Edwin Alfred Watrous

“ If serving one's country deserves any praise:
Two years at the front, then an arm shot away!
And this is my "cross" in reward for those days.
But I can do more! While there's blood in my veins
I'll give the last drop, while the hoof of the Hun
Polluted and cloven in Alsace remains:
Until France is free we must fight: every one!
Of course I'll go back to the trenches again:
My wound is fast healing and soon will be sound;
Six chevrons have I, but I'll fight with the men
Who fill up the shell-holes like moles in the ground. ”

“ Shall Women vote? Shall Demon Rum survive
Or be, thru Woman Suffrage, flayed alive?
These are the questions that engross the nation:
Shall Women vote or be kept on probation?
Are they not gentle, honest, sweet and kind?
A single missing virtue we can't find,
And yet we say—"Stay home and can the cherries!
You're far too frail and fine for statecraft worries! ”

“ Go where the birds rehearse their songs and trills
In cool retreats, led by the Whippoorwills;
Go where the bees, midst clover blooms, indulge
Their honey habit till their bellies bulge;
Go where the trout, in alder-arbored brooks,
Abate their hunger but eschew the hooks;
Go where the flowers, by fairy weavers spun,
Pour out their grateful incense to the Sun;
Go where the deer in secret nooks disport
And Nature, clad in verdure, holds her Court ”

“ Must turn again to clay,
While righteous men are gathered in
On Resurrection Day.
For God rewards the Pure in Heart
And knoweth all their needs;
While those who from his ways depart
Shall be like broken reeds.
[Pg 120]
NOT PEACE, BUT REVENGE!
Peace? do you say? When my homestead is razed,
And Death stalks the fields where my cattle once grazed;
And the Dear One is dead
Whom I courted and wed,
The Joy of my Life when the hearthstone fires blazed.
Peace? What a travesty! ”

“ Is always just beyond us, out of reach:
And when, at last, we think we are in line
To cross the threshold, lo! the Full House sign.
We never quite obtain the golden urn
Tho rainbows beckon every way we turn.
Who ever found, I ask you, all he sought?
Our best endeavors ofttimes come to naught:
And yet we trudge along, loath to confess
We're only groping in a wilderness;
Plodding the sands that burn our feet, and hurt ”

“ Blush to its sepals when it seeks repose;
That tinge the moors and fields and turquoise sky,
And stain the Autumn leaves with crimson dye!
So tarry here, where moss and bluebells grow
Upon the floor of Nature's Studio!
[Pg 154]
PICARDY
With heads uncovered and with cautious tread
Approach ye here! where lie our martyred dead
In graves unmarked, here, there and everywhere:
So lest, ashamed, ye trample them, beware! AMERICA'S PRAYER
God bless our Allies! ”

“ And the ooze in the barnyard and natural-gas smell:
There's the hayrake and silo; the tin weathervane,
And the two, moss-grown graves where the Old Folks were lain.
And the milk-stools are there, and the cowpath and stile;
And a few hardy scarecrows remain yet awhile;
And the taxes, unpaid, still appear on the book
Of the County Collector, Nathaniel U. Crook.
So I keep coming back, to my old Hoosier shack,
To inhale the sweet mildew of hay in the stack,
And to drink from the spring where the bull-frogs abound
That protect the young cowslips that grow all around. ”

“ So that Life leaves, rejoiced, without regret.
[Pg 61]
GERMANY
O, Hun, from what low beast didst thou descend?
That thou shouldst have the lust to kill and rend;
The bestial passion to enjoy the groans
Of suffering victims, while you crunch their bones
Or gouge their eyes, that mutely plead in vain
For quick oblivion and ease from pain?
Of ponderous cast and savage mien, what teat,
With Hatred filled and Passion's fiery heat,
Reared thee more wolf than man? ill-bred,—a curse
To thine own kind, and to the Universe!
[Pg 62]
ITALY
Italians, hold! ”

“ Make womanhood still more an honored name;
And Germany, when Reason reappears,
Must dearly pay for her revolting shame!
Awake, Americans! Our task is grim;
For Hell and all the Imps of Sin deride
The Code of Morals, spit upon the Cross,
Drive torturing nails into the bleeding flesh
Of all Mankind who follow Him thru paths
Made plain and gladsome by the Golden Rule ”

“ While the powder in each wrinkle
And the gewgaw gems that twinkle
Make them ugly in the light;
Reeking scent, scent, scent,
When they're upright, prone or bent
While the sachet begs for freedom, and the musk, revolting, yells
On the belles, belles, belles, belles,
Belles, belles, belles,
On the weary, bleary, smeary Social Belles.
Hear the monstrous Schoolhouse bells,
Direful bells!
What a dirge of irony their ting-a-ling expels! ”

