Anonymous

“ And it is just the book for an intelligent, well-instructed girl to read with care. It is not a text-book, nor does it bristle with technical terms. But it tells in simple language just what girls should do and not to do to preserve the health and strength, to realize the joys, and prepare for the duties of a woman's lot. ”

“ A man, it may be urged, has a right to spell as he chooses, and to express his ideas, when he has any, as best he can; while, when he suffers from a dearth of those rare articles, he has still more reason to rejoice in liberty of choice in respect to the language he selects to cover his poverty of thought. ”

“ A newspaper gives an account of a man who "was driving an old ox when he became angry and kicked him, hitting his jawbone with such force as to break his leg." "We have been fairly wild ever since we read the paper," writes a contemporary, "to know who or which got angry at whom or what, and if the ox kicked the man's jaw with such force as to break the ox's leg, or how it is. Or did the man kick the ox in the jawbone with such force as to break the ox's leg, and, if so, which leg? ”

“ Sol's rays raise thyme, time raises all, And through the whole holes wears. A scribe in writing right may write To write and still be wrong; For write and rite are neither right, And don't to right belong. ”

“ The most comprehensive and useful of the many books designed to promote correctness in English composition by furnishing examples of inaccuracy, is the volume compiled by the late William B. Hodgson, under the title of 'Errors in the Use of English.' The American edition of this treatise, now published by the Appletons, has been revised, and in many respects materially improved, by Francis A. Teall, who seldom differs from the author without advancing satisfactory reasons for his opinion. ”

“ And every knight should pray each night To him who weighs his ways.
"'Tis meet that man should mete out meat To feed one's fortune's sun; The fair should fare on love alone, Else one cannot be won.
"Alas, a lass is sometimes false; Of faults a maid is made ”

“ Mere money may make many mate, My magic motto's—'Madeline!'
"Melt, most mellifluous melody, 'Midst Murcia's misty mounts marine, Meet me by moonlight—marry me, Madonna mia!—Madeline."
[Pg. 78]
It is well known that the letter e is used more than any other letter in the English alphabet. Each of the following verses contains every letter of the alphabet except the letter e:
"A jovial swain should not complain Of any buxom fair Who mocks his pain and thinks it gain To quiz his awkward air. ”

“ Price, $1.25.
"Many a woman whose childhood was bright with promise endures an after-life of misery because, through a false delicacy, she remained ignorant of her physical nature and requirements, although on all other subjects she may be well-informed; and so at length she goes to her grave mourning the hard fate that has made existence a burden, and perhaps wondering to what end she was born, when a little knowledge at the proper time would have shown her how to easily avoid those evils that have made her life a wretched failure."—From Introduction. ”

“ A member of a school committee writes, "We have two school-rooms sufficiently large to accommodate three hundred pupils, one above the other."
A Harrisburg paper, answering a correspondent on a question of etiquette, says: "When a gentleman and lady are walking upon the street, the lady should walk inside of the gentleman."
A clergyman writes, "A young woman died in my neighborhood yesterday, while I was preaching the gospel in a beastly state of intoxication." ”

“ A farmer who wished to enter some of his live-stock at an agricultural exhibition, in the innocence of his heart, but with more truth in his words than he dreamed of, wrote to the committee, saying, "Enter me for one jackass." ”

“ A lass annoys with trivial toys, Opposing man for fun.
"A jovial swain may rack his brain, And tax his fancy's might; To quiz is vain, for 'tis most plain That what I say is right" Northampton (England) Courier.
[Pg. 79]
Here is the result of a rhyming punster's efforts:
"A pretty deer is dear to me, A hare with downy hair, A hart I love with all my heart, But barely bear a bear. ”

“ A sign in a Pennsylvania town reads as follows: "John Smith, teacher of cowtillions and other dances—grammar taut in the neatest manner—fresh salt herrin on draft—likewise Goodfreys cordjial—rutes sassage and other garden truck—N. B. bawl on friday nite—prayer meetin chuesday—also salme singing by the quire."
The following notice appeared on the fence of a vacant lot in Brooklyn: "All persons are forbidden to throw ashes on this lot under penalty of the law or any other garbage." ”

“ A scientific writer defines sneezing as "a phenomenon provoked either by an excitation brought to bear on the nasal membrane or by a sudden shock [Pg. 57] of the sun's rays on the membranes of the eye. This peripheral irritation is transmitted by the trifacial nerve to the Gasserian ganglion, whence it passes by a commissure to an agglomeration of globules in the medulla oblongata or in the protuberance ”

