Johanna Spyri

“ Hellmut! Is this little house really my own, now, and will I really have a garden besides? Oh, Mr. Hellmut!”
But her benefactor would not let her say any more. After heartily shaking her hand, he hurried away.
The large raspberries were peeping out between the green leaves, and the golden plums were dropping from the heavily laden branches. From morning till night on these beautiful summer days Mux fairly swam in uninterrupted bliss. Before he had even opened his eyes in the morning, he would call out to his mother in his sleep: “Oh, mother, are we in Iller-Stream still? Are we still here?” ”

“ Here was Cornelli, looking as fresh and bright as ever; all the unspeakably sad expression had vanished from her face, together with the awful disfigurement of those days. The old woman was deeply stirred by the happy look in the little girl’s eyes. Her young mother had looked at her just that way. And here was Dino, too, full of his old attachment, and speaking such kind words to her. She could hardly believe this great happiness.
“We have to go, now, Martha,” Cornelli said, “but we’ll come every day the way we used to; you know that, Martha. I’ll run over every single day.” ”

“ You can see for yourself what comes of it! If only you would not frown like this, Cornelli. You look exactly as if you had two little horns growing on your forehead, one on each side. There are many other and better amusements for you than spending your life in the stable. Are you able to embroider?”
“No,” Cornelli answered curtly.
“Children of your age ought to be able to, though,” said the cousin. “But we have not come here to teach you that; have we, Betty? You probably do not even know how to hold the needle in your hand.” ”

“ Please, mother, don’t worry about me,” Dino implored.
“I am afraid that your professor is right,” the mother said with a sigh. “But I have a plan which we shall talk over to-night. I shall also talk over our guardian’s proposal, girls. Please try not to look so terribly unhappy, for everything is not yet lost.”
“Oh, it will come to that in the end,” said Nika, leaving the room.
“Yes, and much worse, I guess,” said Agnes. Violently pushing her chair in place, she departed, after thrusting her music into a folder.
“What can be worse than when all is lost?” Dino called after her. ”

“ You must not think that I imagine something, Dino; otherwise I would not be so frightened that I often cannot go to sleep for a long, long while. I have to think and think all the time. I know that it will get worse and worse and that I won’t be able to cover it up in the end. Then there won’t be a single person in the world who does not hate me when he looks at me. ”

“ Never before had spring come so fast. So at least it seemed to Cornelli, who was walking home alone one day from school. The winter had gone by and already a mild wind was blowing through the streets, and the melting snow was dropping from the roofs.
From the top of a roof a little bird was whistling and singing a song of delight to the bright blue sky above. Cornelli’s school had been over sooner than the other children’s, so she was in no hurry and stood still to listen. ”

“ Cornelli had again settled down beside Dino with a mixed feeling of wonderful delight and fear. He noticed her timidity.
“Oh, yes, Dino, I love to stay with you and Mux,” she assured him. “Your mother is so good to me, too, but I am afraid of your two sisters. I have to think of poor little block-headed Trina all the time, when she does everything wrong and does not know how to do otherwise; you all despise her for it and she can’t help it. I know what it is like to be so block-headed.” ”

“ At last Cornelli’s eyes closed, but she kept on seeing the flowers and seemed to be looking up admiringly at Nika, who stood beside her, tall and beautiful. Cornelli thought: If she would only say one pleasant word to me. Then Nika turned around to her and said: “You are an awkward, block-headed Cornelli!” All this Cornelli saw and heard in her dream.
Agnes said to her sister in the other room: “If only Cornelli would say something! One cannot tell what she is thinking about. How could Dino find her so amusing, and become her friend? She sits there all the time and never says a word.” ”

“ I know that a young child can be frightened by harsh words more than grown-up people realize. Afterwards they cannot understand the cause of the shy behavior which is the result. Cornelli has not lost her mother’s eyes, only one cannot see them under her hanging fringes.”
“Yes, that’s it, Martha, this horrible disfigurement, this obstinacy which holds fast to it all. The shy, spiritless manner, the absolutely changed ways of the child hurt and worry me so. It takes away all my joy and all my courage and paralyzes all hope for the future. It has absolutely spoiled my life.” ”

