Titus Maccius Plautus

“ SCENE IV.—Enter HEGIO, ARISTOPHONTES, and SLAVES, from the house.
HEG. Whither am I to say, now, that that man has betaken himself from the house out of doors?
TYND. (apart) . Now, for a very certainty, I'm done for; the enemies are coming to you, Tyndarus! What shall I say?—what shall I talk of? What shall I deny, or what confess? All matters are reduced to uncertainty. How shall I place confidence in my resources? I wish the Gods had destroyed you, before you were lost to your own country, Aristophontes, who, from a plot well concerted, are making it disconcerted. ”

“ Ergasilus!
ERG. Who's calling Ergasilus?
HEG. Turn round, and look at me.
ERG. (not seeing who it is) . A thing that Fortune does not do for you, nor ever will do, you bid me to do. But who is it.
HEG. Look round at me. 'Tis Hegio.
ERG. (turning round) . O me! Best of the very best of men, as many as exist, you have arrived opportunely.
HEG. You've met with some one at the harbour to dine with; through that you are elevated. ”

“ TYND. I confess that my father has very great wealth at home, and that I am born of a very noble family; but I entreat you, Hegio, let not my riches make your mind too prone to avarice, lest it should seem to my father, although I am his only son, more suitable that I should be a slave in your house, bountifully supplied at your expense and with your clothing, rather than be living the life of a beggar where 'twould be far from honorable.
HEG. By the favour of the Gods and of my forefathers, I am rich enough. I don't quite believe that every kind of gain is serviceable to mankind. ”

“ SCA. Really you are a very simple woman. Come now, would you rather be censured undeservedly, than be praised with truth? Upon thy faith, for my own part, even though undeservedly, I'd much rather be praised than be found fault with with reason, or that other people should laugh at my appearance.
PHILE. I love the truth; I wish the truth to be told me; I detest a liar.
SCA. So may you love me, and so may your Philolaches love you, how charming you are. ”

“ ARIST. By my troth, as I understand the matter, you've been found to brazen out the truth by lying. But i' faith, prithee, come then, look at me.
TYND. (looking at him) . Well! ARIST. Say, now; do you deny that you are Tyndarus?
TYND. I do deny it, I say.
ARIST. Do you say that you are Philocrates?
TYND. I do say so, I say.
ARIST. (to HEGIO) . And do you believe him?
HEG. More, indeed, than either you or myself. For he, in fact, who you say that he is (pointing to TYNDARUS) , has set out hence to-day for Elis, to this person's father.
ARIST. What father, when he's a slave. ”

“ SIM. The way that you yourselves proceed. But, Tranio, to say the truth, according as men are, it so befits you to humour them; reflecting, at the same time, how short life is.
TRA. What of all this? Dear me, at last, after some difficulty,
I perceive that you are talking about these goings-on of ours.
SIM. I' faith, you people are living a merry life, just as befits you: on wine, good cheer, nice dainty fish, you enjoy life.
TRA. Why yes, so it was in time past, indeed; but now these things have come to an end all at once. SIM. How so?
TRA. So utterly, Simo, are we all undone! ”

“ But, if by any means he can be brought back here, I could even endure for him to become an executioner.
HEG. (overhearing him) . Who is it that's speaking?
ERG. 'Tis I, who am pining at your affliction, growing thin, waxing old, and shockingly wasting away. Wretched man that I am, I'm but skin and bone through leanness; nor does anything ever do me good that I eat at home; even that ever so little which I taste out of doors, the same refreshes me.
HEG. Ergasilus, save you! ERG. (crying) . May the Gods kindly bless you, Hegio! ”

“ PHILE. Whom then, prithee?
SCA. I'll tell you; Philolaches; so that he may not buy anything except that which he fancies will please you. For a lover buys the favours of a mistress for himself with gold and purple garments. What need is there for that which he doesn't want as his own, to be shown him still? Age is to be enveloped in purple; gold ornaments are unsuitable for a woman. A beautiful woman will be more beautiful naked than drest in purple. ”

“ Human fortune moulds and fashions just, as she wills. Myself, who was a free man she has made a slave, from the very highest the very lowest. I, who was accustomed to command, now obey the mandates of another. And indeed, if I meet with a master just such as I proved the ruler in my own household, I shall not fear that he will rule me harshly or severely. With this, Hegio, I wished you to be acquainted, unless perchance you yourself wish it not. ”

“ PHIL. Troth, not so, but rather by reason of his avarice and grasping disposition; for, indeed, he was Theodoromedes originally by name.
HEG. How say you? Is his father covetous?
PHIL. Aye, by my faith, he is covetous. Why, that you may even understand it the better,—when he's sacrificing at any time to his own Genius {10}, the vessels that are needed for the sacrifice he uses of Samian ware, lest the Genius himself should steal them; from this, consider how much he would trust other people.
HEG. (addressing TYNDARUS as though PHILOCRATES) . Do you then follow me this way. ”

“ As much is he a slave among my people, as am now a slave here with yourself. There is undoubtedly a God, who both hears and sees the things which we do. Just as you shall treat me here, in the same degree will he have a care for him. To the well-deserving will he show favour, to the ill-deserving will he give a like return. ”

“ ACT I.—SCENE I. Enter, from the house of THEUROPIDES, GRUMIO,
pushing out TRANIO.
GRU. Get out of the kitchen, will you; out of it, you whip-scoundrel, who are giving me your cavilling talk amid the platters; march out of the house, you ruin of your master. Upon my faith, if I only live, I'll be soundly revenged upon you in the country. Get out, I say, you steam of the kitchen. Why are you skulking thus?
TRA. Why the plague are you making this noise here before the house? Do you fancy yourself to be in the country{1}? Get out of the house; be off into the country. Go and hang yourself. ”

