Francis Beaumont

“ You are a woman, and the proudest that ever lov'd a Coach: the scornfullest, scurviest, and most senceless woman; the greediest to be prais'd, and never mov'd though it be gross and open; the most envious, that at the poor fame of anothers face, would eat your own, and more than is your own, the paint belonging to it: of such a self opinion, that you think none can deserve your glove: and for your malice, you are so excellent, you might have been your Tempters tutor: nay, never cry. ”

“ Now Brother I should chide, but I'le give no distaste to your fair Mistress. I will instruct her in't and she shall do't: you have been wild and ignorant, pray mend it.
Young Lo. Sir, every day now Spring comes on.
Elder Lo. To you good Mr. Savil and your Office, thus much I have to say: Y'are from my Steward become, first your own Drunkard, then his Bawd: they say y'are excellent grown in both, and perfect: give me your keys Sir Savil.
Savil. Good Sir consider whom you left me to.
Elder Lo. I left you as a curb for, not to provoke my Brothers follies: where's the best drink, now? ”

“ Yes, I will go, but 'tis no matter whither: But when I trust a wild Fool, and a Woman, May I lend Gratis, and build Hospitals.
Young Lo. Nay good Sir, make all even, here's a Widow wants your good word for me, she's rich, and may renew me and my fortunes.
Elder Lo. I am glad you look before you. Gentlewoman, here is a poor distressed younger Brother.
Wid. You do him wrong Sir, he's a Knight.
Elder Lo. I ask you mercy: yet 'tis no matter, his Knighthood is no inheritance I take it: whatsoever he is, he is your Servant, or would be, Lady. Faith be not merciless, but make a man ”

“ I joy to hear you are wise, 'tis a rare Jewel In an Elder Brother: pray be wiser yet.
Elder Lo. Me thinks I am very wise: I do not come a wooing. Indeed I'le move no more love to your Ladiship.
Lady. What makes you here then?
Elder Lo. Only to see you and be merry Ladie: that's all my business. Faith let's be very merry. Where's little Roger? he's a good fellow: an hour or two well spent in wholesome mirth, is worth a thousand of these puling passions. 'Tis an ill world for Lovers. ”

“ When I am married and made sure, I'le come and visit you again, and vex you Ladie. By all my hopes I'le be a torment to you, worse than a tedious winter. I know you will recant and sue to me, but save that labour: I'le rather love a fever and continual thirst, rather contract my youth to drink and sacerdote upon quarrels, or take a drawn whore from an Hospital, that time, diseases, and Mercury had eaten, than to be drawn to love you. ”

“ Durty December doe, Thou with a face as old as Erra Pater, such a Prognosticating nose: thou thing that ten years since has left to be a woman, outworn the expectation of a Baud; and thy dry bones can reach at nothing now, but gords or ninepins, pray goe fetch a trencher goe.
Lady. Let him alone, he's crack't.
Abig. I'le see him hang'd first, is a beastly fellow to use a woman of my breeding thus; I marry is he: would I were a man, I'de make him eat his Knaves words! ”

“ O thy sweet temper! what would I have given, that Lady had been like thee: seest thou her? that face (my love) join'd with thy humble mind, had made a wench indeed.
Wel. Alas my love, what God hath done, I dare not think to mend. I use no paint, nor any drugs of Art, my hands and face will shew it.
La. Why what thing have you brought to shew us there? do you take mony for it?
Elder Lo. A Godlike thing, not to be bought for mony: 'tis my Mistris: in whom there is no passion, nor no scorn: what I will is for law; pray you salute her. ”

“ Elder Lo. 'Tis done Sir, take your keys again:
But hark you Savil, leave off the motions
Of the flesh, and be honest, or else you shall graze again:
I'le try you once more.
Savil. If ever I be taken drunk, or whoring, Take off the biggest key i'th' bunch, and open My head with it Sir: I humbly thank your worships.
Elder Lo. Nay then I see we must keep holiday. Enter Roger, and Abigal. Here's the last couple in hell.
Roger. Joy be among you all.
Lady. Why how now Sir, what is the meaning of this emblem?
Roger. Marriage an't like your worship.
Lady. Are you married?
Roger. ”

“ Elder Lo. I'le be a witness of your naked truth Sir: this is the Gentlewoman, prethee look upon him, that is he that made me break my faith sweet: but thank your Sister, she hath soder'd it.
Lady. What a dull ass was I, I could not see this wencher from a wench: twenty to one, if I had been but tender like my Sister, he had served me such a slippery trick too.
Wel. Twenty to one I had.
Elder Lo. I would have watcht you Sir, by your good patience, for ferreting in my ground.
Lady. You have been with my Sister.
Wel. Yes to bring.
Elder Lo. An heir into the world he means. ”

