Joseph Harris

“ Venter.
Spru. How now Jack! What all alone Man?
Fri. No, for I have heard some say, Men are ne’re less alone, then when alone. The reason I suppose is this, because they have Crowds of Thoughts, that still perplex the Mind; which wou’d be, like the Soul retired and free, thereby to enjoy that sweet repose, which nought but that can Grant.
Spru. Pshaw! Pox of this Morality and dull Stuff; Prithee let us be Merry, and Entertain the Bride and Bridegroom. Ods fish there a parcel of rare Creatures within! But of all Mrs. Clara for my Money. ”

“ Yet you must forgive me, indeed you must, by all that once was dear to me; and what I dare not mention more, by Love and Honour, I implore thy Pardon—Still art thou deaf to my Complaints?—Nay, then upon my Knee, I will enforce thy Pity. Behold me, Bonvile, prostrate at thy Feet, crawling for Mercy, swimming in Tears, and almost drown’d with Shame; extend thy Arm to help me, as thou’rt a Man, be God-like in thy Nature, and raise me from the Grave ”

“ Well, Gentlemen, since the Bridegroom’s absent, I must supply his Place: Come, when I have waited on you to your Pleasure, I will return [To Summerfield.] to you, Sir, we must discourse more of my Bonvile yet.
[Exeunt all but Summerfield.]
Manet Summerfield solus.
Sum. What a trembling Trade’s this, when Conscience, that shou’d be our only Guide, flies and leaves us to our accusing Guilt. A Thief! the very Name and Thought chills my Blood, and makes me tremble like an Ague-fit. A Dog, nay every Bough that moves, puts us in fear of present Apprehension. ”

“ Dodge. You are a worthy Gentlewoman upon my word; there are but few of such a noble Temper: But what makes the Fool of the Husband then so troublesome; does he not know when he’s well?
Mrs. Ven. So ’tis a sign.
Dodge. A Blockhead, to proclaim his own Disgrace, and make himself laugh’d at.
Mr. Ven. That’s not it, he hopes to be the better by what is settled on the Boy.
Dodge. O, God’s so, that’s true: But never fear, I’ll be hang’d if he carry it, for you have Money, as I told you, Sir, before: but see, Sir, there they are. ”

“ O happy Bonvile! How I admire and wonder at thy Choice!
Enter Friendly.
Madam, a Wife like you, exceeds the greatest Blessing sure on Earth.
Fr. [Aside.] The nearest way to a secure Revenge, is private Malice, which, like a Spark long lying hid amongst neglected Ashes, by the least Blast of Wind becomes it self a Flame—Ha!, who have we here? Thrice blest Occasion! which thus have offered me at once the Scope of my revengeful Wishes. ’Tis Arabella and her Darling Summerfield, one who, in the Bridegroom’s Absence, is grown thus intimate with his beloved Bride. ”

“ Throws it down, Bonvile takes it up.
Bon. ’Tis well now as you’ve chang’d your Mind, I’ll change this too, and find another to supply your Place: There’s no harm done, the Marriage is not yet consummated, and you are free to enjoy any, so am I.
Ara. As you please for that: A Man may make a Garment for the Moon, count all the Stars which twinckle in the Skies, or empty the vast Ocean, Drop by Drop, sooner than please a Mind so light, so various as yours.
Mer. Ods bobs, what’s this you talk of, altering your Will? ”

“ Exit Bonvile, and Arabella.
Fri. Oh my Dear Bonvile! Art thou then the Man?
The only, only Man that I can call Friend,
And only Friend that I am bound to Kill?
A Friend, that for my sake wou’d stake his Life,
Leave a Chast Bride and untouch’d Nuptial Bed
For me base Man, nay worse than Savage Beast:
The generous Lyon, never kills his kind
They say, althô provoked to utmost rage ”

“ Or how can any thing but damn’d Barbarity ensue a Woman’s much more damn’d Design? Who wou’d expect Reason from one that raves, or hope for Mercy in a Tyger’s Den? Believe me, Friendly, all this may sooner be; Mercy may sooner dwell among the Savage Wolves and Bears, than in a Woman’s Breast. ”

“ Women have found a way to make use of other Keys besides their Husbands: And no doubt but Summerfield has got a Key will open your Daughter’s lock as well as Bonvile’s.
Mer. Sirrah you lie, you lie Sirrah; and I’le tell thee thou ly’s, again and again, so I will. Nay, and I were to pay a 100 Pounds for every Lie I give thee, as Men do Twelve-pence for every Oath they swear, I wou’d spend all the Thousands I am worth, in giving thee the Lie. ”

“ Heaven in its excess of Goodness, bestow’d no greater Blessing on Mankind than that of Friendship—To Murder any one is a Crime unpardonable! But a Friend!—And of all Friends the nearest to my Heart,—’Tis such an Imposition that Hell it self ’till now cou’d never parallel ”

