Maurice Ordonneau

“ Sculpture is dead now Sillocks.
Sill. Don’t despond Tompkins, it may revive!
Dunn. Sculpture’s right enough in its way—but it isn’t in it with the Telephone, or the Telegraph, or the Tape, or the Typewriter.
Tomp. Ugh! All such inventions tend to warp the noblest traits of human nature.
Dunn. Statues are all right for decorating Parks, but there’s no money in them.
Sill. I’m in favor of the modern myself. ”

“ There is a legend that no mortal hand carved or chiselled it. It is believed to be the actual petrifaction of the identical once living Niobe, wife of Amphion, King of Thebes.
Dunn. (jumping up) What! Niobe herself! And you believe the story? You do!
Tomp. Why should I doubt the possibility of human petrifaction?
Dunn. (rushing at Tompkins, taking his hand) Bless you, Tompkins! Bless you! Now I can be believed! (crosses to others L. C.) The truth seemed so preposterous before, I dared not tell it. But now—oh—Tompkins! Tompkins! ”

“ Corn. And no doubt Miss Mifton will soon learn if you insist on it. (aside) I must keep the right side of her.
Hel. (rises) Absurd! She has not the intelligence of an insect.
Nio. (C.) It is not a necessity, for I am beautiful. It is such as you who need intelligence.
Corn. Phew! That’s a facer!
Hel. (rises fiercely) Minx! How dare you!
Nio. (clinging to Dunn as she recoils from Helen, to L. of Dunn) Petramos! I ask protection from this Medusa!
Dunn. Of course! Yes! Helen, you’re too severe.
Nio. (L. C., rising) Helen! Ah! Like her of Troy, at whom the finger of scandal pointed. ”

“ Look what a healthy child Hattie is. Few girls have so fresh a complexion.
Hat. Unless they get it at the Chemist’s. (Sillocks laughs.)
Beatrice goes up L. to fireplace; Hattie puts on Sillocks’ hat, goes up stage C. at back; places coat and hat on rack in hallway; Sillocks sits R. of table.
Dunn. (without R.) No! No! Everything is comparative; smoking is bad, but chewing is a precious sight worse; and have you reached the limit of comparative noxiousness then? No, sir; no! (Dunn enters with Corney R. D. Corney crosses to Beatrice L.) Hallo, Sillocks! ”

“ Ah! Peter knows she’s unpopular with the women and that the blame of engaging her will fall upon him. (fetching chair from table) That’s all very well with me, Peter! (puts chair near couch and sits astride it, facing audience.)
Dunn. (aside) With him! That means, at the worst I can buy him off!
Corn. But Helen and Carrie are prejudiced, and naturally perhaps. You can’t deny there is something uncanny about the woman.
Dunn. There is perhaps—a stony look about the eyes; but that will wear off.
Corn. It’s hard to believe that she is of the same clay as ourselves.
Dunn. Clay! She was never clay. ”

“ Nio. (after regarding Corney disdainfully—perplexed) I’d rather Petramos should tell me what to say.
Corn. (rises and goes step to R.; aside) Can she have confided the affair to Peter, and is this just simplicity, or only cunning?
Nio. If you like best conversing with yourself, I shall not miss your chatter.
Corn. (quickly recovering himself) I beg your pardon! She isn’t such a fool; (sits again, crosses legs) Excuse me. You find a great change, I suppose?
Nio. Ah yes! All things are changed, even men are not as they were. Why do you hide your legs in those loose sleeves? ”

“ Some men are captivated by impudence.
Dunn. (between them) It’s a wonder you’ve remained single, so long.
Hel. I have too constant a reminder before me of the mistake of married life, ever to venture.
Dunn. Oh! The venture would be—on the other side: you run no risk!
Car. You must admit, Peter, that this woman, the new governess——
Dunn impatient, with an exclamation, crosses R. to window.
Hel. Carrie, don’t make foolish remarks you may be sorry for; to say too much is to put him on his guard. Come— (puts Carrie over) to your room—not a word—you’re excited. I’ll keep an eye on this Miss Mifton. ”

“ Unless I’m much mistaken, there was quite a scandal years ago about a Miss Griffin of Brentford, but that could not be your wife?
Dunn. No, but it might be Helen! And oh, if it were! Tompkins, if you could only find out for certain, and place me in possession of the facts——
Tomp. (on couch) I certainly can and will with pleasure. I think (bus.) she eloped with the coachman.
Enter Mary with trays, drinks, 3 glasses, Decanter, glass jug, with a little water in it, and exit R. C.
Dunn. Helen eloped! Eureka! I see the dawn of emancipation—Tompkins, do I look like a slave? ”

