Various

“ Second Night.—Faust, with a new Marguerite, Gay dog, Faust. How many Marguerites have there been even in my time! Same old story. Faust not a whit improved by experience—going on just the same as ever. His new Marguerite does credit to his choice, for Mlle. EAMES— (isn't she Miss EAMES, and neither Mademoiselle nor Signora? And doesn't she hail from Columbia?—but no matter) —is a sweet-looking Marguerite, with a voice as true as is her heart to Faust. A genuine Gretchen, simple not brilliant. ”

“ A hostess, so someone may say, has but to invite her friends, to light her rooms, to spread her tables, to set the champagne flowing, to order an awning, and to hire music and a linkman, and the thing is done. The result of all this will no doubt be a party—of a sort, but of a sort far different, however gorgeous it may be, from the splendid and widely-advertised gatherings which the genuine Giver of Parties organises. For in the one variety it is just possible that enjoyment may be one of the main objects sought and attained ”

“ And so the pleasureless days of the pleasure-seeker follow one another, each with its particular legacy of little strivings, until, at the last, consolation may come from the thought that there is at least one place where there are many mansions, but no social ambitions. ”

“ Will he bless ANSTEY and blow GUTHRIE, or bless GUTHRIE and blow ANSTEY, or will he, being more tickled than ever, rush off to recommend it at once to his best friends, anticipating renewed delight from their pleasure and perplexity? The Baron wishes that ANSTEY and GUTHRIE had settled between them to call it Tourmalin's Time Bargains ”

“ Welcome, at the commencement of another season, to Mlle. BAUERMEISTER, appearing as Cupid. To-morrow she will be Dame Marta! Wonderful! "Time cannot stale her infinite variety." How is it, O première danseuse, my pretty pretty Polly Hop-kino PALLADINO, Principal Shade among all these Happy but Shady characters, that thou didst not choose a classic dance in keeping with the character of the music and of the ideal—I distinctly emphasise "ideal"—surroundings? What oughtest thou to represent in the Elysian Fields? ”

“ But the penalty of social life is its never-ending necessity for movement. Jealous rivals abound to dispute a hardly-won supremacy, and the least sign of faltering may involve extinction. Yet it must be said that she is kind to her own, even when she is most brilliant. ”

“ Now I must educate myself. I have to gain experience, and get clear about religion, and law, and things, and whether Society is right or I am—and I must go away and never come back any more till I am educated! ”

“ She brings out a daughter to be the delight of young Guardsmen, and marries her to a widowed Peer; she furbishes up forgotten relations, and allows them to shine in the rays of her glory; she is charitable after the manner of fancy fairs, and the hospitality of her house becomes proverbial. ”

“ With all this left out, a marriage, which, of course, will no longer be an ecclesiastical rite, will hardly be a very civil ceremony. In course of time all the promises will be made either explicitly or implicitly conditional, the only question being what is the least possible obligation that can be incurred by both contracting parties at the smallest possible expense. ”

“ But, given a fair summer day or a quiet autumn evening, there seems something quite idyllic in the picture of the agricultural labourer sitting out in his own Three Acres hatching eggs,—probably laid by the Cow.
OLD FRIENDS.
"DO YOU EVER SEE BOBBIE BOUNCER NOW?"
"OH DEAR NO! HE'S FAR TOO GREAT A SWELL! IF ONE PITCHES INTO ANYTHING HE DOES, HE CUTS UP ROUGH, IF YOU PLEASE, AND GIVES ONE THE COLD SHOULDER! THOSE VERY SUCCESSFUL FELLOWS ALWAYS DO!"
"AND BILL JAKES?" ”

“ Brilliancy she leaves to property diamonds, but awakes enthusiasm, by her judicious acting over the inert body of Valentine, when she attempts no sudden Colwell-Hatchney shriek, always so perilous. Signor PEROTTI looked as Faust might have done, had he been elected an Alderman of the City of London and acted up to the character. ”

“ Business prospered, and money came pouring in. The wife, who, it must be said, had undeniable beauty, excellent manners, and the trick of intuitively adapting herself to any society, was taken up by a great lady who happened to see her holding a stall at a large bazaar in which the fashionable world took some interest. Acting upon the great lady's suggestion, she was photographed in the becoming Tyrolese peasant's costume which she wore as a stall-holder, and the photograph was in some mysterious way engraved in all the illustrated papers of the following week. ”

“ OLD MORALITY answering, said it was possible he might be able to make the announcement to-day, but much more likely on Monday.
Everyone thought it would be Monday. Brer RABBIT in his place to-day, but his men absent. OLD MORALITY, with positively a halo of innocency round his head, suddenly appeared at table; read out the list of Commissioners. Brer RABBIT's hand forced; must needs forthwith ask leave to move the Adjournment.
"Got your forty men?" asked the SPEAKER.
"Not quite," said Brer RABBIT, apologetically.
Only twenty-nine; so Brer RABBIT bowled out, and opportunity lost. ”

“ Tourmalin's Time Cheques, drawn on the bank of eccentric imagination by ANSTEY-GUTHRIE, is well worthy of the author of Vice Versâ. The construction of the story is as artful as it is artistic, but the Baron cannot give his reason for this opinion without jeopardising the reader's pleasure. ”