“ His house, with the surrounding garden, the luminous meadow with the view toward the valley and the distant mountains beyond, was painted in such fresh and absolutely natural colors that Mr. Hellmut was quite overcome. This was the view he had loved so passionately from his childhood.
“Cornelli, come here!” the father called. “Just look at this picture! Don’t you have a beautiful home? Do you love your home as much as your father loves it?”
“Oh yes, Papa, I love it so much!” said Cornelli. ”

“ Can you never again be merry?”
“No, not any more,” replied Cornelli, entering Martha’s little chamber and sitting down on the stool which her old friend had put for her in the usual place. Cornelli’s words did not come rapidly and angrily any more, as they had done before. With a deep sigh she added: “I only wish I had never learned to read.”
“What! But child, what an idea,” exclaimed Martha, “what a foolish wish! You should realize what it means to want to find out something and not be able to. One has to begin over and over again, and nothing helps one. ”

“ Dino had listened, full of astonishment. He had never before heard anything like that.
“But, Cornelli,” he said, “why do you frown all the time, if the bumps grow when you do it? It would be so much better if you would think of funny things and would try to laugh. If you always made a pleasant face they would perhaps go away entirely.”
“I can’t! I can’t possibly do it,” Cornelli lamented. “I know that I make a horrid face and that I am so ugly that nobody wants to look at me. Whenever anybody looks at me I have to make a cross face, for I know that everybody thinks how horrid I look. ”

“ Cornelli said.
“It certainly is a fine story,” Dino assured her; “just listen: She had a step-brother who was a wash boiler—you see, you have laughed again! That’s the way! So they went together to Paris, where there was a revolution.”
“What is a revolution?” Cornelli asked, quite thrilled.
“See how the story interests you!” said Dino, thoroughly pleased. “You have no more wrinkles on your forehead, because you are listening well. Didn’t I guess what you have to do? I’ll go on now. You call it a revolution when nobody wants to remain in their old places and everything goes to pieces.” ”

“ Cornelli broke forth passionately. “But I am always alone and never can say a word to anybody. And if one is made so that everybody hates and despises one, and if no one in the whole world can help one and everything gets worse all the time—-You do not know how it is. I only wish I could die right away—” Here Cornelli burst into sudden tears. Putting her head on the table she sobbed violently.
Dino looked quite frightened; he had never intended to make Cornelli sad and he could not understand what she had said. ”

“ It was a consolation to Agnes that she could play on the lovely piano whenever she wanted to and that Cornelli was always home in the evenings, when she could sing with her. Mr. Hellmut would sit in his arm-chair while the two girls sang one song after another, and he could never hear enough. Beaming with joy, he would say to Mrs. Halm from time to time: “The child has her mother’s voice, except that her mother’s voice was still fuller and softer.” ”

“ Nika placed a large painting under the bright lamp. It somewhat resembled the beautiful pictures which decorated the walls of the room. The colors in it were perfectly wonderful, and Cornelli had never before seen such a lovely picture. Sparkling crimson roses were hanging down an old wall and dense ivy was creeping up between them with shiny green leaves. An old oak tree was stretching large gnarled branches over the decayed wall, and below, a clear stream was peacefully flowing out to a meadow, where glowing red and blue flowers seemed to greet it joyfully. ”

“ You have thought that we could still produce a change for the better,” said Miss Dorner, after Cornelli had shut the door behind her. “What have we accomplished with our best efforts? We have tried hard enough for her father’s sake. How terrible it will be for him to live alone with her again! Instead of cheering his lonely life, she will only cause him worry and trouble. And what a sight she is! Have you ever seen an obstinacy equal to hers in all your life?” ”

“ Cornelli had followed her, for she was filled with sympathy. Putting her arms about Agnes, she said: “Tell me, Agnes, what makes you cry. I know what it is like to have to cry like that. But why do you do it now, when your teacher has just praised you?”
“What good is that to me?” Agnes burst out. “How does it help me to play ever so well? What good would it ever do me even to practice day and night? Nika and I can only keep on one year more, and then everything is over. Then she can’t paint any more and I can’t have any more music lessons, for we shall have to become dressmakers. ”

