Eliza Haywood

“ This put Miramillia beyond all patience: Heavens! cried she to herself, are all our sex devoted to disquiet? Is there a fate upon us to be wretched? Must we labour under woes of our own formation, when Fortune contributes all she can to make us happy? Good God! continued she, that even wit is not a defence from vanity and affectation! Thus, like Amalia, Clorilla and Claribella, do we torment ourselves with childish and imaginary ills, till taught by real ones how mad we have been, and wish the past could be again recalled. ”

“ Heavens! cried I, as I was reading, should Lorenzo be of this humour, what an extravagance of wretchedness would be my portion, (and why should I hope a better fate?) who pretends to love, but says and swears as much as he has done? But put the case, continued I, after a little reflection, that he should excel his sex as much in honour, as he does in all personal perfections; what happiness could there be in such a state of obligation and dependance? Would not his friends and kindred be perpetually upbraiding him, that he had married a woman without any other dowry than her love? ”

“ I told you, indeed, that I was still your lover, but it was with such a kind of love that I regarded you, as angels pay to each other in the realms of bliss; all pure and intellectual, free from all gross desires or earthly appetite. If I look on the breach of my vow to you as a crime, which, though enforced, requires my whole life's penitence to atone; how can you think I would voluntarily violate that I have made to count Caprera before the holy priest? Such love as a chaste brother may to a sister give, I shall rejoice to find from you ”

“ Here Stenoclea opened her cabinet, and taking out a paper, read to Miramillia the following lines:
"MY tongue has for some time been endeavouring in vain to tell you, oh my for ever loved Stenoclea! what now I force my pen to do. Oh! with what words shall I express what it is I mean? Can I live, and say that I no more must see you; no more must listen to the enchanting harmony of your heavenly voice; no more must hear you own a tenderness, which to be blessed with, there is not a saint but might forego his heaven, and stand excused for change of rapture? ”

“ This distemper grew every day more upon him; and I began at last to fear I should entirely lose his affections: the apprehensions of so terrible a misfortune threw me into a deep melancholy; I became oppressed with it, and could not forbear imparting it to a friend, in whom I had great confidence; by her I was persuaded, contrary to my reason, my religion, and that aversion I was bred to have to every thing which bordered on a deceit, to feign myself with child. But as there appeared no other way of regaining the affections of my husband, I was prevailed on to follow her advice. ”

“ She had no sooner concluded these words, than the other gave so deep a sigh, that the grieved Miramillia, before she spoke, was more than half convinced her search was not here to end. It is a fault, answered Iseria, to wish with too much ardency, which Heaven sometimes punishes with the utmost severity. I cannot say, but that I have found more mercy, and that I cannot call myself unhappy, while I enjoy the society of my dear Montrano, my ever loved, and ever loving husband; yet is there not a person in the world less fit to be employed in the talk you mention, than myself. ”

“ Fate, who ordains me to this misery, will soon, I hope, be kindly cruel, and make it too violent to be lasting, and strike me dead at once. For oh, Stenoclea! I have resolved to go for ever from you; to carry from your sight a wretch, whose contagious woes drive peace and happiness from their loved mansion—your gentle breast. Never, never will I renew those vain desires of unaccomplished love, nor persecute you with a fruitless suit. ”

“ No, no, would I cry out, he is not false! eternal truth and ever-grateful fondness have on earth no being but in his mind. But he is dead, he is dead! and it is a prophanation of his memory, to harbour even a thought to the disadvantage of his honour or his love. I now looked on myself as a widow, wore the habit of one, and endured, perhaps, more real anguish in my heart, than the most truly disconsolate one ever had the capacity of feeling or than the most artful one had dissimulation enough to affect. Even time relieved not my affliction, my griefs seemed rather strengthened by age ”

“ Is Tellisinda so unthankful to Heaven for the blessings she enjoys, as not to be contented with her state? What secret care, or rather what imaginary ill, intrudes upon your peace, and poisons the real felicities of your life?—Ah, my dearest Miramillia! replied that lady, have a better opinion, I beseech you, of my understanding, than to believe I create demons on purpose to disturb and fright me: no; I assure you, on the contrary, that it was only my too strenuous endeavours to preserve my peace that has destroyed it ”

“ But that is not sufficient, cried my father sternly; a vast estate depends on the heir you are about to bring into the world, and must not be the portion of a spurious race; answer with the same truth, as you must do at that dread Tribunal, where, perhaps, you may in a few moments appear, if it be to your husband, count Caprera, that the production of this yet unborn is owing; and if no other man has ever prevailed on the weakness of your sex, in prejudice of your honour and your vow. ”

“ Miramillia! whom I have never ceased to admire, even when my rash despair made me attempt the life of the man most dear to her: I flew immediately to Adario, I embraced him with all the demonstration of a paternal affection, assuring him, I should think myself blessed in making him my son. There remains, said I, but one impediment to our common satisfaction, the consent of your excellent mother, her forgiveness of a crime, which I have since severely repented of, and vouchsafing to join your hands. ”

“ THOUGH I might justly enough complain of your want of faith in my repeated assurances, that no change of circumstances should have the power to alter that indelible affection I had vowed; yet to prove how much beyond my own I prize your interest, I wish you all the happiness the marriage-bed can yield: nor do I envy Caprera the possession of your person, since you so transportingly assure me, that your heart is mine. You have been accustomed to utter nothing but sacred truth; if this is so, I should be the most unreasonable and ungrateful of my sex, not to be highly satisfied with my condition ”

