Various

“ I have no doubt Clapham Rover means well, but he has a lot to learn. There are no events of any kind in the three tales he sends me. The only thing that ever happens is that the hero is kicked downstairs. Even then he lies prostrate in the hall for two days. Surely the maids might have swept him up. Clapham Rover must remember the great words of Demosthenes when he swallowed a pebble on the sea beach: "Action, action, and again action." ”

“ Time and again one seems to observe Miss Sidgwick working towards some inevitable scène-à-faire, when bounce! off go her people on an entirely unexpected tack, which you must yet admit to be the very one they quite obviously would follow. Never was a cast so incalculably alive. ”

“ In the meantime I should like to see something smaller and not quite so valuable."
"Is it a wedding present, Sir?"
"Don't," I said, "let us call it a wedding present just yet." If we do it's sure to turn out a sugar-sifter. Let's think of it as a mere gift."
"Yes, Sir."
"Of course we may find that the man to whom we're going to give it is about to be married, but that will be only the long arm, won't it?"
"The—I beg your pardon, Sir;"
"A coincidence, you know; and we're not the men to be put off by coincidences, are we?" ”

“ Strange how machinery can influence a man. The last time I had seen Herbert he was a rubicund cheerful gardener. He was now a London taxi-driver, with all the signs of that mystery on him: the shabbiness, the weariness, the disdain. ”

“ Finding a charming old house in the country, he conceives the idea of renting it as a kind of bachelor residential club where he and other congenial cronies can enjoy the life of ease untroubled by any form of feminism. Well, that, to start with, one might fairly describe as "asking for it." But when I add that the old house in question was the property of a still young and charming widow you will probably agree with me that poor Simpson hadn't even a dog's chance from the beginning. ”

“ All of Miss Sidgwick's are this, though you might possibly be hard put to it to say exactly how. It is chiefly an affair of style; there is about all of them a certain dignity of utterance that combines with their humanity to produce an effect wholly individual and rare. Take her latest example, A Lady of Leisure (Sidgwick and Jackson) . There is really very little to arrest attention in the story itself; the characters are persons whom you could meet every day, but in Miss Sidgwick's hands they become creatures of extraordinary fascination. The result is a novel by no means easy to criticise ”

“ Falle, having by favour of fortune at ballot-box secured portion of sitting as Private Member's property, moved Resolution calling upon Prime Minister, forthwith to submit to House his proposals for alteration of Government of Ireland Bill. Opposition mustered in support. Ministerialists whipped up to last man. When, following mover and seconder of Resolution, Premier appeared at the table he was welcomed by shout of exultant cheering. Significant contrast with his reception when, a fortnight earlier, he stood in same place and seemed inclined to dally with proposal for exclusion of Ulster. ”

“ Premier in fine fighting form.
"Gentlemen opposite," he scornfully said, "seem to think we here can be likened to a beleaguered garrison, driven by the stress of warfare into an untenable position with failing supplies, with exhausted ammunition, with shaken nerves, and that it is for them, the minority of this House, to dictate the terms of capitulation that are to determine whether we are to be allowed to surrender with or without the honours of war." ”

“ Terrorism was the man's simple solution; but those who looked, in the last Act, for a tamed and adoring shrew were to be disappointed. Brute force had only produced a patient obedience; and it was not till a damaged crop had brought them to the edge of ruin that she consented to become his ministering angel. But by that time we knew too well her distaste for Manitoban methods to believe in the sincerity of this sudden conversion. ”

“ Punch,—Instead of writing all this nonsense about the behaviour of boys at school, why doesn't someone write about the behaviour of parents at school—at their son's school, I mean? That is a subject which really requires ventilation, for the behaviour of most parents at school is positively mouldy. ”

“ I said. "In earlier and less conjugal days no wedding was considered complete without my silver candlesticks. It was all so simple, too. I called at Gillingham's, wrote out a card, gave an address, and away went the present. And what's more, they all wrote back and said it was the one thing they had been longing for."
"Oh," said the lady of the house, "they'll write like that about anything. At any rate, we won't have candlesticks. They're quite useless now, you know. Nobody has candles."
"And that," I said, "is what makes candlesticks so valuable. ”