“ Are desolate where Death his shroud has flung
Upon the breadth of France's sacred soil.
Wrecked are the homesteads: buzzard broods abound [Pg 149]
Where shell-holes gape, and heaps of carnage rise
Above the naked bosom of the ground,
Mutely denying guilt, in sacrifice.
Still with the jackal at her wounds doth France
Fight on unmindful of her pains, and lo!
We hear her call and, seizing shield and lance,
Crusader-like, to her assistance go.
Her cause is just: we make her Cause our own! ”

“ And that's why you find all their skeletons here
In good preservation: but isn't it queer
That Devils at Athens, the place of their birth,
Were the sole legatees of Hell upon Earth?
But Devils, like men, reach the ends of their ropes,
And have disappointments and unfulfilled hopes,—
So Satan discovered, too late we are told,
The climate at Murray's was too beastly cold.
His imps all contracted pneumonia and died;
So he buried them here in the Pit, side by side,
Near Athens, P. A., by the River Chemung,
Where they've been unmolested till now, and unsung. ”

“ And giveth pleasure and repose
In answer to my prayer.
To such a Shepherd I will give
My everlasting love,
And glory in the Hope—to live
With Him, at last, Above.
[Pg 87]
FRIENDSHIP
True Friends are rare: who counts them by the score
Is blest indeed, for we have, seldom, more.
If we possess just one real, trusting friend
Who shares our troubles, loyal to the end;
Who, when we fall, will help us to our feet;
Who finds with us contentment most complete ”

“ Until the furlough ends; then we are sainted,
Whether our acts deserve rebuke or praise.
When we are dead the recollection stays
Of virtues only: vices are excused,
But to the living pardon is refused. ”

“ The baleful Gins are all prepared to do the fibre-squeezing:
Get busy, Massa Willie!
And set the weevils back a bit, and save the folks from freezing!
It's getting powerful chilly!
You Pickaninnies hustle now, and do the proper bagging!
The possum's cooking, Honey!
And when the work is thru we'll do our banjo stunts, and ragging
And get our "Cakewalk" money.
[Pg 107]
A SHATTERED ROMANCE
My heart is aflame with a love that enslaves
My passion for thee is afire;
My soul is athirst for the love that it craves,
And you are the one I admire. ”

“ The clouds obscuring Temperance will lift;
For all the Wets will vanish, ev'ry one! [Pg 89]
Evaporate like mists before the sun.
True, Women drink; it's foolish to deny it!
But not as men do—as a steady diet ”

“ And Colonels are expecting quite a bumper Bourbon crop—
Saloonward they are flocking!
But when they strip the ears and find the wasteful worms surrounding,
'Twill make the "moonshine" dimmer;
For ev'ry still has coils of worms illicitly abounding
Where sour-mash mixtures simmer.
The hillside Stills their fragrance breathe, and wood birds are a sounding;
My jug is in the hollow:
So fill it up, but watch your step and Secret Service hounding!
The scent is sweet to follow.
The Cotton Bolls are bursting forth with weevils in the sepals ”

“ Peace? My wounds cry aloud: Never! I say
Till your legions are killed or driven away
And my country is free:
But, stay! What's that to me, [Pg 121]
Since all my own Loved Ones lie murdered to-day?
No!! Not Peace, but Revenge! Here is my gun—
Surrendered? O, No! for its work is not done:
When my bayonet's sting
Smites the heart of your King,
And your hell-hounds are flayed,—then Peace will be won!
[Pg 122]
HEREDITY
I see her creeping 'long the nursery floor,—
A dainty, blue-eyed Babe, scarce old enough
To realize 'tis she whom I adore,—
She is a priceless diamond in the rough. ”

“ Your Northern Rivers have been reached and crossed;
Hold, Romans, hold! Halt further Teuton gains,
And drive their looting legions from your plains!
Hold! Men of Italy! Your wall of steel
Can save fair Venice from the Despot's heel:
Hold! Every man! ”

“ RUN ALONG, LITTLE GIRL!
Run along, Little Girl! for it's bed-time now:
Your Dollies are sleepy and poor old Bow-wow
Is weary and lonesome, curled up in a heap—
'Twould take little rocking to put him to sleep! ”

