Ian Hay

“ Eloping is like riding a bicycle: you must go full speed ahead all the time, or you will begin to wobble. Dorothy was of a romantic disposition and barely twenty. She had been attracted by Mr. Gillibrand's dark eyes and lofty soul, and the fact that a peppery papa and a Philistine elder brother had described her Galahad as an effeminate young puppy and a mangy little swine respectively had been quite sufficient to persuade her that she loved him to distraction. But, as already indicated, you cannot take an elopement andante. Dorothy was wobbling badly. ”

“ James glanced through the message. It said:
"Tell village policeman that man who ran over ducklings is here."
"Is that clear, John?" asked Archibald.
James uttered a muffled sound, and departed.
"A strange, reticent fellow," explained Archibald to his guests; "but a heart of gold, and suffers terribly with his tonsils. Shall we go into the garden? The birds are singing. Lovely, is it not?" ”

“ They were a tight fit, for James was a large man.
"I wonder what that lunatic is doing down-stairs," he mused. "I hope he has made up the kitchen fire, so that we can dry our things. I can't face Dolly in this rig. Hallo! What's that?"
From the garden outside came the toot of a motor-horn, then a burring, and popping right under the window, then silence.
Down-stairs, Archibald, depositing a fine ham upon the dining-room table, tip-toed to the window and peeped through the curtain. Outside the front door stood another motor-cycle, this time with a side-car. ”

“ We could have worked up the Thirty-Nine Articles into a cross- talk dialogue—"
"Do you mean to say there are no more clothes in the house?" demanded the exasperated James, who was in no mood to bandy irreverences.
"There is nothing in the dressing-room; but root about a bit in the larder or the hen-house, and you may find something. In the last extremity you can lunch in that bath-towel. Meanwhile I will lay the table."
Archibald bounded down-stairs, his coat-tails flying. The disconsolate James tried another door. ”

“ The Dorothy?"
James, with the rain streaming down his face, nodded dismally.
"Yes," he said; "that was why I suggested we should go."
Archibald considered.
"Take comfort," he said at length. "We will push this condemned sewing-machine"—he indicated the motor-bicycle—"to Popleigh. There we will obtain food and clothing, and I will repair the tire. In the afternoon, if it clears up, I will convey you to Dorothy."
"How can we get food and clothing at Popleigh?" demanded the irritable James. "Have you ever been in the place in your life?" ”

“ Flick has taken the little creature out for a brisk country walk, depend upon it. Still, I know he would resent any attempt on our part to give him the go-by, so we must get in. Let us find a window."
The windows upon the ground floor were all closed, but one stood open above the porch. With the assistance of the faithful James, Archibald clambered up the trellis-work, and presently effected his burglarious purpose. A moment later he opened the front door with a flourish, and admitted his reluctant companion. ”

“ Then, severely, to his prisoner: "Trying to escape amounts to resisting of the police in the execution of their duty. That makes things more serious." Out came the note-book once more. "You will now be charged with driving through Popleigh village to the common danger, exceeding the speed limit, running over three liddle ducklings, refusing to stop when requested to do so by a police officer, and resisting of the police by trying to run away."
"Do you mean to say," Gillibrand inquired slowly, "that that is all?"
"Enough, too," rejoined the policeman. ”

“ It's a hazardous feat, buttoning one's collar at the back." He revolved slowly on his toes. "Pretty good fit, on the whole. I expected to find it rather big for me, but Flick appears to have shrunk. James, I am it! Let us go down-stairs and find the harmonium and sing 'Greenland's Icy Mountains.' "
"Dry up," advised James, "and tell me where I can get some clothes. Do you mean to say that I am to make a holy show of myself, too?"
"Unfortunately not," replied Archibald. "This is the only parsonical outfit that I can find; probably it is what the Flick wears on Sunday. It's a pity ”

“ I have n't seen her since, and being down here with you, and knowing she would probably be at the tennis party, I had meant to go over to Tuckleford to-day and try to get her to make it up. And now she's eloping with a fellow like an Angora goat! ”

“ Mr. Pontifex cleared his throat and began at once.
"Sir," he said, "I insist upon an immediate explanation. You have broken into my house, you are masquerading in my clothes, you have apparently entertained a party of friends to luncheon in my dining-room—you have now involved me in a grotesque and inexplicable brawl between a village policeman and an escaped criminal, to whom you have apparently promised a dispensation from the Archbishop of Canterbury. If you can explain all these circumstances, I shall be extremely grateful to you."
Archibald laid a sudden hand on Mr. ”