“ A short time after that Matthew joined her. “What is the matter with the child, Esther,” he asked. “She is so changed! One can hardly recognize any more our gay and friendly Cornelli. And why does she have her hair hanging into her face that way? One absolutely does not know her any more.”
“That is just what I say,” Esther replied. “I really can’t understand it. One hardly ever sees the child, and if one does meet her somewhere, she scarcely says a word. She never sings or laughs the way she used to, and she always wears such a terribly unhappy expression that it fairly makes one’s heart ache. ”

“ Mux was screaming loudly, and seemed quite beside himself. “Mama, Mama,” he cried out, “just look at a living goat boy and a real goat! Come down and see me!”
Mux was sitting on the seat of a lovely wicker carriage, with two reins in one hand and a whip in the other, while a young and slender goat was pulling him. Agnes and Cornelli were running beside the carriage as protectors, while Dino held the goat lightly by the reins to keep her from running off. All the children were screaming with delight at the wonderful ride. ”

“ Miss Mina was looking towards the other side, where Cornelli stood: “Won’t you even give me your hand? This is not very friendly of you. That is just the way you are,” she said to the child in a low voice.
Now Esther broke forth: “Miss Mina,” she called out as loudly as she could, “please be so kind as to tell the ladies on the trip who left the dusty marks on the sofa by standing on it. They were not from a child’s shoe.”
Mina blushed a deep scarlet and Miss Dorner, full of astonishment, looked at her glowing face. She expected a fitting retort, but none came. ”

“ Then you could not look up calmly to the sky, for you would be frightened at the thought that up there was One who knew everything and from whom nothing could be hidden. A wrong accusation does not stay with us forever. Even if it takes ever so long, it generally is revealed in the end, and you certainly will not need to bear it in all eternity, because God already knows how it is.”
Cornelli had really grown calm at the thought that there was One who knew how it all was. ”

“ In many places Martha would be reminded of Cornelli’s mother; then with great tenderness she would tell the child about her. Martha was the only one who ever talked to Cornelli about her mother. Her father never spoke of her; and Esther, who had been in their service for a long time, always replied when the child wanted to talk to her about her mother: “Do not talk, please; it only makes one sad. People shouldn’t stir up such memories.”
“So you are coming, too?” Martha said happily. It was her greatest joy to take a walk with her small, merry companion. ”

“ Cornelli shook her head.
Miss Mina had quickly understood the new order that had begun in the household and accordingly had suited herself to it. When she thought the ladies would not approve of an old custom, she dropped it quickly, and Cornelli had soon noticed her change of attitude.
“I don’t care if I never can go to the pantry any more, I don’t care,” Cornelli exploded now. “She can eat all the things herself which drop beside the plate. I don’t care. I don’t want anything as long as I can go to the little kid in the stable; it really is the most cunning creature in the whole world. ”

“ Cornelli was so astonished by Dino’s knowledge in the matter that she gazed at him dumfounded.
“Oh, yes, I know how it is,” he repeated. “But you do not need to be bitter, because you lead the finest life anyone possibly could. I always think so each morning and evening when I go over to the stable to drink my milk. What a wonderful garden you have! I never saw such fruit. A whole tree full of plums and all the berries on the bushes! And then the two fine horses that are kept separately in your stable for you. ”

“ Agnes flushed scarlet.
“Oh no, Mr. Hellmut, I did not mean it that way. I have never fought with Cornelli, and I only fight with Dino because he wants to have Cornelli all the time. If Cornelli didn’t have this beautiful home and if she were like me and had to give up all her music lessons and had to earn her living, we could do fine things together. She has such a beautiful voice that we could hire a harp and could travel into strange cities and sing before the houses. Later on we could give concerts and begin a singing school. But I can’t do anything alone.” ”

“ Mux called out louder and louder: “Oh, Cornelli, take me along!” He could not realize that he was really going, too. There were still many days and even weeks before their bliss would come true, but with this heavenly prospect before them the children performed their remaining duties only too joyfully.
It was different for Cornelli. Her longing for her home had grown more violent every day. Wherever she saw a green tree or a bush, she saw the garden at home, the meadows, and the flowers in Iller-Stream before her mind’s eye. ”