Percival Wilde

Name: The Noble Lord: A Comedy in One Act
Author: Percival Wilde

Biographical details

Percival Wilde (1887-1953) published works such as Alias Santa Claus, The reckoning and The noble lord. These writings evoke Millman, Halligan and Santa Claus.

Quotes by Percival Wilde

Percival Wilde, The noble lord

“ The trees are covered with foliage, a hot sun casts dancing shadows upon the mossy ground, and the air is full of the twittering of birds and the rustle of leaves. A winding path crosses from one side to the other, and near the center is a little clearing: the stump of a felled tree, with the lichen-covered trunk itself near it, and a patch of grassy turf. The eye cannot penetrate far through the riotously growing underbrush, but as one looks upwards, to the left, a thinning of foliage, allowing a glimpse of the sky, gives evidence of the near proximity of some small body of water. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The reckoning

“ But sooner or later, John, I knew you'd walk into my shop, and sit down in my chair! That day has come! (He looks into his eyes.) You and I, John, the two of us, have a long account to settle, haven't we? I've been one of your creditors, too! And this is the reckoning, John! You're going to pay me—pay me in full—and you're going to pay me now!
THE CUSTOMER. What are you going to do?
THE BARBER. That's a hard question, John. I'd be justified in cutting your throat, wouldn't I?
THE CUSTOMER. It would be murder!
THE BARBER. Ugly word, isn't it?
THE CUSTOMER. Murder in the first degree! ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ A gorgeous bicycle has a place of honor; it is hemmed in by a whole library of books, a pair of boxing gloves, two sleds, a regiment of the very latest mechanical wonders, enough musical instruments to equip a miniature band, and any number of games. There is everything you can think of—and more.
The toys are most expensive, and you wonder how many children are to be made happy by them—and then we tell you that they are all for the exclusive use of David Millman, Jr., who is seven years old, and who would greatly prefer permission [Pg 2] to put on rompers, and play on some not too clean floor. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The reckoning

“ You really mustn't accuse me of being clumsy, sir. I'm not clumsy. If I cut you, it was quite intentional—like this! (Cutting him a second time.)
THE CUSTOMER. Damnation! Are you crazy?
THE BARBER. (Applying the styptic) No, sir, I'm quite sane. (THE CUSTOMER tries to sit up.) Oh, don't do that, sir! Don't do that! My razor is frightfully sharp!
THE CUSTOMER. (Panic-stricken) I want to sit up!
THE BARBER. Don't try it while the razor is at your throat, sir.
It is sure to be fatal. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The noble lord

“ He reaches into a hip pocket and draws forth a handkerchief: the handkerchief is wetter than his hands. With a gesture of vexation he throws it away, and gives his attention to the girl. He looks at her quizzically; then, rather timidly, he kneels at her side, and lays his ear over her heart. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ As our play begins the room is empty—but not for long. A face peers in through the window at the back, the sash is raised slowly and noiselessly, and a fourteen-year-old boy hoists himself across the sill. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Millman
[Wincing.]
I’m not so busy as you think, Davy.
David
No?
Millman
No.
[He pauses.]
Sometimes, when a man’s lonely—when he misses somebody who’s gone terribly, terribly much—he tries to make himself busy. Do you understand that, Davy?
David
I think I do. You mean—Mummy.
Millman
I mean—Mummy.
[His voice lightens.]
But now that my little boy is growing older, I don’t expect to be nearly so busy any more.
David
[Ecstatically.]
Really, Daddy?
Millman
Honest and truly!
David
[Turning to Bill.]
Did you hear that, Santa Claus?
[Bill shuffles his feet and does not answer.] ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The reckoning

“ THE CUSTOMER. Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! I'm not fit to die! I'm not ready! A minute! Two minutes! I'm too young! Don't kill—
(THE BARBER, still with his hand upon the other man's eyes, suddenly seizes a wet towel and strikes him across the throat with it. THE CUSTOMER faints. THE BARBER looks at him contemptuously; abruptly raises the chair to a sitting position; puts away the razor.)
THE BARBER. So your nerve gave way, John? Your nerve gave way? (He spreads the towel over THE CUSTOMER's face and roughly wipes away the lather.) ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The reckoning

“ At the rise of curtain, THE BARBER, a man of fifty, is discovered sharpening a razor, and whistling softly to himself. He finishes with the razor; seats himself in the chair, takes up a paper, and reads.
The door opens, and THE CUSTOMER, a flashily-dressed individual of forty-five, enters the shop.
THE BARBER. (Rising at once) Good afternoon, sir.
THE CUSTOMER. (Pulling out his watch) That clock right?
THE BARBER. Yes, sir; Western Union time. Corrected every hour.
THE CUSTOMER. My watch has run down. (He sets it.) Now, I've got just five minutes to spare. Can you shave me in that time? ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The noble lord