“ The second point to notice in the book is that it divides its characters, and incidentally all characters, into those who are initiated and those who are not. The initiated are those who have learnt, chiefly by suffering, the lesson of life, which is that it treats us as it likes. Because they have learnt it, they trust, even when they do not understand, the purpose of the life-giver; because they trust they do not kick against the pricks. ”

“ But he had already seen, in the case of Norah Marsh, whom poverty had driven to seek the shelter of her brother's roof on a Manitoba farm, how the drudgery and petty jealousies of a narrow Colonial ménage, the familiar society of hired hands, and the lack of life's common amenities, had developed a gently-bred Englishwoman into a sour-tongued shrew.
Extract from "The Prentice (Manitoba) Post":—"The wedding was quite an impromptu affair, the happy pair going straight to Mr. Taylor's shack, where they are spending the honeymoon quietly." ”

“ This conceded, the Lords, having no work to do, might have done much worse than devote sitting to breezy debate.
Willoughby de Broke at his best in his enunciation of principles upon which, were he dispenser of honours in the Radical camp, he would choose his peers. Whilst taking broad view of case on eugenic principles, he would be inclined to make selection in favour of childless candidates.
"The sons of newly-created Radical peers are," he shrewdly remarked, "almost certain to be Tories, while a Radical grandson of a Radical peer is a phenomenon never seen." ”

“ I don't fancy the mortgagees get much income from the property, though I suppose they try their best. Perhaps, strictly speaking, I can hardly call the property mine since the mortgagees took possession. The mortgages however are undoubtedly mine. ”

“ Anything else?"
"Yes," I said. "I'll have a sugar-sifter, too. Any sugar-sifter will do. I'm only doing it as a concession."
"Yes, Sir. Where shall I send them?"
I gave the address with great gusto, and when I reported the result of my labours at home I said nothing about the little candlestick. The mere joy of having bought it was enough for me. Thus George Henderson received from us his fifth inkstand and his seventh sugar-sifter. He wrote and said that they were the two things he had most been wishing for.
R. C. L.
"He looked at her with infinite gentleness. ”

“ I'm no vegetarian."
"I mean, how do you obtain food and clothes? I see that you do wear clothes. At present I'm a little puzzled."
"It's a matter which has often puzzled me. I get them somehow. Sometimes I work and sometimes, but not very often, I get paid for my work. I believe that if I were married I could earn more."
"What makes you think that?"
"Well, you see, I couldn't very well earn less."
"Then am I to understand that you have practically no income?"
"If it comes to that, has Miranda any income?" ”

“ Prime Ministers of the Australian Commonwealth no one can guess. Generally agreed that, if such painful procedure actually be the Colonial custom, prohibitive legislation cannot be too soon undertaken.
Sydney Holland, for many years the prop and stay of the London Hospital, has taken his seat in the House of Lords on accession to the Viscountcy of Knutsford. Apart from hereditary claim, he is the ideal type of the class of peer whom reformers on both sides look to for restoration of the prestige and usefulness of the Upper Chamber. ”

“ The young Catholic English gentleman, of whose initiation the story tells, [pg 180] suffers prodigiously under two of the greatest misfortunes, physical and mental, that a man may endure and live. And yet, when he comes to die, you feel, and he knows, that they are not misfortunes, but the opening up of the way of life. ”

“ It was stated last week in the Marylebone Police Court that there is a gang of thieves in London who do not hesitate to steal motor-cars whenever they find them unattended in the street. These scoundrels are crafty enough not to pick up the cars and put them under their arm, for they realise that this might attract attention, but they just jump in and drive off. ”

“ There's nothing base and utilitarian about them. They are appreciated for their beauty, and there's an end of them. Do, do let me buy a pair for George Henderson."
"No," she said; "the whole of the rest of the silversmith's art is open to you, but we will not have candlesticks." ”

