James Edward Preston Muddock

“ I may tell you that our high calling does not always command that respect that it should, and our teachings have been attacked by some of the most learned men of this country. I regret that we have unbelievers and hard-headed sceptics amongst us who have dared to impeach our noble order of propagating unsound doctrines. Even his Majesty King Gubmuh is not free from this infidel scepticism --- if I may so term it. ”

“ This gentleman to whom you refer to as dwelling in England must be a man of incomprehensible wisdom, and I confess that my knowledge does not enable me to tell why he should be doomed to pass a term in such an unenlightened place and among such awful savages. I have no doubt that you will be surprised to hear that we have several eminent authors among us who have written learned treatises also upon the origin or our species. ”

“ Flonatin was really boiling over with rage. To be spoken about in such a disdainful and contemptuous manner by a person who seemed to him to be only one remove from a monkey, was almost more than human patience could stand. ”

“ No doubt if some of the huge animals which we capture in the jungles and exhibit for the amusement of the people could speak, they would enter such another protest as you have done, and have the audacity to talk about the high positions they held amongst their fellows, and how infinitely superior they were to every other animal, and so on. ”

“ Flonatin," answered the priest, "we are not human, but prehuman beings. The human state is that awful darkness in which you dwell --- it is, in fact, a state of degeneration, and we grieve deeply for those who are doomed to pass into it."
"Dear me, dear me," Flin remarked thoughtfully, and wishing to propitiate this very self- opinionated gentleman, "this is odd, very odd indeed. You are possibly, sir, not aware that situated on the crust of the earth is a very small, and somewhat insignificant, insular spot which we call England." ”

“ We are aware that scattered all over the outside crust of this beautiful earth are millions of wretched beings like yourself. They are, in fact, the spirits of those who have lived in the inner world, and who for misdeeds done here are doomed for a purgatorial period to take upon themselves the forms of men and women and pass a life of most awful suffering on the crust, and which is, in fact, a kind of probationary Hades, as proved by our sages and philosophers from time immemorial. ”

“ But the most dreadful degradation of all to which you are subject is to live in a tailless state. There could be no surer sign of utter barbarism and degenerated nature than that, as you will observe that this enlightened people is distinguished by a most graceful caudal appendage. The longer the tail the higher is the rank of the person. The lower orders are not allowed to wear long tails, and so they are clipped in childhood. The greatest mark of distinction among the subjects of King Gubmuh is the ancient order of the Blue Ribbon of the Tail. ”

“ But I was about to observe before you interrupted me that in the little spot known as England is an author of some eminence, who has written a very great deal upon what he is pleased to call the 'origin of species.' And he has brought upon himself no small ridicule by asserting that the people who inhabit the exterior of the earth formerly had tails. ”

“ Flin remarked, "that the wicked pre-human people who die here take upon themselves the human state, and dwell outside of the earth, it may account for differences in opinion on religious matters being so rife amongst us."
"Exactly!" exclaimed the priest delightedly.
"You are a very clever person. Sectarianism is one of the tortures to which the human race is doomed. Another certain sign of the degradation to which you are made to suffer, as tailless beings, is your awful, savage gluttony for that commonest of all metals --- gold." ”

“ They have sought to prove that we have descended from races who lived in the far-off past, and who spoke no language, wore no clothes, but were covered with long hair and lived like beasts in the jungles. I am happy to say, however, that these gentlemen have only had contempt and ridicule for their pains. That we, enlightened, skilled and highly civilised as we are, should have descended from animals of the monkey tribe is a monstrously absurd theory. ”

“ You are but a poor representative of fallen greatness, and possibly having, in common with your people, some instinctive knowledge of the state you occupied when with us, you ape our manners, our customs, and lay claim to some of our wisdom. ”

“ We are as a nation immeasurably superior to the people which you represent, and you see that we have tails. And that your people are without tails is --- as I have before observed --- one of the most dreadful marks of degradation. But when some of our writers try to prove by shallow argument that we have sprung from monkeys, it is really heartrending. We must draw the line somewhere, you know, and we draw it at tails, sir. ”

“ And I really feel that nothing I could say about the lying humbugs of the upper world who call themselves spiritualists would be too strong. They are a set of miserable, deceiving rascals, and ought to be burned with brimstone. ”

“ The barbarous, blood-thirsty people from whom you have come have ever been looked upon with horror by us. It is given to me and my brother magicians to know something of the awful regions in which you dwell. ”

“ But that the writer you speak of should be enabled to tell that you who are human are degenerated from us who are pre-human, shows how deep must be his learning; and that he should have to preach to unbelievers is truly lamentable. ”

“ He is a very low and uncivilised person, and scarcely superior to your own wretched people. For centuries our two nations have been enemies, and some terrible wars have been the result. But King Thgirenivid has always been the oppressor. ”

“ However, he thought it was better not to interrupt, and so the priest proceeded.
"The vile trade carried on by your people who call themselves spiritualists is a disgrace, if anything can be a disgrace to human beings; and since they trade upon the credulity of the ignorant and vulgar, they should be suppressed with a strong hand."
"Really, Mr Ytidrusba, you are using very strong language," Flin remarked, unable longer to restrain himself.
"No stronger than is justifiable, sir. Impostors should be dealt with boldly. ”

“ We, as priests, have the gift of being able to know, by a sort of spiritual intuition, what takes place on the exterior of the world, but this gift is not given to the lower orders, nor even to the kings. ”

“ I may further inform you that the enlightened and highly civilised people of the world I have left have generally been in the habit, from time immemorial, of fixing the locality of the regions you speak of as being situated somewhere down here. ”

“ He, in common with thousands of his subjects, has doubted the possibility of there being an outer and purgatorial world. In our great public library there are hundreds and hundreds of massive tomes, written by the ablest men who ever lived, and who have endeavoured, by logical reasoning, to prove that living beings could not exist on the crust of the earth. We call these writers materialists, in opposition to those who believe to the contrary, and who are known as spiritualists."
"Then I take it, sir, that you are a spiritualist?" said Flin. ”