Anne Warner

“ He looked to be a nice kind o' man, but I can't help feelin' 't it 'd be kind o' awkward to go up to him 'n' have to begin by askin' him what my name 'd be 'f I married him. Maybe there's them 's could do such a thing, but I 've never had nothin' about me 's 'd lead me to throw myself at the head o' any man, 'n' it's too late in the day f'r me to start in now."
Mrs. Lathrop again attempted to get in a word and was again unsuccessful.
"I don't believe 't there's another free man in the town. I've thought 'n' thought 'n' I can't think o' one." She stopped and sighed.
"There's Jathrop!" ”

“ Hind-sight 's always better 'n fore-sight, 'n' we c'n all see now 't we did a mighty foolish thing givin' him such a easy chance to get out of it. I can't see, though, how he's ever goin' to get another place without sendin' to us f'r a good character, 'n' I'm free to confess 't I don't believe 't the father of Augustus 'll ever get any praise from the Craigs, nor yet will the father o' little Jane from Gran'ma Mullins. The Craigs is awful mournful to think 't they ain't got no kittens from their cat, but owin' to the fact 't he wasn't no kitten kind o' cat he naturally never had none. ”

“ It's most new. My heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, don't you know 's well 's I do 't I ain't had my new coat but four years 'n' then only to church!"
"You said 't you was goin' to get—" Mrs. Lathrop remarked, unpinning the purple as she spoke and replacing it in the bag.
"Mrs. Lathrop! 'f you don't beat anythin' 't I ever saw for puttin' words 't I never even dreamed of into other folks's mouths! 'S if I should ever think o' buyin' a new coat 'n' the price-tag not even dirty on the inside o' mine yet! ”

“ Brown ain't got beyond clean breaks yet, 'n' if you're splintered in place o' bein' clean you don't want him to learn the difference at your cost. If you lose your leg, Mrs. Lathrop, it certainly will be a awful thing for you. A woman can't ever say 's she was a brakeman or in the war, 'n' them 's the only good excuses 's can be give. Then, too, if you have a wooden leg 'n' the wind catches you at it, it'll take you in a way 's 'll make you look more like a scarecrow 'n a Christian. Mrs. Macy says 't she was speakin' to Mr. Kimball about you, 'n' he was nigh to serious f'r once in his life. ”

“ Craig says 't he wouldn't consider for one second cleanin' out a well for a trifle like a cat's tail, 'n' yet, for her part, she ain't noways inclined to keep on livin' on cat's hairs indefinitely. She says 't Mr. Craig says 't she can easy fish the tail up with the well-bucket, but fishin' for suthin' 's you can't see ain't so funny as a woman's husband 's apt to make out. 'S far 's my observation 's 'xtended, a man always gives his wife to understand that what'd be a bother or mebbe impossible for him to do 'll be jus' a pleasant afternoon for her. ”

“ Macy give me to understand 's she should let Mrs. Brown know my sufferin's, 'n' I mentioned to Mr. Kimball 's I felt some hurt over bein' pierced to the core with cake 's nobody knowed what had raised it, 'n', although he laughed 'n' said mebbe Cain raised it, still I feel he 's safe to tell every one in town. I want 's every one sh'd know it. I consider 't when a woman goes to see another woman she 's unsuspectin' o' any new species o' cake-raisin', 'n' 'f there is any new species in the wind my view o' the matter is 's it 'd ought to be tried on somebody else 'n' not on me. ”

“ Believin' is cheap, you c'n believe the whole Bible 'n' it won't cost a cent 'n' is suthin' to your credit; but trustin' live folks is always expensive. 'F Lawyer Weskin says 's you c'n be sued, you 're pretty safe to feel it's so—the more so 's it was him 's sent Jathrop off so slick. But I ain't so sure 't I 'd sit down 'n' let him sue me 'f I was you. He c'n sue, from now on, but it's for you to c'nsider whether he gets anythin' but fun out o' it or not. 'F you 're willin' to be sued, it's ownin' you know you 've done suthin', 'n' you ain't done nothin'—it was the cow's did it to you. ”

“ Lathrop appeared to be slowly recovering from the effects of her surprise.
"Would you take a small—" she asked, perhaps with some mental reference to the remark that dowered her with the occasional charge of the future adopted Clegg.
"Well, I d'n' know. That's a very hard thing that comes up first of all every time 't I begin thinkin'. When most folks set out to adopt a baby, the main idea seems to be to try 'n' get 'em so young 't they can't never say for sure's you ain't their mother." ”

“ Lathrop, still you can't in conscience deny 's you ain't no conversationalist. Nobody is that I know hereabouts, neither. The minister talks some, but I 'm always thinkin' how much more I want to tell him things 'n I ever want to hear what he has to say, so I can't in truth feel 's his talkin' gives me much pleasure. Mrs. Macy 's great on gaspin', but she don't as a general thing get very far, 'n' so the long 'n' short o' the whole thing is 't if Cousin Marion ain't a change f'r the better she can't noways be a change f'r the worst, 'n' so I 've made up my mind to sail right in 'n' risk her. ”

