Frederick Marryat

“ But on second thoughts, Vanslyperken thought that it was not worth while to be hanged himself, just for the pleasure of hanging others. It was a great relief to his mind to know that there was no fear of discovery. The tip of his nose itched, and he rubbed it mechanically; the rubbing brought away all the skin. He remembered the hot poker--the money he had been forced to pay--his being made to sing and to beg pardon on his knees; and he cursed Moggy in his heart, the more so, as he felt that he dare not take any steps against her. ”

“ I like the moral of that song; a sailor never should marry till he can settle on shore."
"What's the meaning of big-a-me?" said Moggy.
"Marrying two husbands or two wives, Mrs Salisbury. Perhaps you might get off on the plea that you had only one and a half," continued Nancy, laughing.
"Well, perhaps she might," replied Jemmy, "if he were a judge of understanding."
"I should think, Mistress Nancy, you might as well leave my husband's legs alone," observed Moggy, affronted.
"Lord bless you, Moggy, if he's not angry, you surely should not be; I give a joke, and I can take one. ”

“ Vanslyperken bowed to his haughty new acquaintance, and quitted the house.
"Yes," thought Ramsay, "that fellow is a low, contemptible traitor, and how infamous does treason appear in that wretch! but--I--I am no traitor--I have forfeited my property and risked my life in fidelity to my king, and in attempting to rid the world of a usurper and a tyrant. Here, indeed, I am playing a traitor's part to my host, but still I am doing my duty. An army without spies would be incomplete, and one may descend to that office for the good of one's country without tarnish or disgrace. ”

“ At this moment Vanslyperken was so much annoyed at the loss of what would have been a fortune to him, that he felt as angry as the informer. The boat’s crew were equally enraged, the dog was pommelled, and kicked, and passed along from one to the other, until he at last gained the stern sheets, and crouched between the legs of his master, who kicked him away in a rage, and he saved himself under the legs of the informer, who, seizing a pistol, struck him with the butt-end of it such a blow, that nothing but the very thick skull of the dog could have saved him. ”

“ Here there was another summons for Corporal Van Spitter.
"Mein Gott, I will not go," exclaimed the corporal.
"Yes, yes, go, corporal," replied Smallbones; "it's the best way to face the devil."
"Damn the devil!--and that's not swearing," exclaimed Short--such a long sentence out of his mouth was added to the marvels of the night--some even shrugged up their shoulders at that, as if it also were supernatural.
"I always say so," said Jansen, "I always say so--no tog, no tog, after all."
"No, no," replied Coble, shaking his head. ”

“ The Frau Vandersloosh made her appearance, sailing in the room like a Dutch man-of-war of that period, under full sail, high pooped and broad sterned. Never having stood in the presence of great men, she was not a little confused, so she fanned herself most furiously.
"You wish to speak with me," said Lord Albemarle.
"Yes, your honour's honour, I've come to expose a snivelling traitor to his Majesty's crown. Yes, yes, Mr Vanslyperken, we shall see now," continued the widow, talking to herself, and fanning away. ”

“ My blessing must be worth something, if it's only for its scarcity; and do you know why I bless thee, my Cornelius? Because--ha, ha, ha! because you are a murderer and a traitor, and you love gold."
Even Vanslyperken shuddered at the hag's address.
"What do you ever gain by doing good in this world? nothing but laughter and contempt. I began the world like a fool, but I shall go out of it like a wise woman, hating, despising everything but gold. ”

“ Hereupon, Obadiah Coble hitched up his trousers, and said, "Why, as a matter of opinion, I agrees with you, sir, whomsoever you may be."
"Mein Gott! yes, sir," exclaimed the corporal.
And all the crew cried out together, "Death--death!" which, by-the-bye, was very mutinous.
"You perceive that you are doubly condemned as a double traitor," said Sir Robert. "So prepare to die; the religion you profess I know not, but the time you will be allowed to make your peace with your God is fifteen minutes."
"Oh!" groaned Vanslyperken, with his face to the deck. ”

