Molière

“ SCENE XV.—MR. JOURDAIN (alone) . What the deuce does it all mean? They do nothing but reproach me with my great lords, and I, for my part, see nothing so fine as to associate with great lords; we find only honour and civility with them; and I would give two fingers of my hand to have been born a count or a marquis.
SCENE XVI.—MR. JOURDAIN, A SERVANT. SER. Sir, here is the count, and a lady with him.
MR. JOUR. Bless me! and I have some orders to give. Tell them I shall be here in a moment.
SCENE XVII—DORIMÈNE, DORANTE, A SERVANT. SER. My master says he will be here directly. ”

“ DOR. (aside to MR. JOURDAIN) . Be very careful not to speak to her of the diamond you gave her.
MR. JOUR (aside to DORANTE) . May I not just ask her how she likes it?
DOR. (aside to MR. JOURDAIN) . Eh? Be sure not to do that. It would be most vulgar of you; and to behave like a true gentleman, you should act in all things as if you had made no present at all. (Aloud) Mr. Jourdain says, Madam, that he is delighted to see you in his house.
DORI. He does me great honour.
MR. JOUR. (aside to DORANTE) . ”

“ MR. JOUR. There is nothing but prose or verse?
PROF. PHIL. No, Sir. Whatever is not prose is verse; and whatever is not verse is prose.
MR. JOUR. And when we speak, what is that, then?
PROF. PHIL. Prose.
MR. JOUR. What! When I say, "Nicole, bring me my slippers, and give me my night-cap," is that prose?
PROF. PHIL. Yes, Sir.
MR. JOUR. Upon my word, I have been speaking prose these forty years without being aware of it; and I am under the greatest obligation to you for informing me of it. Well, then, I wish to write to her in a letter, Fair Marchioness, your beautiful eyes make me die of love ”

“ MR. JOUR. Yes; but you thrust in tierce before thrusting at me in quart, and you haven't the patience to wait till I parry.
MRS. JOUR. You are crazy, husband, with all your fads; and this has come upon you since you have taken it into your head to frequent the gentlefolk.
MR. JOUR. By frequenting the gentlefolk I show my judgment. It is surely better than keeping company with your citizens.
MRS. JOUR. Yes: there is much good to be got by frequenting your nobility, and you have done a noble stroke of business with that fine count with whom you are so wrapped up. ”

“ NIC. To tell you the truth, Madam, I am delighted to find you think so; for if the master pleases you, the servant pleases me as well, and I wish our own marriage could take place at the same time as theirs.
MRS. JOUR. Go, then, and speak to him about what I told you; and tell him to come presently, that we may both together ask my husband to grant him my daughter.
NIC. I run with joy, Madam, and I could not receive a more pleasant order. (Alone.) How happy I am going to make certain people!
SCENE VIII.—NICOLE, CLÉONTE, COVIELLE. NIC. Ah, what a lucky meeting! ”

“ MR. JOUR. (to the DANCING MASTER) . Are you mad to go and quarrel with a man, who understands tierce and quart, and knows how to kill another by demonstrative reason?
DAN. MAS. I don't care a straw for his demonstrative reason, and his tierce and his quart.
MR. JOUR. (to the DANCING MASTER) . Gently, I tell you.
FEN. MAS. (to the DANCING MASTER) . How! You little impudent fellow!
MR. JOUR. Ah! my fencing master!
DAN. MAS. (to the FENCING MASTER) . How! you great cart-horse!
MR. JOUR. Stop! my dancing master!
FEN. MAS. If I once begin with you....
MR. JOUR. (to the FENCING MASTER) . Gently. ”

“ And for you, Madam, a great lady, it is neither handsome nor honest to sow dissension in a family, and to allow my husband to be in love with you.
DORI. What does all this mean? How very wrong of you, Dorante, to expose me to the preposterous fancies of this foolish woman.
DOR. (following DORIMÈNE, who is going away) . Madam, stop, I pray; where are you going?
MR. JOUR. Madam.... My Lord the Count, present my humblest apologies to her and try to bring her back.
SCENE III.—MRS. JOURDAIN, MR. JOURDAIN, A SERVANT. MR. JOUR. Ah! insolent woman that you are; these are your fine doings. ”

“ SCENE XII.—CLÉONTE, MR. JOURDAIN, MRS. JOURDAIN, LUCILE, COVIELLE, NICOLE. CLE. Sir, I would not ask anybody to come instead of me to make you a request which I have long wished to make. The matter interests me too much for me not to do it myself. Allow me to tell you then, without further words, that the honour of becoming your son-in-law is a favour I earnestly solicit, and one which I beseech you to grant me.
MR. JOUR. Before I give you an answer, Sir, I beg you to tell me if you are a nobleman. ”

