Edna I. MacKenzie

“ I’ve an idea! I’ll accept my kind and hospitable cousin’s invitation since she’s so anxious to have me and since she expects me to be such a queer freak from the backwoods, it would be too bad to disappoint her, so I’ll dress and act the part of the poor country cousin she’s looking for. Oh, (dancing around) it will be heaps of fun. I’ll stay there a day and then I’ll pay Edith Browning that visit I’ve promised her for ages. (Going towards the exit.) The girls at Erskine always said I was a born actress and now I’ll have the chance to prove whether they were just flattering me or not. ”

“ I’m Margaret Neilson so I suppose you must be my cousin Lizzie. We were not expecting you until to-morrow. (Aside to Helen.) Oh, Helen, isn’t she perfectly dreadful?
Helen— (aside to Margaret) Well, I should say! And her clothes sure are the latest style as there’s never been any like them—yet!
Elizabeth— (tugging at the elastic on her hat) Well, youse didn’t tell me ter take off my hat, but I guess I’ll make myself ter hum. (Takes off her hat and throws it on the couch and stares around.) My, aint everything here perfectly grand! (Goes around the room.) Youse folks must be pretty stylish. ”

“ I feel every bit as bad as you youngsters. I’ve always prided myself on giving you a happy Christmas, and to think that I haven’t a thing ready this year. Oh, you poor, poor children (cries) .
Pa—Now, see what you’ve done. Run away children and stop pesterin’ your Ma.
Minerva (kissing Ma) —Never mind, Ma. We know it couldn’t be helped. We can do one year without Christmas, can’t we, Sam?
Sam (patting Ma awkwardly) —Of course. Don’t you worry about us kids, Ma. We’ll get along.
Ma—Bless your dear, kind hearts. But the little ones, the twins, how can I tell them that Santa can’t come this year? ”

“ This is a very special boot, designed for broadminded women by the greatest suffragette leader the world has ever known. [Impressively.] Madam, this is the Pankhurst boot you see before you. We are not allowed to sell it to anyone who has not done something for the great cause. You have proved yourself worthy, Miss Firmrock. ”

“ COME AND PARTAKE OF OUR WELCOME CAKE. A merry welcome song and a jolly one, too. The audience will be immediately curious about the Welcome Cake, and the children will love to surprise the listeners with the catchy words. Music, easy and tuneful.
LULLABY LANE. The music and words blend so beautifully that people will be humming the appealing strains long after they hear this charming song. A wonderfully effective closing song, whether sung by the school or as a solo by a little girl, with a chorus of other little girls with dolls. ”

“ Helen—Why, what is the matter with you? What are you mad about? (Aside, It seems to me she is always in hot water or a stew about something.)
Margaret—Well, sit down and I’ll tell you about it. (They sit down on a couch.) It seems that dad has some country relations somewhere in the backwoods. He’s had them ever since he was born but he’s just remembering them now. Well, it seems that there’s a girl about my age and dad was looking over some old photos last night and came across one of her when she was six years old. ”

“ The unexpected arrival of an eccentric aunt throws a family into a state of excitement and dismay, but before the play is over the unwelcome aunt has endeared herself to her relatives in quite an unexpected manner. ”

“ Teachers are discovering that no matter how much novelty there is in their entertainment, how well it is arranged, how thoroughly drilled, if they want to hold the active interest of the audience they must use the best of songs. ”

“ Helen— (interrupting) Oh, Edith, do tell us about some of the jolly times you had at Erskine College. I’m just aching to hear about them. (Draws chair closer to Edith) .
Margaret—Yes, please do! (Draws her chair closer) .
Edith—Why, I could tell you lots, but really I wouldn’t know where to begin and once I began, I wouldn’t know where to stop. For one thing we used to have midnight suppers whenever one of the girls would get a box from home. We’d all meet in one room and have nothing but candles for a light and when we heard anyone coming, we would have to blow them out, quick as wink. ”

“ How-do-you do, Miss Firmrock. Allow me to congratulate you on the excellent work you did in the prohibition campaign. It’s women like you who are bringing about the reforms that are so badly needed in this country. And did you get the boots you wanted? ”

“ I don’t see why I should be ashamed of myself. I had to do something to keep awake. And they’re always begging for money, too.
The heathen don’t need it nearly as badly as I do. Why, I had to pay ten dollars for my new hat alone, while they can clothe themselves on that many cents. ”

