“ I beshrew thy knave's fingers with my very heart,
The devil will reward thee, whose darling thou art.
But sirrah, I pray thee—
If it had chanced me in those days in thy hands to have fell,
I think sure thou wouldst have ordered me well.
Cruelty. His blood, I would I might have once seen that chance,
I would have vexed thee with a vengeance, for old acquaintance.
Avarice. Why so? I was always thy furderer in those days, I am sure.
Cruelty. Yea, but what was the cause? thine own profit to procure. ”

“ But in spite of Custance, which hath him wearied,
Let us see his maship solemnly buried;
And while some piece of his soul is yet him within,
Some part of his funerals let us here begin.
Audivi vocem. All men take heed by this one gentleman,
How you set your love upon an unkind woman:
For these women be all such mad, peevish elves,
They will not be won, except to please themselves. [106]
But, in faith, Custance, if ever ye come in hell,
Master Roister Doister shall serve you as well—
And will ye needs go from us thus in very deed? ”

“ This gear, I suppose, will pluck down your flesh.
Nay, soft, thou shalt have a little more pain,
For somewhat shorter now I will tie thy rein.
Enter Trust and Consolation.
Trust. Most blessed and happy, I say, are the just,
Even because they restrain their own inclination;
Thou, therefore, that hast made thy treasure of trust,
Behold, I have brought thee here Consolation.
Just. Now blessed be God of his mercy and grace,
With all my heart and soul I do you embrace.
Con. Consolation is my name, even as Trust hath said,
Which is joy or comfort in this life transitory ”

“ Thus thou may'st be called a knave in grain;
And where knaves are scant, thou shalt go for twain.
But now, Ralph Roister, let me hear what thou canst say.
Ralph. You know that Ralph Roister I am called alway,
And my conditions in knavery so far doth surmount,
That to have this patrimony I make mine account,
For I entice young gentlemen all virtue to eschew,
And to give themselves to riotousness, this is true.
Serving-men also by me are so seduced,
That all in bravery their minds are confused.
[326]
Then, if they have not themselves to maintain,
To pick and to steal they must be fain. ”

“ Nay, mistress Custance.
R. Roister. Alas! thou hittest me still.
Hold!
M. Merry. Save yourself, sir!
R. Roister. Help! out alas! I am slain.
M. Merry. Truce, hold your hands! truce, for a pissing while or twain. [165]
Now, how say you, Custance, for saving of your life,
Will ye yield, and grant to be this gentleman's wife?
C. Custance. Ye told me he loved me; call ye this love?
M. Merry. He loved a while, even like a turtle-dove.
C. Custance. Gay love, God save it! so soon hot, so soon cold.
M. Merry. I am sorry for you: he could love you yet, so he could. ”

“ O God, seest thou this, and yet wilt suffer it?
Surely thy mercy is great; but yet our sins, I fear,
Are so great, that of justice with them thou canst not bear.
Adultery no vice, it is a thing so rife,
A stale jest now to lie with another man's wife!
For what is that but dalliance? Covetousness they call
Good husbandry, when one man would fain have all.
And eke alike to that is unmerciful extortion,
A sin in sight of God of great abhomination:
For pride, that is now a grace; for round about
The humble-spirited is termed a fool or a lout. ”

“ Hodge. Now a vengeance on Gib light, on Gib and Gib's mother.
And all the generation of cats both far and near.
Look on the ground, whoreson, thinks thou the nee'le is here?
Cock. By my troth, Gammer, me-thought your nee'le here I saw,
But when my fingers touch'd it, I felt it was a straw.
Tib. See, Hodge, what's t'is; may it not be within it?
Hodge. Break it, fool, with thy hand, and see, and thou canst find it.
Tib. Nay, break it you, Hodge, according to your word.
Hodge. Gog's sides, fie! it stinks: it is a cat's turd:
It were well done to make thee eat it, by the mass. ”

“ What the devil ailed me to sing thus?
I cry you mercy, by my faith, for ent'ring:
Most like I have ridden on the flying Pegasus,
Or in Cock Lorel's barge I have been a vent'ring.
Sing? why, I would sing, if it were to do again,
With Orpheus and Amphion I went to school:
What! lads must be lively attending on the train
Of Lady Delectation, which is no small fool.
Hey rouse, fill all the pots in the house;
Tush, man, in good fellowship let us be merry.
Look up like a man, or it is not worth a louse ”