“ We now are Friends.
Merr. Why that’s well said.
Couns. We all are Witness to the Agreement.
Omnes. All, all.
Comp. Nay I scorn to be outdone in Civility; therefore if you please I have a Gallon or two of Prize-Wine, and half a Dozen of good sound Bruges-Capons, which I’ll treat you and this good Company with at Supper; but no more Mutton, no not a bit.
Merr. Well Brother, I’m glad you’re Friends: Ods bobs I am. But come, let’s home now, and see what’s become of the Bride and Bridegroom: Farewel Friend, farewell: Come we’ll pay at the Bar. ”

“ Who for the Smile of a vile simple Woman, have acted thus against my very Soul, all to please a Creature, whose next Command perhaps will higher mount, it may be light on my self, as now it did on Bonvile. ”

“ Try all your Friends, and find out the best and nearest to your Heart, That done, be sure to kill him for my sake. This fail not to do, if you respect and Love (as you pretend.)
Clara.
’Tis as I fear’d, and what I know she most desires: Mischief, and Murder, are all her Sexes Practice, and Delight? Yet such is the Extravagancy of my Passion, I must obey the Mandate, thô to my certain Ruine: ’Tis strangely difficult, and does require Mature Deliberation. ”

“ Bonvile’s.
Fri. One that thinks himself much honour’d in being stiled his Friend.
Sum. I have often heard your Name indeed before; but till now Fortune never afforded me the sight of you.
Fri. You of all Men ought to bless Fortune, who still has been indulgent to you on all Occasions; and scatter’d her Favours on you, with as prodigal a Hand as thô you were her sole Care and only Minion.
Sum. What mean you, Sir? Again you exceed the Bounds of Love and Friendship; I never thought any of Bonvil’s Friends cou’d be guilty of so base and vile a thing as Flattery: But, pray, unfold your meaning. ”

“ Sure I shall never thrive on this Trade: Perhaps I need take no further Care, I may be now near to my Journey’s End, or at least in a fair way to Newgate, and from thence to Tyburn, the only Place that we poor Rogues can claim for an Inheritance. Trust a Woman, and with a Matter of such Importance, what a simple Dog am I? I cou’d find in my Heart to run away: And that were base to run from a woman; I can lay claim to nothing but her Vows, and those the Women seldom or never mind.
Enter Arabella. ”

“ Smiles; nay their very Conscience (if any such they have) is feign’d; all counterfeit and false: Let them wash, patch and daub themselves with all the Helps for Nature that Art cou’d e’re invent, still they are Women: And let ’em rob all India of its store to adorn themselves therewith, still are they not all that thing call’d Woman: I know not what to do, for I love and hate this Creature both at once.
Cla. What ails my Friendly?
Fri. But Bonvile yet must feel his Enemies Rage; shall he succeed in Love, whilst I am cross’d in mine? No, it must not, cannot, nay it shall not be. ”

“ So, so, here now shall we be Man and Wife again to Morrow, as good as ever. What thô we met as Strangers, we may happen to love ne’re the worse for all that—Gentlemen and Neighbours, I invite ye all to my Wedding. ”

“ Nay; nay I know he is a Ventersome Man; And a—Merchant of small Wares sometimes, especially when he can get a good Commodity: I love him the better for’t I’faith, Ods bobs I do—A notable spark with a Young Wench in a corner, Is he not? A true Chip of the old block, his Father I warrant him—But Sister, I have something to say to you in private, concerning my Daughter.
Enter Nurse. [5]
Nurse. By your leave Good Folks, Is Master Venter the Merchant here I pray?
Mr. Ven. Oh Nurse! I am glad to see thee, How does my Boy?
Nurse. Very well, I thank Heaven Sir! He grows bravely I assure you. ”

“ We must also commend Harris for supplying a consistent and relatively believable motivation for the main action. In both A Cure for a Cuckold and The City Bride, Clare (Clara) begins the action by giving her suitor, Lessingham (Friendly) , a cryptic message: he is to determine who his best friend is and kill him. In A Cure for a Cuckold, it is never made clear whether the victim should have been Bonvile or Clare herself (she apparently intended to trick Lessingham into poisoning her) . ”

“ Sister Venter, May I presume to ask if my Brother can say as much?
[Exit Bonvile, Arab. Spruce, and the rest of the Guests.]
Mrs. Vent. Yes Brother, I think he may, I freely Give him leave.
Mer. Observe that Brother, she freely gives you leave: But who Gives leave the Master or the Servant?
Mr. Ven. You are Merry Brother, and truly you have reason, having but one Daughter and see her Married as you would have her.
Mer. Yes, I have one thank Heaven! You wou’d be glad Sister you cou’d say so, but your Barrenness does give your Husband leave (if he please) to look for Game elsewhere. ”