“ The acting was perhaps better than the play, though the play was good up to a point. The Second Act, with its fierce jealousy and wrangling and the futile efforts of the farmer (admirably played by Mr. C. V. France) to intervene between wife and sister, was excellent. For the rest, it was the personality of Mr. Godfrey Tearle, as the savage mate of the shrew, that dominated the scene. There is no better rough diamond (and he was really very rough) in the whole stock of stage-jewellery. ”

“ Sly Sarah is quite a clever tale, and before very long Leonidas will find himself writing for Soapy Bits and papers of that calibre. Of this I am sure. His characterization is strong, his style is redolent of bravura and his general atmosphere is fortissimo. The character of the archdeacon might be improved; indeed, if Leonidas is going to send it to The Diocesan Monthly, I should say it must be improved. Why should he slap Sarah's face? No reason is given for this, and it is surely a very questionable action. Human nature may be human nature, but archdeacons are archdeacons. ”

“ Ingenuous is the exact opposite of Clapham Rover. I rise from his tale an absolute wreck. "Splash, she was in the river;" "plonk, he was on the floor;" "whiz, a bullet shot past him." Ingenuous must really go more quietly and make a little less noise. Why not write a few essays on some of our lesser known female didactic writers, or some such subjects as "People one is surprised to hear that Dr. ”

“ Then there are the fares who always know a quicker way than we do. They're terrors. They keep on tapping on the glass to direct us, when we know all about it all the time. It's them that leads to some of the accidents, because they take your eyes off the road. ”

“ It's the sort of thing that it may take him years to live down. (II.) Do not insist upon attaching the son of your old friend Smith to the party. Old Smith may be all right, but young Smith may be in a House you can't mix with, or something like that. (III.) Do not say to your son, of someone else's cap, "That's a pretty cap; why don't you have one like it?" because it's probably either the First XI. colours, or the cap of a House you wouldn't be seen dead in. (IV.) Do not tell the House Master how well your son played in the boys' cricket match last summer holidays. ”

“ His name is never heard." All the same, as debate went forward, names did occur. Glances, furtively shot from side to side of House, casually rested upon particular seats, whether empty or occupied.
Lord Crewe (to Lord Selborne on his way to the Debate on the Sale of Honours) . "I trust we shall have no stone-throwing." ”

“ We find ourselves generally in agreement with the writer Dr. Figgis, so our enjoyment of his books is the keener and less critical. When we do criticise it is as though we found faults in a friend whom we know very well and regard very highly. ”

“ We are glad to note a renewed outcry against the unearthly noises made by many motor-car hooters. If they must run over us, the least they can do is to let us die in peace.
Dad (who has brought his son to the links for the first time) . ”

“ Your son is probably a perfect rabbit, and the master is certain to know it. (V.) Do not discuss such subjects as "The Public School and the Development of Character" with the masters in your son's presence. It's very unpleasant to have the development of your character discussed. ”

“ It's the people who don't want to tip but daren't not do it that I can't stand. And there are such lots of them. That's what makes taxi-drivers look so contemptuous like—the tips. People think we want the tips ”

“ Surprise is expressed in some quarters that the pointer should not have given the alarm by barking.
Living artists sometimes complain that it is only the Old Masters who are appreciated nowadays. Authors would seem to be more fortunate. Take the following paragraph from The Bedford Express:—"On Sunday the well-known elocutionist, Mr. Frederick Duxbury, visited Stevenage. He preached morning and evening at the Wesleyan Church, and in the afternoon he gave a sacred recital. ”

“ The Kaiser has forbidden the production at Herr Reinhardt's Deutches Theater of a play called Ferdinand, Prince of Prussia, on the ground that one of the characters is a member of the Prussian Royal Family. We ourselves should never have dared to hint that this fact renders the play unfit for the public.
Cheery notice on the window of an insurance office in New Broad Street, E.C.:—
"Guarantees,
Sickness
combined
with Accident."
Dr. Durham lectured last week on Explosives as an aid to Gardening; but many persons think that the quiet man who does not lose his temper gets better results. ”