“ But I might o' married, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' Heaven might o' seen fit to give me such a son 's he give you, 'n' 'f I hadn't no other reason for remainin' single that alone 'd be s'fficient. After all, the Lord said 'It is not good for man to be alone,' but He left a woman free to use her common sense 'n' I sh'll use mine right now. I've folded up the pink nightgown, 'n' I'm thinkin' very seriously o' givin' it to Amelia Fitch, 'n' I'll speak out frank 'n' open 'n' tell her 'n' everybody else 't I don't envy no woman—not now 'n' not never."
Mrs. Lathrop chewed her clover. ”

“ I'd never have no injunctions 'n' detectives drawin' wages for chasin' no wife 'n' baby 't left o' their own accord. But that's jus' like a man, 'n' I must say 't I'm dead glad 't no man ain't goin' to have no right to interfere with my child. I c'n take it 'n' go anywhere 't I please 'n' never be afraid o' any subpenny comin' down on me. 'S far 's I'm concerned, I only wish 't she'd send back 'n' abduct him too, 'n' then the community 'd have some peace on the Shores subjeck. There ain't nothin' left to say, 'n' every one keeps sayin' it over 'n' over from dawn to dark. ”

“ But then, I ain't very anxious to have her rich either, I must say, for it don't take no blind man to figger out 't if she 's rich the money 'd ought to 'a' been mine. 'N' that 's a awful feelin', Mrs. Lathrop,—the feelin' 's other folks 's rich on money 's 'd ought to 'a' been yours. I ain't sure 's I want to know Cousin Marion 'f such 's the facts o' her case, 'n' 's between her bein' poor 'n' wantin' money o' me, 'n' her bein' rich on money right out o' my pocket, I feel like I mebbe clum that ladder this mornin' in a evil hour f'r my future peace o' mind. ”

“ The sparrows do build awful in the notches of that lion, 'n' the nest in his mouth aggravates me so I d'n' know what to do some days, but still when all's said 'n' done a sparrow's nest in the mouth of your father's tombstone ain't any such trial as gettin' a child to bed nights 'n' keepin' its hands clean would be. 'N' if I had adopted a child, Mrs. Lathrop, I sh'd cert'nly 'a' kept it clean, f'r, if you'll excuse me remarkin' it right in your face, I was raised to wash 'n' dust 'n' be neat. That's why that nest in my lion's mouth with the straws stickin' every way do try me so. ”

“ I'd been sorter thinkin' that I'd leave it to chance, but ordinary folks can't do no more 'n' that, 'n' where 's the good o' me bein' so open 'n' above-board 'f I dunno whether it'll be a boy or girl, after all? I might 's well 's married the minister, 'n' Lord knows Mrs. Shores's troubles ought to be warnin' enough to no woman in this community not to marry no man, f'r one while, at any rate. If Mrs. Shores hadn't married Mr. Shores, she c'd easy 'a' married his clerk when she fell in love with him. No woman that 's goin' to fall in love ever ought to begin by marryin' another man first. ”

“ The air down town is more like a revival than anythin' else, everybody 's up tellin' their experience an' callin' out on Heaven to save 'em. 'N' the worst of all is Mrs. Brown!—she never knew 't Henry Ward Beecher walks in his sleep! No more did I nor nobody else, 'n' I must say 't I do think 't the minister 'd ought to 'a' told some of us so's we could 'a' been a little prepared, for there's many a night 's I've left clothes out on the line 's I'd never risked 'f I'd been aware o' the possibility o' Henry Ward Beecher bein' broad-cast. ”

“ Lathrop, it's a awful thing for a Christian woman to feel forced to say, 'n' Lord knows I would n't say it to no one but you, but it's true 'n' beyond a question so, 'n' therefore I may 's well be frank 'n' open 'n' remark 't our minister ain't no good a tall.—'N I d'n' know but I'll tell any one 's asks me the same thing, f'r it certainly ain't nothin' f'r me to weep over, 'n' the blood be on his head from now on. ”

“ Lathrop, I do believe 't I had a persentiment the first time I ever see that lion. Suthin' sort o' crep' right up my back, 'n' I 'm jus' sure 't folks 'll come from miles roun' to see it. I guess it's the Finger o' Fate. When you come to think o' it, it 's all for the best jus' the way 't it 's come out. The baby 'd 'a' grown up an' gone off somewhere, an' the lion 'll stay right where you put him, for he 's so heavy that the monument man says we 'll have to drive piles all down aroun' father. Then, too, maybe I could n't 'a' managed a boy an' I can scour that lion all I want to. ”

