Rossiter Johnson

“ It falls to the lot of few boys to take such a ride more than once in a lifetime. Some, poor fellows! never experience it at all. But whatever could happen to any boy, in the way of adventure, was pretty sure to happen to Phaeton Rogers, who was one of those lucky fellows that are always in the middle of everything, and generally play the principal part. And yet it was not so much luck or accident as his own genius; for he had hardly come into the world when he began to try experiments with it, to see if he couldn't set some of the wheels of the universe turning in new directions. ”

“ How does he suppose he's going to make men of us, if we never begin to do anything manly?"
"Perhaps he doesn't think it is especially manly," said Phaeton.
"Not manly!" exclaimed Ned, in astonishment. "I should like to know what's more manly than to take the tongue of Big Six when there's a tremendous fire and they jump her all the way down State street. Or to stand on the engine and yell at the men, when Torrent Two is trying to wash her. Why, sometimes the foreman gets so excited that he batters his trumpet all to pieces, pounding on the brakes, to cheer his men." ”

“ If you look at a dozen boys flying their kites at once on the common, you will see that, no matter how near together two or three boys stand, their kites will not go in exactly the same direction. Either the strings will slant away from each other a little, or else they will cross."
"How do you account for that?" said Ned.
"I suppose it's because you never can make two kites exactly alike; or, if they are exactly alike, they are not hung precisely the same; and so the wind bears a little more on the left side of one, and a little more on the right side of the other." ”

“ The kite sailed still higher and farther away, of course carrying the hoop up into mid-air, where it was plainly visible as the tin-foil glittered in the moonlight.
So far, Monkey's task had all been plain mechanical work, sure of success if only performed with care. But now he had arrived at the difficult part of it, where a great amount of patience and no little sleight-of-hand were necessary. The thing to be done was, to let out just enough string for the kite to carry the hoop exactly as high as the top of the steeple. ”

“ While we were still debating the question, the front door opened, and Jack-in-the-Box came out.
"You're the very boy—I mean man—I wanted to see," said Ned, running up to him, and speaking in a whisper.
"That's fortunate," said Jack. "Tell me what I can do for you."
"Why, you see," said Ned, "we came right over here as soon as we heard about Jimmy. But we don't know the right way to go into a house where anybody's dead. We never did it before."
"Jimmy isn't dead," said Jack. ”

“ Live, Jimmy, live! and you may be proof-reader in our office,—we need one dreadfully, Jack-in-the-Box says so,—and you know pretty nearly everything, and can soon learn the rest, and we'll get you the green shade for your eyes, and you're awful round-sho—that is, I mean, in fact, I think you are the very man for it. And you can grow up with the business, and always have a good place. And then, Jimmy, if you want to use your spare time in setting up your poems, you may, and change them just as much as you want to, and we won't charge you a cent for the use of the type. ”

“ Monkey Roe, a comic almanac, three or four years old, but just as funny; Jack-in-the-Box a bottle of cordial; and Patsy Rafferty, a small bag of marbles. Whether these last had been acquired by honest purchase, or by the gambling operation known as "playing for good," it would be ungenerous to inquire.
"How do you amuse yourself, Jimmy?" said Phaeton.
"I don't have much amusement," answered Jimmy; "but still I can write a little."
"Poetry?" said Phaeton.
"Oh, yes," said Jimmy; "I write very little except poetry. There's plenty of prose in the world already." ”

“ One day a little curly-headed fellow, named Moses Green, came to the office, and wanted us to print a hundred tickets like this:
"Where's your show going to be?" said Phaeton.
"I don't know," said Moses. "If Uncle James should sell his horses, perhaps he would let me have it in his barn."
"Yes, that would be a good place," said Phaeton. "And who are your actors?"
"I don't know," said Moses. "But I'm going to ask Charlie Garrison, because he's got a good fife; and Lem Whitney, because he knows how to black up with burnt cork; and Andy Wilson, because he knows 'O Susanna' all by heart." ”

“ After we had exchanged the stories of our adventures, Ned said it was now his turn to ride.
"I wish you could, Ned," said Phaeton; "but I don't dare trust you on his back. He's too fiery and untamable. It's all I can do to hold him."
Ned grumbled somewhat; but with the help of the brewery man, Phaeton remounted, and we set off again for Kidd's pasture. Ned and I walked close beside the horse, each with the fingers of one hand between his body and the surcingle, that we might either hold him or be taken along with him if he should again prove fiery and untamable. ”

