John Gay

“ LUCY. Come, Miss Polly.
POLLY. Indeed, Child, you have given yourself trouble to no purpose.--You must, my Dear, excuse me.
LUCY. Really, Miss Polly, you are as squeamishly affected about taking a Cup of Strong-Waters as a Lady before Company. I vow, Polly, I shall take it monstrously ill if you refuse me.--Brandy and Men (though Women love them ever so well) are always taken by us with some Reluctance--unless 'tis in private.
POLLY. I protest, Madam, it goes against me.--What do I see! Macheath again in Custody!--Now every Glimm'ring of Happiness is lost. ”

“ LUCY. Then our Cases, my dear Polly, are exactly alike. Both of us indeed have been too fond.
AIR XLVIII. O Bessy Bell.
POLLY. A Curse attend that Woman's Love, Who always would be pleasing. LUCY. The Pertness of the billing Dove, Like Tickling, is but teazing. POLLY. What then in Love can Woman do: LUCY. If we grow fond they shun us. POLLY. And when we fly them, they pursue: LUCY. But leave us when they've won us.
LUCY. Love is so very whimsical in both Sexes, that it is impossible to be lasting.--But my Heart is particular, and contradicts my own Observation. ”

“ PEACHUM. There is not a Fellow that is cleverer in his way, and saves more Goods out of the Fire than Ned. But now, Polly, to your Affair; for Matters must not be left as they are. You are married then, it seems?
POLLY. Yes, Sir.
PEACHUM. And how do you propose to live, Child?
POLLY. Like other Women, Sir, upon the Industry of my Husband.
MRS. PEACHUM. What, is the Wench turn'd Fool? A Highwayman's Wife, like a Soldier's, hath as little of his Pay, as of his Company.
PEACHUM. And had not you the common Views of a Gentlewoman in your Marriage, Polly? ”

“ POLLY. And hast thou the Heart to persist in disowning me?
MACHEATH. And hast thou the Heart to persist in persuading me that I am married? Why, Polly, dost thou seek to aggravate my Misfortunes?
LUCY. Really, Miss Peachum, you but expose yourself. Besides, 'tis barbarous in you to worry a Gentleman in his Circumstances.
AIR XXXVI.
POLLY. Cease your Funning; Force or Cunning Never shall my Heart trapan. All these Sallies Are but Malice To seduce my constant Man. 'Tis most certain, By their flirting Women oft' have Envy shown. Pleas'd, to ruin Others wooing; Never happy in their own. ”

“ Exit Peachum.
Enter Lucy.
Lockit. Whence come you, Hussy?
Lucy. My Tears might answer that Question.
Lockit. You have then been whimpering and fondling, like a Spaniel, over the Fellow that hath abus’d you.
Lucy. One can’t help Love; one can’t cure it. ’Tis not in my Power to obey you, and hate him.
Lockit. Learn to bear your Husband’s Death like a reasonable Woman. ’Tis not the fashion, now-a-days, so much as to affect Sorrow upon these Occasions. No Woman would ever marry, if she had not the Chance of Mortality for a Release. ”

“ Have you Money enough to carry on the daily Quarrels of Man and Wife about who shall squander most? There are not many Husbands and Wives, who can bear the Charges of plaguing one another in a handsom way. If you must be married, could you introduce no body into our Family but a Highwayman? Why, thou foolish Jade, thou wilt be as ill-us’d, and as much neglected, as if thou hadst married a Lord!
Peachum. Let not your Anger, my Dear, break through the Rules of Decency, for the Captain looks upon himself in the Military Capacity, as a Gentleman by his Profession. ”

“ PEACHUM. A Word with you, Wife. 'Tis no new thing for a Wench to take Man without Consent of Parents. You know 'tis the Frailty of Women, my Dear.
MRS. PEACHUM. Yes, indeed, the Sex is frail. But the first time a Woman is frail, she should be somewhat nice methinks, for then or never is the time to make her Fortune. After that, she hath nothing to do but to guard herself from being found out, and she may do what she pleases.
PEACHUM. Make yourself a little easy; I have a Thought shall soon set all Matters again to rights. Why so melancholy, Polly? ”

“ If you at an Office solicit your Due, And would not have Matters neglected; You must quicken the Clerk with the Perquisite too, To do what his Duty directed.
Or would you the Frowns of a Lady prevent, She too has this palpable Failing, The Perquisite softens her into Consent; That Reason with all is prevailing.
LUCY. What Love or Money can do shall be done: for all my Comfort depends upon your Safety.
[Enter Polly.] ”

