George A. Birmingham

“ I found it difficult to believe that a man capable of trying to steal a postal order would have such a respect for our convenience as to repost the letter afterward, particularly as he would be in a bad temper after opening it, for there was no postal order inside. ”

“ I suppose she'll give us the usual month's notice."
"George Crab," said the Colonel, "is the assistant in the local post-office. Will you be so good as to allow me to see a specimen of Annie Long's handwriting?"
This request not unnaturally irritated Fulkington. He said he had never seen Annie Long's handwriting in his life and did not want to. I tried to soothe him.
"The Colonel," I said, "doesn't mean to suggest that you are carrying on a clandestine correspondence with your own housemaid behind the backs of George Crab and Mrs. Fulkington. He knows you're not that kind of man. ”

“ They are, after all, the most presentable people in the neighborhood. Mrs. Fulkington replied, accepting the invitation, and proposing that we and the Colonel should dine with her on Thursday. Then we settled down to the work of preparation. Most of it fell to my wife's share, for I am singularly useless in a domestic crisis, and I find that my help has an irritating effect on the other workers. ”

“ Jones and Wilkinson both lived in London; so, I presume, does the company associated with them. London is one hundred and fifty miles away from us. Jones & Wilkinson would therefore suffer very little from my wife's anger. I should suffer a great deal. It was better for them to bear the blame. Besides, I did post the letter—on Tuesday morning.
"There'll be nothing to drink at dinner," she said. I felt the difficulty and did my best to minimize it.
"There's whiskey," I said, "and sherry. Fulkington drinks whiskey, I know. You and Mrs. Fulkington can manage with the sherry." ”

“ They are inclined to pride themselves on their social position and to be very exclusive. It is good for them to be made to understand that we are quite as well connected as they are. When the Colonel won his D.S.O., young Fulkington, who is quite as snobbish as his wife, was visibly impressed. When, a little later on, the Colonel was appointed chief of the South Australian police force, my wife went over to the Fulkingtons' house on purpose to tell them the news. ”

“ The champagne arrived this morning. They only sent three bottles instead of six, and it was a different kind, not what I ordered; but that doesn't matter now. Gilbert is going away to-morrow morning, so we sha'n't want it."
"He may or may not go," I said. "If he arrests Fulkington this afternoon, he will. But if Fulkington is out when he calls, he'll have to wait till to-morrow. He'll hardly put handcuffs on him at his own dinner-table."
My wife failed altogether to realize the critical position of poor Fulkington. ”

“ I posted it myself on Tuesday afternoon. The fact is," Fulkington went on addressing me, "that when we knew the Colonel was to dine here to-night we wrote to Jones & Wilkinson to send down some champagne. By the way, they sent the wrong brand, and six bottles instead of three."
The Colonel is a determined man. He was not prepared to allow the structure he had reared with such pains to crumble before his eyes.
"You'll find," he said, "that I'm right. How else are we to explain the changed envelope of the other letter?" ”

“ Albert size. Educated female handwriting. Stephens's Blue-Black Ink. Hurriedly written. Water-mark, crown surmounted by cross. Slightly scented. Soft pen used."
Then he turned to my wife and questioned her. She did not want to tell the story about the hurried order for champagne; but she told it. The Colonel examined and cross-examined her with the utmost ferocity, as if she were in a witness-box and suspected of committing perjury. When he had got all he could out of her he attacked me.
I stuck firmly to my original statement that I had posted the letter on Monday afternoon. ”

“ The longest-living author of this work died in 1950, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 73 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works. ”