Various

“ Wednesday.—Attempt by some noisy outsiders who know nothing of House to make things unpleasant for Akers-Douglas, because House Counted Out last Friday. Said he has been wigged; assume he will retire. All arrant nonsense. Everybody in House, Conservative, Liberal, Dissentient, Irish, whatever we be, all know Akers-Douglas as one of best Whips of present generation. Assiduous, persuasive, courteous, yet firm; always at his post, never fussy, never cross, apparently never tired, he is a model of a Whip. ”

“ In his lyrical effusions he breathes the passionate desire of a great soul for Love that is not of the earth. He aspires to the stars, and invokes the memory of dead heroes, his intimates. He sets out to win imperishable glory amidst the embattled ranks of his country's foes. He lashes the cold and cruel heartlessness of the world with a noble scorn. He addresses the skeletons of departed friends with passionate longing. He finds that life and its gaudy pleasures are as dust and ashes in the mouth. ”

“ Sir William Burning.
(See the Chancellor of the Exchequer's Speech, March 11th.)
"Toby," said he, passing me in the Lobby; "if this is what the House of Lords is coming to, I shall vote with Rosebery for its immediate reform. Don't like to say anything disrespectful of a Peer; but I must observe that Teynham is a little lacking in coherency. His observations fail in point; in short, if he were not a Peer I should say his mind was wandering. Whatever we do, Toby, let us be intelligent and intelligible. I trust I am not prejudiced, but I really can't stand Teynham." ”

“ House of Commons, May 9.—This has been great occasion for Windbag Sexton. Excelled himself, and there is no other point of comparison useful or usable. Saunderson, who always takes friendly views of his countrymen opposite, pleads that Sexton's windbaggism is partly due to his birth. In Ireland, he assures me, a mile is longer than in other parts of the Empire; and so, kind-hearted Colonel pleads, some allowance should be made for Sexton when he gets on the oratorical tramp. ”

“ It is noticeable, that the Dilettante loves the society of ladies, and is not averse to encouraging amongst his intimates the belief, which none of them holds though all express it, that he is in reality a terrible fellow and much given to the destruction of domestic happiness. ”

“ Because the carbon of burning charcoal unites with the oxygen of air, and forms carbonic acid gas, which is a narcotic poison. So it is here. Sexton has got hold of some good points; he is not inapt as a speaker; if his inordinate vanity had only permitted him to be satisfied with occupying time of House for half an hour, or, say, three-quarters, he would have made damaging speech; as it is, he wearies House to death, swamps us all and himself in waste of verbiage, and the people he attacks escape in the general misery. ”

“ Having passed his period of storm and stress without committing any of those follies or indulging in any of those excesses by which the parents of ordinary young men are afflicted, he will arrive without reproach at the borders of an apparently blameless middle age, and, finding himself after the death of his father, in the enjoyment of a settled income of considerable size, he will set up in life as an acknowledged amateur of all that is truly precious. ”

“ For purely business arrangements Ministers have a unique combination of three men. Old Morality, as Leader of House; Akers-Douglas, as Whip; and Jackson, as Financial Secretary, are strong enough to balance effects of any reasonable amount of blundering in high politics. They take care of the pence of efficiency and popularity, and leave the Markiss an occasional pound to spend. ”

“ The above example of what is being done twice a week in Newcastle Street, Strand, will show how well worthy of the scholar's notice is the present revival of Hamlet at the Globe Theatre. As actors, Mr. Benson's company are not entirely satisfactory. As thinkers, however, they are worthy of the greatest possible respect. Under these circumstances, it is to be hoped, that should they ultimately, for sufficient reason, decide to give up acting, they will yet resolve to continue what they do so well, and, in three words—go on thinking. ”

“ Grandolph a man of many phases. Tonight presented himself in his highest character; a statesman; a champion of constitutional principles at whatever expense to prospects and sensibilities of his most revered friends on Treasury Bench and elsewhere. Quite a new style of speech for Grandolph, testifying to remarkable range of his genius. ”

“ I myself am a Power. I can make and unmake and ruin homes as well as any Czar or Emperor.
But I bind the clients who trust me with bands of iron.
Again I say buy CHUCKSTER TOLL BAR BINKSES.
Remit the necessary Cover to me at once. Small sums combined make large ones, and you cannot be in too soon. Five-pence (a sum you would throw at a crossing-sweeper) covers Five Pounds. Here is my scale:—
But send me whatever you like, and it will prove the most important act of your life ”

