Cuckold

“ The character of cuckold is indelible: who once has it carries it to his grave; the punishment proclaims it more than the fault. It is to much purpose to drag out of obscurity and doubt our private misfortunes, thence to expose them on tragic scaffolds; and misfortunes that only hurt us by being known; for we say a good wife or a happy marriage, not that they are really so, but because no one says to the contrary. ”

“ Shall not I be a cuckold? By the haven of safety, cried out Rondibilis, what is this you ask of me? If you shall be a cuckold? My noble friend, I am married, and you are like to be so very speedily; therefore be pleased, from my experiment in the matter, to write in your brain with a steel pen this subsequent ditton, There is no married man who doth not run the hazard of being made a cuckold. Cuckoldry naturally attendeth marriage. The shadow doth not more naturally follow the body, than cuckoldry ensueth after marriage to place fair horns upon the husbands' heads. ”

“ So is it better far, as a certain gallant gentleman was used to say, to wed some fair and honourable dame, albeit with the risk of having a touch of the horns and suffering this misfortune of cuckoldry that is common to so many, rather than to endure so many hardships and perils in the making of other folks cuckold. ”

“ H. Indeed my heart, I believe the first part of your story, but my head does ache a little as well as my heart; I dread the horns, I would not be a cuckold for all the world, to be pointed at by every one to have a skimington rode for me, and a thousand other reproaches which are unsufferable
W. Tush, foolishman, can I make you a cuckold of myself? and were it so, you ought to bear all afflictions with christian patience; the old proverb tells you, that all cuckolds go to heaven. The world as bad as is is, will say 'tis none of your fault, but your wife's. ”

“ But, landlady, the word cuckold will bear no action in the law, except you could prove your husband prejudiced by it. Have any of his customers forsook him for't? Or any mercer refused to trust him the less, for my calling him so?
Franc. Nay, I know not for the mercers; perhaps the citizens may take it for no slander among one another, as they say: but for the gentlemen—
Lov. Will, have they forsaken thee upon it?
Bib. No, I assure you, sir.
Lov. No, I warrant 'em: A cuckold has the signification of an honest well-meaning citizen; one, that is not given to jealousies or suspicions ”

“ Quoth she to me,—and sore enraged for wounded pride was she, For she in sooth had bidden me to that which might not be,—
“An if thou swive me not forthright, as one should swive his wife, If thou be made a cuckold straight, reproach it not to me.
Meseems thy yard is made of wax, for very flaccidness; For when I rub it with my hand, it softens instantly.”
And quoth he likewise of his yard:
I have a yard that sleeps on base and shameful wise, Whenever one I love with my desire complies ”

“ Making you a cuckold; 'tis that they all do, as soon as they can.
Spark. What, the wedding-day? no, a wife that designs to make a cully of her husband will be sure to let him win the first stake of love, by the world. But come, they stay dinner for us: come, I'll lead down our Margery.
Pinch. No—sir, go, we'll follow you. ”

“ If I never marry, I shall never be a cuckold. Trouil. I thought so. Pan. But put the case that I be married. Trouil. Where shall we put it? Pan. Admit it be so, then, and take my meaning in that sense. Trouil. I am otherwise employed. Pan. By the death of a hog, and mother of a toad, O Lord! if I durst hazard upon a little fling at the swearing game, though privily and under thumb, it would lighten the burden of my heart and ease my lights and reins exceedingly. A little patience nevertheless is requisite. Well then, if I marry, I shall be a cuckold. ”

“ An old Gentleman who had married a fine young Lady, and being terribly afraid of Cuckoldom, took her to Task one Day, and ask'd her, if she had considered what a crying Sin it was in a Woman to cuckold her Husband? ”

“ Thou hast the metoposcopy and physiognomy of a cuckold,--I say, of a notorious and infamous cuckold. With this, casting an eye upon Panurge's right hand in all the parts thereof, he said, This rugged draught which I see here, just under the mount of Jove, was never yet but in the hand of a cuckold. Afterwards, he with a white lead pen swiftly and hastily drew a certain number of diverse kinds of points, which by rules of geomancy he coupled and joined together; then said: Truth itself is not truer than that it is certain thou wilt be a cuckold a little after thy marriage. ”