“ If the Heart of a Man is deprest with Cares, The Mist is dispell'd when a Woman appears; Like the Notes of a Fiddle, she sweetly, sweetly Raises the Spirits, and charms our Ears, Roses and Lilies her Cheeks disclose, But her ripe Lips are more sweet than those. Press her, Caress her, With Blisses, Her Kisses Dissolve us in Pleasure, and soft Repose.
I must have Women. There is nothing unbends the Mind like them. Money is not so strong a Cordial for the Time. ”

“ MACHEATH. I am sorry, Gentlemen, the Road was so barren of Money. When my Friends are in Difficulties, I am always glad that my Fortune can be serviceable to them. [Gives them Money.] You see, Gentlemen, I am not a mere Court Friend, who professes every thing and will do nothing.
AIR XLIII. Lillibullero.
The Modes of the Court so common are grown, That a true Friend can hardly be met; Friendship for Interest is but a Loan, Which they let out for what they can get. 'Tis true, you find Some Friends so kind, Who will give you good Counsel themselves to defend. ”

“ And truly, my Dear, that is a great Blessing.
Peachum. What a dickens is the Woman always a whimpring about Murder for? No Gentleman is ever look’d upon the worse for killing a Man in his own Defence; and if Business cannot be carried on without it, what would you have a Gentleman do?
Mrs. Peachum. If I am in the wrong, my Dear, you must excuse me, for no body can help the Frailty of an over-scrupulous Conscience.
Peachum. Murder is as fashionable a Crime as a Man can be guilty of. How many fine Gentlemen have we in Newgate every Year, purely upon that Article! ”

“ Macheath. I am ready, my dear Lucy, to give you Satisfaction—if you think there is any in Marriage.—What can a Man of Honour say more?
Lucy. So then, it seems, you are not married to Miss Polly.
Macheath. You know, Lucy, the Girl is prodigiously conceited. No Man can say a civil thing to her, but (like other fine Ladies) her Vanity makes her think he’s her own for ever and ever. ”

“ Thus Gamesters united in Friendship are found, Though they know that their Industry all is a Cheat; They flock to their Prey at the Dice-Box's Sound, And join to promote one another's Deceit. But if by mishap They fail of a Chap, To keep in their Hands, they each other entrap. Like Pikes, lank with Hunger, who miss of their Ends, They bite their Companions, and prey on their Friends.
Now, Peachum, you and I, like honest Tradesmen, are to have a fair Trial which of us two can over-reach the other. ”

“ POLLY. I know as well as any of the fine Ladies how to make the most of myself and of my Man too. A Woman knows how to be mercenary, though she hath never been in a Court or at an Assembly. We have it in our Natures, Papa. If I allow Captain Macheath some trifling Liberties, I have this Watch and other visible Marks of his Favour to shew for it. A Girl who cannot grant some Things, and refuse what is most material, will make but a poor hand of her Beauty, and soon be thrown upon the Common. ”

“ LOCKIT. Thou wilt always be a vulgar Slut, Lucy.--If you would not be look'd upon as a Fool, you should never do any thing but upon the foot of Interest. Those that act otherwise are their own Bubbles.
LUCY. But Love, Sir, is a Misfortune that may happen to the most discreet Women, and in Love we are all Fools alike--Notwithstanding all he swore, I am now fully convinc'd that Polly Peachum is actually his Wife.--Did I let him escape, (Fool that I was!) to go to her?-- Polly will wheedle herself into his Money, and then Peachum will hang him, and cheat us both. ”

“ Peachum. ’Tis our mutual Interest; ’tis for the Interest of the World we should agree. If I said any thing, Brother, to the Prejudice of your Character, I ask pardon.
Lockit. Brother Peachum—I can forgive as well as resent.—Give me your Hand. Suspicion does not become a Friend.
Peachum. I only meant to give you Occasion to justify yourself: But I must now step home, for I expect the Gentleman about this Snuff-box, that Filch nimm’d two Nights ago in the Park. ”

“ After that, my Dear, how shall we be safe? Are we not then in her Husband’s Power? For a Husband hath the absolute Power over all a Wife’s Secrets but her own. If the Girl had the Discretion of a Court-Lady, who can have a Dozen young Fellows at her Ear without complying with one, I should not matter it; but Polly is Tinder, and a Spark will at once set her on a Flame. Married! If the Wench does not know her own Profit, sure she knows her own Pleasure better than to make herself a Property! ”