“ I thought the best thing would be, to take the machine and spend the day in going around grinding scissors, and at night take home the money to the Old Red Rover."
"Yes," said Ned, "that's the very best thing; it's more fun than anything else you could have thought of."
"He was rather afraid to let me try it," continued Holman, "but Mrs. The-Old-Red-Rover was greatly pleased with the idea, and soon persuaded him. 'Be very tender with her—she's the pride of my life,' said he, as we rolled it out of the door; and he didn't mean his wife—he meant the machine." ”

“ Just count the Es on a page of any book. And you've been fooling away your money on a font of type with no Es! Mr. Alvord ought to be ashamed of himself to cheat a boy like that."
"You needn't be scolding me for fooling away the money," said Ned. "What have you been doing, I should like to know? Fooling away the money on that old torrid-zontal balloon thing, which will probably make a shipwreck of you the first time you try it. And, besides, I didn't buy the type of Mr. Alvord." ”

“ And he went off, whistling "O Susanna."
"Fay, I think that's bad policy," said Ned, when Moses was out of sight.
"I don't see how you can say that," said Phaeton.
"It's as plain as day," said Ned. "We ought to have gone right on and printed his tickets. Suppose he hasn't any show, and never will have one—what of it? We shouldn't suffer. His father would see that our bill was paid. I've heard Father say that Mr. Green was the very soul of honor."
"Ah, Ned, I'm afraid you're getting more sharp than honest," said Phaeton. ”

“ Ned chose Charley Garrison, and then Phaeton chose Patsy Rafferty, and after some discussion they determined to let the list end there.
"You haven't mentioned a single girl," said Aunt Mercy.
"Sister May is too little," said Ned; "and besides that, I don't much believe in girls, any way."
"That's complimentary to your mother and me," said his aunt.
"I don't think we know any girls well enough to ask them," said Phaeton,—"unless it may be one," and he blushed a little.
"One will do," said Aunt Mercy; and so it was agreed that she should invite Miss Glidden, whom she called "a very sweet girl." ”

“ Jane brought it.
"How much will it take for a good muddle, Edmund Burton?" said his Aunt Mercy, as she opened her pocket-book.
"I should think fifteen dollars ought to be a great plenty," said Ned, and she handed him a crisp new ten-dollar bill and a five.
"Thank you, Aunty."
"You're welcome, child. Always come to me when you want money to make a muddle. But mind what I tell you, Edmund Burton. Don't let that numskull brother of yours have anything to do with it, and be sure you get up a handsome muddle that will do credit to the family." ”

“ Into the abyss that thus suddenly yawned before him, Phaeton and his chariot plunged.
After him went Patsy Rafferty, who on seeing the danger had laid hold of the car and tried to stop it, but failed. Whether he jumped through, or let himself down more cautiously by hanging from the floor of the bridge and dropping, I did not see; but, at all events, when the rest of us reached the tow-path by running down the embankment, the waters of the canal had closed over both boys and the car. ”

“ And so the whole caravan went roaring down the turnpike—Phaeton in his flying car at the head, then the Dublin boys, then our boys, then the mothers of the Dublin boys, then the drove of cattle, then the circus, with all its wagons and paraphernalia,—the striped zebra bringing up the rear. ”

“ So, you see, there must be something instead of an engine and a train of cars. I propose to dig a good tunnel wherever the road wants to go, and make it as long as you please. Right through the centre I pass an India-rubber cable as large as a man's leg, and stretch it tight and fasten it to great posts at each end. All the men and boys who want to go sit on at one end, as if on horseback. When everything is ready, the train-despatcher takes a sharp axe, and with one blow clips the cable in two behind them, and zip they go to the other end before you can say Jack Robinson. ”

“ I begin to have great respect for poetry, in spite of the license. And I suppose that if the poets make all that money, the publishers make a little something, too."
"They probably know how to look out for themselves," said Phaeton. "But who is going to publish this book for you?"
"I'm going to publish it myself. You know we haven't used up the capital I got from Aunt Mercy," said Ned.
"But you're not a publisher."
"Nobody is a publisher until after he has published something," said Ned.
"But that won't be capital enough to print a book," said Phaeton. "Printing costs like fury." ”

“ There comes to most men, in early manhood, a single moment which perhaps equals this in its delicious blending of fear and rapture—but let us leave that to the poets.
Phaeton and I hung on with a good grip, while the inspiration of the fire in sight, and the enthusiasm of our company, seemed to lend us more than our usual strength and speed. But before we reached the fire, a noise was heard on a street that ran into ours at an angle some distance ahead. The foreman's ear caught it instantly, and he knew it was Cataract Eight doing her best in order to strike into the main road ahead of us. ”