“ A recitation may be a recounting of incidents, but a monologue has action; it becomes alive, and you are carried along with intense interest. A great variety of subjects. Also twenty-eight selections as follows: For Washington’s Birthday (4) . For Labor Day (4) . For Memorial Day, Flag Day, and other Patriotic Occasions (3) . For Thanksgiving Day (8) . For Christmas (9) . Price, thirty cents.
RECITATIONS FOR PRIMARY GRADES, ORIGINAL AND UNIQUE. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A collection of an unusual sort. Every one is as interesting as a story, and every one has a very decided point. ”

“ Jack [sinks into chair] : The dearest thing in boots! And now I’ve made her so mad that she’ll never speak to me again. All over a measely half-size in slippers. Who’d think a girl could be so silly!
Mr. Wilson: Eight women out of ten want boots too small for them and won’t take anything else. That’s why women can endure pain better than men; they get used to it, breaking in tight shoes. ”

“ Minerva (severely) —It’s sure awful, the slang you use. You should cut it out.
Sam (jeeringly) —I should cut it out, eh! Cut it out isn’t slang! Oh my stars! (turns handspring) . Say, Sis, [Pg 9] don’t you know that people in stone houses shouldn’t throw glass?
Minerva—No, I don’t, and if I were you I wouldn’t start quoting until I could get it right.
Bobby (outside) —I did hear Santa’s reindeer. I know I did.
Minerva (jumping up) —Here’s the twins. Hide your stuff quick (scramble) .
Enter Bobby and Betty
Betty has black sticking-plaster over front teeth to hide them. ”

“ SCHOOL GIRL’S STRATEGY, A. A humorous dialogue for one male and eight female characters, and as many more school girls as convenient. Three interior scenes, one representing a school-room. One girl who has been writing essays for the other girls, on this occasion writes them all alike. Lot of fun. Eight copies for fifty cents.
New Entertainment Songs
By Edna Randolph Worrell
These songs can be used in all manner of entertainments. The music is easy, and both music and words are especially catchy. Children like them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. Price 25 cents each. ”

“ Margaret—And pray, who is Beth Norton?
Helen—Don’t you know? Why, she is the girl that all the girls at Erskine College were just crazy about. Why, they say there’s never been a girl there before who was as popular. And act! Why, she took the chief parts in all their [6] plays and the girls said she had any professional actress beaten all to pieces. Oh yes, we must manage to get in with them if we can. Now about your cousin, say, why can’t you have her up for just a couple of days and keep her out of the way?
Margaret—Dad is bound that I’ll invite her up for two weeks anyway. ”

“ Minerva (fiercely) —Now see here, Jennie. You stop crying this minute, Ma’s feeling dreadful bad as it is because she can’t give us a real-to-goodness Christmas without store presents—
Bill (shaking her) —Aw, shut up, Jennie. I guess one Christmas without regular presents won’t kill us. And there will be heaps of fun makin’ them and keepin’ secrets and things. I bet I kin make Bobby the dandiest top you ever saw.
Jennie (brightening) —And I’ll make a picture book for Betty.
Minerva—You’re talking now. They’ll be tickled to pieces with them. ”

“ The girls were just saying they didn’t know you. (Margaret and Helen both stand in amazement.) That’s funny.
Elizabeth—Oh, helloa Edith! I didn’t know you knew my cousin. I’m just staying here until to-morrow and then I’m going to your place for awhile.
Edith— (aside in horror) , So this Margaret Neilson is the snob Beth is to take down a peg. Good gracious, but I’ve put my foot into it. (Edith and Beth go to one side and eagerly converse in low tones) .
Margaret— (to Helen) , Lizzie, Beth Norton! Why whatever does it mean anyway? (thinks) , How can she be one and the same person? ”

“ Character—An ordinary girl in an ordinary house on a Sunday morning.
—————
Susan—Rushes in, sits down at a table and looks disgustedly at her breakfast.
Mother, what in the world did you let me oversleep for anyway? This toast is all dried up, (Takes top off egg) and just look at that egg; it’s as hard as a rock and if there’s anything I detest, it’s a hard-boiled— (In surprise) You did call me? ”

“ Really Jack, don’t you think I ought to put my other pump on first? I wouldn’t like to go like this. What would people say?
Jack: What a dear little foot! [Puts her slipper on her foot.] Here you are. Come on. [Exit Betty and Jack hand in hand.]
[22]
Mr. Wilson [Enters, picks up slipper and shakes his head.] : The dearest thing in boots, eh? He’s not far off for I’ll never be able to sell these. But what’s a pair of these to my boy’s happiness? [Pours out glass of water and raises it.] So here’s to the dearest thing in boots—and may they ever continue to buy them—the ladies, God bless them. ”

