Anne Warner

“ Lathrop.
"Gran'ma Mullins is a good deal upset," said Susan; "she don't like the notion of young Doctor Brown's bringin' so much typhoid and diphtheria into town just as Hiram 's goin' to get married a tall. She says she 's got enough to worry over about Hiram without that. She says she 's feelin' worse over him every day. She can't talk about it without chokin'. She says she 's got his rattle and his first sock pinned up by the clock, so every time she looks up at the time she can see 'em 'n' cry again. She says it ain't in reason as Lucy 'll ever understand Hiram. ”

“ Lathrop, I can't tell you how all these weddin's 'n' talkin's do blue me up! To see every one spendin' money 'n' me without any even to save. Mr. Dill asked me yesterday if I did n't want to take Gran'ma Mullins to board for the honeymoon, an' I suppose I could maybe do it, but oh my! I can't say as I take to that idea much. I 'm fond o' Gran'ma Mullins, but these days Hiram is nothin' but a bottomless pit when she gets at him, 'n' a honeymoon is a long time to hear one person talk about one person. ”

“ Gran'ma Mullins did n't remember much about him then, 'cause she got married along about that time, 'n' she 's always said that them who gets married don't need nothin' else to do for one while; but Mrs. Macy said Rufus was one o' the most superior young men as Mrs. Kitts ever see. She said as old Mr. Tilley took him right into the heart 'n' soul o' his drug-store jus' because his mother was his cousin, 'n' even then the general feelin' was as he was way above the business. Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said she 'd never forget goin' in one day for some salts 'n' finding Rufus all alone. ”

“ The weasel 's been dead for ages, but the scraper 's never been changed. I wish I could remember that weasel. Father loved him 'n' mother hated him,—she said she was always findin' him asleep in her shoes and sleeves. I was speakin' about it to Gran'ma Mullins to-day 'n' she said she remembered comin' to tea at mother's once 'n' their findin' the weasel in the tea-pot. I guess that's the first time Gran'ma Mullins has spoken of any livin' soul but Hiram in six months. She 's feelin' worse than ever over Lucy's decidin' to be married at home on account o' the blue bengaline. ”

“ Brown says Amelia 's goin' to give a wash-cloth shower for Polly and Lucy day after to-morrow. She says young Doctor Brown says if he comes out on top about that crick-cure for asthma Amelia can do anythin' she pleases. He says this town 'll be a real cure then, 'n' we 'll see no end of money flow into us,—she says he says we can all take boarders at fancy prices 'n' serve 'em to the crick at a penny a glass. I don't know but what I might take a few quiet boarders myself that way. They 'd be quiet because they could n't be lively, 'n' the asthma 'd choke 'em to where they could n't eat much. ”

“ But Mr. Jilkins would n't settle; there's no denyin' Mr. Jilkins saw what a good thing he 'd got when his wife went off in that automobile; so then the man in the cap hustled in town, got a bicycle, 'n' scurried after her 's fast 's he could paddle."
"Did they find—?" inquired Mrs. Lathrop.
"Not when I come home they had n't. The man in goggles had took Mr. Jilkins to the hotel for dinner, 'n' Mr. Jilkins was tickled to death, for he never eat in a hotel in his life before. If he goes off, he always gets back, or else takes a lunch."
"Are you goin'?" Mrs. Lathrop asked. ”

“ Lathrop, he said, 'Miss Clegg, why don't you go down to the bank and cut your coupons?'"
A VERY SUPERIOR MAN
Miss Clegg sat in Mrs. Lathrop's rocking-chair, on Mrs. Lathrop's kitchen stoop. Mrs. Lathrop sat at her friend's feet, picking over currants. If she picked over a great many she intended making jelly; if only a few, the result was to be a pie.
Susan had on her bonnet and mitts and held her sun-umbrella firmly gripped between her two hands and her two knees. She looked weary and worn. ”

