Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“ All the women, like a harem, At his pig-tail troop along, And, like all the East he grows in, He is Poison when he's strong. "Tea, although an Oriental, Is a gentleman at least; Cocoa is a cad and coward, Cocoa is a vulgar beast; Cocoa is a dull, disloyal, Lying, crawling cad and clown, And may very well be grateful To the fool that takes him down. ”

“ Is it, say, 'milk--water--shaving-water-- shaving--hair?' Is it 'milk--kindness--unkindness--convicts--hair?' What is the logical connection between having too much hair and having far too few boots? What _can_ it be? Is it 'hair--hair-trunk-- leather-trunk--leather-boots?' Is it 'hair--beard--oysters-- seaside--paddling--no boots?' Man is liable to err--especially when every mistake he makes is called a movement--but why should all the lunacies live together? ”

“ No boots? Is that why they're allowed no boots? Oh, roll him down hill in a milk can: he can't object to that."
"I don't know," said Pump, in his ruminant way, "Master Christian's aunt did, but ladies are more particular, of course."
"Look here!" cried Dalroy, in some excitement, "if I stick up that sign outside, and stay here to help, will you defy them? You'd be strictly within the law, and any private coercion I can promise you they shall repent. Plant the sign and sell the stuff openly like a man, and you may stand in English history like a deliverer." ”

“ It walked very swiftly to a particular turn of the stream and then turned very sharply (since it had accomplished its constitutional) , and walked back toward the perfect town of Peaceways.
"I suppose it's somebody from that milk place," said Humphrey Pump, indulgently. "They seem to be pretty mad."
"I don't mind that so much," said Dalroy, "I'm mad myself sometimes. But a madman has only one merit and last link with God. A madman is always logical. Now what is the logical connection between living on milk and wearing your hair long? Most of us lived on milk when we had no hair at all. ”

“ Some men count their years with dismay, and he counted his with a juvenile vanity. Some men collect stamps or coins, and he collected days. Newspaper men interviewed him about the historic times through which he had lived, without eliciting anything whatever; except that he had apparently taken to an exclusive milk diet at about the age when most of us leave it off. Asked if he was alive in 1815, he said that was the very year he found it wasn't any milk, but must be Mountain Milk, like Dr. Meadows says. ”

“ Pump suspected to be of no very superior quality. When the last goat was gone, Captain Dalroy said:
"I mean that all this seems to me topsy-turvy. I understood that as the law stands now, if there's a sign they are allowed to drink and if there isn't they aren't."
"The Law!" said the man, in a voice thick with scorn. "Do you think these poor brutes are afraid of the Law as they are of the Doctor?"
"Why should they be afraid of the Doctor?" asked Dalroy, innocently. "I always heard that Peaceways was a self-governing republic."
"Self-governing be damned," was the illiberal reply. ”

“ If an angel out of heaven Brings you other things to drink, Thank him for his kind intentions, Go and pour them down the sink. "Tea is like the East he grows in, A great yellow Mandarin, With urbanity of manner, And unconsciousness of sin ”

“ Meadows, of course, who discovered this deathless tribe, and erected on it the whole of his great dietetic philosophy, to say nothing of the houses and dairies of Peaceways. He attracted many pupils and backers among the wealthy and influential; young men who were, so to speak, training for extreme old age, infant old men, embryo nonagenarians. ”

“ It's all very well, Captain; but if people can prevent a guest of great importance being buried up to the neck in farm manure, they will. They will, really." He coughed almost apologetically. He was about to attempt a resumption of the conversation, when he saw his companion slap the milk can and keg back into the car, and get into it himself. "You drive," he said, "drive me where those things live; you know, Hump."
They did not, however, arrive in the civic centre of such things without yet another delay. They left the river and followed the man with the long hair and the goatskin frock ”

“ And so my business is ruined so that he can sell his milk. Luckily I'd done pretty well before and had some compensation, of course; and I still do a fair trade on the Q.T., as you see. But of course that don't amount to half the old one, for they're afraid of old Meadows finding out. Snuffling old blighter!"
And the gentleman with the good clothes spat on the carpet.
"I am a Radical myself," said the Irishman, rather coldly, "for all information on the Conservative party I must refer you to my friend, Mr. Pump, who is, of course, in the inmost secrets of his leaders. ”

“ But it seems to me very rum sort of Radicalism to eat and drink at the orders of a master who is a madman, merely because he's also a millionaire. 0 Liberty, what very complicated and even unsatisfactory social developments are committed in thy name! Why don't they kick the old ass round the town a bit? ”

“ And only because one little old man had joined the group; a little old man in white linen with a white pointed beard and a white powder-puff of hair like thistledown: a man whom almost every man present could have killed with the left arm. ”

“ Pump.
"Oh, the usual Peaceways people," said the other. "They generally come here before work. Dr. Meadows don't work them for very long hours, that wouldn't be healthy or whatever he calls it; but he's particular about their being punctual. I've seen 'em running, with all their pure-minded togs on, when the hooter gave the last call."
Then he abruptly opened the front door and called out impatiently, but not loudly:
"Come along in if you're coming. You'll give the show away if you play the fool out there."
Patrick looked out also and the view of the road outside was certainly rather singular. ”

“ Come along! There's room in our car."
"Well, I'll come with you, if you like," replied Mr. Hugby, heavily. "It's true if yours is allowed we might get our trade back, too." And putting on a silk hat he followed the Captain and the innkeeper out to their little car. The model village was not an appropriate background for Mr. ”