“ Nor yet will she be changed into a chough, but will steal from you, chiefly in the night, as is the nature of that thievish bird. Hereby may you perceive your dreams to be in every jot conform and agreeable to the Virgilian lots. A cuckold you will be, beaten and robbed. Then cried out Father John with a loud voice, He tells the truth; upon my conscience, thou wilt be a cuckold--an honest one, I warrant thee. O the brave horns that will be borne by thee! ”

“ What a thing is a cuckold, that every fool can make him ridiculous!— [Aloud.] Well, sir—but let me advise you, now you are come to be concerned, because you suspect the danger, not to neglect the means to prevent it, especially when the greatest share of the malady will light upon your own head, for
Hows'e'er the kind wife's belly comes to swell,
The husband breeds for her, and first is ill. ”

“ On the eve of her bridal, her husband seeing her all sad and pensive, asked her what ailed her; and she did answer him angrily, "You would never believe me, and be persuaded to leave off your pursuit of me. You know what I have always said, that if ever I were so unfortunate as to become your wife, I would make you cuckold. And I swear I will do so, and keep my word to you." She was in no wise dainty about saying the same before sundry of her lady companions and male admirers. ”

“ Yet, what is this practice of exhibiting a cuckold in a ridiculous point of view, but an apology for adultery, as if it was intended to teach women that their charms are not formed for the possession of one man only? Alas! it is but too true that some of the French belles need no encouragement to infidelity: too soon all scruple is stifled in their bosom ”

“ If Jove be a cuckold, Juno is a whore. This follows by the figure metalepsis: as to call a child, in the presence of his father and mother, a bastard, or whore's son, is tacitly and underboard no less than if he had said openly the father is a cuckold and his wife a punk. Let our discourse come nearer to the purpose. The horns that my wife did make me are horns of abundance, planted and grafted in my head for the increase and shooting up of all good things. ”

“ A cuckold remains a cuckold though he take the life of the man who has reduced him to that ignominy.
Tremayne must go before the evil transcended reparation. Let him return to his regiment and do his work of sapping and mining elsewhere than in O’Moy’s household. ”

“ A large cuckold’s cap, I was sent by a friend.
The Quaker's wife nodded, and said with a frown,
I han’t such a thing if thou’d give me a crown;
Besides, I’d not lend it, suppose that I had,
For fear it should make my poor husband run mad.
In town there are many young women, perhaps
Are cunning and artful in making such caps ”

“ Another crys, Why we know not what they mean, when the Man takes a Woman off the Stage, and another is thereby cuckolded; is that any more than you see in the most Celebrated of your Plays? as the City Politicks, the Lady Mayoress, and the Old Lawyers Wife, who goes with a Man she never saw before, and comes out again the joyfull’st Woman alive, for having made her Husband a Cuckold with such Dexterity, and yet I see nothing unnatural nor obscene: ‘tis proper for the Characters. ”

“ Think not thou honour'st woman then,
Since by thy conscience all disgrac'd
Are robb'd of the dear loves of men.
[128] "Then grant me my desire, that vow to prove
A real husband, his adulterate love."
Took ever man more pains to be a cuckold!
O monstrous age, where men themselves, we see,
Study and pay for their own infamy.
SCENE II. Enter Ingen, Maid, Lord Proudly, Brother like a woman: swords drawn. ”

“ The cryer perceiving his ignorance, said, alas! man, thou art no witch: thou lookest more like a cuckold than a witch. Then making a leg to the court, he gave them thanks, and so returned home chearfully. His wife, meeting him at the town's end, said Husband, art thou a witch or no? No, wife, they tell me I look more like a cuckold. Husband, say (illegible text) ey so, we will have them taken up for witches, for unless they were witches they could not tell that you was a cuckold. ”

“ He is also rendered ridiculous. It is for this reason that the cuckold is always presented in literature as a comic figure; he is in the position of a man who is unconsciously having his pocket picked. ”

