Various

“ I am far from saying that even such a public personage as a Guy must necessarily suffer any loss of dignity by being seen on a cycle—provided he insists upon being securely tied on to the handle-bars, and also upon the machine being supported and guided for him by a couple of able-bodied attendants. But this, I understand, will be de rigueur for any Guy who may so far unbend as to give the practice of cycling the sanction of his official recognition and countenance. ”

“ Dress is a more important factor in our profession than is generally supposed, and we, as Gentlemen and Guys, should be the last to set conventionality and propriety at defiance by appearing in public without proper regard to our personal appearance.
First, let me beg of you not to be persuaded into adopting a cocked-hat. The career of the paper cocked-hat—with or without coloured trimmings—is closed, and I for one do not regret it, for it always seemed to me to imply an assumption of military rank which, on the part of civilians like ourselves, is surely rather a paltry affectation. ”

“ That girl!"—and he pointed to the terrified Eglantine. "I'll teach her to interfere in my business. I've no quarrel with you, Kipper, so I strongly advise you to mount your old horny-head" (here the stag-beetle said a rude remark to himself) , "get out of my way, and let me do my will." "Never!" cried Kipper, drawing his fine sword-grass blade. "Come on!" "O! Kipper, dear Kipper, don't risk your life for me," sighed Eglantine; "please don't." "Keep quiet!" muttered Kipper, testily. "Why do women always interfere in these little matters?" ”

“ But to die when scarce past five-and-twenty,
Seems sad, though like Sprague, you die game.
Our duty to-day seems quite certain
The aim, of the fund, is not vague;
Punch hopes human pity will stir the whole city
To honour the memory of Sprague. ”

“ Let us be content to be ourselves, members of the honourable and ancient Guild of Guys.
There seems to be a general agreement to dispense with collars this year, and adopt instead a red worsted comforter, which is quite as sightly, and very much more hygienic in these raw, foggy days. But, if you must have a collar, have one in the "stick-up" shape, with the ends slightly dog's-eared; the necktie can hardly be too simple. ”

“ I cannot see any sense myself in masquerading as some person of more or less ephemeral notoriety. Why should we desire to mislead the careless into taking us for a famous murderer, swindler, or statesman? ”

“ Another capital story by Frank Barrett, entitled A Set of Rogues, is strongly recommended by the faculty; the faculty in question being that of deciding upon what sort of book is certain to suit the tastes of the majority of romance-readers, who, aweary of the plodding every-day business in this "so-called nineteenth century," like to get away from it occasionally and live, just for a change, in the seventeenth. Stirring tale this of A Set of Rogues, without a dull chapter in it: and just enough human sentiment in it to soften down the roguery. ”

“ They bicycle. Down the long avenue with spreading elm trees deftly trained to make triumphal arches, the bicycles come and go. Whipsroom, M.P., thinks opportunity convenient for acquiring the art of cycling. W. is got up with consummate art. Has had his trousers cut short at knee in order to display ribbed stockings of rainbow hue. Loose tweed-jacket, blood-red necktie, white felt hat with rim turned down all round, combine to lend him air of a Drury Lane bandit out of work. Determined to learn to ride the bicycle, but spends most of the day on his hands and knees, or on his back. ”

“ I would not even accept a barrow, unless it is drawn by a donkey. It is only once a year, remember, and a certain amount of pomp and splendour is essential if we Guys are to maintain the dignity of our Order in these degenerate times. ”

“ No trace of the great fight exists, except the body of Nippard the Hornet, which the toad, with an eye to business, stuffed, and exhibits on bank holidays and Coronation Day to all the lower members of creation at four barleycorns a head; moles, earthworms, and tadpoles half-price. He devotes part of the proceeds to the Home for Decrepit Dormice, so it costs him nothing. As to the stagbeetle, he joined a travelling circus, after being painted white with black spots. ”

“ The only correct head-covering will be the tall hat, which I hear will be bulgier than ever this year. The smartest will have open crowns and little or no brims. There has been some attempt to revive the old straw hat, though only with a black ribbon, but I have not heard of this being adopted by Guys with any pretensions to dressiness. ”

“ My wife has a little pet dog, with a singular penchant for bones, which he is apt to litter about in inconvenient places.
The other morning my wife discovered, under her pillow, a half-gnawed bone, evidently placed there by Tim (the dog) , who is accustomed to sleep at the foot of our bed. Now this is where the extraordinary intelligence comes in. Our doctor, on the previous day, had told my wife that she must take nourishment at frequent intervals, even, if necessary, in the middle of the night ”

“ Gladstone's appeal will not merely be ministering to the needs of a charity, and supplying the wants of the poor, but they will be strengthening the hands of the medical profession in its life-long battle with disease, and will be assisting to secure the blessings of health to all who are in danger of being deprived of them."—The Times. ”

“ But ordinary dogs, though they remain nominally the possession of one original owner, migrate from sub-owner to deputy-sub-owner, and thence to pro-deputy-sub-owner, with a wonderful rapidity. For instance, I once gave a retriever puppy to an Oxford friend. This is the life-history of that amiable animal, so far as I can gather it up to a recent date.
A. (my friend) kept the dog faithfully for a term. ”