“ Mothers is always mothers 'n' the best will in the world don't seem able to help 'em out o' the scrape. There's Gran'ma Mullins just cryin' her eyes out these days over Hiram, 'n' you 'd think Lucy was a sea-serpent and Hiram was chained to a rock to hear her go on. She says she 's raised Hiram so careful to be a comfort to her all these years 'n' she says he promised her when he was only two 'n' a half years old that he 'd never smoke nor drink nor get married. ”

“ I 'm younger 'n Gran'ma Mullins 'n' Mrs. Macy, an' older 'n 'Liza Em'ly an' Polly Ann. I 've got property, 'n' nobody can 't say 's I have n't always done my duty by whatever crossed my path, even if was nothin' but snow in the winter. All the time 't he was talkin' I was thinkin', 'n' I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, it's pretty hard work to smile 'n' look interested in a man's meanderin's while you 're tryin' to figure on how you can will your money safe away from him. ”

“ Lathrop, I may be pretty well churned up over my money troubles, but I can assure you as I feel like a monkey jumpin' through three rings at once beside Gran'ma Mullins. Mrs. Macy says that when Hiram goes to see Lucy you can hear her sobbin' way to the crick,—Mrs. Macy says the first night she thought it was Mr. Jilkins comin' into town with a hot wheel. I would n't be surprised myself to see Gran'ma Mullins drop dead when she hears Lucy get Hiram for better for worse. It 's awful to see a mother suffer so. ”

“ Not that I don't feel kindly disposed towards Gran'ma Mullins, but I 'm pretty tired hearin' her tale o' woe. Other folks' troubles is generally more interestin' to other folks than they are to me, and besides, if it really comes to talkin' of troubles, nobody ain't got no more to talk about than I have myself. This money question is nippin' me sharper in the calves every day, and when Mrs. Macy told me yesterday as her steps was givin' out I felt like sittin' down on 'em when they done it. ”

“ Lathrop, it was certainly a sight worth seein'! The way that Gran'ma Mullins was glued on! All I can say is as octopuses has got their backs turned in comparison to the way that Hiram seemed to be all wrapped up in her. It looked like wild horses, not to speak of Lucy Dill, would n't never be able to get him loose enough to marry him. The minister was scared; we was all scared. I never see a worse situation to be in.
"They come along through the back parlor, Lucy lookin' back, Mr. Dill white as a sheet, 'n' Hiram walkin' like a snow-plough as is n't sure how long it can keep on makin' it. ”

“ Lathrop, I may as well begin by goin' 'way back to the beginnin' of everythin' 'n' takin' you right in the hide and hair of my whole troubles. It ain't possible for you to realize what your rockin 's meant to me unless you understand to the full what I 've been goin' through 'n' crawlin' under these last weeks. I want to spare your feelin's all I can, for it ain't in me to be unkind to so much as a gooseberry, but I can't well see how you can keep from bein' some punched by remorse when you hear how I 've been cleanin' house with a heavy heart 'n' no new mop. ”

“ The love-making is passionate, the humor of much of the conversation is thoroughly delightful. The book is as refreshing a bit of fiction as one often finds; there is not a dull page in it.—Providence Journal. ”

“ Luther Law was flat agin' tadpoles, but Rufus never let up till he got him to admit that if the Lord could make a man out of a monkey He could make him out of a tadpole, too. 'N' then, when he'd got him so far, what do you think, Mrs. Lathrop,—what do you think!—Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said as Mrs. Grummel said if that young man did n't look right square into Luther's face 'n' say as to his order o' thinkin' it wasn't what we'd come from as mattered so much as what we'd develop into next. ”

“ Shores keeps at the store to keep from bein' stole, 'n' Lucy wore clothes she 'd found in trunks 'n' her hair in curl-papers, 'n' her cold-cream gloves. They certainly was a sight, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins laughed as hard as any one over them. Mr. Sperrit drove 'em to the train, 'n' Hiram says he 's goin' to spend two dollars a day right along till he comes back; so I guess Lucy 'll have a good time for once in her life. 'N' Gran'ma Mullins walked back with me 'n' not one word o' Hiram did she speak. She was all Polly 'n' the deacon. ”

