“ Augustus. "HAW! NEAT STYLE OF COB THAT, CHARLES!"
Charles. "YAAS! SEVERE AIN'T IT? YOU SEE I'M WEADING FOR EXAMINATION. A'VE GOT A DOOCED GOOD COACH, AND WITH CLASSICAL PONY THINK A SHALL PULL THROUGH!" ”

“ POOR FELLOW!
Frank. "I KNOW THIS—I CAN'T STAND MANY MORE EVENING PARTIES, AND IF I DON'T GET INTO THE COUNTRY AND HAVE A FEW DAYS' HUNTING, I SHALL KNOCK UP!"
"NOW I'M PAPA."
109
PUTTING IT BLANDLY.
Jones (living in the plebeian locality of St. John's Wood) . "I AM ALSO EXTREMELY PARTICULAR ABOUT MY WINDOWS—IF YOU ENTER MY SERVICE, I SHALL EXPECT YOU TO CLEAN THEM VERY CAREFULLY."
John Thomas (from Belgravia) . "OH, OF COURSE, SIR! YOU CAN HAVE YOUR WINDOWS CLEANED IF YOU LIKE—BUT IN BELGRAVIA—WE PREFERS THEM DIRTY—IT'S CONSIDERED MORE ARISTOCRATIC!" ”

“ Fare (who has driven rather a hard bargain and is settling) . "BUT WHY, MY GOOD MAN, DO YOU PUT THAT CLOTH OVER THE HORSE'S HEAD?"
Car-Driver. "SHURE, YER HONOUR, THIN—I SHOULDN'T LIKE HIM TO SEE HOW LITTLE YE PAY FOR SUCH A HARD DAYS WOR-RK!"
THE CONTEMPLATIVE MAN'S RECREATION.
Brown (excited) . "HI, JONES!—NET! NET! NET!—MAKE HASTE, OR I SHALL LOSE HIM!"
Jones (who is rather giddy and nervous) . "EH!—AH!—RIGHT!—TO BE SURE!—YES!—I—I—I—I'M COMING—AS FAST—AS—OH DEAR!—AS POSSIBLE!"
138
A CONTENTED MIND.
Old Wurzel. "WELL, MUSTER CHAWLES, SO YOU'VE BEEN A RIDING THE YOUNG UN.—HOW DOES HE GO?" ”

“ Old Salt (who has got sixpence a-piece out of the children) . "THERE, MY DEARS, YOU'VE GOT A KITTEN FOR A SHILLUN' AS HAD OUGHT TO 'A BIN SEVIN-AND-SIXPENCE AT LEAST; AND IF YOU'LL MEET ME HERE TO-MORRER AT THE SAME TIME, YOU SHALL HAVE SUCH A BOAT FOR A HALF-A-CROWN AS YOU COULDN'T GET AT A SHOP FOR FIVE BOB!" ”

“ VERY CRUEL SATIRE.
Mary (maliciously, to her Cousin on leave) . "HENRY, DEAR! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ORDER ABOUT REDUCING THE OFFICERS' WHISKERS AT ALDERSHOT? WHAT A SHAME! I'M SURE IF I WERE YOU I SHOULD RESIST IT!" ”

“ Tommy (who is standing a feed to Harry) . "OH, HANG IT, YOU KNOW, FOURTEEN BOB FOR A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE! THAT'S COMING IT RATHER STRONG, AIN'T IT?"
Waiter (with perfect composure) . "WE HAVE SOME CHEAP WINE, SIR, AT HALF-A-GUINEA."
A LITTLE FARCE AT A RAILWAY-STATION.
Lady. "I WANT ONE TICKET—FIRST!"
Clerk. "SINGLE?"
Lady. "SINGLE! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU, SIR, WHETHER I'M SINGLE OR NOT? IMPERTINENCE!" ”

“ WHATEVER MAY BE A FRENCHMAN'S DEFECTS, HE AT LEAST KNOWS HOW TO DRESS—AND ISN'T THE HAT HE WEARS A SWEET THING?
AN ORDER WE HOPE TO SEE ISSUED.
"THE POLICE HAVE STRICT ORDERS TO BONNET, PUT IN A SACK, AND LOCK UP ALL URCHINS WHO DISTURB THE PEACE OF THE METROPOLIS BY SCREAMING OUT 'DIXIES' LAND.'"
157
EFFECT OF SIXPENCE A MILE.
Cabby. "WELL! WE AIN'T ALLOWED TO SAY MUCH, BUT I'M THINKING A DOOSE OF A LOT!"
OCULAR DEMONSTRATION.
Gent. "OH, AH! AND WHAT DO YOU FEED THE HORSES ON?" ”

