Rabindranath Tagore

“ You idolaters worship gods who are visible, but dumb and deaf. The gods I worship are both visible and audible, and it is impossible not to believe in them.’
‘Do you really mean to say,’ cried Harimohan, ‘that these leather workers and Mussulmans are your gods?’
‘Indeed, they are,’ said Jagamohan; ‘you shall see their miraculous power when I put food before them. They will actually swallow it, which I defy your gods to do. It delights my heart to see my gods perform such divine wonders. ”

“ Thus runs an entry in Satish’s diary:
In Nonibala I have seen the Universal Woman in one of her aspects,—the woman who takes on herself the whole burden of sin, who gives up life itself for the sinner’s sake, and in dying leaves for the world the balm of immortality. In Damini I see another aspect of Universal Woman. This one has nothing to do with death,—she is the Artist of the Art of Life. She blossoms out, in limitless profusion, in form and scent and movement. ”

“ In her daily work of looking after the devotees,—formerly like an act of worship with her,—a trace of weariness has become noticeable. She makes mistakes. Her service has lost its radiance.
The Master, at heart, begins to be afraid of her again. Between her brows there darkens a gathering frown; her temple is ruffled with fitful breezes; the loosening knot of her hair lowers over her neck; the pressure of her lips, the gleams from the corner of her eye, her sudden wayward gestures presage a rebellious storm.
The Swami turned to his kirtans with renewed attention. ”

“ We had almost come to forget that to be a householder involves the acquiring, or building, or at least the renting of a house, so accustomed had we become to cast the burden of its supply upon another, and to look on a house as demanding from us only the duty of making ourselves thoroughly comfortable in it.
At length we recollected that Uncle Jagamohan had bequeathed his share of the house to Satish. Had the will been left in Satish’s custody, it would by this time have been wrecked, like a paper boat, on the waves of his emotion. ”

“ There was another day, when I placed my reliance on emotion, only to discover it to be a bottomless abyss. The reason and the emotion, you see, were alike mine. Man cannot rely on himself alone. I dare not return to town until I have found my support.’
‘What then do you suggest?’ I asked.
‘You two go on to the Calcutta house. I would wander alone for a time. I seem to see glimpses of the shore. If I allow it out of my sight now, I may lose it for ever.’
As soon as we were by ourselves, Damini said to me: ‘That will never do! If he wanders about alone, who is to look after him? ”

“ It seemed to be advancing up the steps of the ghât. The water of the river and the darkness of the night were indistinguishable. Thrilling with excitement, Bhusan tried to pierce and push through the darkness with his eager eyes, till they ached,—but he could see nothing. The more anxious he was to see, the denser the darkness became, and the more shadowy the outer world. Nature, seeing an intruder at the door of her hall of death, seemed suddenly to have drawn a still thicker curtain of darkness. ”

“ For a long time Probha had not called me like that, nor caressed me with such freedom. Therefore it was that to-day at the touch of her love my heart suddenly began to yearn for her.
Going back to the house a little later, I saw that Probha was lying on her bed. Her eyes were half closed, and she seemed to be in pain. She lay like a flower which has dropped on the dust at the end of the day.
Putting my hand on her forehead, I found that she was feverish. Her breath was hot, and her pulse was throbbing. ”

“ Fatigue overpowered my limbs like a dead weight, but sleep came not. Some bird, or perhaps bat, flitted in from the outside, or out from the inside,—its wings beating the air as it flew from darkness to darkness; when the draught reached my body it sent a shiver through me, making my flesh creep.
I thought I would go and get some sleep outside. But I could not recollect the direction in which the entrance was. As I crawled on my hands and knees along the way which appeared the right one, I knocked against the cave wall. ”

“ When left to do their own choosing, women invariably reject ordinary men like me, made up of gross and fine, who know woman to be just woman, that is to say, neither a doll of clay made to serve for our pastime, nor a transcendental melody to be evoked at our master touch. They reject us, because we have neither the forceful delusions of the flesh, nor the roseate illusions of fancy: we can neither break them on the wheel of our desire, nor melt them in the glow of our fervour to be cast in the mould of our ideal. ”