“ I know 'tis like a man, that wants his natural sleep, and growing dull would gladly give the remnant of his life for two hours rest; yet through his frowardness, will rather choose to watch another man, drowsie as he, than take his own repose. All this I know: yet a strange peevishness and anger, not to have the power to do things unexpected, carries me away to mine own ruine: I had rather die sometimes than not disgrace in public him whom people think I love, and do't with oaths, and am in earnest then: O what are we! Men, you must answer this, that dare obey such things as we command. ”

“ And where you say I wrong'd you, 'tis so far from my profession, that amongst my fears, to do wrong is the greatest: credit me we have been both abused, (not by our selves, for that I hold a spleen, no sin of malice, and may with man enough be best forgoten,) but by that willfull, scornful piece of hatred, that much forgetful Lady: for whose sake, if we should leave our reason, and run on upon our sense, like Rams, the little world of good men would laugh at us, and despise us, fixing upon our desperate memories the never-worn out names of Fools and Fencers. ”

“ Exeunt omnes praeter Younglove.
Abi. The Gods of the Winds befriend you Sir; a constant and a liberal Lover thou art, more such God send us.
Enter Welford.
Wel. Let'em not stand still, we have rid.
Abi. A suitor I know by his riding hard, I'le not be seen.
Wel. A prettie Hall this, no Servant in't? I would look freshly.
Abi. You have delivered your errand to me then: there's no danger in a hansome young fellow: I'le shew my self. ”

“ Mony makes men Eternal.
Poet. Do what you will, 'tis the noblest course, then you may live without the charge of people, only we four will make a Family, I and an Age that will beget new Annals, in which I'le write thy life my son of pleasure, equal with Nero and Caligula. ”

“ All we that are called Women, know as well as men, it were a far more noble thing to grace where we are grace't, and give respect there where we are respected: yet we practise a wilder course, and never bend our eyes on men with pleasure, till they find the way to give us a neglect: then we, too late, perceive the loss of what we might have had, and dote to death. ”

“ Lady. But hark you Servant, hark ye: is he gon? call him again.
Abigal. Hang him Paddock.
Lady. Art thou here still? flie, flie, and call my Servant, flie or ne'r see me more.
Abigal. I had rather knit again than see that rascall, but I must doe it. ”

“ Thy Pen and Inkhorn Noble boy, the God of gold here has fed thee well, take mony for thy durt: hark and believe, thou art cold of constitution, thy eat unhealthful, sell and be wise; we are three that will adorn thee, and live according to thine own heart child; mirth shall be only ours, and only ours shall be the black eyed beauties of the time. ”

“ Meat, Drink, and Cloth; These are no ravening Footmen, no fellows, that at Ordinaries dare eat their eighteen pence thrice out before they rise, and yet goe hungry to play, and crack more nuts than would suffice a dozen Squirrels; besides the din, which is damnable: I had rather rail, and be confin'd to a Boatmaker, than live amongst such rascals; these are people of such a clean discretion in their diet, of such a moderate sustenance, that they sweat if they but smell hot meat. Porredge is poison, they hate a Kitchin as they hate a Counter, and show 'em but a Feather-bed they swound. ”

“ Neither do I think there can be such a fellow found i'th' world, to be in love with such a froward woman, if there be such, they're mad, Jove comfort 'em. Now you have all, and I as new a man, as light, and spirited, that I feel my self clean through another creature. O 'tis brave to be ones own man, I can see you now as I would see a Picture, sit all day by you and never kiss your hand: hear you sing, and never fall backward: but with as set a temper, as I would hear a Fidler, rise and thank you. ”

“ Young Lo. By my troth sir you are welcom, welcom faith: Lord what a stranger you are grown; pray know this Gentlewoman, and if you please these friends here: we are merry, you see the worst on't; your house has been kept warm Sir.
Elder Lo. I am glad to hear it Brother, pray God you are wise too.
Young Lo. Pray Mr. Morecraft know my elder Brother, and Captain do you complement. Savil I dare swear is glad at heart to see you; Lord, we heard Sir you were drown'd at Sea, and see how luckily things come about!
More. This mony must be paid again Sir. ”

“ Mar. How shall I look upon my friends again? With what face?
Wel. Why e'ne with that: 'tis a good one, thou canst not find a better: look upon all the faces thou shall see there, and you shall find 'em smooth still, fair still, sweet still, and to your thinking honest; those have done as much as you have yet, or dare doe Mistris, and yet they keep no stir.
Mar. Good Sir goe in, and put your womans cloaths on: If you be seen thus, I am lost for ever.
Wel. I'le watch you for that Mistris: I am no fool, here will I tarry till the house be up and witness with me. ”

