Jules Archer

“ Herbert Fitzgrone said, a shade of disappointment in his tone. "After all, when Columbus and Magellan said the world was round, everybody scoffed. I came here prepared to be scoffed at."
"I don't like to scoff at anybody," the editor said. "I once scoffed at a man in a pub, and he hit me in the eye."
"Well, if you won't," the scientist said, vexed, "you won't. Anyhow, I want to show you my proof that the earth as a globe is a monstrous impossibility. Look here." He spread out some sheets of paper on the editor's desk. ”

“ Teachers went on record in favor of a flat world, out of sheer boredom with trying to cram the opposite concept into the thick skulls of small fry. Shipping companies and airlines spent millions in paid advertising to fight the flat world idea. ”

“ It would seem that there is a great deal of justification for the new theory that the world is flat, while on the other hand, it seems equally dubious that there is sufficient evidence for discarding the globular theory which has had, we cannot afford to overlook, the distinguished test of time. ”

“ Listen and listen carefully. Hold all sailings until further notice! I've just learned that the earth is flat! Flat, do you understand? God help the ships at sea!"
He hung up, wan and shaken. Then he rushed for the door to get the story on the presses. He was already through the door when he made the odd discovery that it wasn't the door. It was the window, it was open, and his office was on the ninth floor.
Nothing more was heard of Herbert Fitzgrone after this tragedy. Presumably frightened that he might be held responsible for the editor's death, the scientist disappeared. ”

“ Those historic words were the first inkling of the scientific storm that was to burst without warning on a complacently globular world. Unfortunately, the editor was not there to hear them. It was 11:00 A.M., Pacific time, and the Sydney pubs were open. Herbert Fitzgrone, a patient man to whom years were as seconds, sat down in the empty office to wait.
When the editor showed up at 4:35 P.M., he seemed a trifle confused. He hung his hat on Fitzgrone's head, and sat down in the waste paper basket. The man of science then stood erect and said it again. "The world, sir, is flat." ”

“ The world shall, for all purposes of this Republic, be considered as flat. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation. Any article or any amendment which may contain any implication that the world is round is hereby nullified and repealed. ”