“ Thou insipient fool, that hast followed thy lust,
Disdaining the doctrine declared by Sapience,
In Treasure and Pleasure hath been thy trust,
Which thou thoughtest should remain ever in thy presence:
Thou never rememb'red'st Thales his sentence,
Who willeth men in all things to keep a measure,
Especially in love to uncertainty of treasure;
Even now I am come from visiting the Just,
Because God beginneth first with his elect;
But he is so associated and comforted with Trust, [294]
That no kind of impatience his soul can infect. ”

“ What, Lady Treasure, welcome without fail;
To be better acquainted with you once I trust,
But I dare not in the presence of my Master Lust.
[Treas.] Ye are welcome, sir, heartily; what! be of good courage;
Drawer, let us have a pint of white wine and borage.
Lust. Wherefore, I pray thee tell?
Inc. Marry, methink you are not well.
Lust. Not well? who can a better life crave,
Than to possess such a lady as I have?
Is there any wealth not contained in Treasure [289]
Ah, lady, I love thee, in faith, out of measure. ”

“ But all in vain and without help your nee'le is where it was.
Gammer. Alas, my nee'le, we shall never meet! adieu, adieu, for aye.
Tib. Not so, Gammer, we might it find, if we knew where it lay.
Cock. Gog's cross, Gammer, if ye will laugh, look in but at the door,
And see how Hodge lieth trembling and tossing amids the flour.
Raking there some fire to find among the ashes dead,
Where there is not one spark so big as a pin's head:
At last in a dark corner two sparks he thought he sees,
Which were indeed nought else but Gib our cat's two eyes. ”

“ Swear me no swearing, quean; the devil he give thee sorrow:
All is not worth a gnat, thou canst swear till to-morrow.
Where is the harm he hath? show it, by God's bread,
Ye beat him with a witness, but the stripes light on my head.
Hodge. Beat me! Gog's blessed body, chould first, ich trow, have burst thee:
Ich think, and chad my hands loose, callet, chould have crust [298] thee.
Chat. Thou shitten knave, I trow, thou knowest the full weight of my fist.
I am foully deceived, unless thy head and my door-bar kissed.
Hodge. Hold thy chat, whore; thou criest so loud, can no man else be heard? ”

“ Their inclination thou dost stay,
And sendeth them Sapience,
That they should serve, and eke obey,
Thy high magnificence.
And sendest Contentation,
That we in thee may rest.
Therefore all adoration
To thee pertaineth best.
Just. God careth for his, as the prophet doth say,
And preserveth them under his merciful wings;
Namely the just, that his will do obey,
Observing his holy commandment in all things;
Not for our sake or for our deservings,
But for his own sake openly to declare,
That all men on earth ought to live in his fear.
Trust. How God hath blessed you, all men may see ”

“ Whether thou stand, or whether thou kneel:
Thou knowest what sciences I have thee taught,
Which are able to bring the world to naught.
For thou knowest that through pride from heaven I was cast,
Even unto hell, wherefore see thou make haste.
Such pride through new fashions in men's hearts to show
That those, that use it, may have the like overthrow.
From virtue procure men to set their minds aside,
And wholly employ it to all sin and pride. ”

“ How knowest thou, Gammer Gurton, dame Chat thy needle had?
Gammer. To name you, sir, the party, chould not be very glad.
Baily. Yea, but we must needs hear it, and therefore say it boldly.
Gammer. Such one as told the tale full soberly and coldly,
Even he that looked on, will swear on a book,
What time this drunken gossip my fair long nee'le up took:
Diccon (Master) the bedlam, cham very sure ye know him.
Baily. A false knave, by God's pity! ye were but a fool to trow him.
I durst aventure well the price of my best cap,
That when the end is known, all will turn to a jape. ”

“ What devil can I tell, man, I could not have one word,
They gave no more heed to my talk than thou wouldst to a lord.
Hodge. Ich cannot skill but muse, what marvellous thing it is:
Chill in and know myself what matters are amiss.
Diccon. Then farewell, Hodge, a while, since thou dost inward haste,
For I will into the good wife Chat's, to feel how the ale doth taste. ”

“ By Gog's wounds, if we had found him here,
We should, by his flesh, have abated his cheer.
Inc. I perceive, Sturdiness, thou art no fool;
Tell me of fellowship, where wentest thou to school?
Sturd. What, to read or write?
Inc. Nay, to swear and fight:
For I think thou canst neither write, read, nor spell;
But in swearing and fighting thou dost excel.
Sturd. Thou knowest that I am joined with Lust,
And sturdy by nature I am in like case.
What, let the world wag: all cannot be just,
Some must natural inclination embrace.
Lust. All men just? ”

