us. We ought to state clearly and definitely what we want to buy, and patiently explain if the clerk, through inexperience or dulness, does not at first understand our request.
A good supply of patience and politeness is needed in shopping, and a true lady or gentleman will not lose temper or forget good manners, even if a clerk is impertinent or disobliging. ”

“ To raise hands when it can be avoided is an impolite interruption of school work, and is as rude as talking too much in company. To raise the hand when a teacher or scholar is speaking is the same thing as to interrupt them with a remark or question. ”

“ Manners on the street are especially important, because many see us there who never see us elsewhere, and they will judge us and our home and school training by our good or bad behavior there.
Noisy and boisterous conduct on the street is always unbecoming. No well-bred boy or girl will ever try to attract attention there. To make one's self conspicuous in public is a sure sign of ignorance and ill-breeding. ”

“ No one, either a grown person or a child, should leave his seat until the lady of the house rises, unless there is good reason for doing so, when he should politely ask her to excuse him. In rising, the chair should not be pushed back from the table, but lifted quietly with the hands, and left in its proper position. Every movement at the table should be made with as little noise as possible. All moving of feet, leaning upon the table, jostling of dishes, or clatter of knives and forks, shows ignorance of table manners. ”

“ We ought to try to make a new scholar feel at home,—help him to become acquainted with the others, tell him the rules and customs of the school, and assist him at first in his lessons if he needs it. We ought not to stare at him when he enters or rises to recite, or smile if he makes a mistake. It is kind to draw him into games at recess until he forgets he is a stranger. ”

“ School children know how the visitors on examination days often talk to each other throughout the exercises, to the great disturbance of the whole school as well as the teacher, and this recollection ought to make them more careful to avoid the impoliteness themselves. Many people seem to attend places of amusement for the sole purpose of talking with their friends. They will hold long discussions upon dress, cooking, and family matters, as if no music or speaking were in progress, and as if no one else cared to hear more than they. ”

“ An old man who had a home with his son had become so infirm that he could no longer work. His son treated him unkindly, and grudgingly gave him his scanty portion of coarse food, making the poor old man feel that he was considered a burden by his own child. Matters grew worse until at last he was not allowed to come to the table. ”

“ LESSON VII.
MANNERS IN SOCIETY.
When we make a call upon a friend, we should speak to each person in the room when we enter and when we leave, but at a party or other formal gathering it is not necessary to take leave of any except the host and hostess, to whom we must also speak as soon as we arrive. A visit is a more important matter than a call, and at its close, we should take pains to bid good by to each one of the household, expressing to those who have entertained us, when we can do so with truth, our enjoyment of the visit, and our wish to have them visit us. ”

“ The post-office is often the scene of most unmannerly conduct on the part of boys and girls, especially just after the close of school, when they all rush in for letters. Instead of quietly walking up to the window, one at a time, the boys giving way to the girls when there is but one place of delivery, and both boys and girls waiting for older people, they are apt to go in by dozens, crowding to the window and clamoring for their letters, making themselves extremely annoying to all grown people present. ”

“ It is well also to speak of acts which have come under the teacher's eye in the school-room, on the play-ground, or on the way to school, and let the children decide whether these were polite or impolite, and why. This will make the whole matter more real to them, and, if they are encouraged to furnish illustrations, they will open their eyes and find them in their own little worlds. We want our children in school, from the youngest to the oldest, to notice a breach of politeness as quickly as an error in recitation. ”

“ LESSON I.
MANNERS IN GENERAL.
It has been said, "Manners are something with every one, and everything with some."
Strangers will judge us entirely by our manners, since they cannot know, as our friends do, what is beneath this outward behavior.
The Golden Rule is the foundation of true politeness, which must spring from kindness of heart. If we earnestly try to do to others what we would have them do to us, though we may through ignorance disregard some points of society etiquette, yet we can hardly be impolite. ”

“ Good manners cannot be put on at pleasure, like an outside coat, but must belong to us. We have all seen veneering on furniture. At first the cheap pine article may look as well as if it were made of the costly wood with which it is covered; but in the wear and tear of every-day use the veneering will come off in places, showing the common wood beneath. So it will be with our manners. If they are not solid and real throughout, the thin covering of politeness will break off here and there, especially when exposed to hard usage, and the real stuff we are made of will be revealed. ”

“ We should never speak of what is unpleasant at the table. If we have bad news to tell, this is not the place to tell it. Sickness, accident, death, and whatever is painful to hear, should not be discussed any more than what is disagreeable. Neither is the table the place to talk of work or business details, [44] but subjects should be chosen that all are interested in. No one should be allowed to scold or find fault at meal time. Cheerful conversation is good for digestion as well as enjoyment. ”

“ When any one is reading aloud, playing, or singing, we ought to give him the same close attention we would wish to receive if we were in his place. Talking or moving about at such times is unpardonably rude, and also looking at the clock as if we were impatient for the performer to finish. ”

“ If a boy comes back into the room after dismissal, he must remember to take off his hat.
It is rude to laugh at mistakes or awkwardness: nothing is more ill-bred as well as unkind. If an accident occurs, we should not laugh, unless it is so amusing that all can join without hurting the feelings of the one concerned.
If an accident happens to the dress or property of teacher or classmate, we should offer our assistance quietly, if we can be of use, or else not appear to see it, and by no means call attention to it. ”

“ LESSON V.
MANNERS TOWARD THE AGED.
No person, however high his position, is so entitled to respect and attention as one with white hair and bent figure. No young person of right feeling and good-breeding will ever fail in politeness toward the old. The Bible commands us to reverence the aged, and in one place says, "Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man." Even among the lowest races of men respect for old people is almost universal. ”

