Guy Wetmore Carryl

“ Watched and waited, and peaked and pined.
The reason for this, I beg to state,
Is all summed up in the words Too Late!
The moral intwined is: Love is blind,
But he never leaves all his wits behind:
You may beat him, cheat him, often defeat him,
Though he be true with torture treat him:
One of these days you'll be bereft,
You think you're right, but you'll find you're left.
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THE REMARKABLE REGIMEN
OF
THE SPRAT FAMILY
The Sprats were four in number,
Including twins in kilts:
All day Jack carted lumber,
All day his wife made quilts. ”

“ Though she treated them all with a high hauteur.
She ruled them, schooled them, frequently fooled them,
Snubbed, tormented, and ridiculed them:
Mice as a rule are much like men,
So they swallowed their pride and called again. ”

“ Somebody's apt to get horribly hurt!"
Mother Hubbard cried loudly
And proudly:
"Lands sakes! but you give yourselves airs!
I'll take the law to you
And sue you."
The neighbors responded: "Who cares?
We none of us care if
The sheriff
Lock every man jack of us up ”

“ I have pleasure in acknowledging the courteous permission of the editors to reprint in this form such of the following verses as were originally published in Harper's Magazine, the Saturday Evening Post, and the London Sketch.
G. W. C.
CONTENTS ILLUSTRATIONS
3
THE ADMIRABLE ASSERTIVENESS
OF
JILTED JACK
A noble and a generous mind
Was Jack's;
Folks knew he would not talk behind
Their backs:
But when some maiden fresh and young,
At Jack a bit of banter flung,
She soon discovered that his tongue
Was sharp as any ax. ”

“ The eye the secret tells.
('Tis known the pie of county fairs all other pies excels.)
So when he saw upon the road,
Some fifty feet away,
A pieman, Simple Simon strode
Toward him, shouting: "Hey!
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42
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What kinds?" as lordly as a prince.
The pieman said: "I've pumpkin, quince,
Blueberry, lemon, peach, and mince:"
And, showing his array,
He added: "Won't you try one, sir? They're very nice to-day." ”

“ Than this mischance is crueller, and that is for a jeweller
To strike but paste in what he fondly thought to be a stone.
27
THE EMBARRASSING EPISODE
OF
LITTLE MISS MUFFET
Little Miss Muffet discovered a tuffet,
(Which never occurred to the rest of us)
And, as 'twas a June day, and just about noonday,
She wanted to eat—like the best of us:
Her diet was whey, and I hasten to say
It is wholesome and people grow fat on it.
The spot being lonely, the lady not only
Discovered the tuffet, but sat on it. ”

“ He paused to choose between an apple dumpling and a tart.
Observing that upon his tray
His goods were growing few,
The pieman cried: "I beg to say
That patrons such as you
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One does not meet in many a moon. ”

“ At sight of her disaster, with arnica and plaster
The neighbors ran up eagerly to aid.
They cried: "Don't do that offen, ma'am, or
you will need a coffin, ma'am,
You've hurt your solar plexus, we're afraid. ”