“ She had heard what a force was woman’s beauty in the world, but to-night it became to her palpable.
At last the curtain dropped, the light became dim, the audience got ready to leave the theatre, but Giribala sat still like one in a dream. The thought that she would have to go home had vanished from her mind. She waited for the curtain to rise again and the eternal theme of Krishna’s humiliation at the feet of Radha to continue. But Sudha came to remind her that the play had ended, and the lamps would soon be put out. ”

“ Jagamohan started up from his chair and bellowed out:
‘You want to throw me your dirty leavings, as you throw a dog a bone! I am an atheist—remember that! I am not a pious man like you! I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours.’
Harimohan hastened round to Satish’s lodgings. He cried out to him:
‘Satish! What in the world are you going to do? Can you think of no other way of ruining yourself? Are you determined to plunge the whole family into this hideous shame?’
Satish answered: ‘I have no particular desire to marry. ”

“ The chirping of the crickets under the trees was like a thin hem of sound at the lowest edge of the skirt of silence.
‘That evening I had been drinking a little, and my heart was in a melting mood. When my eyes had got used to the darkness, the grey outline of the loosely clad and languid form of Monorama, lying in the shadow of the trees, awakened in my mind an undefinable longing. ”

“ I Giribala is overflowing with the exuberance of her youth that seems spilling over all around her, in the folds of her dress, the turning of her neck, the motion of her hands, in the rhythm of her steps, now quick, now languid, in her tinkling anklets and ringing laughter, in her voice and her swift glances. Often she is seen, wrapt in a blue silk, walking on her terrace, in an impulse of unmeaning restlessness. Her limbs seem eager to dance to the time of an inner music unceasing and unheard. ”

“ That evening the moon was near its full. One corner of our terrace was overhung by the branch of a chalta tree. At the edge of the shadow, under its thick foliage, sat Damini lost in silent thought. Satish was softly pacing up and down our veranda behind her. I had a hobby for diary-writing, in which I was indulging, alone in my room, with the door wide open. ”

“ All the more loathsome seemed the softness of it,—of this terrible, unknown mass of hunger.
What between dread and disgust, I could not even utter a cry. I tried to push it away with ineffectual thrusts with my legs. Its face seemed to be touching my feet, on which its panting breath fell thickly. What kind of a face had it, I wondered. I launched a more vigorous kick as the stupor left me. I had at first supposed there was no fur, but what felt like a mane now brushed across my legs. I struggled up into a sitting posture.
Something stole away in the darkness. ”

“ I was about to make my reply, when Satish stopped me with a gesture, and went on: ‘Visri, old fellow! let me tell you plainly: if the hand of Maya is not visible to you, that is because you have allowed yourself to be caught in her net. The vision of beauty with which she has ensnared you to-day will vanish, and with the beauty will disappear the spectacles of desire, through which you now see it as greater than all the world. ”

“ She can sing and dance and improvise verses, and she freely gives expression to her regret that such a beauty as that of her mistress should be dedicated to a fool who forgets to enjoy that which he has in his possession. Giribala is never tired of hearing from her the details of her charms of beauty, while at the same time contradicting her, calling her a liar and flatterer, exciting her to swear by all that is sacred that she is earnest in her admiration—which statement, even without the accompaniment of a solemn oath, is not difficult for Giribala to believe. ”

“ I would follow none else. Give me some creed—higher than all this—which can save me. Do not let me be destroyed, together with the Divinity which is in me.’
Satish drew himself up straight, as he responded: ‘So be it.’
Damini prostrated herself at his feet, her forehead touching the ground, and remained long thus, in reverential adoration, murmuring: ‘Oh, my Master, my Master, save me, save me, save me from all sin.’
VII Once more there was a mighty sensation in our world, and a storm of vituperation in the newspapers—for Satish had again turned renegade. ”

“ Without paying any heed to my words, Damini spoke on to Satish: ‘I have learnt nothing at all from your Master. He has never given me one moment’s peace of mind. Fire cannot quench fire. The road along which he is taking his devotees leads neither to courage, nor restraint, nor peace. ”