“ Now, Monkey, I'm going to ask a question, which you need not answer unless you choose to. Did you, on Saturday night last, between the hours of sunset and sunrise, raise, fly, and elevate one six-cornered paper kite, bearing a motto or sentiment from the sacred book called Leviticus, and tie, fix, anchor, attach, or fasten the same to the lightning-rod that surmounts the spire, or steeple, of the First Church of the sect or denomination known and designated as Baptist, fronting and abutting on Independence square in this city? ”

“ Jack, who had just flagged a train, and was rolling up his flag as we arrived, cordially invited us into his box.
"I want to consult you about one more invention," said Phaeton, "if you're not tired of them."
"Never tired of them," said Jack. "I have found something to admire in every one you've presented, though they were not all exactly practicable. The only way to succeed is to persevere." ”

“ It was great fun to explore the mysteries of his establishment. I think he liked boys as much as Jack-in-the-Box did, and I'm sure it was a pleasure to us, in laying out Ned's capital, to pay so much of it to so pleasant a man.
But energy without skill is like zeal without knowledge; in fact, it is about the same thing, and we couldn't really make much progress till Phaeton should take hold; and he would have nothing to do with it till he had finished his apparatus for "a horizontal balloon-ascension," which he was at work upon every minute that he could spare from sleep and meals. ”

“ Jack-in-the-Box lent him books, and each day a fresh bouquet was sent in by Miss Glidden.
One day Monkey Roe called on him.
"Jimmy," said he, "you know all about poetry, I suppose."
"I know something about it," said Jimmy. "I have written considerable."
"And are you well enough yet to undertake an odd job in it?"
"Oh, yes," said Jimmy. "A fellow doesn't have to be very well to write poetry."
"It isn't exactly writing poetry that I want done," said Monkey. "It's a very odd job, indeed. You might call it repairing poetry. Do poets ever repair poetry, as well as make it new?" ”

“ Phaeton thrust it into his pocket, and walked out of the shop, quite crestfallen. When he told us about it, Ned became indignant.
"I don't believe a word of it," said he; "I see through the whole plot. The chief engineer has entered into a conspiracy with himself to crush out your invention, because he knows it would do away with all the fire-engines and hook-and-ladders, and the city wouldn't need a chief engineer any more, and he couldn't draw that nice little salary of a thousand dollars just for running to fires and bossing things." ”

“ I did not care to tell you before, because I was studying on it."
"All right; go ahead," said Ned, as we seated ourselves on the grass, and Phaeton began.
"It is called the Underground Railway. You see, there are some places—like the city of New York, for instance—where the buildings are so close together, and land is worth so much, that they can't build railroads enough to carry all the people back and forth. And so they have been trying, in all sorts of ways, to get up something that will do it—something different from a common railroad." ”

“ The consciences of very few people seem ever to be troubled on that point.
"The Hook-and-Ladder is short-handed to-night," said Monkey. "I think I'll take an axe."
"What does he mean by taking an axe?" said I to Phaeton.
"I don't know," said Phaeton; "let's follow him, and find out."
Monkey passed around the corner into the next street, where stood a very long, light carriage, with two or three ladders upon it and a few axes in sockets on the sides. These axes differed from ordinary ones in having the corner of the head prolonged into a savage-looking spike. ”

“ He wound on everything as he came to it—hoop, mottoes, even Phaeton's arrow.
Phaeton stood in the street before the house, caught the kite by the tail as it approached the ground, and soon had it secure. He broke off the string, and Ned came down through the house.
An immense crowd surrounded them, and impeded their progress as they started for home.
"Jump into my carriage; I'll take you home," said the driver of an open barouche, who had stopped to see the performance, and like everybody else was intensely interested in it. ”

“ But I ventured to suggest that I could cut him a switch from the hedge, which Dobbin could certainly be made to feel, though it might not be so elegant as a riding-whip.
"Never mind it," said he. "It's no use; you can't expect much of any horse without saddle or spurs. And besides, what would become of you and Ned? You couldn't keep up."
I suggested that he might go on a mile or two and then return to meet us, and so have all the more ride. But he answered: "I'm afraid Uncle Jacob wouldn't like that. He expects us to go right to the pasture, without delay. ”

“ Don't you know that it's a famous custom to throw old shoes after people, as a sign that you wish them good luck—especially when they're just married and starting off on their wedding journey?"
"I've heard of it," said Phaeton, "but I never saw it done."
"I'll go for that," said Monkey Roe. "Horseshoes, or human shoes?"
"For Roderick Ayr and his beautiful bride, nothing but the softest velvet moccasins," said the poet.
"Don't believe I can get them," said Monkey. "We don't wear that kind at our house."
"I'm afraid it won't do to have any throwing about it," said Holman. ”