“ C. Custance. No, not on my part; but here was Sim. Suresby—
Trusty. He was with me, and told me so.
C. Custance. And he stood by,
While Ralph Roister Doister, with help of Merrygreek,
For promise of marriage did unto me seek.
T. Trusty. And had ye made any promise before them twain?
C. Custance. No, I had rather be torn in pieces and slain.
No man hath my faith and troth but Gawin Goodluck,
And that before Suresby did I say, and there stuck
But of certain letters there were such words spoken—
Trusty. ”

“ Let us alone with divinity, which are of riper age.
Youth is rash, they say, but old men hath the knowledge.
For while they read they know not what, they omit the verity,
And that is now the cause so many fall into heresy,
Every man hath his own way, some that and some this,
It would almost for anger (sir reverence! [6] ) make a man to piss,
To hear what they talk of in open communication, [10]
Surely I fear me, Ignorance, this gear will make some desolation.
Ignorance. I fear the same also; but as touching that whereof you speak full well,
They have revoked divers old heresies out of hell. ”

“ R. Roister. Tush.
M. Merry. I cry your maship mercy.
Hoiday! if fair fine Mistress Custance saw you now,
Ralph Roister Doister were her own, I warrant you.
R. Roister. Ne'er a master by your girdle?
M. Merry. Your good Mastership's
Mastership were her own mistresship's mistresship's.
Ye were take up for hawks; ye were gone, ye were gone:
But now one other thing more yet I think upon.
R. Roister. Show what it is.
M. Merry. A wooer, be he never so poor,
Must play and sing before his best-beloved's door. [109]
How much more then you?
R. Roister. Thou speakest well, out of doubt. ”

“ Gammer. Ich cannot tell, but up thou tookest it, as though it had been thine own.
Chat. Marry, fie on thee, thou old gib, with all my very heart.
Gammer. Nay, fie on thee, thou ramp, [252] thou rig, [253] with all that take thy part.
Chat. A vengeance on those lips that layeth such things to my charge.
Gammer. A vengeance on those callet's hips, whose conscience is so large.
Chat. Come out, hog.
Gammer. Come out, hog, and let have me right.
Chat. Thou arrant witch.
Gammer. Thou bawdy bitch, chill make thee curse this night. ”

“ And then you shall have mirth by measure and overplus;
Tush, I know a couple companions in store
That were marvellous meet for you evermore;
I wish you were known, you, unto them.
Lust. Well, then, call them in.
Inc. Here they come, each of them in a knave's skin.
Enter Elation and Greedy-gut. They sing.
With lust to live is our delight,
In high estate and dignity;
Seeing that the Just put us to flight,
Let them alone in misery.
Sturd. Nay, they be lusty lads, I tell ye.
Ela. What, Inclination! me-thought I did smell thee:
Give me thy hand, ere we further go. ”

“ How say'st thou, Diccon, art content this shall on me depend?
Diccon. Go to, Master Baily, say on your mind, I know ye are my friend.
Baily. Then mark ye well; to recompense this thy former action,
Because thou hast offended all, to make them satisfaction, [253]
Before their faces here kneel down, and as I shall thee teach,
For thou shalt take an oath of Hodge's leather breech;
First for Master Doctor, upon pain of his curse,
Where he will pay for all, thou never draw thy purse:
And when ye meet at one pot, he shall have the first pull ”

“ To goodwife Chat thou shalt be sworn, even on the same wise,
If she refuse thy money once, never to offer it twice.
Thou shalt be bound by the same here, as thou dost take it:
When thou may'st drink of free cost, thou never forsake it.
For Gammer Gurton's sake, again sworn shalt thou be,
To help her to her needle again, if it do lie in thee;
And likewise be bound, by the virtue of that,
To be of good a-bearing to Gib her great cat.
Last of all for Hodge, the oath to scan,
Thou shalt never take him for fine gentleman.
Hodge. Come on, fellow Diccon, chall be even with thee now. ”

“ Therefore a little mirth is worth much sorrow, some say.
[264]
Enter Just.
But remember ye not the wise man's sentence?
It is better in the house of mourning to be
Than in the house of laughter, where folly hath residence,
For lightness with wisdom cannot agree;
Though many have pleasure in foolish phantasy,
Ensuing [318] their inclination and lust,
Yet much better is the life of one that is just.
Lust. Sir, in this you seem against me to inveigh.
Just. Nothing but reason, I think, I do say.
Lust. Marry, you shall have a nightcap for making the reason. ”