“ CLE. I am afraid you are right; but the fact is I had not thought before that it was necessary to show proofs of gentility in order to become Mr. Jourdain's son-in-law.
COV. (laughing) . Ha! ha! ha!
CLE. What are you laughing at?
COV. At the thought of something that has just come into my head; it will play off our man, and help you to succeed in what you want.
CLE. How so?
COV. It is most amusing even to think of it.
CLE. What is it?
COV. We have had lately a certain masquerade, which seems to me the very thing wanted, and which I mean to make use of to play a trick on our absurd old fellow. ”

“ MRS. JOUR. Your daughter must have a husband who suits her; and it is better for her to marry an honest man, rich and handsome, than a deformed and beggarly gentleman.
NIC. That's quite true. We have the son of the squire in our village, who is the most awkwardly built and stupid noodle that I have ever seen in my life.
MR. JOUR. (to NICOLE) . Hold your tongue, will you? and mind your own business. I have wealth enough and to spare for my daughter. I only wish for honours, and I will have her a marchioness. ”

“ Undiluted praise does not give competence to a man; we must have something more solid to fall back upon, and the best praise is the praise of the pocket. Our man, it is true, is a man of very limited capacity, who speaks at random upon all things, and only gives applause in the wrong place; but his money makes up for the errors of his judgment. He keeps his discernment in his purse, and his praises are golden. This ignorant, commonplace citizen is, as you see, better to us than that clever nobleman who introduced us here. ”

“ SCENE II.—DORANTE, DORIMÈNE. DOR. Yes, Madam, it is the most amusing thing that you ever saw, and I do not think that there is in the whole world a man as, crazy as this one. Moreover, we must try to help Cléonte and back up his masquerade. He is a most excellent fellow, and one who deserves all your interest. ”

“ MUS. MAS. All the disorders, all the wars that happen in the world, are caused by nothing but the want of music.
DAN. MAS. All the sorrows and troubles of mankind, all the fatal misfortunes which fill the pages of history, the blunders of statesmen, the failures of great captains, all these come from the want of a knowledge of dancing. ”

“ SCENE VII.—MRS. JOURDAIN. CLÉONTE, MR. JOURDAIN, LUCILE, DORANTE, DORIMÈNE, COVIELLE. MRS JOUR. What is it? What is the meaning of all this? They say you want to give your daughter in marriage to a mummer.
MR. JOUR. Will you be silent? You always come and disturb everything with your follies; and there is no possibility of teaching you how to behave yourself.
MRS. JOUR. It is because there is no possibility of making you wise; and you go from folly to folly. What are your intentions? and what do you mean to do with all this assembly of people? ”

“ DOR. For my part, I hesitate at nothing when I want to serve a friend; and as soon as you told me of your admiration for this charming marchioness, with whom I was acquainted, you saw me at once put myself at your disposal to serve your love.
MR. JOUR. It is perfectly true. Such kindness confounds me.
MRS. JOUR. (to NICOLE) . Will he never go?
NIC. (to MRS. JOURDAIN) . They are very thick together.
DOR. You went the right way to work to touch her heart. There is nothing women like more than the expenses one makes for them ”

“ MUS. MAS. Yes; it is an air for a serenade that I made him compose while we are waiting for our gentleman to wake up.
DAN. MAS. Will you allow me to see what it is?
MUS. MAS. You shall hear it, as well as the dialogue, when he comes; he won't be long.
DAN. MAS. We both have plenty to do now; have we not?
MUS. MAS. Indeed we have. We have found the very man we both wanted. He brings us in a comfortable little income, with his notions of gentility and gallantry which he has taken into his head; and it would be well for your dancing and my music if everybody were like him. ”

“ FEN. MAS. They have both the impertinence to compare their professions to mine!
PROF. PHIL. Why should this offend you? It is not for vain glory and rank that men should strive among themselves. What distinguishes one man from another is wisdom and virtue.
DAN. MAS. I maintain that dancing is a science which we cannot honour too much. [Footnote: In fact, dancing was much more honoured in Molière's time than it is now.]
MUS. MAS. And I that music is a science which all ages have revered. ”