“ There’s people of station that lives in this nation,
whose titles I now will forbear,
Both women and men as I understand,
that’s forced the horns for to wear.
But if every cuckold were chear’d with a bottle,
with a large bell hung down to his toe,
In country and town you would hear a fine sound,
of cuckolds boys all in a row, &c.
There's many brave tars as I do declare,
their lives at the sea they do venture,
To bring home, the sees, which when they do please,
will give to a blade to content her. ”

“ Const. 'Tis true, a Man of real Worth scarce ever is a Cuckold, but by his own Fault. Women are not naturally lewd; there must be something to urge 'em to it. They'll cuckold a Churl, out of Revenge; a Fool, because they despise him; a Beast, because they loath him. But when they make bold with a Man they once had a well-grounded Value for, 'tis because they first see themselves neglected by him.
[Pg 197]
Heart. Nay, were I well assured that I should never grow Sir John, I ne'er shou'd fear Belinda, wou'd play my Lady. ”

“ He did further say he could always wed plenty of women every year, speaking of marriage as an hidden prostitution of a man's repute and liberty, ordained by a specious law. Moreover that the worst of it was, this, as myself also do see and have noted to be the case, that the more part, nay! all, of them that have thus taken delight in making other folks cuckold, when themselves come to wed, infallibly do they fall into the married, I mean the cuckolded, state. ”

“ And being told how matters stood, they made use of their time; and esteem'd themselves much beholden to the Bawd, by whose contrivance they thus come together; whilst she did greater Pennance, and under-went more Pain to procure their Pleasure, then they were then aware of: For the old Gentleman not being Satisfied in that Revenge he had taken on his Wife, for her making him a Cuckold ”

“ It is hard to be sure for a man to be cuckolded the very first night of his marriage. But even at present, though the formality of the thing is abolished, there are very few husbands who are not tolerably certain of being cuckolded by the first lord, or duke, who thinks it worth his while to attempt it. ”

“ The jealousy felt towards young, ardent wives by their older husbands lest they be made cuckold constitutes probably a far less frequent triangle and involves, on the whole, less suffering than that experienced by wives who are growing frigid with years toward their still lusty spouses. ”

“ To see, Sir John, how much you are mistaken; he that marries a widdowe makes himself cuckold. Exempli gratia, to speake experimentally and in my trade, if a good bitch is first warded with a curre, let her ever after be warded with a dog of a good straine and yet she will bring curres as at first, her wombe being first infected with a curre. ”

“ He expatiates most fully upon the tragedy of old men and young wives, and gives many long incidents of jealousy and unfaithfulness of women who, although carefully guarded, have made old husbands cuckold. ”

“ He is represented by Lord Clarendon as a man of desperate character and dissolute habits. ↑ If the husband sided not with the Presbyterians, his wife was represented as insidious and a betrayer of her country's interests, such as Dalilah was to Samson and the Israelites. Judges xvi. ↑ Compared them to the ten horns, or ten kings, who gave their power and strength to the beast. Revelation xvii. 12. See also Daniel vii. 7. A cuckold is called a horned beast, and a notorious cuckold may be called a ten-horned beast, there being no beast described with more horns than the beast in vision. ”

“ OME cuckolds there be which are good-natured and which of their own impulse do invite themselves to this feast of cuckoldry. Thus I have known some who would say to their wives, "Such and such an one is in love with you; I know him well, and he often cometh to visit us, but 'tis for love of you, my pretty. Give him good welcome; he can do us much pleasure, his acquaintance may advantage us greatly."
Others again will say to their wives' admirers, "My wife is in love with you, and right fond of you. ”

“ In this wise then are poor husbands made cuckold by such thoughts on the part of ladies, who are ready to wish forsooth, but not to do. For truly, without suspecting it, they will of their own fault be burned in the candle, or at the fire they have themselves built. ”

“ A married man who is deceived by his wife, a husband whose wife is unfaithful. Would you like me to give my book such a title as The Husband whose Wife was False to Her Vows? That would resemble a Pontoise poster. Was it not clearer and simpler to take the one word which, alone, means all that?
You might have called it the Predestined, someone may say. My answer to that is that that title would have been excellent for those who understood it, but that very many people would never have guessed that it meant cuckold ”