“ There is only the song of birds, and the whisper of a gentle breeze. For a few seconds nothing else is heard. Then, suddenly, not far away, there is the sound of a splash, followed by the scream of a drowning woman, "Help! Help! Help!" There is a tremendous crashing through the underbrush, and another voice, very masculine, very English, shouts, "Where are you? ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Slim
We come after yuh—
Bill
[Pushing Slim to one side easily.]
Nuttin’ to get excited about, kid; yer lady friend’s all right—see?
[He leads David back into the room; Slim thrusts the door shut, and locks it.]
She’s just daydreamin’—takin’ a little cat nap. It [Pg 24] won’t hoit her a bit—honest! She’ll feel fine when she wakes up.
David
What happened to Halligan?
Bill
He’s daydreamin’, too. De two of ’em are daydreamin’ togedder—nice an’ sociable-like—see? Dey’re dreamin’ about de little boidies singin’ in de tree tops. Ain’t dat pretty?
[Slim has come forward. Bill waves a hand.] ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The Noble Lord: A Comedy in One Act (1915)

“ SHE. I remember nothing—I'm confused. (She tries to get up, but sits on the log with a little exclamation.) My shoes—where are my shoes?
HE. (Fetching them) Here they are.
SHE. Thank you. . . . (She looks at them.) Those aren't my shoes!
HE. (Politely) No?
SHE. They're wet.
HE. (Nodding) They would be.
SHE. But they're not mine.
HE. (Shrugging his shoulders) I found them on your feet.
SHE. (Confused) On my feet?
HE. Yes. . . . (An afterthought) One on each.
SHE. Oh! . . . (She tries to put them on.) I can't get them on. ”

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Source: Wikisource

Percival Wilde, The reckoning

“ Beg pardon, sir?
THE CUSTOMER. (Taking the scarf-pin from the edge of his vest.)
This scarf-pin—it's worth five hundred dollars—I'll give—
THE BARBER. (Raises his hand to his ear, knocking the pin out of THE CUSTOMER's hand) I don't hear well on this side. Try the other.
THE CUSTOMER. A thousand dollars! I'll give you a thousand dollars!
THE BARBER. I'm afraid it won't do, sir. You see, the young lady who runs the news stand up-stairs says—you won't interrupt me this time will you?—she says it's important to keep customers in sight. There's nothing so bad for trade as an empty shop. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ David
“Swifter even than dreams, sturdy and strong, champing at their bits, sparks coming from their nostrils—”
Bill
[Nodding.]
De kid’s got de right dope, Slim.
[To David.]
Dey’re waitin’ fer us outside: balloon tires, an’ four-w’eel brakes, an’ sparks just w’ere yuh said. Come on.
David
[Going toward the window.]
They’re in a big hurry, aren’t they? They know we’re coming, Santa Claus. They can’t wait for us! I hear them shaking their sleigh bells! ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The noble lord

“ SHE. Ah! That's so nice. (She pauses. Shudders.) Hold me close, mother, hold me close. I've had such a terrible dream!
HE. Good Heavens! You're not dreaming now. . . .
SHE. I dreamt—I dreamt— (He has raised her to a sitting position. She stops abruptly. Looks about.) Where—where am I?
HE. (Surprised) Don't you know?
SHE. No.
HE. (In a matter-of-fact tone) We are about half a mile away from the Poland Springs Hotel, Poland Springs, Maine. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Halligan
Thank you, sir—and the same to you.
Vicky
Merry Christmas—and thank you.
Millman
Tut—tut!
[He turns briskly toward the tree.]
Well, Davy, and how do you like your tree?
David
[Not glancing at it.]
Very much, Daddy.
Millman
It was nice of Santa to bring you so many presents.
David
Very nice, Daddy.
Millman
[Examining the cards attached to the gifts.] ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The noble lord

“ He rises promptly with a satisfied nod, carefully removes his dripping coat, folds it neatly, and places it on the log. Again he kneels, this time with his knees on either side of the girl's head, and laboriously begins to apply the Sylvester method, counting audibly as he does so. At "ten" he stops wearily, pauses, and again applies his ear to her heart. The result is evidently pleasing, and after a few more Sylvester movements, he begins to vary the procedure by removing her shoes and alternately chafing her hands and feet. ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Aw, nuttin’!
David
Why don’t you tell me, Santa Claus?
Bill
[Bitterly.]
Dere’s nuttin’ de matter—on’y de kids ain’t gonna have a roof over deir heads to-night!
David
Because you didn’t get money?
Bill
Dat’s w’y.
David
And because you didn’t pay the rent?
Bill
Yuh said it, kid.
David
But why do you want a roof over their heads? Can’t we take them along with us?
Bill
W’at’s dat?
David
They can come to the North Pole too, can’t they? Of course it will be a little crowded in the sleigh, but [Pg 39] there’ll be room for all of us if we sit close. And we’ll have lots of fun!
Slim
[Meaningly.] ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, The reckoning