“ She received the lieutenant now as an accepted lover, allowed him to talk of the day, wormed out of him all his secrets except that of his treason, abused Smallbones, and acknowledged that she had been too hasty about the dog, which she would be very happy to see on shore. Vanslyperken could hardly believe his senses—the widow forgive Snarleyyow, and all for his sake—he was delighted, enchanted, threw himself at her feet, and vowed eternal gratitude with his lips—but vengeance in his heart. ”

“ Imagine my surprise, my horror, my vexation, my distress, my agony, when who should come in but my supposed dead husband! I thought I should have died when I saw him. I dropped as it was, down into a swoon, and when I came to my senses, there he was hanging over me; thinking, poor fool, that I had swooned for joy, and kissing me--pah! yes, kissing me. O dear! O dear! My dear Mr Vanslyperken, I thought of you, and what your feelings would be, when you know all this; but there he was alive, and in good health, and now I have nothing more to do but to lie down and die. ”

“ Perhaps he was, for the widow had not had so much custom lately, and was glad the crew of the cutter were arrived to spend their money. Already had Vanslyperken removed his sword and belt, and laid them with his three-cornered laced hat on the side-table; he was already cosily, as of wont, seated upon the widow’s little fubsy sofa, with the lady by his side, and he had just taken her hand and was about to renew his suit, to pour forth the impromptu effusions of his heart, concocted on the quarter-deck of the Yungfrau, when who should bolt into the parlour but the unwelcome Snarleyyow. ”

“ Smallbones followed in obedience by his former persecutor and his superior, officer; a bag of bones—a reed—a lath—a scarecrow; like a pilot cutter ahead of an Indiaman, followed in his wake by Corporal Van Spitter, weighing twenty stone. How could this be? It was human nature. Smallbones took the lead, because he was the more courageous of the two, and the corporal following, proved he tacitly admitted it. ”

“ Tum tum, tumty tum--said the fiddle of Jemmy Ducks, as if it took part in the conference.
"That poor boy will be killed if things go on this way: the skipper will never be content till he has driven his soul out of his body--poor creature; only look at him as he lies in his hammock."
"I never seed a Christian such an object," said one of the sailors.
"If the dog ain't killed, Bones will be, that's sartain," observed Coble, "and I don't see why the preference should be given to a human individual, although the dog is the skipper's dog--now then, what d'ye say, my lads?" ”

“ No, you must go with me, Wilhelmina, for more than one reason; the government have ordered the seizure of the persons to be made in the night, to avoid a disturbance; but that they will not be able to prevent; the mob are but too happy to prove their loyalty, when they can do so by rapine and plunder, and depend upon it that this house will be sacked and levelled to the ground before to-morrow evening. You cannot go to prison with your father; you cannot remain here, to be at the mercy of an infuriated and lawless mob. You must go with me, Wilhelmina ”

“ We will settle this matter by-and-bye," cried Vanslyperken, pouring down with indignation the proffered glass.
"Now, Susan, don't ill-treat Mr Vanslyperken: I purtest against all ill-treatment."
"Ill-treat, Mrs Salisbury! I am only giving him a lesson in purliteness."
"Now, Mr What-the-devil's-your-name, you must drink off a glass of my burnt brandy, or I shall be jealous," cried another; "and when I am jealous I always takes to red-hot pokers." Resistance was in vain, the poker was again taken from between the bars, and the burnt brandy went down. ”

“ Thereupon Mrs Vandersloosh commenced the history of Vanslyperken’s wooing, of his cur Snarleyyow, of her fancy for the corporal, of his finding her with the corporal the day before, of her beating him off with the brooms, and of her threats to expose his treason. “And so, now, when he finds that he was to be exposed, he comes up first himself; that’s now the truth of it, or my name’s not Vandersloosh, your honour;” and the widow walked up and down with the march of an elephant, fanning herself violently, her bosom heaving with agitation, and her face as red as a boiled lobster. ”