“ Personally, the Baron gives not full credit to all these tales of mediæval cruelty, but the "scenes and properties" serve an excellent artistic purpose, and so he loves them as he loves such romances as those of She who must be obeyed, and Treasure Island. Therefore here's to the lass Noëmi, and, as she herself would of course say, in response to the toast, "You'll like me the more you Know-o'-me." ”

“ Decidedly the only thing to do in Scotland is to play goff.
Deeside, Aberdeenshire, Wednesday.—Fingen, M.P., once told an abashed House of Commons that he "owned a mountain in Scotland." Find, on visiting him in his ancestral home, that he owns a whole range. Go up one or two of them; that comparatively easy; difficulty presents itself when we try to get down. Man and boy, Fingen has lived here fifty years; has not yet acquired knowledge necessary to guide a party home after ascending one of his mountains. ”

“ Get quite new views of him fore-shortened in all possible ways, some that would be impossible to any but a man of his determination.
"Never had a man stay in the house," says Fingen, M.P., ruefully, "who so cut up the lawn with his head, or indented the gravel with his elbows and his knees."
Evidently I was mistaken about goff. Cycling's the thing in Scotland.
Goasyoucan, Inverness-shire, Saturday.—Wrong again. Not goff nor cycling is the thing to do in Scotland. It's stalking. Soon learn that great truth at Goasyoucan. The hills that encircle the house densely populated with stags. ”

“ However, he recovered himself and stood once more on guard. Eglantine meanwhile had pressed some more wild mint between her fingers and anointed her champion's brow. This seemed to refresh him very much. As to the stagbeetle, he was too frightened to do anything. So the fight continued, now Kipper got a good stroke, now Nippard wounded the goblin, but the hornet was never able to get full power into his sling, nor the goblin into his sword, so nimble were both. ”

“ If skating is "dancing on skates," what is not dancing? Is "dancing attendance" illegal without a license? Is the "poetry of motion" illegal without a license, and which is the most illegal?—the poetry or the motion? ”

“ The suggested "Musical Dinner" at Lincoln's Inn is now under consideration, and will probably see the gas-light before the end of the term.
The numerous professional engagements of Sir Fr-nk L-ckw-d will not prevent him from appearing as The "Lightning Cartoonist" at the coming Gray's Inn Matinée.
Should the anticipated "Free-and-easy" come off at the Middle, the Lord Chancellor is not unlikely to give an exhibition of swordsmanship. The distinguished Peer is said to be the finest living exponent of the sword and dagger fight. ”

“ Stalking is evidently the thing to do in Scotland. It's a far cry to the Highlands. Happily there is Arthur's Seat by Edinburgh Town where beginners can practise, and old hands may feign delight of early triumphs. ”

“ You will find that the boys will do you uncommonly well, give you as many combustibles as you can hold, and there is sure to be plenty of fizz about. Sit tight, keep as cool as you can, don't lose your head, or let yourself go too soon, and you may reckon upon having what is colloquially termed "a high old time." ”

“ Then to whom are the five million inhabitants of the chief city of the universe indebted for these sweet boons?
To an ordinary man of business who knows how to cater for the multitude, and has the courage to rely upon increased income as a means of meeting additional outlay.—He merits a statue.—He deserves more—hearty praise by the Press when he discards his incognito.
ROBING-ROOM RUMOURS.
In consequence of the great success of the "Smoking at Home" at the Inner Temple, it is proposed to start a circus at the Middle. ”

“ But the culminating point was reached when Hebby, having stolen a cold pheasant and the remains of a leg of mutton, took the bones to the bed of his master, into which he tucked himself. After this he was passed onto E., a Magdalen man, and was called The Pre.
I cannot follow his wanderings after this point in any detail. I know he has gone the round of the Colleges twice. He has been a boating dog, a cricketing dog, an athletic dog, and a footballing dog. He has been a canine member of Vincent's Club ”

“ The members of that branch of the profession are invariable well employed during term time. But this consideration does not apply to the younger members of the Bar. It is understood that gentlemen duly qualified to take part in the procession can obtain full particulars by applying to Pump-handle Court, and asking (in the first instance) for Mr. Portington.
[pg 228]
HOW KIPPER SLEW THE NEW FOREST HORNET. Chapter III.—The Restoration.
It was a terrible position. The goblin and the hornet glared at one another as fiercely as two ladies, who have got on the same patterned frocks. ”

“ The latest idea seems to be to strike the dominant colour-note in the mask, and make the rest of the costume lead up to it. Personally, however, I prefer something which renders its wearer less conspicuous. ”

“ The bagman and the stockbroker's clerk (and their lady wives and daughters) 'ave usurped his (the 'gentleman and scholar''s) plyce, and his influence on readers; and the pressman has picked up his fallen pen—the pressman, Sir, or the press-woman!... With an illiterate reading mob howling at our doors, and a tribe of pressmen scribbling at our tables, what, in the name of the universe, can we expect? What we get ”