“ But suppose the Case your own, wou’d you have miss’d so tempting an Occasion?
Fri. No, Sir, they’re too precious to be omitted: But I hear you two call Cousins, comes your Kindred by the Merryman’s or the Bonvile’s?
Sum. Neither! we were wholly Strangers ’till of late, and ’tis a word of Courtesy only interchange’d between us for some private Reasons.
Fri. This goes as I cou’d wish. [Aside.]
Sum. I desire you not to grow too inward with me, on so short an Acquaintance: Not that I’de have you think the Lady of so base a Disposition to grant me any thing beyond the Rules of Decency and Honour. ”

“ I thank you: well, I do not think but you’ll all see me come off with as smooth a Forehead, and make my Wife as honest a Woman as a Man wou’d desire sometimes, I mean of her Rank; and a teeming Woman, as you know she has been: Nay, I do not think but the Child too will be found to be as lawful a Child as any Couple of unmarried People can beget. ”

“ Ara. ’Tis I alone have cause to be sad, if this Day’s Happiness cou’d admit of any; But I’ve long reason’d with my pressing Thoughts, and from them drawn some Symptoms of Relief. Suppose this Day hath long since appointed by my dear Bonvile, to meet some Foe, and right his injur’d Reputation: Nay, say he fights, alas! Why shou’d I fear, when all the Powers above, that guard true Love and Innocence, will never see him fall.
Mer. Prethee peace, good Girl hold thy tongue; Od’s bobs thou’lt make us all Cowards, to hear a Woman preach up Valour thus. ”

“ No, no, our Mothers ne’re will consent to that, they love to groan and squall, tho at the same time the Gallows eccho’s to their Groans, and both together labour for us. From the first we travel forth—to’thers our Journey’s End. All this I know, yet I must forward: To beg, my Birth will ne’re consent to; and borrowing is quite out of date—Yet starve I cannot, nor murder I wou’d not: It must be the Highway then, the old Trade we poor honest Rogues are forc’d too—This Place will serve for a Beginner well enough—A Beginner did I say? ”

“ I will forgive thee, Peg, upon this Condition, that you tell me who it was that fell foul aboard thee, and sprung this Leak in thee.
Peg. O dear Husband!
Comp. Nay, no Excuses, for I must know.
Peg. Why then truly it was Mr. Venter the Merchant.
Comp. I am beholding to him, and wou’d requite his Civility, if his Wife were but as willing, thô he be one of our Merchants at Sea, he shall give me leave to be Owner at home; and where is my Boy? what, shan’t I see him?
Peg. Yes if you please, good Husband: He’s nurs’d at Bednal green; ’tis now too late, to Morrow will be better. ”

“ But tell me truly, is Bonvile surely dead?
Fri. Indeed he is.
Cla. ’Tis bravely done, and I adore thee for ’t. By Heaven I love thee now, even unto Dotage!
Fri. Was ever Change like this? The subtlest Labyrinth Wit cou’d ere invent, affords not half so many Turnings as a Woman’s Mind. ”

“ You’r too profuse in your Acknowledgment of your small Favours. But pray be brief, and let me know the happy Occasion of this your sudden Return, I long methinks to hear it.
Sum. Madam, you may command me—Not to molest the Company with the Recital of every vain and needless Circumstance; ’twas briefly thus. Scarce had we passed by Marget on our Course, when on a sudden, from the Top-mast head, a Sailer cries, All hands Aloft, three Sails ahead: With that we rumidg and clear our Deck, our Gun-room arm’d, and all things now are ready for a Fight. ”

“ What, a Thief, a Thief, what wou’d you have robb’d her of?
Sum. Not her Honour, I assure you, Sir, but only of those Jewels which she wears.
Mer. Ods bobs, thou wert an honest Thief, for that I faith he was.
Sum. They being fast, I cou’d not get ’em off without some Harm and Pain to her: which for the Indies I’d not have done. And she, in answer to my Civility, brought me home, and ransom’d them with the full Price in Gold, (with which I made my Venture) and the more to hide my Shame, she honour’d me with the Title of her Kinsman. ”

“ These are Riddles.
Cla. Fool, our whole Sex is made of nothing else: Thou mayst sooner untie the Gordian Knot, expound the Problems of the monstrous Sphynx, and read what is decreed in the mysterious Book of Fate, than unfold a Woman’s sly malitious Meaning.
Fri. Very well; she first set me on to do this most accurs’d of Deeds, and now upbraids me; nay wou’d hang me for ’t: These are the Tricks of all her damning Sex. O Woman, Woman, Woman, dear devilish Woman, farewel. ”

“ Enter Bonvile leading Arabella, Clara and Spruce, Mr. Venter and Mrs. Venter.
Mer. Let it be before all this Company then: What, and my Son and Daughter too so loving again? Nay then all’s well, ods bobs it is, and they shall hear it, ods bobs they shall.
Bon. I have heard the Story, Sir, already; and Friendly, you I pardon too, for Enemies in War take all Occasions to undo each other; yet tho I am your Enemy, I’ll be generous still, and make you Master of your wish’d for Mistress. ”