“ And you a lieutenant! Five guineas, now, would be saying something.”
“Five guineas! why I have not so much money. Upon my soul, I hav’n’t.”
“Let us see,” said one of the party, diving like an adept into Vanslyperken’s trousers-pocket, and pulling out his purse. The money was poured out on the table, and twelve guineas counted out.
“Then whose money is this?” cried the woman; “not yours, on your soul; have you been taking a purse to-night? I vote we sends for a constable.” ”

“ My public conduct, as belonging to a party, does not prevent my having my private opinions. To my party, I am, and ever will be steadfast; but knowing the world, and the secret springs of most people's actions, as I do, you must not be surprised at my being so candid with you, Wilhelmina. Our conversation, I believe, commenced upon the character of King William; and I will confess to you, that estimating the two characters in moral worth, I would infinitely prefer being the exiled and Catholic James than the unnatural and crowned King William? ”

“ It was the first time that he had been a murderer. He was pale as ashes. He felt sick, and he staggered to his cupboard, poured out a tumbler of scheedam, and drank it off at a draught. This recovered him, and he again felt brave. He returned on deck, and ordered his boat to be manned, which was presently done. Mr Vanslyperken would have given the world to have gone aft, and to have looked over the stern, but he dared not; so, pushing the men into the boat, he slipped in, and was pulled on shore. ”

“ Smallbones replaced the bottle in the cupboard, and replied, "It's only Smallbones, sir, and the mates, come to help you."
"Smallbones!" said Vanslyperken, still wandering. "Smallbones is drowned--and the whole pot of black paint."
"Conscience," said Short.
"Carving-knife," rejoined Coble.
"Carving-knife!" said Vanslyperken, raising himself up; "I never said a word about a carving-knife, did I? Who is it that I see? Short--and Coble--help me up. I've had a sad fall. Where's Smallbones? Is he alive--really alive?"
"I believe as how I bees," replied Smallbones. ”

“ After which Mr Vanslyperken returned to the parlour, where he found the widow, erect, with her back turned to the stove, blowing and bristling, her bosom heaving, reminding you of seas mountains high, as if she were still under the effect of a just resentment for the affront offered to her. There she stood waiting in all dignity for Mr Vanslyperken to repair the injury done, whether unintentional or not. In few words, there she waited, for the biscuit to be presented to her. ”

“ Firmly attached, and loyal as I am to my sovereign, Mynheer Krause, I do not think that King William is more to be relied upon than King James. Kings are but kings, they will repay the most important services by smiles, and the least doubtful act with the gibbet. I agree with you that some one must have maligned you, but allow me to make a remark that if once suspicion or dislike enters into a royal breast, there is no effacing it, a complete verdict of innocence will not do it ”

“ Vanslyperken left the house quite enchanted. “This will do,” thought he; “and if I succeed, Frau Vandersloosh may go to the devil.” He returned on board, unlocked his cabin, where Snarleyyow had been secured from the machinations of Smallbones and other malcontents, and sat down to enjoy the castle-building which he had commenced after he left the house. He patted his dog, and apostrophised it. “Yes, my poor brute,” said Vanslyperken, “your master will get a rich widow, without it being necessary that you should be laid dead at her porch. Damn Frau Vandersloosh.” ”

“ Smallbones made up a lachrymal face.
"It's very hard," said he; "suppose the dog has fallen into the canal, is that my fault? If he's a-gone to the bottom of the canal, that's no reason why I'm to be dragged under the bottom of the cutter."
"Yes, yes," replied Vanslyperken, "I'll teach you to throw paving-stones off the wharf. Leave the cabin, sir."
Smallbones, whose guilty conscience flew into his pallid face at the mention of the paving-stones, immediately made a hasty retreat; and Vanslyperken turned into his bed and dreamt of vengeance. ”

“ Vanslyperken remained silent for some time. He then, as usual, imparted to his mother all that had occurred.
"Well, well, my child; but there is the other one. Gold is gold, one wife is as good--to neglect--as another. My child, never marry a woman for love--she will make a fool of you. You have had a lucky escape--I see you have, Cornelius. But where is the gold you said you took for turning traitor--where is it?" ”