Various

“ I said, "then there is something after all?"
"There always is something," she said, "so perhaps you'll allow me to ask you a question?"
"A question?" I said. "Ask me fifty. I don't promise to answer them. I'm only human, you know, but——"
"Surely," she said, "this humility is exaggerated."
"Anyhow," I said, "I'll do my best, so fire away."
"What," she said, "does one do with a legal document?"
"Isn't this rather sudden?" I said. "'What does one do with a legal document?' My dear, one does a thousand things. ”

“ On reflection, however, this attitude was exchanged for one of sullen submission.
Now a private army is a dangerous thing when you know what it is for; but it is a very dangerous thing when you don't. And there were cynics—not too frivolous—who held that the best course for the Government would be to withdraw from Ireland for the time being and leave Ulster and the Rest to come to an agreement of their own, either with or without a bloody prelude. ”

“ Mr. Asquith.—This talk about the constant need for holidays seems to me to be, if I may say so, one of the great illusions of the day. The wise man surely is he who, seated in his chair of office, welcomes every new complication and perplexity that the moments bring, and in labour finds the true repose.
Mr. Masterman.—I am spending my own holiday just now very agreeably in composing conundrums. ”

“ Really, there's nothing you can't do with a legal document."
"How on earth," she said admiringly, "did you get to know all these things?"
"Oh, I don't know," I said. "One learns as one goes along. Men have to know more or less about the law." ”

“ As everyone knows, and as House was promptly reminded, Colonel the Marquis of Londonderry and Colonel Lord Kilmorey, aides-de-camp to His Majesty, have on more than one occasion, when inspecting Ulster Volunteers, urged them to stand indomitable in resistance to establishment of Home Rule in their Northern Province. Irish Members want to know whether these noble and gallant gentlemen have been called upon to make explanation of their conduct similar to that peremptorily exacted from Captain Bellingham.
Premier not to be drawn into delicate controversy. ”

“ All the world recognises Sir Martin Conway as a paramount peak-compeller and explorer of resource, while superior persons, like this learned clerk, know him as an effective dilettante in the realms of art. ”

“ It is rare enough for an operatic performer to be capable of both singing and acting, or to be alike beautiful to look on and to listen to. Once we have accepted the convention by which an actor's lips are allowed to move in one part of the stage while the sound comes from a totally different quarter, we may go further and arrange for the singers to be put out of sight altogether. ”

“ A Lady, whose income is only £4,000 a year, is greatly in need of a month's yachting, but cannot afford a yacht of her own and dislikes the mixed company to be met with on the ordinary advertised cruises. Will some kind friend be so good as to lend her a yacht and endow it?
University Man, strong, healthy, in early forties, who has never done a day's work in his life, but has suddenly fallen on comparative poverty, wishes to communicate with some person of means willing to save him from the pain and indignity of having to do without luxuries which have become second nature to him. ”

“ If the time is slow one can always seek the Rapids. Next to Brazil I should suggest the offices of the New River Company.
Mr. Hobhouse (P.M.G.) .—I know very little of holidays, having to keep my nose to St. Martin's-le-Grind-stone day and night, but I have thought that, if I did take a week or so off, I should choose to spend it on the Post Office yacht, roughing it.
Sir Edward Carson.—Such time as I can spare from Ulster and my daily journey to and from London I should like to spend in explaining to Redmond the duties of a War-lord. ”

“ At all hazards they must neither win nor lose on the first innings. They could not win the match. There was no time. And either a win or a loss on the first innings would lower their percentage sufficiently to enable Surrey to go to the top. For in the matter of averages it is better under certain conditions not to have fought at all than to secure only a portion of the honours.
It was an extraordinary afternoon's cricket. The Kent batsmen were very careful, but two minutes before time there were 156 runs on the board and the last two batsmen were at the wicket. ”

“ But when Ulster's challenge, uttered by one hundred thousand armed men, is answered by the South and West of Ireland with creation of an army exceeding that number, whole aspect is altered. Now, as in the time when "Measure for Measure" was written—
That in the captain's but a choleric word
Which in the soldier is flat blasphemy,
Opposition, to a man, stand up to support Lord Bob's demand that matter shall be discussed as one of urgent public importance. ”

“ In the Commons Robert Cecil, interposing in ordered business of Supply, moves adjournment with view of calling attention to "growing danger created in Ireland by existence of volunteer forces and failure of Government to deal with situation." It is plurality of situation that disturbs philosophical mind. As long as there was but one volunteer force, its locality confined to Ulster, its purpose to defeat Home Rule [Pg 494] Bill, its commander-in-chief Carson, it was well. ”

“ One would have thought that in these days of beauty culture a clear complexion would have been the desideratum.
"If," says a contemporary, "the middle-class girl were regularly provided with a dowry, the matrimonial enthusiasm of young men would probably be stimulated." We cannot imagine how people think of these clever things.
Members of the Women's Social and Political Union are, says The Daily Mail, boycotting West-End shopkeepers and stores not advertising in the Militant organs. ”