“ This is the first time I ever heard of this adventure, said Miramillia, and am extremely sorry that Charino should have so small a sense of the duties of religion, and so poignant a one of a foolish passion. But I cannot see why you should be discontented at it, any farther than common compassion for the untimely death of so agreeable a chevalier. If Ismenia has stupidity enough to be pleased with so fatal an effect of her charms, and is induced by her vanity to behave in the manner you describe, it is easy to break off all acquaintance with her ”

“ A thousand times, in the fondness of soul for the other, I have opened my mouth to tell the chevalier the whole story; but fear and shame as often prevented me from speaking. I cannot discover the fraud I have been guilty of, without exposing myself at once to the indignation, and, perhaps, eternal hatred of a husband who is very dear to me, and the just censure and reproaches of the whole world ”

“ Two gentlemen, said she, with an accent which seemed to hesitate with terror, entreat to speak with you; one must be my Lord Montrano, or his ghost: he has his eyes, his mouth, his very shape and air, only more thin and dejected. It is certain, that this poor girl verily believed she had seen a spirit, for never did I behold a creature in such disorder; but I had no leisure to think on the occasion of it, when he entered the closet; guessing at the surprize I should be in, and having not patience to wait till it should permit me to come down Iseria! my dear Iseria! ”

“ I must then have gone to the grave unblessed with your possession—it was not life, but the enjoyment of Stenoclea, that made me screen the murderer of your brother from the just censure of the law; yet, oh! I confess it was a self-interested flame, and you ought never to forgive the man, who, to feast on your charms, involved you in his destruction. Horrid guilt! I tremble to think how much I have wronged you; pity me, it is all I ask; as for a mitigation of my first crime, the killing of your brother, it is what I neither hope, nor will endeavour ”

“ I am Anziana stil. Fate, cruel fate, has disposed my person to another, but the better part of me, my soul, is ever yours. Oh! then forgive what it was impossible to avoid, without being driven to extremities, such as would have made me despair of retaining your affections, the only thing I ever hoped, the only thing I ever feared; yes, you must pardon me, must pity, and must love me too; nor can I think that with a crime against him to whom compulsion, not inclination, gave my hand ”

“ At first, the deference I paid him I thought only was owing to his merit, and that all who knew him treated him with the same. But, alas ! too soon I found my admiration proceeded from a softer motive, and that it was love that made me so quick-sighted to his perfections ; and had sense enough to distinguish, that though he was infinitely deferring, I saw all his graces through a magnifying glass, and adored what others but approved : the infancy of love, however, affords too much pleasure to a youthful heart for the efforts of reason to be able to repel it. ”

“ Our misfortune is entirely concealed from all the world but Alcestus and yourself, on whose discretion I dare rely, else had not made you partaker of the secret. I believe no woman could be more tranquil, in such a circumstance, than myself; yet, Miramillia, loving as I do, and beloved with the same ardour, judge, if I can bring my wishes to that pitch of resignation and content that is necessary to qualify me for the task you would have me undertake. ”

“ But perceiving she had left off speaking, she could not forbear mixing some grave reproofs with her consolations; she begged her to consider how little essential to true happiness was the being accounted beautiful, and how much better it was to be sincerely loved by one worthy man, than to have the noisy encomiums of the whole sex; and at the same time reminded her, that nothing was more an argument of a mean and ungenerous soul than to envy another, either for real or imaginary perfections. ”

“ But my designs are now disappointed, the cruel certainty of my fate leaves me no room for hope, or for concealment; you and the whole world must now be sensible, the sun in his extensive progress sees not a wretch so lost, so dead to comfort, as the undone Stenoclea.
The distraction of her thoughts here broke in, and for a considerable space of time would not permit her to utter one coherent sentence; but summoning he whole force of that resolution she was mistress of, she at length recovered herself enough to satisfy the high-raised curiosity of Miramillia ”

“ Three days had Miramillia past in this house, in which time both Stenoclea, and Armuthi her husband, seemed to study nothing so much as to divert her melancholy; but all the feats and sports their kindness invented, afforded but a small portion of satisfaction, when compared with that she conceived, at seeing this lady busily employed in that task, which so many had refused to undertake, and from which she had a greater hope than she would make show of, of obtaining her desires, and once more embracing her beloved son. ”

“ Thus, madam, continued he, have you heard the history of a passion, which, as violent as it is, has not transported the persons influenced by it to act any thing contrary to duty, or to honour; all the tenderness Felicia has been so fortunate to inspire in the soul of Adario, has never made him once intreat the gratification of his desires, till authorized by your permission. ”

“ I now perceived that he was still more dear than Barnibar had been, and that all the ties of blood are far inferior to those of love:—In spite of the disgust I had conceived against his uncle, I flew to bis house, and regardless of the censure of the world, omitted nothing which I thought might contribute to the recovery of this soul-sick lover, for well I saw grief was his only distemper. ”

“ My son! Adario! My dear Adario! But extasy at length giving way to reflection: Where have you been? she cried, and why, by your absence and your silence, have you involved me in griefs which have been very near fatal to me ?—Oh pardon the transgression of my seeming neglect, best of parents, and of women, answered he; but as it is to this gentleman you are indebted for my life, be pleased to hear from his mouth my vindication. ”

“ This absence of mind lasted, however, but for a moment, and I again awoke to sense, to thought, and rapture. Impossible would it be, as well as impertinent, to repeat to you the welcomes I gave him, or the softness of his reiterated endearments; there are a thousand little incoherencies in the talk of lovers which delight beyond the expression, yet will be ridiculous when reported afterwards. The accent, the manner, is infinitely more eloquent than the words; and though love is frequently obliged to wit to make himself be known ”