“ A LITTLE FAMILY BREEZE.
Mrs. T. "WHAT A WRETCH YOU MUST BE, T.! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ME OFF? DON'T YOU SEE I'M OVERTOOK WITH THE TIDE, AND I SHALL BE DROWNDED!"
T. "WELL, THEN—WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO KICK UP SUCH A ROW WHEN I STOP OUT LATE OF A SATURDAY?" ”

“ Gentleman Rider. "OH, I'M ORDERED TO RIDE A WAITING RACE, AND I MAY AS WELL WAIT HERE AS ANYWHERE ELSE!"
AN IDEA FOR A WET DAY.
HANG UP THE CRINOLINES, AND HAVE A GAME OF CROQUET IN THE DINING-ROOM.
216
A STUDY OF CRINOLINE.
Dreadful Boy. "MY EYE, TOMMY, IF I CAN'T SEE THE OLD GAL'S LEGS THROUGH THE PEEP-HOLES!"
MOST FLATTERING!
Miss Stout. "YOU SEE, DEAR, I THOUGHT YOUR SWISS DRESS SO PRETTY, THAT I HAVE MADE ONE EXACTLY LIKE IT. WHY, WE SHALL BE TAKEN FOR SISTERS!"
217
A HOT CHESTNUT IS VERY GOOD AFTER DINNER, BUT NOT JUST AS THE FOX BREAKS.
Rough Rider. "BY YER LEAVE, SIR! ”

“ I'M A'MOST WORE OUT WITH THEM LEGS O' MUTTON AND LEGS O' PORK, AND I THINK IT'S 'IGH TIME SOME NEW HANIMAL WAS INWENTED!"
206
JUMPING TO A CONCLUSION
Inquiring Youth. "PLEASE, MAMMA, WHY IS UNCLE'S HORSE CALLED A COB?"
Mamma. "OH, MY DEAR! BECAUSE—BECAUSE—WHY BECAUSE HE HAS A THICK BODY AND SHORT LEGS!"
Inquiring Youth. "WHAT, LIKE YOU, MAMMA?" ”

“ Miss Rebecca. "YES! BUT I MUST HAVE A CARRIAGE WHERE THERE ARE NO YOUNG MEN LIKELY TO BE RUDE TO ONE."
142
THE CHRISTENING OF JONES'S FIRST. (A FACT.)
First Street Boy (without veneration, or sense of propriety) . "HOLLA! BILL! WHAT'S ALL THIS 'ERE?"
Second Street Boy (without ditto, ditto, ditto) . "WHY—DON'T YER SEE?—IT'S ONLY A KITTEN GOING TO BE 'UNG!"
GROUNDLESS ALARM.
Darling (in straw hat) . "WHAT ARE YOU BUYING, DEAR?"
Darling (in black hat) . "WHY, I'M BUYING A PUNCH. THE IMPUDENT THING HAS PUT ME IN AS ONE OF HIS GIRLS!" ”

“ GEORGE HAS BOUGHT THIS PRIVATE HANSOM, AND I'M GOING TO DRIVE HIM OVER TO SEE GRANDPAPA!"
AMBITION.
Lady. "BUT I THOUGHT THAT YOU AND THE OTHER SERVANTS WERE PERFECTLY SATISFIED!"
Flunkey. "WELL, MEM, I AIN'T IN NO WAYS DISCONTENTED WITH MY WAGES, NOR WITH THE VITTELS, NOR NOTHINK OF THAT—BUT THE FACT IS, MY FRIENDS SAY THAT A YOUNG MAN OF MY APPEARANCE OUGHT TO BETTER HISSELF, AND GET INTO A SITUATION WHERE THERE'S TWO MEN BEHIND THE CARRIDGE!" (Poor Fellow!) ”

“ Hideous Old Lady of Fashion (with Plain Daughter) . "CHARMING BALL AT SIR CHARLES'S LAST NIGHT! EVERYBODY THERE—GOOD ROOMS, NOT OVER-CROWDED—CAPITAL SUPPER! DEAREST BARBARA ENJOYED HERSELF PRODIGIOUSLY! I DON'T SEE, HOWEVER, HOW I CAN WELL AVOID ASKING HIS SISTER AND NIECE TO MY BALL, NEXT WEEK, HE IS SO FOND OF THEM; AND YET YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT GO OUT NEARLY AS MUCH AS WE DO, AND ARE NOT AT ALL IN OUR POSITION IN SOCIETY!"
A TU QUOQUE.
Sunday-School Teacher. "OH, JOHNNY, I'M SHOCKED TO SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR TOP. YOU SHOULD LEAVE YOUR TOYS AT HOME ON A SUNDAY!" ”

