Ludwig Thoma

“ Make a note of that, Reisacher. [With emphasis.] So someone escaped us by hiding in the wardrobe.
HAUTEVILLE. Yes, someone escaped you by hiding in the wardrobe.
STROEBEL [suddenly very friendly.] Upon my word, Madame, I believe that we understand each other fully. You are a clever woman. You will not try to deny the facts.
HAUTEVILLE. Not one solitary thing. I am most anxious that you should try to find out all.
STROEBEL. Bravo! I came near saying that I respect you for that. [Benevolently.] You know, Hochstetter, every man is liable to make a fool of himself now and then. ”

“ BEERMANN. I thought not. If you had a family you would not speak in that fashion of sentimentality.
STROEBEL. If I had a family, I would not, to begin with, be involved in this.
BEERMANN. But ...
STROEBEL. My name would not appear in the diary of Hauteville.
BEERMANN. You never can tell.
STROEBEL. Excuse me. What is there left of family life when such things happen?
BEERMANN. What do you mean? If nobody finds it out?
STROEBEL. But such a man must live constantly under a deception.
BEERMANN. My dear Assessor. If the white lie ceases in married life, the couple drifts apart. ”

“ FRAU LUND. In my days I saw one reform after another on the bargain counter; but we women remain mere spectators while ideals come and go; we can not realize how much they mean to men.
HAUSER. My dear Frau Lund, if a real reform should effectively rise among us some day, then you women will have to lend a helping hand. With those [nodding towards card-table] kindergarten heroes nothing can be accomplished.
FRAU BEERMANN. What influence can we exert so long as men organize their societies for the protection of women's virtue! ”

“ BEERMANN. Because I am a novice in politics? We all have to make a start.
HAUSER. It's the only calling where one can start any day, Frau Lund, without being called upon to produce qualifications.
BOLLAND. There you can tell the lawyer. You'd like to establish a civil service examination for members of the Reichstag?
HAUSER. You are not afraid that it might hurt them?
BEERMANN [with importance] . Let me tell you, Judge. What a person achieves in real life is far greater than all your book wisdom. We have too many lawyers anyway. It's one of our national misfortunes. ”

“ REISACHER. I beg your pardon, Herr Assessor Stroebel. I wanted to say that in the Police Department it is like this: Everything you do is all right, if it turns out all right.
STROEBEL [turns back to his desk] . You will never learn to formulate a thought precisely.
REISACHER [also turns] . All right, Herr Stroebel.
(Short pause. Stroebel reads. Reisacher writes. A commotion is heard through the middle door, which, is thrown open and Ninon De Hauteville enters. Behind her a policeman, who holds her tightly by the arm. She tries to free herself.) ”

“ Oh, leave me alone with your stupid Vice Society. Are we not all human, after all!
STROEBEL. I do not understand you.
BEERMANN. Do you realize what severe pangs of conscience I suffer? Last night as I pictured to myself all that is about to happen, all these family misfortunes, I asked myself this question: What really is morality? And ... I could not find the answer.
STROEBEL. Although you are ...
BEERMANN. Although I am Chairman of the Society for the Suppression of Vice, yes, sir. Then I asked myself this: which is the more important: that we are moral, or that we seem moral? ”

“ FRAU LUND. There's no one in the world I dislike as much as a preacher. But if a person wants to be one ... then, according to the gospel he ought to live on bread and water. It doesn't go well with champagne and lobster.
BEERMANN. Do the Scriptures command that we must be poor to be honorable?
FRAU LUND. No, Beermann, but if I still remember, they speak of a camel and a needle.
BOLLAND. The ladies evidently are not acquainted with the purposes of our new society. I am sure they would subscribe to every one of the principles which are incorporated in our By-laws. ”

“ STROEBEL. But you didn't need a Society for that.
BEERMANN. Yes, we did. Just to be moral is something that I can accomplish in my room by myself, but that has no educational value. The important thing is to ally one's self publicly with moral issues. This has a beneficial effect on the family and state.
STROEBEL. I daresay that this side of the question has not occurred to me.
BEERMANN. Just consider. Morality holds exactly the same position as religion. We must always create the impression that there is such a thing and we must make each other believe that each of us have it. ”