“ Even now these Opera-glasses are rather too powerful. Still, "let us see ourselves as others see us," is a good practical motto for the loiterer in the lobby, as he catches sight of himself, en passant, and wonders who that chap is, whose face he has seen somewhere before, but whose name he can't for the life of him recollect. ”

“ The etiquette of Norway permits these slight freedoms on the part of a female Cashier.
Krogs. It does. Are we alone? (NORA is heard overhead dancing the Tarantella.) Yes, I hear Mrs. HELMER's fairy footfall above. She dances the Tarantella now—by-and-by she will dance to another tune! ”

“ POOR OLD STICK-IN-THE-MUD! HAD TO DROP HIM! DOOCID SIGHT TOO FOND OF TELLING ONE THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT ONESELF, WHEN ONE'S NOT INCLINED FOR IT, YOU KNOW! ALWAYS THE WAY WITH THOSE FELLOWS WHO DON'T GET ON! ”

“ London a little over-crowded, but very clean.
THREE ACRES AND AN EGG.
The following pleasing announcement appears in the advertisement columns of the East of Fife Record.—
WANTED, COTTAGERS and others to HATCH EGGS. Liberal Terms. Apply, &c.
We are glad to see the men of Fife thus taking the lead in creating new openings for the agricultural labourer. Of course the weather will have much influence upon the success of the new avocation. To sit out hatching eggs in one of such blizzards as we have had since Christmas would be exceedingly inconvenient, upon whatever "Liberal terms." ”

“ Common humanity calls upon us to do as little damage as possible. You know your anatomy sufficiently well to avoid inflicting a wound upon a vital part, and can so arrange that your blows shall incapacitate rather than functionally derange. ”

“ These are the objects that the Giver of Parties, as it is proposed to describe her, has at heart, and to their attainment she devotes herself with a persistent and all-embracing energy which no disappointment is capable of daunting. ”

“ Food for the people? Cant! The promotion of Sport is the purpose
Plain of this pestilent Bill, which neutralises the victory
Won, with much labour, by Me, my gift to the sons of the furrow.
DAWNAY talks as though the Hare were a "domiciled animal."
Shows what a deal he knows of Hares—save the pleasure of killing 'em. ”

“ Brer RABBIT would have got his forty men twice over; we should have had an embarrassing Debate, and lost several hours of the sitting. As things have turned out, we can now go straight on with business."
Business done.—In Committee on Irish Land Bill.
THE RETURN OF THE WANDERER.—JOHNNIE has come marching home. JOHN LAWRENCE TOOLE, of the wide world generally, of London peculiarly, and of King William Street particularly, has returned. Divine WILLIAMS, always on the spot for any remarkable event, foresaw the happy day when, in Henry the Eighth, Act v., So. 3, he wrote, "The great TOOLE come!" ”

“ The New Faust, a mixture of Henry the Eighth and Colonel N——th.
Great feature in Covent Garden this year is the decoration of the Pit-tier Lobby. DRURIOLANUS, feeling happy at the Opera prospects, and rejoicing in a full subscription, said to the Committee, "Gentlemen, let's have 'glasses round'!" Some officious person, hearing this, mistook the meaning of the great Chief, and straightway ran off and ordered looking-glasses all round for the Lobby! Grand effect! brilliant! dazzling!—too much so, in fact; several glasses too much. ”

“ It was necessary that she should marry young, and she submitted to necessity by accepting the proposal of a man some ten years her senior, who had already come to be favourably spoken off for the success of his commercial ventures. ”

“ After the General Election, the Tories may find—but no matter-r-r!
Surely a time will come,—not a "close time" that for the Tories,—
I being outraged, then will give them particular pepper!
HEARTHILY WELCOME.
1900 (Somewhere about) .—Introduction into London of new Patent Smokeless Fuel, as experimentally exhibited in 1891 before the Prince of WALES and Empress FREDERICK in York Road, King's Cross. A few public-spirited householders insist on their cooks using it in the kitchen. Cooks of public-spirited householders unanimously give warning. ”

“ Business done.—Committee on Irish Land Bill started.
Friday Night.—When House met at Morning Sitting OLD MORALITY discovered on Treasury Bench, looking more than usually guileless. Been badgered all week about Labour Committee. When going to disclose names of Commissioners and set forth terms of reference? Only yesterday Brer RABBIT put the question, intimating that whenever the announcement was made Adjournment of House would be moved in order to protest against omission of DAVITT's name. ”

“ At Morning Sitting had ramped through the Orders, advancing Bill after Bill through critical stages. House nearly empty; Opposition effaced; Irish Members all absent except Brer RABBIT, who wanders about looking for Brer FOX. The only note of discord sounded in voice of GEORGE CAMPBELL. Report of Supply reached at a quarter to seven. At ten minutes to seven, in accordance with Rule ordering Morning Sitting, Debate must stop. ”

“ Poo' old RANK—he'sh very bad to-ni'! (Pulls himself together.) But I forgot—Bishness—I mean, bu-si-ness—mush be 'tended to. I'll go and see if there are any letters. (Goes to box.) Hallo! someone's been at the lock with a hairpin—it's one of your hairpins! ”