“ MR. JOUR. How all these feelings show a narrow mind, satisfied to live for ever in a low condition of life. Let me have no more replies; my daughter shall be a marchioness in spite of everybody, and if you provoke me too much, I will make her a duchess.
SCENE XIII.—MRS. JOURDAIN, LUCILE, CLÉONTE, NICOLE, COVIELLE. MRS. JOUR. Do not give up all hope, Cléonte. Follow me, Lucile; come and tell your father with firmness and decision that, unless you have Cléonte for a husband, you will never marry. ”

“ He is a man of more importance than you can imagine, a nobleman who is held in great honour at court, and who speaks to the king just as I speak to you. Is it not a thing which does me great honour that such a person should be seen so often in my house, should call me his dear friend, and should treat me as if I were his equal? ”

“ COV. (to CLÉONTE) . Shall we surrender after this?
CLE. Ah! Lucile! How you can with one word bring back peace to my heart; and how easily we suffer ourselves to be persuaded by those we love.
COV. How easily these queer animals succeed in getting round us.
SCENE XI.—MRS. JOURDAIN, CLÉONTE, LUCILE, COVIELLE, NICOLE. MRS. JOUR. I am very glad to see you, Cléonte. You are just in time, for my husband will be here in a moment. Seize that opportunity of asking him to give you Lucile in marriage. ”

“ MR. JOUR. I will learn it, then; but I hardly know how I shall find time for it; for, besides the fencing master who teaches me, I have engaged a professor of philosophy, who is to begin this morning.
MUS. MAS. Philosophy is something, no doubt; but music, Sir, music....
DAN. MAS. Music and dancing, Sir; in music and dancing we have all that we need.
MUS. MAS. There is nothing so useful in a state as music.
DAN. MAS. There is nothing so necessary to men as dancing.
MUS. MAS. Without music no kingdom can exist.
DAN. MAS. Without dancing a man can do nothing. ”

“ I think it base to hide what heaven has made us, to adorn ourselves before the world with a title, and to wish to pass for what we are not. I am the son of parents who have filled honourable offices. I have acquitted myself with honour in the army, where I served for six years, and I am rich enough to hold a tolerable position in the world; but for all this, I will not assume a name that others might think I could pretend to in my position, and I tell you openly that I cannot be reckoned a nobleman. ”

“ MR. JOUR. His Turkish highness does me too much honour, and I wish him all manner of prosperity.
COV. Ossa binamen sadoc baballi oracaf ouram.
CLE. Belmen.
COV. He says you must go quickly with him to prepare for the ceremony, in order afterwards to see your daughter and conclude the marriage.
MR. JOUR. So many things comprised in two words?
COV. Yes, The Turkish language is like that, it says a good deal in a few words. Go quickly where he wishes you.
SCENE VII.—COVIELLE (alone) . Ah! ah! ah! Upon my soul, this is most absurd. What a dupe! ”

“ TAIL. Wait a moment. Things are not done in that manner. I have brought my people with me to dress you to music; such coats as these are only put on with ceremony. Hullo there! Come in.
SCENE IX.—MR. JOURDAIN, MASTER TAILOR, ASSISTANT TAILORS (dancing) , A SERVANT. TAIL. Put this gentleman's suit on as you put on those of people of quality. ”

“ Applause finds a very ready answer in my heart, and I think it mortifying enough that in the fine arts we should have to exhibit ourselves before fools, and submit our compositions to the vulgar taste of an ass. No! say what you will, there is a real pleasure in working for people who are able to appreciate the refinements of an art; who know how to yield a kind recognition to the beauties of a work, and who, by felicitous approbations, reward you for your labour. ”

“ Marriages between people who are not of the same rank are always subject to the most serious inconveniences. I do not wish to have a son-in-law who would have it in his power to reproach my daughter with her parentage; nor that she should have children who would be ashamed to call me their grandmother. If she came to see me with the equipage of a grand lady, and failed through inadvertency to salute some of the neighbours, people would not fail to say a thousand ill-natured things. "Just see," they would say, "our lady the marchioness, who is so puffed up now, she is Mr. Jourdain's daughter ”

“ PROF. PHIL. The vowel e is formed by drawing the lower jaw a little nearer to the upper; a, e.
MR. JOUR. A, e; a, e; to be sure. Ah! how beautiful that is!
PROF. PHIL. And the vowel i by bringing the jaws still closer to one another, and stretching the two corners of the mouth towards the ears; a, e, i.
MR. JOUR. A, e, i, i, i, i. Quite true. Long live science!
PROF. PHIL. The vowel o is formed by opening the jaws, and drawing in the lips at the two corners, the upper and the lower; o.
MR. JOUR. O, o. Nothing can be more correct; a, e, i, o, i, o. It is admirable! ”