“ BEERMANN. But just stop to think! Picture a healthy young man in his prime falling into the hands of one of these abominable creatures!
FRAU LUND. I could picture something worse than that.
BEERMANN. Still worse?
FRAU LUND. For instance, if he should, with all the credulity of youth, enter into the work of your society.
BOLLAND. Well! Well!
BEERMANN. You don't seem to take anything seriously to-day.
FRAU LUND. Very seriously; this young man perhaps does reach the stage where he sincerely pities your so-called abominable creature. Then he has really advanced in his morality. ”

“ Frau Lund, no doubt, would like to send our young men to the good Ladies of the Pavement.
DR. WASNER. In what way is our influence bad?
FRAU LUND [with warmth] . The young man who joins your society does it only to ape you and to advance his own ends and vainglory. He forever deprives himself of understanding the meaning of life and of becoming helpful to those who suffer.
BOLLAND. Well what do you think of such statements?
FRAU BEERMANN. They are splendid. I would be very thankful if my boy would embody the ideals of Frau Lund. ”

“ BOLLAND. What happens every day?
HAUSER. The story of a poor young man who becomes a millionaire. Every large factory boasts of a like progenitor.
BOLLAND. Do you think so?
HAUSER. And the poor young man grows poorer with each telling. Your son, Herr Bolland, in his description will have his grandfather freeze to death on the bundle of twigs.
BOLLAND. Upon my word the story is gospel. [To Dobler.] I'd make use of that plot ... How he founded his business and how it grew and grew ...
[As Frau Beermann enters from the music room, the tremulous voice of Prof. Wasner is heard.] ”

“ FRAU LUND. Why do you confound all lack of refinement with the national character?
DR. WASNER. Because it is good German to call a spade a spade.
BEERMANN [getting up] . Why argue to no purpose? Let's start our game of skat.
BOLLAND. Because it appears to be a conflict of two different philosophies.
BEERMANN [rises, goes to card table, opens a drawer, takes out a deck of cards and opens them] . It's always the same old story. Never start anything with women! They must have the last word. [Sits down at card table. Bolland gets up and sits beside him.] ”

“ SCHMETTAU. Who would think of such things? We all take it for granted that the police first of all respect protection!
STROEBEL. On my word of honor Herr Baron. Not even in my dreams did I think of an occurrence like this.
SCHMETTAU. [squares his shoulders] . Is it so difficult for you to think?
COMMISSIONER. That's just what I say. If a man knows his work thoroughly these things come to him. But people who are interested in the uplift movements are always in the clouds. ”

“ BEERMANN. Please drop that Tacitus. It's your chance to lead....
WASNER. I pass....
HOLLAND. So do I.
BOLLAND [loudly and enthusiastically] . That's the way to get at them! Trumps! And trumps again.
WASNER [murmuring] . "Paucissima adulteria in tam numerosa gente...." [Gradually lapses into silence and then continues to play with energy.]
FRAU LUND [with a glance towards the card table] . Why do we take our principles so seriously.... It's really ridiculous how our every opinion soon turns into religious beliefs.
WASNER. The matter is dead serious. ”

“ DR. WASNER. Real principles of life are never given up.
HAUSER [with sarcasm] . Cheers from the gallery!
BOLLAND. Principles of morality are the laws of nature—they are her dictates.
FRAU LUND. Is that the reason you have started your Society for the Suppression of Vice? Do you imagine your by-laws are stronger than the laws of nature?
DR. WASNER. May I make just one remark?
BEERMANN. What is it?
DR. WASNER [stroking his beard] . In summing up the matter we can come to this decision: women have a beautiful privilege. Certain facts in life remain a closed book to them. ”

“ BEERMANN. This is no time to make visits. [Anxiously picking up the diary.] What shall I do with the damned thing? [Takes out a volume of the encyclopedia and wants to hide the diary in it but hesitates, and then puts the volume back on the shelf.] Lord, where shall I put it?
HAUSER. Come, give it to me.
BEERMANN [Gives him the book and Hauser puts it in his side pocket.]
HAUSER. No one will search me for it.
BEERMANN. Stay here with me ... please.
HAUSER. If it gives you any pleasure, yes; but man alive, pull yourself together. Suppose it really were the police ”

