J. Storer Clouston

“ His Majesty, I found, was willing, even anxious, to discuss the incident.
"Did you ever hear of anything so preposterous as a man refusing to perform his hereditary duty?" he said. "I never have, and I have read a great many books on a great many subjects."
I did not ask his Majesty whether he had also met a great many men, but I endeavored to say what I could on the Count's behalf, pointing out his youth, his lack of experience in performing his functions, and the demoralizing influence of his residence in other countries ruled by less capable and conscientious sovereigns. ”

“ The Count speedily found his labors lightened in the most astonishing way, while Gretchen would have scrubbed all day in order to remain in the company of so fine a gentleman. As I do not profess to know what passed between these fellow laborers, I shall now return to my own share in this romantic adventure.
Hardly had I entered the palace that morning when I happened to meet the Count Rassel-Dassel, who forthwith gave me a most entertaining and ludicrous account of what had befallen his fellow nobleman ”

“ In those barbarous times we used, I believe, to actually superintend the work, but nowadays the duties consist in cleaning one pane of glass with a silk handkerchief, or in default presenting his Majesty with an embroidered duster. The privileges include the right to ask any woman in Regalia to dance without waiting for an introduction, and to shoot bears in the royal preserves. I have brought my duster with me, and I mean to take full advantage of my privileges, I assure you. ”

“ A nobleman—as most of mine are—would be ashamed to hold a position without doing the work to the very best of his ability. That is so, Baron von Spank?"
"Your Majesty, I trust, cannot be mistaken," replied the Vice-Chancellor discreetly.
"In any case," said King Fido, "I shall see that they do it. ”

“ Thus the last volume but one of the Encyclopedia Regalia had to be removed from his library, as it contained articles on 'Sapho' and 'Socialism.' But you will see him for yourself to-morrow: in the mean time, my dear Sir Hugo, I must bid you good night."
As can readily be imagined, this conversation filled me with even greater curiosity than ever to meet this remarkable prince. On the next morning my desire was gratified. I was conducted by von Spank to one of his private apartments, and there for the first time had the gratification of seeing and conversing with Fido the Fourteenth. ”

“ I believe you are right, and that I shall come away with an entirely favorable impression of the young man, who, I am sure, is in any case a most modest and virtuous nobleman, and likely to become in time one of the brightest ornaments of my court. ”

“ The office has been merely honorary for centuries."
"When your ancestors first undertook this duty, there was no mention of anything honorary," replied the King, "and I am astonished that a perfectly healthy young man like you should make such an excuse.
And thereupon he commanded two gentlemen ushers to conduct the Count to the state bedrooms and provide him with the implements necessary for his honorable employment. ”

“ He spoke the most perfect English; and not only so, he had even acquired our manners and idioms to the life, which doubtless was what made him so popular wherever he went.
"Ah, my dear Fugle," he said, "so you really have come to bore yourself in Büngen?" ”

“ In figure he was short and inclined towards stoutness, while his countenance, though open and kindly, could scarcely be termed handsome in the usual sense. Moreover, his secluded way of life was hardly calculated to stimulate a young man to embellish nature by the aid of art and array his person to the greatest advantage. ”

“ You must now consider yourself under arrest until your wedding is over. Come, gentlemen, let us return to our council-chamber."
Two days later a paragraph appeared in the Büngen papers announcing that a marriage had been solemnized between Count Seraphin Zonnbiem, Hereditary Cleaner to his Majesty King Fido of Regalia, and Gretchen Kopp, daughter of the late Johann Kopp, blacksmith in Büngen; and ever since then the palace windows have been kept in the very best of order. ”

“ Is it not evident that a thing must be much better and much more conscientiously done by a man whose ancestors have always been in the habit of doing it? That is my own idea, founded on thirty-five years' secluded study, and I think it is an improvement even on Darwin's. He says most things are hereditary ”

“ Fido insists upon every man doing his duty—an improvement on somebody else's idea."
After again complimenting his Majesty on the felicity of his utterances, my audience came to an end, and I withdrew, greatly gratified by my reception.
[Here follow in the original memoirs two more passages of Sir Hugo Fugle's observations on sovereignty in general and King Fido in particular, which, with all deference to that distinguished diplomatist, we take the liberty of omitting.] ”