Edna I. MacKenzie

“ Teachers are discovering that no matter how much novelty there is in their entertainment, how well it is arranged, how thoroughly drilled, if they want to hold the active interest of the audience they must use the best of songs. ”

“ Jack [sinks into chair] : The dearest thing in boots! And now I’ve made her so mad that she’ll never speak to me again. All over a measely half-size in slippers. Who’d think a girl could be so silly!
Mr. Wilson: Eight women out of ten want boots too small for them and won’t take anything else. That’s why women can endure pain better than men; they get used to it, breaking in tight shoes. ”

“ Really Jack, don’t you think I ought to put my other pump on first? I wouldn’t like to go like this. What would people say?
Jack: What a dear little foot! [Puts her slipper on her foot.] Here you are. Come on. [Exit Betty and Jack hand in hand.]
[22]
Mr. Wilson [Enters, picks up slipper and shakes his head.] : The dearest thing in boots, eh? He’s not far off for I’ll never be able to sell these. But what’s a pair of these to my boy’s happiness? [Pours out glass of water and raises it.] So here’s to the dearest thing in boots—and may they ever continue to buy them—the ladies, God bless them. ”

“ But my dear madam, surely you’re an admirer of the woman who was the greatest pioneer in fighting for the vote for women?
Mrs. Atkins [jumps up excitedly] : That’s the very reason I ’ate ’er. Votes for wimen! What does wimen want with votes? Us women ’ave enough to do to cook our ’usbands’ meals and tend the childrens’ noses and clean up the ’ouse after the man’s gone to work, leaving hashes and mud all over the floor, the way he does. [Looks at boots on table.]
Jack [aside, indicating fourth finger] : This finger says, Agree with everything a customer says. ”

“ I hope dad got that.
[9]
Miss Firmrock: I knew as soon as I looked at you that you were one of these lordly males, who believe in keeping women a slave, a household drudge, with no more rights than the criminal, the child and the imbecile. If women do not help to do the governing, who is going to make decent laws? Who is going to see that the bachelor pays twice as much in taxes as the man who has a family to support? Who is going to make this beautiful country of ours a decent place to live in? The men? ”

“ Not another customer will I wait on for all the money in the world. [Bell tinkles.] There goes that darned bell. It’s me for the back shop this time. [Hurries toward door L.]
Mr. Wilson [looks toward entrance] : Why, it’s Betty Moffat back, I wonder—
Jack [rushes back] : I’ll wait on her, dad. Clear out.
Enter Betty.
Mr. Wilson: But I thought—
Jack: Don’t, it’s bad for the brain. Hustle. [Exit Mr. Wilson.] Why, Bett—Miss Moffat, I didn’t think—
[21]
Betty [mischievously] : Don’t, it’s bad for the brain. [Both laugh.] I’ve come back to tell you you were right and—
Jack [puzzled] : Right? ”

“ Jack [kicking over footrest] : Lose a sale? Not on your life! Just see me put it all over the dears until they’ll [4] be tumbling over each other to buy. Leave it to your Uncle Dudley. [Fixes footrest and resumes former position.]
Mr. Wilson: Don’t be so sure, young man. There’s many a spill between the dollar and till and women are pernickety things to handle at any time. [Bell tinkles.] Here comes your first customer. Good luck. [Exit door L.]
Jack [cranes neck towards door R.] : If it isn’t Betty Moffat, the dearest thing in boots. ”

“ O’Brien: Shure and Oim afther buyin’ shoes for all the chilrun. There’s Betsy aged noine, she’s me roight-hand girrul. Then there’s Pat ond Moike, twins they be both borrun at the same toime and sick limbs of Satan yez niver see, bless their hearuts. They’re siven. Then there’s Norah, she’s foive, the swatest crather that iver wuz hit she wears out her souls loike they wuz paper. And there’s the baby, he’s jest crapin’, his name be Rory afther his dad.
Jack [picks up large box] : Here is just what you need, Mrs. O’Brien, boots in family lots. [Empties them out.] They come cheaper that way. ”

“ Jack [confused] : Why, I—I—
Mrs. Atkins: Hit’s me who’s ’ad to suffer on account of the wimen being given the vote. My ’usband, ’ee’s a great one for electioneering, ’ee ’is, but he never used to leave me alone at nights until wimen got the frances. [Sobs.] H’ever since then, ’ee’s been spending ’is evenings in other wimen’s ’omes, teaching them how to vote and he’s never h’at ’ome any more except for his meals. Ee do be regular for them, I must si. Ee ’as such an appetite. ”