“ If I can only get a dress made for her to go out in, I’ll send her to my sister, Mabel—who would believe whatever I might tell her. (turns to table back to audience)
Enter Niobe R. U. E.—comes down R. C.
Nio. (not seeing Dunn when first entering) Ah me! I would I were a stone again! Anything were better than to suffer such indignities as now I meet. Petramos! you will remove my cares as Eos lifts the sable pall of night.
Dunn. I don’t know anything of Knight’s pall. Don’t talk undertaking business. What is it? ”

“ I’m Uncle Tom, and Helen Griffin is my Legree. (crosses L. of table) But provided with such a weapon, I could rear the standard of revolt and free our beloved home.
Dunn L. of table with decanter; Tompkins follows Dunn to R. of table.
Tomp. The intelligence shall be yours, (sits R. of table)
Dunn. The few of my own people that are left, I never see, never hear of. My own dear little sister Mabel has never been asked to visit us. The Griffin has never fixed her Basilisk eye on her, and apparently doesn’t want to.
Tomp. The attendant ills of married life! Ah! The women will never victimize me. ”

“ Dunn. No! truth couldn’t! But what’s the use of a truth which seemed like throwing down the gauntlet to Annanias.
Car. (crosses to Peter) Oh Peter! Confess you were beguiled and I’ll forgive you. (taking his face in her hands, turns his head towards her)
Dunn. I cannot criminate myself by owning up to what doesn’t belong to me. If you had been here when she arrived—if you had seen how she came, it would have been all right; you would understand that— (rises) that she is no more to me—than a sister I have not seen for years.
Goes up C. to fireplace. ”

“ Dunn sits R. of table.
Nio. (C.) No Gods? No Zeus? No Aphrodite?
Dunn. Not one! Except in Heathen mythology—why you’re a heathen.
Nio. I am!
Dunn. A Pagan idolater, and you’ll have to be converted.
Nio. I was converted.
Dunn. Eh?
Nio. Into stone!
Dunn. Not that! You’ll have to go to school, and learn the Piano, and the Alphabet.
Nio. Alphabet—Ah! (action with hands) Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta.
Dunn. (rises) Very likely! But that doesn’t get over the difficulty of what is going to be done with you; and look at it as we will you cannot remain here. ”

“ Inn. (aside to Corney) Don’t waste your superfluous sympathies, that is not Miss Mifton at all.
Corn. What! Can it be the women are right in their suspicions? What a blackguard Peter is!
Hel. (embracing Carrie) When you have finished comforting that shameless creature, you may observe your wife needs consolation.
Dunn. Certainly! Corney! comfort my wife, can’t you?
Corn. (L. of Niobe) Don’t try to make me a party to your vile intrigues! (goes to L. corner)
Dunn. What’s come to you? (Dunn tries to get at Corney, but turns back to Carrie) Listen to me, Carrie! ”

“ Exit Dunn to Library L. D.
Corn. He seems so particularly anxious I should leave it to him, I don’t think it good enough; I would always rather that somebody else should manage any little unpleasantness for me, but I like to feel sure that they’re not working some little purpose of their own.
Enter Niobe C. and L. as if looking for some one; comes R.
Ah! Here she is—good morning, Miss Mifton!
Nio. (on steps, waving her hands) Hail to you! (comes down) Where is he whom they call master? The lord of this house?
Corn. (aside) Umph! A poetic blank verse kind of character— (aloud) Oh, Peter! ”

“ My wife would be sure to object; and her sister would howl with indignation. (crosses L., up stage in fear of interruption.)
Nio. The sour face! (R. C.) We could invoke the gods to strike her dumb.
Dunn. The gods don’t amount to a row of pins, or I should have put ’em on to Helen long ago! (Dunn sits on footstool C.) You’re the Governess, that’s what they’ve been told and that’s what we have to keep up; till we can make other arrangements.
Nio. Say clearly then, what is a Governess?
Dunn. Oh! a Governess; a Governess, is one who governs, according to the orders of those who govern her ”

“ Dunn. I wasn’t! You’re no good—you’re not solid; you’ve about as much vertebral support to you as a rubber pipe; you haven’t the pluck to stand by your own tom-fooleries, but shift the blame on to others.
Corn. (across table) You never will understand how necessary it is for me not to worry. The doctor says I cannot both worry and live.
Dunn. (across table) Then worry and die! I’ve had enough of this scapegoat business. You can allot me shares in a newer enterprise. ”

