Lillian Eichler

“ THE PROPOSAL
At one time, not so very long ago, it was considered an irrevocable law of etiquette that a young man obtain the formal consent of a young lady's parents before asking her hand in marriage. Prevalent customs have almost eliminated this formality, and modem mothers and fathers, by the welcome which they accord him in their home, show a young man whether or not they think him eligible for their daughter's hand. And it is really a much wiser plan to object to a friendship when it first begins instead of waiting until it has developed into something more serious. ”

“ It is the custom to seal the engagement pact with a ring. As soon as the prospective bridegroom has won the consent of the young lady whom he wishes to be his wife, he places the engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. The convention is that the ring be a diamond solitaire set in gold or platinum, or, if it is preferred, a diamond set with other stones. It is always wise to consult the individual preference of the young lady in determining the choice of the ring, and it is her privilege to choose whatever kind she wants regardless of tradition or convention. ”

“ There is perhaps no time when the rules of etiquette need to be so strictly observed as during the period of courtship. All the world loves a lover—but this does not keep the world from watching closely and criticizing severely any breach of good manners, especially on the part of the young lady. ”

“ If the family has been accustomed to great elegance the one that is acting as host need have no fear for people who are worth knowing appreciate simplicity wherever they find it; but if they are in very moderate circumstances it is the cruellest kind of discourtesy to attempt to overawe them with ceremonious hospitality.
It is ordinarily the family of the groom that is first to approach the other with an invitation of some kind, but extenuating circumstances make the convention vary. Often a young girl is invited to visit in the home of her fiancé before her marriage. ”

“ There is, however, a marked tendency for engagements to be short; in fact, fashion now demands that the wedding-day be at least tentatively fixed before the engagement is announced.
Many times there are excellent reasons why it should be of several years duration. It is best not to announce the fact formally, though it may be understood among one's friends. Matters of this kind are to be determined by the two people who are most concerned, and if a young man and his fiancée have decided that they would like to have a long engagement the rules of etiquette have nothing to say against it. ”

“ Perhaps the best way to announce an engagement is for the young lady and her mother to send small engraved cards to their circle of friends and relatives, making the announcement in a simple statement, and mentioning an afternoon when they will be "at home" to visitors. The young man may also send notes or cards to his friends, having first made sure that his fiancée has already announced it to her friends. The "at home" offers a splendid opportunity for each one to meet the friends of the other, and for the families of the two young people to become better acquainted. ”

“ To be constantly together, selfishly enjoying each other's company while the neglected guests are left to their own devices is a breach of etiquette and must be conscientiously avoided if the "at home" is to be hailed a success.
If this last method of announcing the engagement is decided upon, the home should boast no decorations except flowers simply arranged. The young lady and her mother, in conservative afternoon frocks, receive together. The young man is usually presented to the guests by his future father-in-law. ”

“ For the members of the immediate families or for very close friends a dinner is suggested but the most important point for the family which is doing the entertaining to keep in mind is the style of living to which the other has been accustomed, and nothing should be done which might embarrass them. ”

“ The father and mother of the young lady who is about to be married assume all responsibility for the preparation for and the celebration of the wedding. The groom is not expected to pay for anything except the ring and flowers for the bride and, if he wishes, the flowers for the bridesmaids and trifling gifts for the ushers and other attendants. The clergyman's fee also devolves upon him, but all other expenses are paid by the bride's parents or guardians. ”

“ A young lady must remember that while she is not exactly expected to give up indiscriminately all her friends of the opposite sex, she must not receive them as guests, or go to the theater or ball with them, without the knowledge and consent of her fiancé. He is, of course, expected to be equally considerate of her with regard to his own relations with other women.
The engaged couple of to-day enjoys much greater freedom than the engaged couple of our grandmothers' time. ”

“ Expensive gifts should never be exchanged during an engagement, barring of course the engagement ring. The young man may present his prospective bride with books, flowers or candy, but articles of wearing apparel are considered bad taste. ”

“ Although it is still considered rather poor form to attend the theater or opera together, without other friends in the party, it is often done without any very serious consequence to the young people. ”

“ The custom has been brought down to us, and now we find that the giving of a tea-cup or a tea-set as an engagement present signifies faithfulness—and it may mean faithfulness to friendship or love as the case may be. We usually find that a young lady's spinster friends are partial to the custom ”

“ Care must be taken that there is no constraint, no drifting into "circles." The young lady must welcome her future husband's friends with sincere cordiality, and see that they are properly introduced to her own friends. ”

“ Announcement cards, invitations, music, flowers and other decorations for the church, the preparations for the breakfast or reception to follow the ceremony—all of these are paid for by her parents. The wedding should never be more elaborate than the parents of the bride can afford.
FAMILIES AND FRIENDS
It is always very delightful when the families of an engaged couple find themselves congenial, and every effort should be made by the young people to bring about, if it does not already exist, a harmonious relationship between their immediate families. ”

“ It is almost equally desirable that each shall like the friends of the other and heroic efforts must be made to do so. A pleasing way to bring friends together is by means of an informal reception. The invitations should be cordial notes written by hand. ”