“ CURIOUS EFFECT OF RELAXING AIR.
Traveller in the Isle of Wight. "BLESS MY HEART! THERE'S THE BELL RINGING ON THE PIER. HOLLO! WHY, WHERE'S THE CARPET BAG I LEFT IN THE PASSAGE?"
Hotel Keeper (faintly) . "OH, HOW SHOULD I KNOW? DON'T ASK ME, I'M ONLY THE LANDLORD. YOU HAD BETTER TRY IF YOU CAN'T WAKE ONE OF THE WAITERS."
FLUNKEIANA.
French Maid. "YOU LIKE A—ZE—SEA-SIDE, M'SIEUR JEAN THOMAS?"
John Thomas. "PAR BOKHOO, MAMZELLE—PAR BOOKHOO. I'VE—AW—BIN SO ACCUSTOMED TO—AW—GAIETY IN TOWN, THAT I'M—AW—A'MOST KILLED WITH ARNWEE DOWN HERE."
PLUCK! ”

“ I DON'T THINK THE STUPID MEN CAN LAUGH AT US NOW!"
INNOCENT DELUSIONS.
Georgina. "DO YOU KNOW, DEAR, I'M SO UNHAPPY NOW DEAR CHARLES HAS GONE!"
Gertrude. "AND I MISS DEAR PERCY DREADFULLY—I DO HOPE THEY'LL GET HOME SAFELY!"
140
A HORSEDEALER'S LOGIC.
Customer. "WHY, YOU DON'T CALL THAT A HUNTER, DO YOU?"
Dealer. "WELL, SIR, I'LL TELL YOU ALL I KNOW ABOUT THE 'ORSE. HAD HIM DOWN FROM 'ORNCASTLE FAIR LAST WEEK—PUT JIMMY ON HIM, WOULDN'T 'ACK A YARD—PUT HIM IN THE BREAK, WOULDN'T DRAW A BOUNCE. NOW, THE 'ORSE NEVER COULD HAVE BEEN CREATED FOR NOTHING; SO HE MUST BE A HUNTER!" ”

“ BECAUSE, WHEN PA AND MA TALK FRENCH, I KNOW I'M GOING TO HAVE A POWDER!"
THE EXHAUSTED STUDENT.
Fond Parent. "BLESS HIS HEART—ALWAYS STUDYING! READ HIMSELF ASLEEP—GEOGRAPHY NOW, OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT, I'LL BE BOUND?" ”

“ Disgusted Instructor of Plungers. "THERE YOU GO AGAIN! STICKING OUT YOUR TOES LIKE A HINFANTRY HADJUTANT!"
THE DARLINGS COME OUT TO SEE THE 38TH OTHERSEX VOLUNTEERS DRILLED.
Sergeant (appealingly) . "NOW THEN, GENTLEMEN, ONCE MORE, EYES FRONT!—AND PRAY, GENTLEMEN—PRAY DON'T STARE ABOUT YOU AS IF YOU WERE IN CHURCH!"
3
A WORD TO THE WISE.
Discerning Child (who has heard some remarks made by Papa) . "ARE YOU OUR NEW NURSE?"
Nurse. "YES, DEAR!"
Child. "WELL, THEN, I'M ONE OF THOSE BOYS WHO CAN ONLY BE MANAGED WITH KINDNESS—SO YOU HAD BETTER GET SOME SPONGE-CAKES AND ORANGES AT ONCE!" ”

“ Miss J. "I WOULD WITH PLEASURE, BUT UNFORTUNATELY I'M QUITE FULL!"
PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE.
Old Lady. "BUT, GOING IN FOUR-WHEEL CABS! I'M SO AFRAID OF SMALL-POX!"
Cabby. "YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFEARED O' MY CAB, MUM, FOR I'VE 'AD THE HIND WHEEL WACCINATED, AND IT TOOK BEAUTIFUL."
199
A FLUNKEY IN TROUBLE.
John Thomas. "HOLLO! COACHMAN! MR. BLINKERS! STOP! HERE'S A COSTERMONGER'S DONKEY GOT HOLD OF MY LEG, AND PULLING THE HAY OUT THAT I'VE PUT IN FOR CALVES!"
ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
Sporting Enthusiast (who has with difficulty caught the Hounds) . ”