“ How are you, Tompkins?
Hel. We are delighted to meet you.
All ladies in row curtsey rather marked; Carrie is R. corner, Helen next, Hattie next, Bea next to Corney.
Sill. (C. at back) Come along, Mrs. Dunn; we shall be late!
Carrie exits C. and L. with Sillocks.
Corn. Come on Phil, give your arm to Hattie, and pilot her to the carriage.
Bea. Some of us will have to walk; the brougham will only hold four.
Exit Corney and Beatrice, others following C. and L.
Hat. Mr. Innings can sit on my lap. (exits taking Inning’s arm.)
Hel. Hattie! I can do nothing with her. ”

“ Dunn. The interest one naturally feels for the unprotected. She is an Orphan; of long standing; she is misjudged and suffering an injustice.
Corney goes up to window L.
Mift. (R. C.) You are strangely blind to my grievances, Mr. Dunn. You engaged me as Governess, and I came here to teach your children.
[Pg 59]
Dunn. (C.) No! No! Let us be correct. You came here to hunt down the gay deceiver— (indicating Corney, who comes quickly down to him C.) who trifled with the young affections of a confiding Mifton.
Corn. (aside to Dunn) Don’t be a fool Peter ”

“ Hat. (crosses to Niobe, R. C.) Peter’s sister. Well, you’re not a bit like him. You’re altogether too scrumptious for anything.
Nio. (C.) Though I am ignorant of what “scrumptious” means, your manner tells me it is something good.
Hat. (L. C.) You bet your boots it is.
Hel. (R.) Hattie!
Hat. (sharply) Don’t you interfere. We’re going to run our new sister on our own lines, aren’t we Carrie?
Nio. You have my sympathy— (pointing to Helen) —that she claims kinship with you.
Helen turns indignantly from Niobe. ”

“ The fireplace centre, the bay window cornerwise L. of fireplace; the hallway R. U.; screen below it; when open, covers a door down R.; couch and piano off; table is L. C.; chairs, etc.; low chair at a small table against scene down L.; fire in fireplace.
Helen discovered seated R. of fireplace; Carrie seated L.; Corney, back to fireplace, standing smoking.
Hel. (R. C., seated) There is nothing left us but departure. Mr. Dunn’s falsehoods, and the woman’s shamelessness, render any further stay impossible. We are decided to leave his roof. ”

“ Dunn falls flat on stage, muttering measurement and gathering up loose patterns, pushing them into his vest.)
Car. (R. C., indignantly to Niobe) I had some business with my husband, but I can wait.
Nio. (L. C.) Oh no! We would not have you wait. He’s here and you may speak.
Car. (R.) You’re too gracious. I came, Peter, unknown to Helen, to see if you could not remove my doubts; and I find you, as usual, in open unblushing companionship with this woman.
Dunn. Open! Yes open! There is no deception. None. (rising)
Car. You loved me once, Peter.
Nio. (crosses to Carrie) He loves you still. ”

“ Hattie shuts up piano petulantly; pouting as sits on couch, back to audience.
Car. (rising) I was sorry Mr. Sillocks couldn’t come to dinner.
Carrie goes to window down L., looks out.
Bea. Papa regretted it very much, but he is sure to be here to escort us. (crosses R. to couch and sits.)
Car. I’m glad of that, because Corney is never satisfactory as a Chaperon.
Bea. Oh, Carrie, I’m sure Corney is most attentive.
Hel. (L. C.) If you were his sister, you would not think so. He neglects us shamefully.
Hat. (R.) Quite right, too! It’s a pity if a fellow can’t stick to the girl he’s spooning. ”

“ Hattie crosses back to sofa.
Bea. We can hardly consider ourselves engaged, while Corney is, so to speak, on trial. If Papa approves of him, of course we shall be married.
Bus.; Hattie and Beatrice quietly congratulate each other.
Hel. I’m sorry I cannot live with you and manage the household, but Carrie could not get along without me. She has no talent for management and Peter is too engrossed with outside business. ”

“ What! Is she dead? My bonny Ethel, a thing of the past! Oh!
Falls into chair R. of table.
Mift. (crosses to Corney) No! No! Not that, Mr. Griffin; my sister still lives.
Corn. (rises) Oh, I see; you mean the worst if I refuse to compromise. Of course, it is to be regretted that mercenary motives should creep in, where once love reigned. And your case is not a strong one, Mr. Dunn will tell you——
Dunn. (at table, arranging his patterns under newspaper) No, Mr. Dunn won’t. Don’t drag me into your vile deceptions. I’ve enough to worry with my own.
Corn. Why can’t Ethel let by-gones be by-gones ”

“ Nio. (not heeding Dunn) My name is Niobe!
Dunn. (goes down L.) She conceals nothing. She’s altogether too guileless for this nineteenth century.
Enter Helen and Hattie from dining-room R. I. E.
Car. Sister Niobe! (embracing her and putting her over C.) Helen! (crosses to Helen) We have wronged Peter; we are to blame. She is his sister. ”