Joris-Karl Huysmans

“ In short, he had deluded himself when he had fancied that a man might make a cell of a solitary room in silent surroundings; the religious jog-trot in a provincial atmosphere had no resemblance to the life of a monastery. There was no illusion or suggestion of the convent.
This check, when he recognized it, added to the ardour or his regrets; and the distress which in Paris had lurked latent and ill-defined, developed at Chartres clear and unmistakable. ”

“ Chartres would be exhausted for months by this outbreak.
"What a sty it is! What a hole!" cried Durtal to himself.
On certain days, tired of spending his afternoons shut up with his books or of attending service in the cathedral, hearing the canons languidly playing rackets from side to side of the choir with the Psalms, of which they tossed the verses to and fro in a mumbling tone, he would go down after dinner and smoke cigarettes in the little Place. At Chartres, eight o'clock in the evening was as three in the morning in any other town; every light was out, every house closed. ”

“ It might have been a mountain, its summit jagged by storms, eaten into deep caverns at the foot by a vanished ocean; and on going nearer he could in the gloom imagine ill-defined paths steeply running up the cliff, or winding on shelves at the edge of a rock; and, occasionally, midway on one of these dark paths, some white statue of a Bishop would start forth under a moonbeam, like a ghost haunting the ruins, and blessing all comers with uplifted fingers of stone. ”

“ The Abbé Gévresin, whom he consulted, would only smile and treat him as in a novices' school or a seminary a youthful postulant is treated who confesses to deep melancholy and persistent weariness. His malady is not taken seriously; he is told that all his companions suffer the same temptations, the same qualms; he is sent away comforted, while his superiors seem to be laughing at him. ”

“ The Abbé gave an evasive shrug.
"Dryness of spirit and the dreams to which it gives rise are not the sign of a vocation," said he. "I might even say that they have a greater chance of thriving than of diminishing in the cloister. From that point of view conventual life might be bad for him. Still, that is not the only question to be considered—there is something else—and besides, who knows?" He was silent, and presently added: "Much may be possible. Give me my hat, Madame Bavoil. I will go and talk over Durtal with the Abbé Plomb." ”

“ And it is very hard to admit that Our Lord is wise when He keeps us in ignorance of the ills from which it preserves us and the progress it enables us to make, since, but for that, we might be defenceless against the attacks of self-conceit and the assaults of vanity—helpless against ourselves.
"In short, whatever the reason, I am no better off at Chartres than in Paris," was his conclusion. And when these reflections beset him, especially on Sundays, he regretted having accompanied the Abbé Gévresin into the country. ”

“ Besides this walk on the old ramparts, the Convent of the Sisters of Saint Paul was attractive by reason of its quiet and cleanliness. Down silent passages the backs of the good women might be seen crossed by the triangular fold of linen, and the click could be heard of their heavy black rosaries on links of copper, as they rattled on their skirts against the hanging bunch of keys. Their chapel was redolent of Louis XIV., at once childish and pompous, too much bedizened with gold, and the floor too shiny with wax ”

“ He can give all the introductions you can wish to that convent."
"Good; that is worth thinking about. I will consult the Abbé," said Durtal, rising to take leave of the old priest.
"The Black Dog is troubling you, our friend," observed Madame Bavoil, who had overheard the two men's conversation from the next room, the door between being open; and she came in, her breviary in her hand.
"Ah, ha!" she went on, looking at him over her spectacles, "do you suppose that by moving your soul from place to place you can change it? Your trouble is neither in the air nor outside you, but within you. ”

“ The portals yawned as caverns full of blackness, and the outer shape of the body of the building, from the towers to the apse, with its abutments and buttresses merely guessed at in the dark, stood up like a cliff worn away by invisible waves. ”

“ On my word, to hear you talk, one might fancy that by travelling from one spot to another every discord could be avoided, that a man could escape from himself! Nothing can be more false. Ask the Father—"
And when Durtal, smiling awkwardly, was gone, Madame Bavoil questioned her master.
"What is really the matter with him?"
"He is being broken by the ordeal of dryness," replied the priest. "He is enduring a painful but not dangerous operation. So long as he preserves a love of prayer, and neglects none of his religious exercises, all will be well. ”

“ The other services were not much better; indeed, Durtal was reduced to attending vespers at Notre Dame de la Brèche, in the lower town, a chapel where the priest, a friend of the Abbé Plomb, had introduced the use of Solesmes, and patiently trained a little choir composed of faithful working-men and pious boys.
The voices, especially the trebles, were not first-rate; but the priest, being a skilled musician, had contrived to train and soften them, and had, in fact, succeeded in getting the Benedictine art accepted in his church. ”

“ The saints may, no doubt; but even they suffer under it! It is so natural to entreat God for a little joy, to look forward to an Union consummated by a loving word, a sign—a mere nothing that may show that He is present. ”

“ To be an oblate at La Trappe is the same thing as remaining at Chartres! It is a mere half-measure. Monsieur Bruno will always remain a boarder; he will never be a monk. He gets all the disadvantages of the cloister, and none of the benefits."
"But there are other monasteries besides those of La Trappe," replied the Abbé. "Be a Benedictine Father or oblate, a black Friar. Their rule seems to be mild; you will live in a world of learned men and writers ”