“ That she should look as old as Hamlet's Mother, is of course, accidental, and is purely attributable to the Globe Gertrude being exceptionally comely and youthful, still it has a very quaint effect. But the idea of the unfortunate maid, after she has committed suicide, being carried à la Guy Faux into the throne-room with a sort of "See what we have found" air, is broadly comic. ”

“ The Liberal Party cannot ignore nor the Conservatives dispense with the man who made that speech.
Jokim not a particular friend of Grandolph's. "Leg quite on other boot," as Sheehy says. But he did the enemy a service to-night. To complete Grandolph's triumph it only required that some Member of the Ministry whose ineptitude he had demonstrated should rise and, with loud voice, ungainly gestures, drag the Debate down from the heights to which it had been lifted, debasing it by personal attacks hoarsely shrieked across the table at former friends and colleagues. ”

“ In order that nothing may be wanting to him for the proper pursuit of this calling, he will gather round him a little band of boneless enthusiasts, who after paying due devotion to themselves, and to one another, will join him in worshipping the dead or living nonentities whose laurelled photographs adorn his rooms. ”

“ A prolonged course of interrupted studies will have filled him with culture, whilst a distaste for serious effort, whether mental or physical, and an innate capacity for mastering no subject thoroughly will have produced in him that special refinement which is to the Dilettante as a trade-stamp to Britannia metal. ”

“ Whips out; crowds in; excitement everywhere. I and Harcourt, and Chamberlain, and Balfour, all save ourselves for the last night. Can't all speak, perhaps, especially if I get on first: but they must take their chance. With the Universe waiting and listening for me, other things and other people must stand aside. Very serious thing to disappoint the Universe."
So Sexton, rising at five o'clock, with the windbag conveniently disposed under arm, pumped and pumped away for two mortal hours, and an odd three-quarters that seemed more than mortal. Grandolph waiting to make a speech ”

“ He figures with equal regularity as a large element in the society gossip of weekly journals. He is a delicate eater and never drinks too much out of the Venetian glasses, which his butler ruthlessly breaks after the manner of domestics. ”

“ That's all very well; but, for a man to talk two hours and three-quarters in a so-called Debate, is even more than the national tendency towards exaggeration illustrated by the Irish mile will excuse. Why couldn't Sexton have windbagged on some day of last week? Suppose, for example, his self-sacrificing friends had made a House for him at a quarter to nine on Friday night, and he had then talked for three hours and a quarter?—or on Wednesday there was opportunity ”

“ Supported proposition in speech graceful and strong, a model of rare combination of literary art, with Parliamentary aptitude. After brisk debate, resolution negatived by 173 votes against 169. "A majority of four won't long stand in our way," said Charles Forster, who having, some Sessions ago, fortuitously found his hat, never now deserts it.
Business done.—Government vainly tried to get into Committee of Supply.
The Difference.—Sir George Trevelyan wants the House of Commons to "rise at the beginning of July." Mr. Punch wishes it to rise at all times—above rowdyism. ”

“ Miss Amy Roselle's recitation of the thrilling story specially written for her by Mr. Savile Clarke is most dramatic, and thrills the audience at the Empire. The journalistic discussion, as to the pipes, comes in very appropriately, and will assist to raise the wind and pay the piper. This recitation, is a great "Relief" to the ordinary Music-hall entertainments, and the Empire has "Luck now."
"PROPRIA QUÆ MARIBUS."
Penthesilea straddling on the pigskin? ”

“ He finds a sense of rest and security in fancying that he is suspected of an intrigue. But it is somewhat remarkable, that the evil tongues which make sad havoc of many unwilling reputations are very slow to gratify the willing Dilettante in this respect. ”

“ And besides all this, it won't I shood think, be a werry plezzant thort to come across a Noble Dook's or a Wirtuous Wiscount's mind—if such eminent swells has em, like the rest on us—when they sees a lot of dirty raggid boys and gals a loafing about the streets, to think that if the money that was left hundreds of years ago by good men, had been still used as it was ordered to be used, and has been used for sentrys, these same raggid boys and gals wood have bin a learning of some useful trade by which they might have hearnd a desent living. ”

“ Late Lance-Ensign, the Lincoln Longbowers.
[Pg 137]
"ENGLISH, YOU KNOW, QUITE ENGLISH."
Perhaps, the good old rule that, "You should never look a gift-horse in the mouth," cannot be so rigorously applied to gifts of pictures to the Nation as to other things. Nevertheless, Mr. Tate's munificent proffer of his Collection to the National Gallery, is surely too good a thing to be missed through matters of mere detail. Mr. Punch's view is—well, despite Touchstone's attack on "the very false gallop of verses," there are two things that come most insinuatingly in metre ”