“ You know he doesn’t give presents to bad children.
Betty—Uths hathn’t fighted for two days. Uths been awful good, hathn’t uth, Bobby?
Bobby—Yep, but if Christmas doesn’t hurry up and come I’ll bust, I know I will.
Enter Bill and Jennie
[Pg 10]
Bill—Sam, what do you know, Pa says we can’t get into town. How are we going to buy—
Sam (shakes hand in warning behind twin’s backs) —See here Bill, I—I—
Bill—Say, what’s the matter with you, Sam? Have you got the palsy?
Sam (pulling him to front) —No, but I wish you had. Ain’t you got any sense? Do you want the kids to quit believin’ in Santa? ”

“ Edith—Oh call me Edith, it’s more sociable and I’ll call you Margaret. Why yes, (shaking hands with Helen) , I have met you several times, haven’t I? Coming to a new [19] city it takes a person quite awhile to get acquainted, but I’m managing not too badly.
Helen—Why, I should say not. You have made hosts of friends already from all accounts.
Edith—Yes, everybody has been awfully kind to me and then I’d met several people when I was at Erskine. (All girls take seats, Edith sitting where she can see the exit by turning slightly.) I hope you girls weren’t expecting me any sooner. ”

“ I hope dad got that.
[9]
Miss Firmrock: I knew as soon as I looked at you that you were one of these lordly males, who believe in keeping women a slave, a household drudge, with no more rights than the criminal, the child and the imbecile. If women do not help to do the governing, who is going to make decent laws? Who is going to see that the bachelor pays twice as much in taxes as the man who has a family to support? Who is going to make this beautiful country of ours a decent place to live in? The men? ”

“ The girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Christmas song, which accompanies the drill. Following the song they wind a spiral to the center of the stage, unwind same and march off. Complete instructions are given. It is the best Christmas drill ever published; easy to produce and decidedly novel. Price, 15 cents.
PEARL’S CHRISTMAS. Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. ”

“ Boys don’t know nothin’ about sewin’.
Bill—Aw, sewin’. Hockey beats that all to pieces. What kin I give Sam? (picks up magazine) . Oh, I know, I’ll cut up the ads in our old magazine and glue them on pasteboard. They’ll make swell picture-puzzles.
Jennie—Oh goody! I just love picture-puzzles.
Bill—I ain’t makin’ them for you, they’re for Sam, I told you.
Jennie—Well, he’ll let me play with them. He ain’t stingy like some people I know.
Bill—Hush, here’s Sam now.
Enter Sam and Minerva
Minerva—Sam and I have thought of presents for everybody but Ma and Pa. ”

“ The author has brought out with skill the humorous incidents that help make up the life of the country girl and woman, while the fashionable woman of the city, who is interested in parties, teas and golf, is just as truthfully depicted. ”

“ But my dear madam, surely you’re an admirer of the woman who was the greatest pioneer in fighting for the vote for women?
Mrs. Atkins [jumps up excitedly] : That’s the very reason I ’ate ’er. Votes for wimen! What does wimen want with votes? Us women ’ave enough to do to cook our ’usbands’ meals and tend the childrens’ noses and clean up the ’ouse after the man’s gone to work, leaving hashes and mud all over the floor, the way he does. [Looks at boots on table.]
Jack [aside, indicating fourth finger] : This finger says, Agree with everything a customer says. ”

“ DEAF UNCLE ZED. A comic dialogue in two scenes, for four male and three female characters. Uncle Zed has lots of cash, and can hear all right when he wants to.
DOIG’S EXCELLENT DIALOGUES. By Agnes M. Doig. Contains four very pleasing short dialogues for little people, as follows: Keeping Store, Guessing, Playing School, and Christmas Eve. All good.
POOR RELATION, THE. A comic dialogue in two parts, for five male characters. This dialogue shows that promises do not amount to much. It is what one does that counts. ”

“ Betty—I can print then, ith’s eathier to read.
Bobby—So can I. You can spell the hard words for me, Sam.
[Pg 16]
Minerva—You didn’t give me a pencil, Jennie.
Jennie—There wasn’t enough to go around. Bill, see if you have one in your pocket.
Bill—All right (empties pocket full of truck, brings out dead mouse and pencil at last. Girls scream. Minerva jumps on chair) .
Minerva—Oh Bill, you nasty boy.
Bill (laughs) —Girls are the beatenest. Afraid of a dead mouse! (puts things back in pocket) .
Sam—Let’s get down to business. We haven’t any time to waste. ”