“ Outside our musical academies the impetus given to musicians and composers has been equally remarkable. Professor Banville de Quantock, whose Oriental proclivities are well known, has at once embarked on a gigantic choral symphony, to words of his own composition, in which the whole process and procedure of the Turkish Bath is treated historically, dramatically and realistically in seventeen movements. ”

“ Sherren is at his best in a novel. An essay on the confused issues of illegitimacy and the punishment of the children for the sins of their fathers would show him, I am convinced, at his ease; but dialogue and a beautiful heroine are an embarrassment to him.
In a volume of tales and sketches entitled The Mercy of the Lord (Heinemann) Mrs. Flora Annie Steel revives pleasant memories of her Indian romances once beloved by me. In these new stories everybody dies—if Europeans, with the latest slang upon their lips; if natives, with a lusty invocation to Allah. Mrs. ”

“ In course of animated speech Lord Bob delighted House by equalling, if not going one better than, the late Lord Cross's historic jeu d'esprit.
"I hear an hon. member smile," said Grand Cross on a memorable occasion.
"I wish," said Lord Bob to-night, sternly regarding hilarious Ministerialists, "those laughs could be photographed and shown throughout the country."
Suggestion will doubtless not be lost on enterprising purveyors of cinematograph shows. ”

“ For on the Liberal side there were those, notorious at other seasons for their advocacy of peace at whatever charges, who gave out that there were worse things than Civil War, and one of the worse things was the stultification of their own projects, or, as they put it, of the Will of the People ”

“ Diana. But the telephone's broken!
John (embracing her tenderly) . My darling, I've sent for a man to mend it.
Diana (much moved) . My husband!
A. A. M.
"Miss Gluck only arrived in London from New York after a tour in America earlier in the morning, and proceeded to Richmond to rest."—Times.
Which she must have wanted after her busy morning.
First Visitor from the country (to second ditto) . "Ay, Fred, London's the place to see the swells enjoying themselves this time o' year. Nothing but life and gaiety on all sides."
THE BIG TROUT.
Pull up the rypecks! ”

“ The arena, we understand, is to be converted into a vast demonstration-tank, in which prominent composers, conductors and singers will appear. Miss Carrie Tubb has kindly promised to preside. Amongst other items in the programme we may mention an exhibition of under-water violin-playing by Mr. Bamberger, and a game of symphonic water-polo between two teams of Rhine maidens, captained by Herr Nikisch and Sir Henry Wood respectively.
THE TRIUMPH OF THE ENEMY. IDEAL HOLIDAYS. Some Further Opinions.
Colonel Roosevelt.—There is no doubt whatever that the best holiday ground is Brazil. ”

“ For the sake of your wife, go before I climb up you and strike you.
[Exit Staffurth. Curtain.
A THREATENED STRIKE.
John Staffurth.. Mr. C. Aubrey Smith.
Captain Furness.. Mr. Owen Nares.
III.
The Drawing-room again.
Barbara (joyfully) . Diana, I've got some exciting news for you. Guess!
Diana. You're going away?
Barbara. No!
Diana. Oh, well, after all you've only stayed with us six months. Er—you've got a new dress?
[Pg 487]
Barbara. No.
Diana. No; that was a silly one. Er—John's got a half-holiday?
Barbara. No. Well, I must tell you! Diana, you're not going to die after all! ”

“ A warning has been issued to pic-nic parties as to the danger from adders, which are exceptionally numerous this year. They are apt to bite if suddenly sat upon, and prudent persons are taking the precaution of sitting on their plates. ”

“ DOMESTIC ECONOMY.
[Another Husband Housekeeper, supplementing the information already published in The Daily Mail, reveals the system of housekeeping by enforcing which he saves pounds and pounds and pounds a year.] ”

“ Sherren has anything very new to say. I must also confess to thinking that a sense of humour would have assisted him greatly in his task. Nevertheless his readers are certain to sympathise with his beautiful heroine in her dismay at her unfortunate illegitimacy, and she is a good girl with a great regard for the feelings of all her friends, even though she expresses this regard a little stiffly. Mr. ”

“ For months before the day when Masterman, greatly daring, exchanged safe position of Secretary of Treasury for dizzy heights of Duchy of Lancaster, Worthington-Evans was daily accustomed to pose him with questions as to working of Insurance Act. In Masterman's enforced absence from House Wedgwood Benn placed in charge of Insurance Act Department. Does a difficult business exceedingly well. ”

“ Steel does not believe in letting the reader know what she is about, and there is generally something up her sleeve. Each story has its own little puzzle, and, if the puzzles are not always solved by the end of the tale, one can make all kinds of pleasant conjectures as to what really did happen, and Mrs. ”

“ With such tastes he has more facilities for enjoying himself than are offered to most of us, and I find myself wondering whether life in a caravan, always supposing that he was not there to do the cooking and admire the rain, would be quite as much fun as he would have us believe. I am confident that when next he goes upon his travels the majority of his friends will be anxious to share the attractions of his Sieglinda, that caravan of caravans, but I doubt if they will be ordering Sieglindas for themselves. Meanwhile, so human has Mr. ”