Robert Zacks

“ The man from Marriage Relations glanced at a dial nearby. "Of course you are. Suffering is the ideal joy for a Masochist. Just think what a lovely two months of missing her you'll have."
"All right, so it's a rule that I have to send her on a vacation and can't join her," Jeb complained savagely, "but, damn it, she doesn't have to enjoy it!"
"Well," said the man, looking back to Jeb, "there's the answer. Your Masochism index has gone down any number of points. You're angry!" ”

“ As we stared, the image of the three-dimensional Susie shrank from eight feet all the way down to a three-dimensional miniature cat the size of a thimble.
Mr. Eammer looked as if he might faint.
"Good-by, Largoscope," I said grimly. "This will make all 3-D and large screen systems obsolete. It will revolutionize television, too. People will sit home and see actual figures, three-dimensional figures of real people. There will be no screens at all. The effects of depth and solidity, as you see, are perfect...."
Suddenly Susie in the next room gave a yelping meow and Mary gasped. ”

“ The steady pulse of the airmakers kept rhythm with the heartbeats of the young men seated in a semi-circle, listening with glistening eyes to these ancient tales of an Earth they'd never seen—the home of their species.
They stared hungrily at the old man's face. There was a silvery spot on the chin where Venusian fungus had nearly gotten into his bloodstream and had had to be burned away. Over one eye an eyebrow was gone, replaced by scar tissue grown on a planet at the other end of the galaxy where the light of enormous fireflies wasn't cold, as on ancient earth, but searing with heat. ”

“ I said warmly. "You are a man with the true scientific spirit."
"Go right to work," he said urgently, his fascinated eyes never leaving Susie. "Work night and day, day and night. I'll never leave your side. We must learn how this gadget works."
That's what we did. Making Susie comfortable in a matchbox, we set to work in the dead of night when no inquisitive eyes might see our strange experiments.
Mary made us pots of steaming coffee and Mr. Eammer paced helpfully back and forth uttering unclear mumbles, as I toiled the long, wearying hours. ”

“ As he selected the silver and black skintight suit of an Air Pollution Inspector, he wistfully remembered how nice it had been when Laurie had smiled at him. Immediately a flood of determination filled him to go out and do big things today. Maybe he would make a big strike and get a nice fat commission; then Laurie would....
The televisor buzzed, flickered, and the genial face of the man from Marriage Relations appeared.
"Good morning, Monitor Jeb," said the man, smiling. "And how are things 'twixt you and your beloved?"
"Rough," moaned Jeb. "She's really in a foul mood today." ”

“ Almost immediately the strangers turned and left our world.
Within two days Earth was in bondage.
The old space veteran stopped. He looked around at the tense faces.
"We found out later," he said. "It was the banquet they watched on a film which we ran off, that did it. There was a scene where a waiter brings in a whole roast pig with an apple in its mouth and then it's eaten."
All the boys drew a deep horrified breath. The old man nodded heavily. "Well," he said, "how were we to know these beings from outer space had evolved from pigs, or creatures very similar?" He sighed, and stood up. ”

“ Why, you ought to be ashamed to use a phrase like 'were made for each other.' It's Monitors like Jeb who make you watch your words and think very carefully before you speak."
"Listen, stupid—"
"Already," Dirdon plowed on, happily oratorical, "our citizens are being forced to express themselves more richly, with initiative, casting off triteness!"
The man from Marriage Relations looked disgusted. "Ah," he said angrily, "why don't you drop dead."
Bong!
The man moaned as the Monitex Jeb held glowed red with another violation. Jeb grinned and pressed the loudspeaker button. ”

“ Eammer. He says if your invention is...."
"Now wait a minute," I shouted with indignation. "I told you not to tell anybody about it. It's not perfected. In fact, I don't understand how it works exactly."
"Stop being so modest," she said firmly. "I know you. You're a genius and genius is never, never satisfied. I read all about it. You want us to get married, don't you?"
"Yes," I said, sudden longing surging through my heart.
"Can we afford to? No. So come on down. Anyway, I already told him. Don't make me into a ... a liar," begged Mary. "If he likes your invention, maybe he'll buy it." ”

“ What intelligence. It's no life for you."
"But, Mary," I said, kind of liking the idea of my Mary on the screen; of being sole owner of her sweetness with millions of people knowing nobody could kiss this girl but myself. "It's such a rare opportunity. Every girl wants to be a movie star. Do it!"
"Sure," cried Mr. Eammer. "Don't be a dope. How many girls get a chance like this?"
Mary whispered, her eyes shining, "Well, all right, dear, if you insist."
"You have a deal, Mr. Eammer," I said quickly.
Mary typed the contract on my portable as dictated by Mr. Eammer. ”