“ And sweep these Prussian Pirates down to Hell!
No longer neutral the Avenging Sword
Is in our hands to smite the Hun-hound horde.
The God of Joshua, in righteous wrath
Will, in its flight thru empyrean path,
Command the Sun to stop: it is His will! ”

“ The archaeologists who are traversing the Susquehanna River Valley, visiting sites of Indian villages and digging up aborigines and other relics, are said to have made a most astounding discovery on the Murray farm, near here, in finding the bones of sixty-eight pre-historic men. The average height of these men when their skeletons were assembled was seven feet, while many were much taller. Additional evidence of their gigantic size is found in the massive stone battle axes in their graves. The average age of these men is said to have been from thirty to forty. ”

“ Then take my fleet, the English Channel over
And put King George to rout and bombard Dover;
And then supplant the Sultan, take his Fez
And lead my peerless Forces to Suez.
While you have failed, and Hindenburg and Mack,
He never fizzles when he makes attack. ”

“ Tho' just escaping by the closest shave.
With Samson's case a multitude compare,
For men miss greatness ofttimes by a hair.
'Twas his conceit that made him lose his nerve,
As long-haired, whiskered men, bereft, deserve. ”

“ For finest silks and linens, gems and money,—
Until, thru bargain-insight, skill and daring,
They cornered all the fabrics used for wearing,
And then proceeded, with discerning lust,
To hump themselves and form a Camel Trust. ”

“ And ev'ry seed accounted for as food.
No more will Barleycorn assail our vitals
Or be the Leader in our Song Recitals:
No more will Liquor check our ardent thirst,
And so we'll go from bad, perhaps, to worst.
If we must eat, perforce, and never rum it,
What will befall the man who has to gum it;
Whose teeth are absent and who food eschews,
Drawing his daily nourishment from booze;
Who can't obtain a single drop of gin
To comfort and sustain the man within?
Pleading for drinks, unheeded he'll grow wheezy, [Pg 90]
But he'll improve his breath if he'll Speak Easy. ”

“ But if, perchance, the Dry's should get a trimmin',
Smile, if you please,—but don't prohibit Women!
[Pg 93]
A REUNION
Once more, Good Friends, we're gathered 'round the board
To feel the joys of fellowship restored.
There's nothing like them! Friends can't be replaced,
Nor thoughts of them from Memory be effaced!
Of course we form new friendships, but I feel
That these, like old ones, are not staunch and real.
It takes long years to prove our friends, you know,—
Those who are steadfast in our weal or woe. ”

“ How d'y' do?
Hindenberg? Ach, let him rant!
He won't stop us 'cause he can't!
Zepps and Taubs are falling down;
Butcher Bill will lose his crown;
Watch your step, you Horrid Hun,
You can't goosestep when you run! ”

“ The King waxed wroth because these three live wires
Passed thru his melting pots and furnace fires
Without a burn: remarkable endurance!
Because protected by good Fire Insurance.
He paid the price for arson ere he died,
Was kept lit up and rightly classified
Among the beasts: and now that all is over
'Tis safe to say he did not live in clover,
But roamed the pastures, when he lost his pull, [Pg 22]
And grazed himself to death: he was some bull.
Then next we come to Ruth, the Moabite:
Her husband Chilion (not her!) one night
Blew out the gas, and Ruth was thus bereft ”

“ Makes fortunes hitherto quite obsolete.
In by-gone days the Bards were praised and pensioned
Who now are at the Front—and rarely mentioned:
And all these hardships they endure while men
Who write big checks, thus scandalize the pen. ”

“ But others have suffered from tight shoes before,
So the latch-string was always hung out on the door.
To upper skies
Good old sole flies,
With all her ties. [Pg 99]
The Drews and Jack Horner lived on the same street:
Jack gambled with Hymen and Drew Marguerite,
And love for his sole-mate affected his feet. ”

“ Who never quits, in life's unequal bout,
But keeps on fighting till he's counted out.
[Pg 144]
THE SIXTH OF APRIL
Awake, Americans! Awake! Awake!
'Tis April Sixth! A year of War and yet
The Hun lines hold: Louvain is unavenged. ”

“ Before he hits the sphere the fateful blow.
Alas for human frailty! See it flit
Across the green into the sandy pit!
The sighing winds, in protest, moaned Beware!
While he invoked the Deity in prayer.
And then he played his third, but topped the sphere,
The Rubber Rogue responding with a leer.
A halo hung around the Stranger's head
It seemed: but, nay! 'twas brimstone fire instead,
For what he said, in type is not displayed
Except on fire-proof paper, I'm afraid. [Pg 40]
Four! ”