“ Distinguished Foreigner (who does not comprehend why a frost should stop Hounds.) "AHA! NO HONT ZIS MORNING—MON DIEU!—ZEN ZERE IS NO DOG'S MEET TO-DAY!"
THE SENSATION NOVEL.
Clara. "YES, DEAR, I'VE GOT THE LAST ONE DOWN, AND IT'S PERFECTLY DELICIOUS. A MAN MARRIES HIS GRANDMOTHER—FOURTEEN PERSONS ARE POISONED BY A YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL GIRL—FORGERIES BY THE DOZEN—ROBBERIES, HANGINGS; IN FACT, FULL OF DELIGHTFUL HORRORS!"
FIRST BEGINNINGS.
195
TAKING IT MANFULLY.
Keeper. "STOP A BIT, MESTER REGINALD, AND I'LL LIFT ONE ON 'EM UP!"
Mester Reginald. "NOW YOU JUST LET THEM ALONE, I'M COMING OVER!" ”

“ Coster (with hideous yell) . "YA! HO!—CAULIFLOWERS—HO!"
AND AS HE MIGHT BE.
Coster (blandly and politely) . "CAULIFLOWER, MA'AM. YES, MA'AM! IS THERE ANY OTHER ARTICLE?"
168
THE ENGAGED ONES.
"LAW! CHARLES! ISN'T THERE A GREAT BLACK ON MY NOSE?"
A SUBJECT FOR CHARITY.
FEARFUL POSITION OF AN OLD LADY FROM THE COUNTRY, WHOM LOW IMPUDENT LITTLE BOYS WILL TUMBLE BEFORE ALL THE WAY FROM THE STRAND TO THE CRYSTAL PALACE.
A PRELIMINARY CANTER.
"COME, TOMPKINS, YOU'VE BEEN TITTUPPING UP AND DOWN THE PARADE FOR THE LAST HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES. IF YOU'RE GOING OUT HUNTING, YOU HAD BETTER GO." ”

“ I AIN'T GOING TO ANSWER NO LIBERY BELLS—IT'S MY SUNDAY OUT, AND I'M AT CHURCH!"
202
MAKING IT INTELLIGIBLE.
Elderly Lady. "BUT I MUST REALLY BEG THAT YOU WILL TELL ME YOUR FARE. I CANNOT BE SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOUR BUSINESS!" ”

“ Jemimer. "THEN I SUPPOSE YOU'VE SEEN A DEAL OF BATTLES THAT MAKES YOU SO PROUD!"
239
A HINT TO THE "ENGAGED ONES" OF ENGLAND.
Alice (to Rodolph, or rather, we should say, Jones) . "NOW MIND, SIR! YOU ARE A VOLUNTEER RIFLEMAN, AND IT ENTIRELY DEPENDS UPON YOUR ATTENTION TO DRILL, WHETHER I GIVE YOU THAT LOCK OF HAIR, OR NOT!"
240
VERY CONSIDERATE.
Mamma (coming down the steps) . "WHY, CORNBYN! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS? MISS ALICE PERCHED ON HER PAPA'S BIG HORSE, AND THE PONY BROUGHT FOR ME!"
Cornbyn. "YES, MA'AM! ”

“ IT AIN'T FISHING-RODS—IT'S SKY ROCKETS I'M TAKING DOWN FOR MY COUSIN'S BIRTHDAY. Have A weed?"
POLITICAL PROSPECTS.
Ragged Capitalist to Ditto. "THE WAR CAN'T LAST, SIR; FRANCE AND AUSTRIA THE MEANS; THEY MUST COME TO US FOR MONEY BEFORE LONG."
WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY? ”

“ No. XI.
AS THE WIND IS FAVOURABLE, THE DEER ARE DRIVEN AGAIN.
No. XII.
MR. BRIGGS IS SUDDENLY FACE TO FACE WITH THE MONARCH OF THE GLEN! HE IS SO ASTONISHED THAT HE OMITS TO FIRE HIS RIFLE.
94
IN BARRACKS.
Field Officer of the Day. "HULLO! WHY DON'T THE GUARD TURN OUT?"
Solitary Private. "PLEASE, SIR, THEY'RE GONE TO TARGET PRACTICE!"
Field Officer of the Day. "AND WHO THE DEUCE ARE YOU?"
Solitary Private. "PLEASE, SIR, I'M THE PRISONER, SIR!" ”