“ Once for all, Sir, I forbid you to meddle with the affairs of this office. You can preach your principles wherever else you like, but here I will stand for no interference. [Beermann timidly creeps along the wall, and bows himself out.] [Commissioner to Baron Schmettau.] Whenever the police bungle anything, look for reformers.
SCHMETTAU. [with a glance at Stroebel] . Will you introduce me?
COMMISSIONER. Assessor Stroebel,—Freiherr von Schmettau, Adjutant to his Highness, Prince Emil. [Stroebel clicks his heels together and bows deeply. Schmettau thanks him curtly.] ”

“ FRAU LUND. The way you talk about the "hour of need" and "sacrifice" Herr Kommerzienrat, it seems to me that you would have been the better candidate.
BOLLAND. Oh, I am too pronouncedly Liberal.
HAUSER. And that's an incurable disease!
BOLLAND. At any rate it makes my nomination impossible. A man was needed who was not known as a party-man.
FRAU LUND. It would seem then that our friend Beermann has become a politician because he ... is no politician?
HAUSER. That's what is known as "fusion."
BEERMANN. Allow me to ask a question. Why should I not become a Reichstag deputy? ”

“ DR. WASNER. So much campaign work. Politics corrupts even the voice.
FRAULEIN KOCH-PINNEBERG. Do oblige us.
[Frau Bolland, Frau Beermann, Dr. Wasner, Fraulein Koch, Effie go out into the music room.]
BEERMANN. It's a pity that the professor is going to sing. We could have started a game of skat. Have some more cognac?
DR. HAUSER. No, thanks.
DOBLER. Thanks. No more for me.
[Bolland seats himself on sofa; Dr. Hauser and Dobler sit in chairs; Beermann lights a fresh cigar. The butler goes into the music room and as he opens the door, the sound of the piano is heard.] ”

“ BOLLAND. Every woman will rejoice when she reads it.
FRAU LUND. Do you think so? How exceedingly amusing your societies are! So, cards and bowling no longer offer sufficient entertainment. You have to moralize.
HAUSER. I can't help thinking of the notorious starvation freak at the circus who gets his meals on the sly everyday.
DR. WASNER. Of course, every conviction can be made ridiculous once it's regarded as insincere. You shouldn't accuse without proof.
HAUSER. Herr Professor, politeness requires that each individual be regarded as the exception—but not an entire club. ”

“ First, if we openly permit her to escape, the whole city will know it tomorrow; the press will take it up and there will be a far greater scandal than the court proceedings would cause. No, sir, at least the letter of the law must be carried out. Madame Hauteville must give a bond. She will be set free and then she must escape. That's the only way we can protect ourselves from criticism. Do you understand me?
BEERMANN. You mean ... about the bail?
STROEBEL. Yes, sir, the bail first of all. But if it were only the bail! Just think! She doesn't want to go at all. ”

“ BEERMANN. We can never subscribe to Frau Lund's principles.
FRAU LUND. No principles, please!
BOLLAND. Out of sheer opposition you will say that you hold different ones from us.
FRAU LUND. No. I will say that I hold none at all.
BOLLAND. and WASNER [together] . But, gnadige Frau!
FRAU LUND. I can't help it. I lost them some place on my journey through life. I have learned that all your principles have loop holes through which people can conveniently slip out and take their friends along with them. So I had my choice of either surrendering them or dishonestly preaching them to others. ”

“ FRAU LUND. The only thing we women don't know about is the manner in which these temptations terminate.
BEERMANN. Our movement intends to do away with these very deceptions. We want to protect the traditions of the home which women treasure.
FRAU LUND. No. We, women also treasure modesty. We dislike to see men pretend to have better morals than they actually have.
BEERMANN. Seriously, Frau Lund. Public immorality must hurt you more.
FRAU LUND. You are mistaken. It requires a genuine manly feeling to sympathize with misery.
DR. WASNER. Misery and vice are different problems. ”

“ BEERMANN. The police have no business to do anything they will be sorry for later on. Good Lord, had the Commissioner only listened to me. An affair like this should not be treated in such a purely business-like way.
STROEBEL. The Commissioner can only tell you the same thing. He cannot change the law.
BEERMANN. Anything can be done.
STROEBEL. Not at this stage. We could probably have prevented it had we known that this case would have such far-reaching consequences, but now here are the proofs. [Pointing to the diary.] No one in the world can destroy them, not even the Commissioner. ”