Sanford Bell

“ It is, therefore, impossible to affirm whether there are such things as instinctive gestures, expressions, caresses, etc., which all human beings recognize as sexual stimuli. From the little that is known it seems probable that the number of such tokens is not great,—even the kiss is by no means general! We can only be sure of a universal tendency to approach and to touch one another, and of a disposition to self exhibition and coquetry as probably instinctive and of the special forms which these tendencies take under the influence of imitation and tradition as secondary causes. ”

“ While it is the contact through the sense of touch that acts both as the most natural and most complete expression of love between the sexes and a powerful sexual excitant, there is a contact of the eyes of adolescent and adult lovers,—a sort of embrace by means of the eyes—that is as exciting to many as contact through touch. ”

“ Love between children of the opposite sex bears much the same relation to that between adults as the flower does to the fruit, and has about as little of physical sexuality in it as an apple-blossom has of the apple that develops from it.
The love demonstrations of children in the first stage of the emotion's development are generally spontaneous, profuse, and unrestrained. There is an absence of shyness, of any sense of shame, of the feeling of self-consciousness. The children have as yet no notion of the meaning of sex. ”

“ Mutual confessions are seldom made,—at least, not directly, face to face. Some confess to friends, but this is usually done very reluctantly. Some confess through notes delivered by friends, or passed in some secret way; some reveal it by defending the sweetheart when she is being “talked about,” in many of which cases boys fight most spiritedly for the honor of the one they love. Some never confess,—neither to friends nor to lover. Some boys deny that they are in love and speak slightingly about their sweetheart, but afterwards confess. ”

“ The giving of gifts and the sharing of choice possessions is very common. The emotion in its earliest form introduces the element of self-sacrifice for the loved one that is inseparable from the emotion in all of its normal stages of development. It likewise introduces the intense selfishness that comes from the desire to monopolize the allegiance of the one loved. An only child, who as a rule is very selfish and will not share any of his possessions with others, readily gives up a liberal part to the lover. ”

“ In fact there is scarcely a social game indulged in by both sexes wherein the incidents are not turned to the emotion's account by the young lovers. It must not be understood that all of the children who take part in these games are to be considered as lovers. As was suggested above the games may appeal to many other instincts and be indulged in on that account rather than on account of the love sentiment that characterizes them. On the other hand many of the games whose content does not suggest love may be turned into a love opportunity and expression. ”

“ This inherent value continues to be an element of appreciation in lovers's gifts throughout life. It is given by the lover as an expression of his love, and so received and prized by the sweetheart. Everything else being equal, the greater the real value the more satisfactory is the love expression to both. ”

“ The emotion of sex-love, so plainly traceable to the reproductive instinct, has its evolution in each normal individual. It develops through various stages as do other instincts. It does not make its appearance for the first time at the period of adolescence, as has been thought. Extended and varied experience in the public schools has furnished me with very favorable opportunities for making observations upon children who were allowed to mix freely regardless of sex. ”

“ I know of a couple who have been married ten years who have been lovers since childhood. The husband is four years older than his wife, with whom he fell in love when he was seven years old. They lived in the same town, and their parents were the best of friends. The children had many opportunities for being together, and always seemed very happy in each other's company. They were always acknowledged to be lover and sweetheart by their playmates, and it seemed very natural that they should marry, which they did when she was seventeen. ”

“ The pleasure derived from hugging and kissing, etc., in children who have the emotion in this first stage of its development, is not specifically sexual except in some cases which I am inclined to consider as precocious. Normally, there appears to be no erethism of the sexual organs during the process of love-making. But erethism, as we shall see in another chapter upon the analysis of the sex impulse, is not confined to the sexual organs, but is distributed throughout the entire body, especially through the vascular and nervous systems. ”

“ Adults need only to recall their own youth or to observe even briefly our grammar and high school boys and girls, to be convinced that love between the sexes is one of the emotions that become conspicuously apparent in early adolescence. This is what might reasonably be expected since the emotion is derived from the sex instinct, and pubescence marks the period of rapid acceleration in the growth of the sex organs. With the increase in size and vigor of the reproductive organs there comes the strong impulse for the organs to function. ”

“ It is a very remarkable fact that although for many years past serious attempts have been made to elucidate the psychology of sexual perversions, little or no endeavor has been made to study the psychologic development of the normal sexual emotions. Nearly every writer seems either to take for granted that he and his readers are so familiar with all the facts of normal sex psychology that any detailed statement is altogether uncalled for, or else he is content to write a few introductory phrases, mostly made up from anatomic, philosophic and historical work. ”

“ The analyses thus far given by scientists are limited to the emotion as it is manifested in the adult. A few writers have referred to it in dealing with the psychology of adolescence, but in this connection refer to it as one of the many ways in which the adolescent spirit shows its intensity, turbulence and capriciousness. I know of no scientist who has given a careful analysis of the emotion as it is seen in the adolescent. It is true that it has been the chosen theme of the poet, romancer and novelist. ”