“ I don't know how I will get along if suthin' don't turn up, 'n' I can't see what can turn up with every one head over ears deep in the weddin's 'n' young Doctor Brown settin' the whole town mad over the crick. That 's a very strange thing about the crick, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' it seems to be pretty generally admitted now that inside or out the crick 's good for most anything in anybody, but this new idea as it 's a sure cure for asthma is just doin' folks up alive. ”

“ Kimball says Deacon White 's as good help 's any woman can hope to get hold o' in a place this size, an' I guess he 's hit that nail square on top. I don't see but what, when all's said an' done, you can really take a deal o' comfort havin' him so handy. He likes to keep things clean, 'n' you 'll never let him get a chance to go to Satan emptyhanded. 'N' we can always send him to bed when we want to talk, 'cause bein' 's he 'll be your husband, we won't never have to fuss with considerin' his feelin's any. ”

“ Macy said Mrs. Kitts said as up to her deathbed day Mrs. Grummel always said as that was the minute o' her life. She said facin' cannon would n't be nothin' to the way she 'n' the deacon felt over seein' the minister asked a thing like that right on top o' their own tea! But, lor, you never could stick Luther Law. A minister would n't be able to be able to be a minister if little things like questions you can't answer could run him aground. ”

“ I never see such a sudden change in all my life; it was like some miracle had come out all over her 'n' there was n't no one there as was n't rejoiced to death.
"We all went out in the dinin'-room 'n' the sun shone in 'n' every one laughed over nothin' a tall. Mrs. Sperrit pinned Hiram up from inside so his tear did n't show, 'n' Lucy 'n' he set side by side 'n' looked like no one was ever goin' to ever be married again. Polly 'n' the deacon set opposite 'n' the minister 'n' his wife 'n' Mr. Dill 'n' Gran'ma Mullins made up the table. ”

“ Shores' umbrella!—but Lucy don't care—nor Hiram neither—'n' they 're goin' to take along a piece of sand-paper 'n' sand-paper the shine off the ring on the train. Polly Allen 'n' the deacon is laughin' to fits over them. Everythin' 's very different with Polly 'n' the deacon. The deacon says it ain't in reason as a man of sixty-two can look forward to many more weddin's, 'n' he 's goin' to sit with his arm around Polly, 'n' he don't care who chooses to suspeck they 're weddin'-trippin'. ”

“ He said he jus' felt he 'd enjoy to have the revenge o' stayin' single. But he said it did n't take him long to see 's stayin' single is a privilege 's no woman 's goin' to allow to a man whose wife 's dead. He says the way he 's been chased 's all but killin'. He says there 's Mrs. Allen firin' Polly at him when he goes over there for his dinner, 'n' the minister tellin' him every Sunday 'n' prayer-meetin' how 'Liza Em'ly is shootin' up. He says Gran'ma Mullins is forever referrin' to his youth, 'n' Mrs. Macy is forever smilin'. ”

“ I mind very much, I mind all up 'n' down and kitty-cornered crossways, 'n' if I keep on gettin' poor, Lord have mercy on you, for I shall certainly not be able to look on calmly at no great amount of rockin'."
Mrs. Lathrop stared widely—and gasped openly. Susan continued:
"It all began with Mr. Kimball 'n' his gettin' the fever of speckilation. Mr. Kimball said he thought he 'd rather get rich quick than not get rich at all. ”

“ Mrs. Kitts said Tabitha Timmans was just about wild over him; she told Mrs. Kitts she felt it gallopin' up 'n' down her spine as how Rufus was surely goin' to grow up to be a inspector—or mebbe the president; she said any one could see he was in for bein' suthin' high up 'n' sort o' quiet 'n' important. Tilda Ann, Sammy Timmans's aunt, was there too. Mrs. Kitts says she always liked Tilda Ann, what little she see of her, even if she was n't patient. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts says Tilda Ann never had no real fault, only her never bein' able to be patient. ”