“ Not another customer will I wait on for all the money in the world. [Bell tinkles.] There goes that darned bell. It’s me for the back shop this time. [Hurries toward door L.]
Mr. Wilson [looks toward entrance] : Why, it’s Betty Moffat back, I wonder—
Jack [rushes back] : I’ll wait on her, dad. Clear out.
Enter Betty.
Mr. Wilson: But I thought—
Jack: Don’t, it’s bad for the brain. Hustle. [Exit Mr. Wilson.] Why, Bett—Miss Moffat, I didn’t think—
[21]
Betty [mischievously] : Don’t, it’s bad for the brain. [Both laugh.] I’ve come back to tell you you were right and—
Jack [puzzled] : Right? ”

“ CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENTS
CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. (Elizabeth F. Guptill.) One of the most popular Christmas plays published, that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned “deestric school” in conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. 25c.
CHRISTMAS AT McCARTHY’S. (Elisabeth F. Guptill.) A Christmas play for young folks and children that is brimful of fun from start to close and is interspersed with the gentlest pathos. ”

“ Helen— (going over and putting her arm around her.) Oh, cheer up! Things might be worse. You can manage to avoid the girls for awhile and you can give Lizzie books to read or something to keep her in the background and out of mischief.
Margaret— (drying her eyes.) It’s a good thing she isn’t coming today for you know I’ve invited Edith Browning for tea and I want to be on my best behavior and be as nice as I can so as to make a good impression. If Lizzie were here, I would be mortified to death. (bell rings behind stage.) Oh, there’s the bell. It’s too early for Edith. ”

“ As for Maggie, our black and white spotted cow is called that and she gives more milk than any of them. (Margaret looks more and more disgusted and Helen amused.) Say, aint you going to interduce me to your friend? At hum we always interduce everybody to everybody else.
Margaret—I beg your pardon. This is my friend, Miss Helen Montgomery. (Helen raises her hand very high and Elizabeth pulls it down and shakes it heartily.) [13]
Elizabeth—Please ter meet you, Helly. I suspect I’ll get real acquainted with yer before my visit’s over. Yer don’t look quite as stuck-uppish as my cousin there. ”

“ Jack [kicking over footrest] : Lose a sale? Not on your life! Just see me put it all over the dears until they’ll [4] be tumbling over each other to buy. Leave it to your Uncle Dudley. [Fixes footrest and resumes former position.]
Mr. Wilson: Don’t be so sure, young man. There’s many a spill between the dollar and till and women are pernickety things to handle at any time. [Bell tinkles.] Here comes your first customer. Good luck. [Exit door L.]
Jack [cranes neck towards door R.] : If it isn’t Betty Moffat, the dearest thing in boots. ”

“ Elizabeth—Sure and he must have got a good squint at what was in it, too, for he looked so funny. Well he told me to get into one of them street car things, and the feller who was all dressed up in brass buttons and took the tickets told me when to get into another so it was real easy. But I think the people here are dreadfully imperlite. They kept [15] giggling and giggling. I asked one what the joke was and she grew awfully red and didn’t answer. I think it’s mighty rude not to tell other folks the joke, why down to hum— (looks up just as the girls are turning up their noses) . ”

“ O’Brien: Shure and Oim afther buyin’ shoes for all the chilrun. There’s Betsy aged noine, she’s me roight-hand girrul. Then there’s Pat ond Moike, twins they be both borrun at the same toime and sick limbs of Satan yez niver see, bless their hearuts. They’re siven. Then there’s Norah, she’s foive, the swatest crather that iver wuz hit she wears out her souls loike they wuz paper. And there’s the baby, he’s jest crapin’, his name be Rory afther his dad.
Jack [picks up large box] : Here is just what you need, Mrs. O’Brien, boots in family lots. [Empties them out.] They come cheaper that way. ”

“ Helen— (aside dramatically) , Behold the expanding of Miss Margaret Neilson’s character. She is actually wakening up to what I am trying to do for her and has even expressed one grain of gratitude. Well I guess I’ll hang on to the grain, perhaps it will sprout. (Sees Lizzie’s hat and fancy work.) Goodness I’d better get these out of sight or they’d be a sure giveaway. (Runs and thrusts fancy work under a cushion and throws hat behind couch. Margaret appears arm in arm with Edith who is well but quietly dressed. Helen goes to meet them.) ”