“ Mr. Ochre (through whose frame a thrill of horror is supposed to be passing) . "UGH! MIND WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT, CHARLEY. MIND MY OPHELIA; MIND MY OPHELIA! YOU'LL KNOCK HER OVER, AND SPOIL ALL HER FOLDS!"
189
A PRETTY EXHIBITION NEAR BROMPTON.
THIS IS THE WAY THOSE POOR YOUNG SWELLS, HIPPS AND FIPPS, ARE OBLIGED TO GO OUT TO DINNER, IN CONSEQUENCE OF THE SCARCITY OF THE CABS.
AN OBJECT OF ATTRACTION.
First Elegant Creature. "A—DON'T YOU DANCE, CHARLES!"
Second Ditto, Ditto. "A—NO—NOT AT PWESENT! I ALWAYS LET THE GIRLS LOOK AND LONG FOR ME FIRST!" ”

“ Domestic. "IF YOU PLEASE, 'M, I HAVE AN HOUR TO SPARE, AND I'M A GOIN' TO TRY MY NEW 'ORSE!"
A FANCY SCENE—WINNING THE GLOVES.
FROM THE GRAND PUGILISTIC BALLET OF THE FIGHT FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP, WHICH MIGHT, COULD, SHOULD, AND OUGHT TO BE PLAYED AT ONE OF THE OPERAS.
225
COMPLIMENTARY.
Farmer. "MORNIN', MR. BLANK! NEVER SAW YOU GO SO WELL BEFORE."
Mr. Blank. "WHY, WHAT DO YER MEAN? WE'VE NEVER FOUND A FOX!"
Farmer. "AH! BUT I MEAN SO WELL FROM COVER TO COVER, YOU KNOW!" ”

“ Stout Equestrian. "DO YOU KNOW, LOVE, I'M RATHER SORRY I GOT THIS HAT; FOR SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE TAKEN FOR A PRETTY HORSEBREAKER!"
FLY-FISHING.
Piscator. "NOW THEN! I THINK I SHALL GET A RISE HERE!"
171
AWFUL APPARITION!
Mrs. T. (to T., who has been reading the popular novel) . "PRAY, MR. TOMKINS, ARE YOU NEVER COMING UP-STAIRS? HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO SIT UP WITH THAT 'WOMAN IN WHITE'?"
PHILOSOPHY IN SPORT.
Noble Swell (in scarlet) . "HARK! BY JOVE, THAT'S A FIND!"
Party (in black) . "'COURSE IT IS, MY LORD! ”

“ Young Larkins. "OH, HERE'S MAMMA! NOW, MA, IF YOU'LL FALL IN BY G'INA, I'LL PUT YOU THROUGH YOUR FACINGS. 'TEN-TION!"
THE PORTRAIT.—FINISHING TOUCH TO THE DRESS.
Painter. "I BEG YOUR PARDON, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU ARE SITTING ON MY PALETTE!"
ON THE SANDS.
CAUTION TO YOUNG LADIES WHO RIDE IN CRINOLINE ON DONKEYS.
75
VALUABLE ADDITION TO THE AQUARIUM.
TOM (WHO HAS HAD A VERY SUCCESSFUL DAY) PRESENTS HIS SISTERS WITH A FINE SPECIMEN OF THE CUTTLE-FISH (Octopus Vulgaris) . ”

“ First Cabby. "I'M WAITIN' FOR THE MEEGER, YOUR HONOR!"
Second Ditto (in an audible whisper) . "B'LIEVE ME, 'TIS THE GINERAL, AND I'M HIS KYAR."
Green (?) Ensign. "AW—BORE THAT—CAN'T TAKE ME, I SUPPOSE? ”

“ THE RESPECTABLE CAPITALIST WHO WILL BET A THOUSAND TO ONE AGAINST EVERYTHING, AND PAY IF HE LOSES—OF COURSE!
110
A NICE GAME FOR TWO OR MORE..
"——FIXING HER EYES ON HIS, AND PLACING HER PRETTY LITTLE FOOT ON THE BALL, SHE SAID, 'NOW, THEN, I AM GOING TO CROQUET YOU!' AND CROQUET'D HE WAS COMPLETELY." (From Rose to Emily) .
MUSCULAR EDUCATION—THE PRIVATE TUTOR..
Domestic. "PROFESSOR MAULEY, MA'AM!"
111
FOND DELUSION.
First Tourist (going North) . "HULLO, TOMPK——"
Second Ditto (ditto, ditto) . "HSH—SH! CONFOUND IT, YOU'LL SPOIL ALL. THEY THINK IN THE TRAIN I'M A HIGHLAND CHIEF!" ”