“ Every time the curtain rose the window of her life’s prison-house seemed to open before her, and the stage, bordered off from the world of reality by its gilded frame and scenic display, by its array of lights and even its flimsiness of conventionalism, appeared to her like a fairyland, where it was not impossible for herself to occupy the throne of the fairy queen. ”

“ Satish was almost beside himself. ‘Will you never understand,’ he groaned, ‘that I am not running after any geographical truth? ‘The Dweller within can only come to me along my own true path. The path of the guru can only lead to the guru’s door.’
What a number of opposite principles have I heard enunciated by this same mouth of Satish! I, Srivilas, once the favourite disciple of Uncle Jagamohan,—who would have threatened me with a big stick if l had called him Master,—had actually been made by Satish to massage the legs of Lilananda Swami. ”

“ III For some days Satish clanged his cymbals and danced his kirtans with added vigour. Then one day he came to me and said: ‘We cannot keep Damini with us any longer.’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘We must free ourselves altogether from the influence of women.’
‘If that be a necessity,’ said I, ‘there must be something radically wrong with our system.’
Satish stared at me in amazement.
‘Woman is a natural phenomenon,’ I continued, undaunted, ‘who will have her place in the world, however much we may try to get rid of her. ”

“ He fixed masts in them, and fastened sails, hoisted a red flag, and put in rudders and oars. He did not even forget steersmen and passengers to boot. It would have been difficult to find a boy, even in these modern times, cynical enough to despise such a gift. And when Baidyanath, the night before the festival, gave these boats to his boys, they became wild with delight.
On hearing their shouts Sundari came in, and at the sight of these gifts flew into a fury of rage, and, seizing the toys, threw them out of the window. ”

“ But what in the world was it all about?
‘He loves form,’ Satish went on, ‘so He is continually descending towards form. We cannot live by form alone, so we must ascend towards His formlessness. He is free, so His play is within bonds. We are bound, so we find our joy in freedom. All our sorrow is because we cannot understand this.’
We kept as silent as the stars.
‘Do you not understand, Damini?’ pursued Satish. ‘He who sings proceeds from his joy to the tune ; he who hears, from the tune to joy. One comes from freedom into bondage, the other goes from bondage into freedom ”

“ This scarcely novel reflection, however, was not what my mind ruminated over. ‘No, no!’ it protested. ‘One dawn does not succeed another merely to smear fresh plaster [1] over the floor. True, the Englishman of the factory, together with the rest of its abominations, are all swept away into oblivion like a handful of dust,—but my Damini!’
Many will not agree with me, I know. Shankaracharya’s philosophy spares no one. All the world is maya, a trembling dewdrop on the lotus leaf. ”

“ The only other memento of the past is the brick-built mound over the grave of some Mussulman servant of the factory. Through its cracks, wild flowering shrubs have sprung up. Covered with blossoms they sway to the breeze and mock at death, like merry maidens shaking with laughter while they chaff the bridegroom on his wedding-day. The hanks of the garden pool have caved in and let the water trickle away, leaving the bottom to serve as a bed for a coriander patch. ”

“ Mani had been in the habit of lighting it with her own hands every evening. One who goes away, leaving everything empty, leaves the imprint of his living heart even on lifeless objects. Come, Mani, come back again, light your lamp, fill your room with light once more, and, standing before your mirror, put on your sari which has been prepared with such care. ”

“ His whole body besmeared with mud, Baidyanath made his way up into the house. The world, full of its bustling population, seemed to him empty as that broken vessel and chained to a meaningless destiny. ”

“ When Satish had put his books and bedding on the top of the carriage, and driven away, Jagamohan shut the door of his room, and flung himself on the floor. When evening came, and the old servant knocked at the door with the lighted lamp, he got no answer.
Alas for the greatest happiness of the greatest number! The estimate in number is not the only measure of human affairs. The man who counts ‘one’ may go beyond all arithmetic when the heart does the sum. ”