“ Why, really, Alcmaeon, and Orestes, and Lycurgus {3} besides, are my friends on the same principle that he is.
ARIST. Villain, and do you dare speak ill of me, as well? Do I not know you?
HEG. I' faith, it really is very clear that you don't know him, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates Him whom you see, you don't know; you are addressing him as the person whom you don't see.
ARIST. On the contrary this fellow's saying that he is the person who he is not; and he says that he is not the person who he really is. ”

“ It's the part of a married woman, and not of courtesans, to be devoted to a single lover.
PHILO. (apart) . O Jupiter! Why, what pest is this that has befallen my house? May all the Gods and Goddesses destroy me in the worst of fashions, if I don't kill this old hag with thirst, and hunger, and cold.
PHILE. I don't want you, Scapha, to be giving me bad advice.
SCA. You are clearly a simpleton, in thinking that he'll for everlasting be your friend and well-wisher. I warn you of that; he'll forsake you by reason of age and satiety. ”

“ ARIST. And, by my faith, if this old gentleman is wise, black pitch {7} will be disordering you with the executioner, and giving a light to your head.
TYND. He's now talking in his fit of delirium; sprites are in possession of the man.
HEG. By my troth, suppose I order him to be seized?
TYND. You would be acting more wisely.
ARIST. I'm vexed that I haven't a stone, to knock out the brains of that whip-scoundrel, who's driving mo to madness by his taunts.
TYND. Don't you hear that he's looking for a stone?
ARIST. I wish to speak with you alone, separately, Hegio. ”

“ PHILE. Why so, prithee?
SCA. As you've been holding the mirror, I'm afraid that your hands may smell of silver; lest Philolaches should suspect you've been receiving silver somewhere.
PHILO. (apart) . I don't think that I ever did see anyone procuress more cunning. How cleverly and artfully did it occur to the jade's imagination about the mirror!
PHILE. Do you think I ought to be perfumed with unguents as well?
SCA. By no means do so. PHILE. For what reason?
SCA. Because, i' faith, a woman smells best {6} when she smells of nothing at all. ”

“ Supreme Jove, with all his might and resources, is seeking for me and Philolaches, my master's son, to be undone. Our hopes are destroyed; nowhere is there any hold for courage; not even Salvation {1} now could save us if she wished. Such an immense mountain of woe have I just now seen at the harbour: my master has arrived from abroad; Tranio is undone! (To the AUDIENCE.) Is there any person who'd like to make gain of a little money, who could this day endure to take my place in being tortured? ”

“ Enter, from the house, PHILOCRATES, TYNDARUS, and SLAVES and CAPTIVES of HEGIO.
SLAVE. If the immortal Gods have so willed it that you should undergo this affliction, it becomes you to endure it with equanimity; if you do so, your trouble will be lighter {1}. At home you were free men, I suppose; now if slavery has befallen you, 'tis a becoming way for you to put up with it, and by your dispositions to render it light, under a master's rule. Unworthy actions which a master does must be deemed Worthy ones. ”

“ PHILE. Give me the mirror {4}, and the casket with my trinkets, directly, Scapha, that I may be quite dressed when Philolaches, my delight, comes here.
SCA. A woman who neglects herself and her youthful age has occasion for a mirror; what need of a mirror have you, who yourself are in especial a mirror for a mirror.
PHILO. (apart) . For that expression, Scapha, that you mayn't have said anything so pretty in vain, I'll to-day give something for your savings—to you, my Philematium. ”

“ TYND. You ask what's very right and very just, and you are the very kindest person of all mankind. But whether is he in servitude to a private person or to the public {11}?
HEG. In private servitude to Menarchus, a physician.
PHIL. By my faith, that person's surely his father's dependant. Why really, that's down as pat for you, as the shower is when it rains.
HEG. Do you then cause this person, my son, to be redeemed.
TYND. I'll do so: but this I beg of you, Hegio—
HEG. Whatever you wish, so that you request nothing against my interest, I'll do. ”

“ I'll be there just now. (To the BANKER.) Don't you be troublesome: no one's going to pay you; do what you please. You are the only person, I suppose, that lends money upon interest. (Moves towards THEUROPIDES.)
BAN. (bawling aloud) . Give me my interest! pay me my interest! you pay my interest! Are you going to give me my interest this instant? Give me my interest!
TRA. Interest here, interest there! The old rogue knows how to talk about nothing but interest. I do not think that ever I saw any beast more vile than you.
BAN. Upon my faith, you don't alarm me now with those expressions. ”

“ LAD. May Jupiter and the Deities confound you, Ergasilus, and your stomach, and all Parasites, and every one who henceforth shall give a dinner to Parasites. Destruction and devastation and ruin have just now entered our house. I was afraid that he would be making an attack on me, as though he had been an hungry wolf. And very dreadfully, upon my faith, was I frightened at him; he made such a gnashing with his teeth. On his arrival, the whole larder, with the meat, he turned upside down. He seized a knife, and first cut off the kernels of the neck {1} from three sides. ”

“ O cunning mortal! not another person in Athens can be pronounced more clever than he. One can no more this day deceive him than he can a stone. I'll accost the man; I'll address him.
THEU. (to himself) . Now I do wish that he would come here.
TRA. (apart) . I' faith, if me indeed you want, here I am ready at hand for you. (Comes forward.)
THEU. Bravo! Tranio, what's being done?
TRA. The country people are coming from the country: Philolaches will be here in a moment.
THEU. I' faith, he comes opportunely for me. This neighbour of ours I take to be a shameless and dishonest fellow. ”