“ You that be coming on, make much of fifteen, and so till five and twenty: use your time with reverence, that your profits may arise: it will not tarry with you, Ecce signum: here was a face, but time that like a surfeit eats our youth, plague of his iron teeth, and draw 'em for't, has been a little bolder here than welcome: and now to say the truth, I am fit for no man. ”

“ For you she will be, 'tis a shame you should use a poor Gentlewoman so untowardly; she loves the ground you tread on; and you (hard heart) because she jested with you, mean to kill her; 'tis a fine conquest as they say.
Elder Lo. Hast thou so much moisture in the Whitleather hide yet, that thou canst cry? I wou'd have sworn thou hadst been touchwood five year since; nay let it rain, thy face chops for a shower like a dry Dunghil.
Abig. I'le not indure this Ribauldry; farewel i'th' Devils name; if my Lady die, I'le be sworn before a Jury, thou art the cause on't. ”

“ Is it not strange that every womans will should track out new wayes to disturb her self? if I should call my reason to account, it cannot answer why I keep my self from mine own wish, and stop the man I love from his ”

“ Take heed of young smooth Varlets, younger Brothers: they are worms that will eat through your bags: they are very Lightning, that with a flash or two will melt your money, and never singe your purse-strings: they are Colts, wench Colts, heady and dangerous, till we take 'em up, and make 'em fit for Bonds: look upon me, I have had, and have yet matter of moment girle, matter of moment; you may meet with a worse back, I'le not commend it.
Wid. Nor I neither Sir.
Mor. Yet thus far by your favour Widow, 'tis tuffe. ”

“ And you the Cloaths, and Meat, and Money, you have a goodly generation of 'em, pray let them multiply, your Brother's house is big enough, and to say truth, h'as too much Land, hang it durt.
Young Lo. Why now thou art a loving stinkard. Fire off thy Annotations and thy Rent-books, thou hast a weak brain Savil, and with the next long Bill thou wilt run mad. Gentlemen, you are once more welcome to three hundred pounds a year; we will be freely merry, shall we not?
Capt. Merry as mirth and wine, my lovely Loveless.
Poet. A serious look shall be a Jury to excommunicate any man from our company. ”

“ Young Lo. Faith I may choose my course: they say nature brings forth none but she provides for them: I'le try her liberality.
Elder Lo. Well, to keep your feet out of base and dangerous paths, I have resolved you shall live as Master of my House. It shall be your care Savil to see him fed and cloathed, not according to his present Estate, but to his birth and former fortunes.
Young Lo. If it be refer'd to him, if I be not found in Carnation Jearsie-stockins, blew devils breeches, with the gards down, and my pocket i'th' sleeves, I'le n'er look you i'th' face again. ”

“ The care and continuall vexation of being rich, eat up this rascall. What shall become of my poor familie, they are no sheep, and they must keep themselves.
Young Lo. Drink Master Morecraft, pray be merrie all: Nay and you will not drink there's no societie, Captain speak loud, and drink: widow, a word.
Cap. Expou [n] d her throughly Knight. Here God o' gold, here's to thy fair possessions; Be a Baron and a bold one: leave off your tickling of young heirs like Trouts, and let thy Chimnies smoke. Feed men of war, live and be honest, and be saved yet. ”

“ Come, come, you would know it; that's as good: but not a snap, never long for't, not a snap dear Ladie.
Lady. Hark ye Sir, hark ye, get ye to the Suburbs, there's horse flesh for such hounds: will you goe Sir?
Elder Lo. Lord how I lov'd this woman, how I worshipt this prettie calf with the white face here: as I live, you were the prettiest fool to play withall, the wittiest little varlet, it would talk: Lord how it talk't! and when I angred it, it would cry out, and scratch, and eat no meat, and it would say, goe hang. ”

“ Cap. One Worthy is too little, thou shalt be all.
Mor. Captain I shall deserve some of your love too.
Capt. Thou shalt have heart and hand too, noble Morecraft, if them wilt lend me mony. I am a man of Garrison, be rul'd, and open to me those infernal gates, whence none of thy evil Angels pass again, and I will stile thee noble, nay Don Diego. I'le woo thy Infanta for thee, and my Knight shall feast her with high meats, and make her apt.
Mor. Pardon me Captain, y'are beside my meaning.
Young Lo. No Mr. Morecraft, 'tis the Captains meaning I should prepare her for ye. ”