“ You may be sure the lady will never forget that little girl's thoughtful politeness.
We should not enter visitors' rooms without knocking, or sit down without being invited; neither should we take up anything belonging to them, or ask questions about it. We should try not to be tiresome or disagreeable.
When young people come to visit us we should remember that their entertainment is our affair. We should treat them precisely as we would want to be treated at their houses. It is rude to criticise their dress or anything belonging to them, or to ask inquisitive questions about their homes. ”

“ To amuse a fretful child for a few moments, or bring it a glass of water when the mother cannot leave other children to do it, or to find the baggage-master and get a trunk checked for a nervous old lady, is a small thing in itself, but it may be more welcome to the receiver under the circumstances than a far greater favor at another time. The comfort or discomfort of a journey is made up of just such small things.
When the ticket window is opened there is no need for us to rush to it or to push aside any one else. ”

“ Neither is it good manners to ask for a garment or pattern to cut one by for ourselves: the owner may prefer not to have it copied. If a person admires a garment or pattern belonging to us, and we are willing to lend it, it is our place to offer it without its being asked for.
If a book or article to read is lent us, we should read it promptly, and when we return it say whatever pleasant things we can of it with truth. To send it back without expressing an opinion, or making acknowledgment of the kindness, is inexcusable. ”

“ This answer made such an impression upon the son, showing him what treatment he had a right to expect from his own children after the example he had given them, that from that time he treated his old father with the respect and kindness he himself wished to receive in his old age.
We should never laugh at mistakes in speech. The old-fashioned expressions that seem so queer to us may have been right when those who use them were young. Some of our ways of speaking will probably seem as strange to young people when we are old as theirs do now to us, so we are laughing at ourselves beforehand. ”

“ Our only object in going there is to mail or receive letters, which we should do like any other business,—in a quiet, respectable manner. No one has a right to stand around in the way of others, or to make it a place of idle resort. No well-bred person, even a child, will indulge in loud laughing and talking, [72] staring at or making remarks about people, or other conspicuous behavior here or in any public resort.
A railroad station is also a place of business, and unless it is necessary for us to go there, we had better stay away. ”

“ It is much more the part of good manners to enter heartily into the amusement of the hour, and do our best to make it a success. [56]
It is this spirit of readiness to help on things that makes useful members of society, and the more earnestly boys and girls cultivate it the more fit they will be for their duties as citizens. We ought not to be content to be ciphers anywhere. As significant figures, we shall be of more value in the world, be happier ourselves, and make others happier. ”

“ If we are sitting at a counter, we should politely give our seat to an older lady, or to one who looks weary. [71]
If a clerk takes uncommon pains to please us, or puts himself to more trouble than we have a right to expect, we must not forget to thank him. If customers are polite and considerate, they seldom have reason to complain of those behind the counter. The same is true at post-offices, railroad stations, and wherever we are served by others.
These general principles of politeness in stores can be applied in all similar public places. ”

“ We should be watchful of occasions to show politeness to our fellow-travellers. There may be an old lady not accustomed to travelling, anxious and uneasy, to whom we can be of use. We can ask where she is going, and take the burden off her mind by saying, "I will tell you when we come to it."
A gentlemanly boy will not see a lady trying to open or shut a window or reverse a seat without offering to do it for her, any more than a gentleman would. ”

“ To eat fast is one of the bad habits of American people which we ought to avoid. If acquired in childhood, it will be hard to overcome, and will cause us much mortification when, later in life, we find ourselves with empty plates long before well-bred people in the company have finished theirs. Since we do not leave the table before others, there is nothing gained, even in time, while much is lost in health and in good manners. ”

“ Children should in all things make parents first and themselves last. A boy ought to show his mother every attention that he would to any lady. He should remove his hat when coming to speak to her, let her pass through a door before him, pick up any article she may drop, give her the inside of the walk, help her into a carriage, show her into the pew at church, and wait upon her everywhere. He has similar duties to his sisters; but girls cannot expect politeness from, unless they give it to, their brothers. ”

“ To exchange glances with another, to whisper, or to laugh unless others know what we are laughing at, is even ruder than to stare, and no one who is polite will do these things. In company is not the place to tell secrets or carry on personal or private conversation.
We should see that our dress is in order before we enter the room, and then neither think nor speak of it. To look in the glass, smooth one's gloves and laces, or play with rings or chain, seems like calling attention to our dress, and is in bad taste. ”

“ If we speak to a stranger by mistake, we should ask pardon; and if one speaks to us, we should gracefully accept his apology, as if the mistake were most natural, not adding to his embarrassment by our manner of cold surprise. ”

“ Boys should be as particular as gentlemen to remove their hats at the door, not half-way up the aisle, and to open the pew door for ladies to pass in first. If they are in the pew beforehand, they should rise and pass out for ladies to enter.
When a seat is given us in a strange church, we should not take it without acknowledgment. We should welcome strangers to our pew, hand them a book with the place found, and invite them to come again. If we notice any one near us who cannot find the hymn or place to read, we should quietly pass him our open book. ”

“ It is a sad thing to see a boy or girl polite and kind away from home and to strangers only, while at home he is rude, selfish, and heedless of every law of good behavior. If we are always polite in our own homes, we shall be sure to be polite in other people's homes. ”

“ Our tone and manner should be cordial to all and respectful to older people. For a boy or girl to bestow upon a teacher or any older person a patronizing nod instead of a courteous bow, or a curt "Good morning" or "Good evening" with the rising inflection on the last syllable, is an impertinence. Even little boys should learn to lift their hats to ladies, and also to gentlemen entitled by age or position to this mark of respect. ”