Charles Dickens

“ Jinks?’
‘Certainly, Sir.’
‘Then I’ll commit him—I’ll commit him as such,’ said Mr. Nupkins.
‘This is a wery impartial country for justice, ‘said Sam.‘There ain’t a magistrate goin’ as don’t commit himself twice as he commits other people.’
At this sally another special laughed, and then tried to look so supernaturally solemn, that the magistrate detected him immediately.
‘Grummer,’ said Mr. Nupkins, reddening with passion, ‘how dare you select such an inefficient and disreputable person for a special constable, as that man? ”

“ Captain Fitz–Marshall!’
‘Don’t call him a cap’en,’ said Sam, ‘nor Fitz–Marshall neither; he ain’t neither one nor t’other. He’s a strolling actor, he is, and his name’s Jingle; and if ever there was a wolf in a mulberry suit, that ‘ere Job Trotter’s him.’
‘It is very true, Sir,’ said Mr. Pickwick, replying to the magistrate’s look of amazement; ‘my only business in this town, is to expose the person of whom we now speak.’
Mr. Pickwick proceeded to pour into the horror–stricken ear of Mr. Nupkins, an abridged account of all Mr. Jingle’s atrocities. ”

“ Weller.‘Wery glad to see you, indeed, and hope our acquaintance may be a long ’un, as the gen’l’m’n said to the fi’ pun’ note.’
When this ceremony of introduction had been gone through, the cook and Mary retired into the back kitchen to titter, for ten minutes; ”

“ Here’s a sink, with the water laid on, Sir, and a clean jack towel behind the door.’
‘Ah! perhaps I may as well have a rinse,’ replied Mr. Weller, applying plenty of yellow soap to the towel, and rubbing away till his face shone again. ‘How many ladies are there?’
‘Only two in our kitchen,’ said Mr. Muzzle; ‘cook and ‘ouse–maid. We keep a boy to do the dirty work, and a gal besides, but they dine in the wash’us.’
‘Oh, they dines in the wash’us, do they?’ said Mr. Weller. ”

“ Pickwick.
‘It’s below stairs, Sir,’ said Sam, and he ran down after it.
Now, there was nobody in the kitchen, but the pretty housemaid; and as Sam’s hat was mislaid, he had to look for it, and the pretty housemaid lighted him. They had to look all over the place for the hat. The pretty housemaid, in her anxiety to find it, went down on her knees, and turned over all the things that were heaped together in a little corner by the door. It was an awkward corner. You couldn’t get at it without shutting the door first. ”

“ In this amusement they all took part by turns, except three or four fortunate individuals, who, having discovered a grating in the gate, which commanded a view of nothing, stared through it with the indefatigable perseverance with which people will flatten their noses against the front windows of a chemist’s shop, when a drunken man, who has been run over by a dog–cart in the street, is undergoing a surgical inspection in the back–parlour. ”

“ Nupkins was a majestic female in a pink gauze turban and a light brown wig. Miss Nupkins possessed all her mamma’s haughtiness without the turban, and all her ill–nature without the wig; and whenever the exercise of these two amiable qualities involved mother and daughter in some unpleasant dilemma, as they not infrequently did, they both concurred in laying the blame on the shoulders of Mr. Nupkins. Accordingly, when Mr. Nupkins sought Mrs. Nupkins, and detailed the communication which had been made by Mr. Pickwick, Mrs. ”

“ Weller.
‘Oh, dreadful,’ rejoined Mr. Muzzle; ‘but that is the worst of country service, Mr. Weller; the juniors is always so very savage. This way, sir, if you please, this way.’
Preceding Mr. Weller, with the utmost politeness, Mr. Muzzle conducted him into the kitchen.
‘Mary,’ said Mr. Muzzle to the pretty servant–girl, ‘this is Mr. Weller; a gentleman as master has sent down, to be made as comfortable as possible.’
‘And your master’s a knowin’ hand, and has just sent me to the right place,’ said Mr. ”

“ Pickwick, who, together with Mr. Tupman, was all amazement and indignation; ‘we are perfect strangers in this town. I have as little knowledge of any householders here, as I have intention of fighting a duel with anybody.’
‘I dare say,’ replied the magistrate, ‘I dare say—don’t you, Mr. Jinks?’
‘Certainly, Sir.’
‘Have you anything more to say?’ inquired the magistrate.
Mr. Pickwick had a great deal more to say, which he would no doubt have said, very little to his own advantage, or the magistrate’s satisfaction, if he had not, the moment he ceased speaking, been pulled by the sleeve by Mr. ”

“ Muzzle solemnly, enraged at the last two allusions, ‘this here lady (pointing to the cook) keeps company with me; and when you presume, Sir, to talk of keeping chandlers’ shops with her, you injure me in one of the most delicatest points in which one man can injure another. Do you understand that, Sir?’
Here Mr. Muzzle, who had a great notion of his eloquence, in which he imitated his master, paused for a reply.
But Mr. Trotter made no reply. So Mr. ”