“ THE BARBER. No? Well, just say to yourself, "Twelve years ago this man's hair was not so gray. Twelve years ago this man's face didn't show so many lines of care. Twelve years ago this man lived—well, in a little town near Savannah, and—"
THE CUSTOMER. (Beginning to recognize him) You-you can't be—
THE BARBER. Say it. ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ But it’s gonna get us away from here, Bill! We get outa de city—we go somew’eres in de Bronx—an’ den we give Millman a ring on de telephone—
David
Don’t telephone daddy; he’s always busy.
Slim
He won’t be busy dis time.
[He argues with Bill.]
David
You don’t know my daddy! My daddy is the busiest [Pg 40] man in the world! When he comes to see me, he says, “Exactly ten”—and that means exactly ten. When I want to see him I have to ask his secretary—and sometimes he can’t see me at all.
Bessie
Do yuh like dat? ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ For the first time we see his face: the face of a half-starved lad with big eyes.]
Millman
Bear that in mind.
[Most unaccountably, most leisurely, he turns his back on Bill, and draws up a chair.]
Davy, how would you like to sit in my lap?
David
I’d love it, Daddy!
[Pg 49]
Millman
So would I.
[David rushes to him. Millman settles him comfortably, quite oblivious of the others.]
There. There. David, where were you going with this man?
David
Not “this man,” Daddy: it’s Santa Claus.
Millman
I meant Santa Claus.
David
I was just going to the North Pole. ”

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Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Vicky
Do you really want me to?
David
Of course, Vicky.
Vicky
[Eating and smacking her lips.]
They’re good! Have one, Mr. Halligan?
Halligan
I don’t mind if I do.
[He eats a candy.]
David
[Watching with interest.]
What do they taste like?
Vicky
Chocolate—
[Taking another.]
Halligan
With strawberry cream inside—
[Taking another.]
Vicky
This one has a cherry.
Halligan
This has a walnut.
[Pg 21]
David
Santa Claus makes good candy, doesn’t he? Some day, when I’m older, he’ll make some that I can eat. I’d like that!
Vicky
Another, Mr. Halligan?
Halligan
I don’t mind if I do. ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Kid, youse a good sport—
[He bows grotesquely.]
—an’ I take me hat off to yuh! Yours truly, John W. Santa.
Slim
[Gasping.]
Youse gonna leave him here?
Bill
Yuh hoid me.
Slim
But we come here to—
Bill
[Interrupting.]
I changed my mind—see? A guy dat’s a he-man can [Pg 46] do dat little t’ing—an’ John W. Santa’s a he-man!
[He indicates David.]
I’m gonna leave him here—an’ me an’ de kids is gonna beat it—an’ youse is comin’ along, too; don’t yuh forget dat!
Slim
Bill! Yuh said yuh was hard-boiled! ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ They are all badly dressed. Their clothes are torn and shabby; their stockings are full of holes; and they average about three quarters of a glove to every hand. But they are all extraordinarily happy, and not at all shy about showing it. ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ David
[Busy distributing gifts.]
They want them more than I do!
[He turns again to the children.]
Here: you can carry more than that!
[Annie’s arms are full already, but he piles toys on the heap.]
Put these on top. Take them along.
[To Pete.]
Do they let you ride a bicycle?
Pete
Sure t’ing!
David
Then take this one.
[To Bessie.]
Do they let you go coasting on a sled?
Bessie
All I want—ef I gotta sled. ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ Vicky
Shh!
[A clock strikes ten. David glances nervously at his watch. Halligan stiffens to attention. Vicky stands erect, expectantly. The door at the left opens, and Millman, a fine-looking man in his forties, enters briskly, snapping shut his watch as he crosses the threshold. He is all alertness and no waste motion—his time is precious—he never forgets that.]
Millman
Merry Christmas, Davy.
David
[Whose lips are trembling, and whose eyes never leave his father.]
Merry Christmas, Daddy.
[Pg 11]
Millman
[Turning to the others, and handing each an envelope.] ”

[↩︎]

Source: Gutenberg

Percival Wilde, Alias Santa Claus (1927)

“ THE ENCHANTED CHRISTMAS TREE
KINGS IN NOMANIA
CRITICISM:
THE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF THE ONE-ACT PLAY
Alias Santa Claus
A Play for Children
by
Percival Wilde
Author of
“Kings in Nomania,”
“The Enchanted Christmas Tree,” etc.
D. Appleton and Company
New York :: 1927 :: London
COPYRIGHT, 1927, BY
D. APPLETON AND COMPANY
All Rights Reserved
This play is fully protected in all countries by the copyright law, all requirements of which have been complied with. ”

Percival Wilde

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