“ I wasn't goin' to wash 'cause I only had a nightgown 'n' two aprons, 'n' the currants was ripe 'n' I'd gone down to get my sugar, 'n' Johnny come kitin' up fr'm the station, 'n' Mrs. Macy 'n' me didn't put on no airs but just kited right after him. Mrs. Macy always says she learned to see the sense in Bible miracles that day, f'r she had n't run in years then, 'n' she's walked with a stick ever since, but she run that day, 'n' Johnny bein' tired 'n' Mrs. Macy 'n' me fresh—she was a little fresher 'n me f'r I 'd been talkin'—we all three come in on Mr. Shores together. ”

“ Miss White 's freshened it up two times for me, 'n' I always have new ribbons to tie it every other Easter, but still, in the box or out o' the box, its day is past for lookin' brand-new, 'n' I don't deny the truth 's a more foolish woman might feel some inclined to do. ”

“ She never see a cow that near in all her life before, 'n' she says 'f that 's the way they look face to, she ain't surprised 't folks sit a little back when milkin'. It was nigh to on to her, 'n' you know yourself 't the bridge is narrow 'n' Mrs. Macy ain't. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you c'n believe me or not jus' 's you please, 'cause it 'll be Mrs. Macy 's you 'll be doubtin' anyhow, but this is what she says happened. The bridge is here, you know," Susan laid off the plan on her knee, "'n' the road is here. The cow was runnin' like mad along here, 'n' Mrs. ”

“ It's nigh to impossible to keep nothin' in the town with Mr. Kimball. A man f'rever talkin' like that 's bound to tell everythin' sooner or later, 'n' I never was one to set any great store o' faith on a talker. When I don't want the whole town to know 't I'm layin' in rat-poison I buy of Shores, 'n' when I get a new dress I buy o' Kimball. I don't want my rats talked about 'n' I don't mind my dress. For which same reason I sh'll make no try 't foolin' my baby. ”

“ A woman as 'll begin a quilt 'n' trade hen's eggs 'n' all but go aroun' town on her bended knees to get the old ties of other women's lawful husbands, jus' to give up in the end has got no advisin' stuff for me inside o' her. I wouldn't like to hurt your feelin's, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' as long as you say it's a sofa-pillow o' course there's no harm done, but still it was a shock 'n' I can't deny it. ”

“ As a family, you ain't very lively anyhow, 'n' I ain't much surprised 't the cow 's gettin' out o' patience. She's been trampin' aroun' 'n' mooin' a lot this last hour. The minister was walkin' by with six o' the childern, 'n' the childern come 'n' asked 'f they could see the cow 't kicked you. I didn't see no good reason why not, so we boosted 'em all up so 's they'd have a good view o' her through the little window. The minister quoted 'Wild bulls o' Bashan' 'n' 'Muzzle not the ox 't treadeth out the corn,' 'n' I felt like askin' him 'f he didn't know a cow when he see one. ”

“ A joke's a joke, 'n' I c'n see the p'int o' a good joke 's quick 's any one, but I mus' say I fail to see any fun in such a remark. 'S far 's my observation's 'xtended, there ain't nothin' ladylike in the minister's wearin' my stockin's, nor yet in Mr. Kimball's entertainin' the whole c'mmunity with 'em. A'cordin' to my manner o' thinkin', a woman as 'll give away four pair o' brand-new hand-knit stockin's for no better reason 'n 't the heels shrunk down under her instep, is doin' a deed o' Christian charity instead o' layin' herself open to all manner o' fun-makin'. ”

“ The minister says he don't thank no man to talk race-suicide when he's aroun'; he says his blood runs cold to think what his family 'll be at his silver weddin'. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, I will own 't I've always felt some sore at the minister on a'count o' his not marryin' me, but 'f I ever desired any species o' revenge I certainly 'd be hard to please 'f I didn't get it to-day when I see him with twins ahead 'n' little Jane behind 'n' nine at home. ”

“ There was a old man a-sittin' on a chair on the porch in one boot 'n' one slipper 'n' a cane. He looked 't me 's if it 'd be nothin' but a joy to him to eat me up alive 'n' jus' relish to gnaw the bones afterwards. You c'n maybe realize, Mrs. Lathrop, 's I wasn't no ways happy 's I walked a little piece up towards him 'n' said 's I 'd like to see my cousin, Marion Prim. He give such a nod 's seemed 's if his head 'd fly off, 'n' I took it 's she was somewhere near 'n' a-comin'. So, 's I was all used up, I jus' started to sink right down on the steps to wait for her. ”

“ Brown to perk up 'n' send you a bill, instid o' bein' everlastin'ly grateful for all the teachin' he owes straight to you. He's had a chance to perform 'most every kind o' operation 'n' to use up the last drop o' all his old liniments jus' as a result o' that one cow. Then too he's had a chance to call old Dr. Carter over in consultation, 'n' in the ordinary run o' things he could n't o' 'xpected to have nothin' to consult about f'r years 'n' years. He's a made young man 'n' all in one night, jus' owin' to you, 'n' the last time he whipped his horse through the square to-day, Mr. ”