“ A mayor in a university town issued the following proclamation: "Whereas a Multiplicity of Dangers are often incurred by Damage of outrageous Accidents by Fire, we whose names are undesigned have thought proper that the Benefit of an Engine bought by us for the better extinguishing of which by the Accidents of Almighty God may unto us happen to make a Rate togather Benevolence for the better propagating such useful Instruments."
[Pg. 20]
II. By Advertisers and on Sign-boards.
Two young women want washing. ”

“ If you think it necessary you can have one or two of our best women actors to come up with you but we can't pay them over three dollars a day and feed. You can have some fun at a hunting deer and foxes around Flamburgs and Ed Wilkisun's. Pleas let me know as soon as you can.
"Yours truly James Sweet.
"If you come callating to hunt get Frank Meyer's hound she is a good one."
We subjoin several letters received by a New York publishing house:
"—— La, Nov 18, 188-. ”

“ A young man about 25 years of Age, in a very good trade, whose Father will make him worth £1000, would willingly embrace a suitable MATCH. He has been brought up a Dissenter with his Parents, and is a sober man. ”

“ A farmer's daughter expresses herself in the following terms:
"Dear Miss:
"The energy of the race prompts me to assure you that my request is forbidden, the idea of which I awkwardly nourished, notwithstanding my propensity to reserve. Mr. T [Pg. 59] will be there—Let me with confidence assure you that him and brothers will be very happy to meet you and brothers. Us girls cannot go, for reasons. The attention of cows claims our assistance this evening. ”

“ He was then told to bring the little book, and, on doing so, he pointed triumphantly to a paragraph commencing, [Pg. 92] "The domestic hen lays on an average fifty eggs each year."
If English is "wrote" as she is often "spoke" by the ignorant and careless, she would bear little resemblance to the original Queen's English. A listener wrote out a short conversation heard the other day between two pupils of a high-school, and here is the phonetic result ”

“ The following clever paraphrase of the old rhythmic story of "Jack's House" is a good illustration of the scope and flexibility of our [Pg. 87] language, and suggests the fact that tautological errors of writing need seldom be committed.
Behold the mansion reared by dædal Jack.
See the malt stored in many a plethoric sack, In the proud cirque of Ivan's bivouac. ”

“ Author of "The Orthoëpist," "The Verbalist," etc.
"The only amusing grammar in the world."—Henry Lytton Bulwer.
"Interesting as a story-book."—Hazlitt.
"I know it well, and have read it with great admiration."—Richard Grant White.
"Cobbett's Grammar is probably the most readable grammar ever written. For the purposes of self-education it is unrivaled."—From the Preface.
Mr. Ayres makes a feature of the fact that Who and Which are properly the co-ordinating relative pronouns, and that That is properly the restrictive relative pronoun.
The Grammar has an Index covering no less than eight pages. ”

“ I summoned to see Mary last week. Athletic = Strong: The vinegar was too athletic to be used. Poignant = Sharp: My knife is very poignant. Ordinances = Rules: We learned the ordinances for finding the greatest common divisor. [Pg. 95] Turbid = Muddy: The road was so turbid that we stuck fast in the mud. Tandem = One behind another: The scholars sit tandem in school. Akimbo = With a crook: I saw a dog with an akimbo in his tail. Atonement = Satisfaction: There is no atonement in boat-riding in a cold day. ”

“ Wigston wish you would call on my daughter Amelia. She is very amusing and is a regular young flirt. She can sing like a hunny bee and her papa can play on the fiddle nicely [Pg. 44] and we might have a rare ho-down. Amelia is highely educated, she can dance like a grasshopper looking for grub and she can meke beautiful bread, it tastes just like hunny bees' bread and for pumpkin pies she can't be beat. In fact she's ahead of all F girls and will make a good wife for any man.
"Yours truly
"Mrs. Wigston.
"Bring your brother."
From a school-boy to the elder Booth:
"West House School. ”

“ An advertiser, having made an advantageous purchase, offers for sale, on very low terms, "six dozen of prime port wine, late the property of a gentleman forty years of age, full of body, and with a high bouquet." ”

“ A chemist inquires, "Will the gentleman who left his stomach for analysis please call and get it, together with the result?"
Wanted, an accomplished poodle nurse. Wages, $5.00 a week.
In the far West a man advertises for a woman "to wash, iron and milk one or two cows." ”

“ The following may be read upon the tombstone of Lottie Merrill, the young huntress of Wayne County, Pennsylvania: "Lottie Merrill lays hear she dident know wot it wuz to be afeered but she has hed her last tussel with the bars and theyve scooped her she was a good girl and she is now in heaven. ”

“ On the panel under the letter-receiver of the General Post-Office, Dublin, these words are printed: "Post here letters too late for the next mail."
[Pg. 13]
An Ohio farmer is said to have the following warning posted conspicuously on his premises: "If any man's or woman's cows or oxen gits in this here oats his or her tail will be cut off, as the case may be." ”