“ BEN. It grieves my Heart that so generous a Man should be involv'd in such Difficulties, as oblige him to live with such ill Company, and herd with Gamesters.
MATT. See the Partiality of Mankind!--One Man may steal a Horse, better than another look over a Hedge.--Of all Mechanics, of all servile Handicrafts-men, a Gamester is the vilest. But yet, as many of the Quality are of the Profession, he is admitted amongst the politest Company. I wonder we are not more respected.
MACHEATH. There will be deep Play to-night at Marybone, and consequently Money may be pick'd up upon the Road. ”

“ As soon as the Search begins to be a little cool, I will send to thee--'Till then my Heart is thy Prisoner.
LUCY. Come then, my dear Husband--owe thy Life to me--and though you love me not--be grateful,--but that Polly runs in my Head strangely.
MACHEATH. A moment of Time may make us unhappy for ever.
AIR XXXIX. The Lass of Patie's Mill, &c.
LUCY. I like the Fox shall grieve, Whose Mate hath left her Side, Whom Hounds from Morn to Eve, Chase o'er the Country wide. Where can my Lover hide? Where cheat the wary Pack? If Love be not his Guide, He never will come back! ”

“ The first time at the Looking-glass The Mother sets her Daughter, The Image strikes the smiling Lass With Self-love ever after, Each time she looks, she, fonder grown, Thinks ev'ry Charm grows stronger. But alas, vain Maid, all Eyes but your own Can see you are not younger.
When Women consider their own Beauties, they are all alike unreasonable in their Demands; for they expect their Lovers should like them as long as they like themselves. ”

“ I love a free-hearted Wench. Thou hast a most agreeable Assurance, Girl, and art as willing as a Turtle.—But hark! I hear Music. The Harper is at the Door. If Music be the Food of Love, play on. Ere you seat yourselves, Ladies, what think you of a Dance? ”

“ Through all the Employments of Life Each Neighbour abuses his Brother; Whore and Rogue they call Husband and Wife: All Professions be-rogue one another: The Priest calls the Lawyer a Cheat, The Lawyer be-knaves the Divine: And the Statesman, because he's so great, Thinks his Trade as honest as mine. ”

“ FILCH. When a Gentleman is long kept in suspence, Penitence may break his Spirit ever after. Besides, Certainty gives a Man a good Air upon his Trial, and makes him risk another without Fear or Scruple. But I'll away, for 'tis a Pleasure to be the Messenger of Comfort to Friends in Affliction.
[Exit Filch.]
PEACHUM. But 'tis now high time to look about me for a decent Execution against next Sessions. I hate a lazy Rogue, by whom one can get nothing 'till he is hang'd. ”

“ Look ye, Captain, we know what is fittest for our Prisoners. When a Gentleman uses me with Civility, I always do the best I can to please him.—Hand them down I say.—We have them of all Prices, from one Guinea to ten, and ’tis fitting every Gentleman should please himself.
Macheath. I understand you, Sir. [Gives Money.] The Fees here are so many, and so exorbitant, that few Fortunes can bear the Expence of getting off handsomly, or of dying like a Gentleman. ”

“ Indeed, my dear Lucy, these violent Passions may be of ill consequence to a Woman in your Condition.
Lucy. Come, come, Captain, for all your Assurance, you know that Miss Polly hath put it out of your Power to do me the Justice you promis’d me.
Macheath. A jealous Woman believes every thing her Passion suggests. To convince you of my Sincerity, if we can find the Ordinary, I shall have no Scruples of making you my Wife ”

“ PEACHUM. But 'tis your Duty, my Dear, to warn the Girl against her Ruin, and to instruct her how to make the most of her Beauty. I'll go to her this moment, and sift her. In the meantime, Wife, rip out the Coronets and Marks of these Dozen of Cambric Handkerchiefs, for I can dispose of them this Afternoon to a Chap in the City. [Exit Peachum.]
MRS. PEACHUM. Never was a Man more out of the way in an Argument than my Husband! Why must our Polly, forsooth, differ from her Sex, and love only her Husband? ”

“ Peachum. What is the Wench dumb? Speak, or I’ll make you plead by squeezing out an Answer from you. Are you really bound Wife to him, or are you only upon liking?
[Pinches her.]
Polly. Oh! [Screaming.]
Mrs. Peachum. How the Mother is to be pitied who hath handsom Daughters! Locks, Bolts, Bars, and Lectures of Morality are nothing to them: They break through them all. They have as much Pleasure in cheating a Father and Mother, as in cheating at Cards.
Peachum. Why, Polly, I shall soon know if you are married, by Macheath’s keeping from our House. ”