Various

“ Round the Black Man's Garden is about as bad a title as a book could have. Happily, Mrs. Colvile's clever travel notes triumphantly carry the weight. The travellers commenced their journey at Suez, visiting places in the Red Sea which voyagers by the P. and O. steamers pass by on the other side. They made their way down the west coast by all the most uncomfortable means of conveyance attainable, culminating in the filanzana, in which instrument of torture they were carried across the hills and through the swamps of Madagascar. ”

“ No use repining; must get on; feeling peckish; walk in middle of road to make most of twilight shut out by hedges; can't see time by watch; doing something more than four miles an hour. At end of what seems half-hour am apparently no forrader; no house; no passer-by; no friendly light over ghostly expanse peeped at through occasional gates.
Begin to think of story heard the other day. Belated parson went to take evening service for friend at church close by post-office where I made acquaintance of first Old Gentleman. ”

“ In fact, it had long since come to be an understood thing that wherever I went Holes should accompany me in the character of a professional detective on the lookout for business; and James Silver though he may have at first resented the calm unmuscularity of my marvellous friend's immovable face would have been the last man in the world to spoil any chance of sport or excitement by refraining from offering a cordial invitation to Holes. The party was completed by Peter Bowman, a lad of eighteen, who to an extraordinary capacity for mischief, added an imperturbable cheerfulness of manner. ”

“ A Singing-bird which will not sing, a watch that will not go,
A working-man who scorns to work, a needle that won't sew,
Are things whose inutility are obvious at a glance,
But what are they compared with "gilded youth" who do not dance? ”

“ Colonel Colvile, just now enjoying himself amid the privations of the journey up country to Uganda, is well known as an indomitable traveller. In Mrs. Colvile he found a worthy companion. On a merry page of the narrative of life in Madagascar, it is incidentally mentioned that the travellers arrive at Malatsy with their luggage soaking after a dip in the river. They dine in a whitewashed hut, with an army of big cockroaches overrunning the walls. ”

“ Sign-post older than Old Gentleman with the umbrella, and not nearly in such state of preservation. Not a soul in sight; "no footfall breaking silence of closing day." Old Gentleman said turn to left; so left must be right; take it, and walk on.
Pretty broad highway; must be main road leading somewhere. Why not to Burrow-in-the-Corner? Quarter mile off come upon bifurcation. Which is main road? Instincts of trapper assert themselves; carefully examine which way traffic mostly goes; not many cart-ruts, but majority turn to left; that must be the way to Burrow-in-the-Corner. ”

“ Nana's not disturbed—yet—by the Irish babe's squall,
But—what means that black-boding shade on the wall?
The African Bogey! Inopportune, very!
It's really a nuisance, it does seem a shame
That just as Nurse G. is prepared to make merry
With two such sweet bantlings this Spook spoils the game!
Uganda! Mashonaland!! Nurse, I'm afraid
The Dark Continent casts o'er your babes a Black Shade! ”

“ Take the right this time, by way of change; leads into a road running at right angles. Should I turn right or left? Do a little of both in succession; can see nothing of the lay of country, by reason of wall-like hedges; presently come to gate in field; country chillingly unfamiliar.
Situation beginning to grow serious; dusk closing in apace. In spite of it I see my mistake; took the wrong turning when I examined the traffic-mark; must turn back there, and peg along the other road; get into narrow lane again ”

“ Merridew (later) . Now we're going to see the great man, Cecilia. Wildfire's down to sing next.
Capt. Alch. Don't you be too sure, Frank. They haven't put the number up yet, you see. As likely as not they'll put in an "extra turn," and he won't come at all. I've known that happen lots of times when you come on purpose to see somethin', don't you know.
Mrs. M. Really, Captain Alchin, I shall begin to suspect that you are more of an authority about music-halls than your modesty would admit at first. ”

“ Such a practical joke as this is "not for an age, but for all time," until there shall be no longer left a hen to lay an egg, or, if there be an egg left by the expiring hen, there shall be no longer a person remaining to eat the egg left by the egg-spiring hen ”

“ They settle down.
Captain Alchin. Pleasure! (To himself.) Think I see myself explainin' the jokes and that! (Aloud.) Afraid I shan't be of much use, really. Rather out of my line this sort of thing, you know!
Mrs. M. I'm sure you must know more about it than Miss Toovey and I do. Tell me who is this rather good-looking girl in kneebreeches with the horrid voice and the blue eyelids, and why does she walk like that?
"See us lurch along in line, with a straggle serpentine." ”

“ In the "Report of the Royal Commission on Labour" it is said that "domestic economy is not now practised among the Scotch peasants with such closeness as formerly; wives have ceased to use oatmeal and other simple fare, and buy from the passing cart inferior goods which they could very well prepare at home." ”

“ Merridew, all I mean is Wildfire's bringin' out a play or somethin' to-night at the Hilarity, so he mayn't be able to turn up here, don't you see.
Mrs. M. I won't have you predicting evil like that; it's not at all nice of you, and you're quite wrong, too ”

“ While, alas, the name of the True Wit who first chuckled over his stroke of genius, is lost for ever, no work of art perpetuates his name. But his humour is usque ad finem omnium rerum!
Mrs. R. is not surprised that the Valkyrie did not win, when it broke its pinnacle and did not have a centipede.
[pg 208]
UNDER THE ROSE. (A Story in Scenes.)
Scene XII.—Another box at the Eldorado. Time—About 9.30 P.M.
Enter Mrs. Merridew and Althea, followed by Colonel Merridew and Captain Alchin.
Mrs. Merridew. Frank, the man did say Walter Wildfire hasn't sung yet, didn't he? Yes? then that's all right! ”

“ Thea, do you see? he looks quite nice, and not really vulgar. Now he's going to sing. Isn't he too delightfully funny! What, Frank? Not Wildfire? Mr. Alf Redbeak. Are you sure? I was wondering what there could possibly be in such a common little man as that to make such a fuss about. And what language? Captain Alchin, what does he mean by saying that he was "dotted on the crust by a copper," and "went off his onion"?
Capt. Alch. (who foresees rocks ahead if he once undertakes to interpret) . Oh, well, they're always inventin' some new slang, you know, Mrs. Merridew ”

“ Q. Have you found this a successful method of obtaining an increase? A. Well, no, not much. Of course if you get an old lady, or a mother with a heap of children, you can do almost anything with them. Q. But let us take a smart cavalry officer, who knows his way about town, do you think the method you suggest would be successful with him? A. No, I don't; but no cavalry officer who was really smart would offer me less than my fare. Q. But we are assuming that there may be some question about the fare. ”

“ Through him and his associates I have fostered and foiled more thefts than I care to count. Those infernal boys nearly spoilt everything. Potson, take my advice, never attempt a master-stroke in a house full of boys. They can't understand scientific induction. ”

“ A WALK IN DEVON. PART II.—THE FINISH. Notes from the Travel Diary of Toby, M.P. The Cottage, Burrow-in-the-Corner, Devon.
Very awkward to have missed the Post; being Saturday night means delay of twenty-four hours. ”