“ It ain't in reason's the friend could be found to deny 't he 's as bow-legged as they make 'em. An' then there's his ears! A woman could, maybe, overlook the bow-legs if she held the newspaper high enough; but I don't believe 's any one in kingdom come could overlook them ears. Mr. Kimball says Belgian hares an' Deacon White 's both designed to be catched by their ears. I looked at him to-day 'n' figured on maybe tryin' to tame 'em in a little with a tape nightcap ”

“ Kimball traded that share in wheat for two in a Refrigerator Trust 'n' never even so much as sneezed about it to me, 'n' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as I consider that the Bible sayin' 'Honor among thieves' ought to apply to me just as much as to any one else. 'N' there I went into the city as unsuspectin' as a can brimful of buttermilk 'n' bought a paper to read comin' home on the cars, 'n' what should I unfold but wheat runnin' up a ladder along with a bull to get out of the way of a lot of wild-lookin' lambs! ”

“ Ely was 'n' how well he was goin' to bear it, 'n' I begun to wonder when he was intendin' to go or whether he was thinkin' of stayin' all day, 'n' at last there was nothin' but to ask him to dinner, 'n' I was n't intendin' to have no dinner on a'count o' the curtains. It's a very hard thing, Mrs. Lathrop, when you're not intendin' to have dinner to have to invite company for it, but there did n't seem no way to help it. ”

“ Lathrop.
"Then he says one awful day when he was stackin' straw, Old Pearson told him flat 'n' plain as if he was n't goin' to marry Tilly, he need n't count on spendin' the winter as their company. Well, he says you can maybe realize what a shock that was. He says his nose was just smashed numb 'n' his sleep was full o' grabbin' at 'em in his dreams 'n' now it looked like all was for nothin' a tall. Still he says he scraped up a smile 'n' a cheerful look 'n' told Old Pearson as he was more 'n willin' to marry Tilly for his winter's board but it was Tilly as was makin' the trouble. ”

“ She says Hiram 's a very singular disposition, but if you always ask him to do what you don't want done 'n' to never do what 's got to be done right off he 's one of the handiest men around the house as she ever see. ”

“ Long rides is very frisky for them as is young 'n' in love 'n' likes to drive alternate, but for a woman o' my age, bein' wedged solid for sixteen miles at a time is most tryin'; 'n' comin' back some o' them smart Meadville boys had the fine idea o' puttin' walnuts under the seats, 'n' we rode most of the way thinkin' as they was our bones till Mr. Dill jus' got up 'n' whopped his cushion over to see if it 'd feel any different the other side, 'n' I may state as the results I shall remember till I die."
"Who—" began Mrs. Lathrop.
"Everybody!" said Susan ”

“ Lathrop, as it's nigh to impossible to talk long of people if you 're only to say good of 'em. Rufus was there 'n' dead to talk about, 'n' while we naturally wished him well, still we was pretty tired before we got through drivin' sixteen miles to bury him. Gran'ma Mullins said finally as he was certainly a very superior man, but she knowed from her niece Hannah as he was trying to live with. She said Hannah lived with 'em for five years 'n' looked after the children, 'n cheered Bessy up when she was nigh to wore out with bein' married to Rufus. ”

“ I ain't as wide as Mrs. Macy, nor yet the soft and squashy kind like Gran'ma Mullins, but I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as bein' overflowed around for sixteen miles, is to my order o' thinkin' full as tryin' as to be overflowin' aroun' somebody else."
"I—" said Mrs. Lathrop, mildly.
"No, you would n't either," said Susan, "I know you better 'n you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, for I know you asleep 'n' awake, 'n' you only know yourself awake; not as asleep 'n' awake is n't very much the same thing with you, Mrs. Lathrop ”