“ Right now, I've got to make enough to stop Laurie from certifying me.
He felt a sudden chill as he recalled his wife's threat. Quickly he sought out the first location he'd mapped out for some easy revenue, the personnel office of the Air Pollution Control Corp. Jeb switched off anti-gravity and heavily walked through the corridor, stepped inside the deep-rugged, gray and green office and joined the small nervous group of inspectors waiting for interviews.
Jeb, in his air pollution uniform, was as acceptable as a long-used piece of furniture. ”

“ They moved aside to let him through, staring at him with brilliant brown eyes, their snoutlike noses twitching in sympathy and kindness, their pig-like faces gentle with the expression a man gives a trained dog. ”

“ The invention. Something went wrong. It not only sends the image in three dimensions without a screen to receive it; it also transmits the actual body itself through space. I've created a matter transmitter."
"But ... but why is Susie so small?" wailed Mary.
"Apparently it transmits whatever size the image is set at. Remember we had reduced the image of Susie and at that time you short-circuited the wires? That short circuit is what did it. If Susie's image had been large at that moment, we would have had an eight-foot-tall cat on our hands...." ”

“ It wasn't long after that, of course, that many of the most brilliant men on Earth were reporting the same hallucinations, and as news of it spread it became obvious that not all could be insane in exactly the same way with the same thoughts. Excitement and puzzlement ran tremendously high because, although these intellects of Earth could receive telepathic messages, they were not advanced enough to send. ”

“ She put her hands to her eyes, rubbing.
"Susie all right?" I said.
"I guess so," she said. "She moved so fast I could hardly see...."
"My dear fellow." Mr. Eammer was most cordial. He put his arm around my shoulders. He was beaming at me. He was offering me a fat cigar. "What a wonderful invention. You are indeed a genius and I offer you my humblest apologies."
"I accept them," I said, pushing him away with distaste. "You may leave now, Mr. Eammer."
"Leave? Not until we've signed a contract, my friend. I want that invention."
"Mr. Eammer, that invention isn't perfected yet. ”

“ Jeb saw the look of misery on the man's drawn face and felt so sympathetic, he didn't even bother to hide his Monitex in its disguising parcel. You had to be pretty low to make your money out of a guy in that tough status. ”

“ I said.
"It looks more like a diathermy machine or a sweatbox for reducing," he said skeptically. "How's it operate?"
I set a few dials and went to find Susie, my white cat. "Here pussy, pussy," I said tenderly.
"The man's gone nuts," said Mr. Eammer in disgust.
"Take it easy," I snapped. "That's how I made my strange discovery. I was doing a test on the effect of a new kind of radiation on fabrics. And Susie, my cat, walked over the equipment. First she stepped on a dial, turning it accidentally to full power, then she wandered into the box." ”

“ A roar of mirth arose from the waiting air pollution men as Monitor Jeb nervously pulled his Monitex from its concealing pollution meter shell and read the violation off to the enraged personnel man. A fifty credit fee for use of the copyrighted verbal phrase Just as soon as business picks up, we'll give you a promotion and raise in pay. ”

“ He moved toward the door and a portion of glass wall slid aside to let him through. But before he exited he turned and said softly, "Now don't let it get you, boys. Being exhibited in a zoo isn't too bad. Serve your time and you'll get servant status like me and get out into space." ”

“ The weary cynicism in his gross face enraged me. If ever I had an immediate yearning to crush a man, to make him say 'uncle,' to have him beg and yearn, it was at that moment and toward this insufferable moron. ”

“ When the movie industry began to look for good stories and material that stimulated the mind as well as the emotion, Mr. Eammer had jeered. "Ha. People are stupid, people are sheep. They don't want to think, they just want to see the pretty girlies." ”

“ Jeb's Monitex glowed red with a violation. "Living Hell" was an old-fashioned dramatic phrase somebody sharp had dug up after diligent study and copyrighted in the hope of picking up a few credits.
As Jeb numbly listened to the droning voice detail the facts and four credits charge, the man in the gray suit said mirthlessly, "Well, well, that's just fine. ”

“ The first they had heard of the strangers from outer space was when the new ultra short-wave frequencies were used. Professor Kennicot of Palmira University was the first to find how to generate and control them. He tried to transform the wavelengths upward to a range either auditory or visual but for some reason power was lost in the process. ”

“ One speck through the sealed-in suit and you've got a burn they still can't heal." He shuddered; then, seeing the face of the Unassigned Citizen, he said soothingly, "But those suits are foolproof, I understand." ”

“ If it is true that an expedition is being organized in London to go to the cold and rocky wastes of the Himalayas for the purpose of investigating that astonishing primeval creature called 'The Abominable Snowman,' then I am forced to tell you immediately ... the Abominable Snowman is none other than Mr. ”