“ Jeaness was seated upon a hassock in the parlor where there were several guests. Upon Edgar's entering the door, she saw him and, as her little face beamed with evident delight, she arose and met him in the middle of the room. They were immediately in each others arms. Edgar's mother, seeing the vigor with which he was hugging Jeaness, said to him with concern: “Why, Edgar, you will hurt Jeaness.” Jeaness, who evidently was better able to judge, archly turned her head and with a smile that meant much, said: “No, he won't.” ”

“ A very large percentage of both sexes of the civilized races begin their sexual life during early adolescence. This is particularly true of the male half of the races. The system of sex inhibitions which has gradually been developed by civilization has been along the line of evolution and has been doing away with promiscuity, polygamy and polyandry; it has been establishing monogamy and postponing marriage until a period of greater physiological and psychological maturity of both sexes. ”

“ This is interesting as evidence of love-fetichism appearing in early childhood.
The emotion otherwise affects the moods and disposition of children. Refractory children, whose parents manage them with difficulty, become docile and amiable under the influence of the sweetheart or lover. Boys who, at other times, are cowards will fight with vigor and courage when their love is concerned. Children that have a sociable disposition sometimes become exclusive and abandon all other playmates for the chosen one, and cannot be induced to play with any one else. ”

“ They are never very highly respected by the other boys, and later, at adolescence, are tolerated by the girls rather than respected and sought by them. Again there are individuals who are very timid in their general disposition, and are consequently undemonstrative and inhibitive at all times.
We have emphasized the fact that children that have sex-love in this second stage of its development, as a rule, avoid all direct expressions of their feelings and that lovers are awkward, embarrassed, self-conscious and ill-at-ease in each other's presence. ”

“ Before civilization developed the system of sex inhibitions that are considered an essential part of the ethical habits of our young people, the impulse to function was not repressed and pubescence marked the beginning of the distinctively sexual experience of both sexes. ”

“ So only one heart beat with but a single thought, and the other took motto candy and valentines and red apples and picture cards and other tokens of esteem from other boys, and beat on with any number of thoughts, entirely immaterial to the uses of this narrative.” This “showing-off” in the boy lover is the forerunner of the skillful, purposive and elaborate means of self-exhibition in the adult male and the charming coquetry in the adult female, in their love relations. ”

“ Few teachers complain of the love affairs of children in these first two periods as interfering with school work,—except when one of the lovers is absent. A score or more of the observers assert that during the absence of one of the lovers, the other does not do as good work and often becomes moody and irritable. On the other hand it very materially quickens the efforts of many who want to appear well before their lovers. ”

“ Give as completely as you can the details of any such cases you know of; age of each child; length of time the love continued; whether it was mutual; what broke it up; any signs of jealousy; any expressions of love such as confessions, caresses, gifts, etc.; any ideas of marriage; actions in presence of each other free or shy, when alone, when in the presence of others; any tendency of either child to withhold demonstrations and be satisfied to love at a distance; any other details you may have noticed.
II. Love between children and those of opposite sex who are much older. ”

“ We are prone to refer many of the manifestations enumerated to imitation. Imitation can account in part for the form in which the emotion shows itself, whose presence is established by the accumulation of a vast amount of [Pg 331] evidence. Imitation plays an important role in the development of the sex instinct, and love between the sexes as one of this instinct's derivatives, as it does with the development of most other instincts. ”

“ The presence of the emotion in children between three and eight years of age is shown by such action as the following: hugging, kissing, lifting each other, scuffling, sitting close to each other; confessions to each other and to others, talking about each other when apart; seeking each other and excluding others, grief at being separated; giving of gifts, extending courtesies to each other that are withheld from others, making sacrifices such as giving up desired things or foregoing pleasures ”

“ Lovers will manage some way to sit or stand together, and are thrilled by touching. One boy who sat behind his sweetheart would place his arm along the back of the desk where she would come in contact with it. Others carry on their courtship by touching their feet under the desks, etc. It is common to see favoritism in recitations wherein pupils make the corrections; the lover seldom corrects the sweetheart, and vice versa. ”

“ Of course there is much promiscuous catching, and the game is satisfying other instincts than that of love, for instance the instinct of pursuing and catching; but it is quite noticeable that the boys have their favorite girls and catch them first, often showing jealousy if the girls are caught by any one else. The girls are often aggressive in selecting boys to catch in the event that they themselves are caught first. Prison-Base and Handkerchief are pursuing and touching games, and furnish opportunity for indirect love confessions. ”

“ It further involves the holding of hands, and is not infrequently so arranged as to have the boy's arms about the girl's waist. Digging a Well is similar to Picking Grapes, and calls for as many kisses as there are feet in depth to be dug. In competition games where forfeits are sold there is no limit to the devices for indirect love expressions except the fertility and ingenuity in invention of the young people, and every one knows that in this particular regard their resources are well nigh inexhaustible. London Bridge is made use of to satisfy the hugging impulse. ”