George Robey

“ Hobbs pointed out, should have been sacred.
I bowed my head in shame.
Mrs. Hobbs said she would learn me to chase the poor dumb animal.
The crowd murmured approval.
Mrs. Hobbs remarked that some people were no better than Huns.
The crowd cried, “That's right!” and “Shame!”
Mrs. Hobbs said she hoped that some day some people would be trodden on as she had been trodden on.
The crowd hoped so too.
Mrs. Hobbs been to cry. She said this was the crowning sorrow of her life. Nothing would ever make up to her for the chipped Cupid, and the glass case alone had cost a small fortune. ”

“ I pleaded. “Think before you do anything you may regret. Remember, he is your husband. Remember, before you send him to prison, he is the man you have vowed to love, honor and obey. The man you have taken for better and for worse.”
“A damn sight more worse than better,” replied Sybil.
“At any rate, he is your husband,” I said. “Won't you—can't I persuade you to—forgive him?”
With these words I drew out my note-case. I pushed a note into her hand.
“Come,” I murmured, “be generous, forgive.”
She folded the note with care, stooped and thrust it into her stocking. ”

“ Hobbs that I was willing to make good the loss as far as lay in my power.
Mrs. Hobbs instantly became hysterical and dropped Cupid on to the pavement. It broke into three pieces. Mrs. Hobbs gave a shriek and swooned into my arms.
She was a large woman, but my presence of mind did not desert me. I lowered her gently on to her doorstep and called for keys and burnt feathers.
Then it was that I received a remarkable illustration of the truth of the saying, “It's the poor that help the poor.”
The poor burned feathers under the nose of Mrs. Hobbs until she was quite black in the face. ”

“ I said, “but I believe this is your property.” And I held out the flower-pot with a pleasant smile upon my face.
Next moment the giant had seized the flower-pot and hurled it back at me. It hit me right in the middle of my pleasant smile, rebounded thence, and fell in shattered fragments at my feet.
The giant made a movement toward me. Propelled by an irresistible force, I joined the geraniums upon the pavement. When I had gathered myself together, I noticed that the door of that house was closed. Its occupant had disappeared. ”

“ They put so many door-keys down her back that every inch of her must have been metal-plated.
For a long time Mrs. Hobbs refused to yield to treatment. The burnt feathers made her choke and cough, but she went on swooning, and her eyes remained tightly closed. All efforts to lift her were fruitless. Mrs. Hobbs continued to repose inertly upon her doorstep.
Then some one suggested blood-letting, and Mrs. Hobbs sat up. By the time I had pressed a five-pound note into her hand she had recovered completely. ”

“ I realize that from my very earliest days, as far back as, if not further than the neolithic period, it has been man's privilege to indulge in the innocent pastime of wife-beating. There is, I however, a growing tendency on the part of our modern law-makers, rightly or wrongly, to discourage this form of exercise. I am but a humble instrument of the law. While sympathizing with the manly instinct which is prompting you administer what I have no doubt is well-merited castigation, it is my official duly to persuade you to desist.”
So saying, I handed him the treasury note for one pound. ”

“ It was the most enormous man I have ever beheld. His light attire was well calculated to reveal his powerful frame and abnormally bulging muscles. The moon shed her rays upon his face and disclosed a countenance of a strangely forbidding nature. ”

“ And in that moment I registered a solemn vow that, come what might, I would always do my duty; I would never fail my weaker fellow men in their hour of need, no matter how difficult or dangerous the task imposed upon me. ”

“ Hobbs now stood revealed as an act of unparalleled brutality and callousness. The cat of one who had triumphantly supported herself and the partner of her joys and sorrows for thirty years by taking in mangling and occasionally doing for the ladies of the neighborhood to oblige, such an animal, Mrs. ”

“ By George Robey
The favorite of laughter-loving London theatre-goers, who combines the talents of versatile comedian, author-humorist, and popular entertainer, writes a sketch of a special constable's unprecedented efforts to preserve the peace. His philosophically disposed copper, who turns the other cheek in the face of attack and meets the most pressing emergencies with five-pound notes, is a fresh and amusing contribution to current fiction. ”

“ I dragged him painfully back on to the pavement. I seated him with difficulty against a lamp-post. I overhauled him for broken bones.
His attire was disheveled and one eye was assuming rainbow hues. He blinked at me cheerfully with the other. fumbled in his pocket, pulled out a short clay pipe and spoke.
“GOT light—hic—mate? Matches blinkin' dif—hic—dif–hiccult to ob—hic—tain.”
I was surprised and a little annoyed.
“How's this, my man?” I inquired, as I helped him to light his pipe. “Why have you come out again? I thought I saw you home.” ”