Various

“ Surely it is the grammar that needs careful scrutiny, and surely, in no circumstances, could a lofty "rate of pay" be conferred on a style of this description.
It is natural to reflect that a writer in this unconventional manner has mainly to thank himself for any want of success which he, and we, may regret; and that reflection, again, suggests the case of Browzer, the Man who would bring an Action for Libel. ”

“ The book is full of shrewd observation, and fine touches of character-drawing, with refreshing oases of flower-garden and moor in Yorkshire and Scotland.
Those who like a good "gashly" book should, my Baronite says, forthwith send for Lord Wastwater (Blackwood) . The plot is so eerie, and its conclusion so incredulous, that the practised novel-reader, seeing whither he is being led, almost up to the last page expects the threatened blow will be averted by some more or less probable agency. ”

“ When a journal makes a call upon a good author, and in the pages of
which he can gain neither honour nor renown, from which, as a matter of
taste, he would shrink, under ordinary circumstances, from contributing to,
that journal ought to be subjected to careful scrutiny. ”

“ Browzer's advocate put it that Browzer was being crushed by unfair ridicule on his first entry into a noble profession, or art, that of Scott and Fielding. He spoke of mighty poets in their misery dead. He drew a picture of Browzer's agonies of mind. He showed that masterpieces had, ere now, been rejected by the publishers. He denounced the licence of the Press. Who was an unheard-of Smith, who had written nothing, to come forward and shout at Browzer from behind the hedge of the anonymous? The novelist was a creature of delicate organisation; he suffered as others did not suffer ”

“ The advertisement, the publicity, caused Wilton's Wooing to be eagerly asked for. Browzer's book went into ten editions, and a large issue, at six shillings. Next year Browzer's publishers proved that he owed them £37 14s. 6d. This was disappointing, and even inexplicable, but Browzer's fortune was made, and now he is much lauded by all the reviewers.
The Foreman of the Jury is my grocer, and I ventured, in the confidence of private life, to question the justice of the verdict. "Well," he said, "you see it comes to this: where is this to stop? Mr. Browzer, he sells novels; I sell groceries." ”

“ At his Club he met one of his friends—a doctor.
"I will tell you my adventures," said the old Alchemist, lighting a strong cigar. "You must know——"
"I know everything," said the Physician, sternly. "I know why you have scared the Arabs, and why disease cannot touch you. The secret is revealed by a recent Lancet. You can brave disease and death, because you are fond of eating onions!" ”

“ Sydney Bolton is inexorable. Lord Wastwater is dead now, and there can be no harm in saying that the House of Lords is well rid of his impending company. He would have made a sad Duke.
A little more than a year ago, in celebration of the seventieth birthday of Henriette Ronner, there was published a volume containing reproductions in photogravure of some of the works of that charming painter. Madame Ronner knows the harmless, necessary cat as intimately as Rosa Bonheur knows the horse or the ox. She has painted it with loving hand, in all circumstances of its strangely-varied life. ”

“ He carefully set little traps, with pieces of adhesive paper, every here and there, to detect carelessness on the side of the reader. The parcel came back in a week, with a note of regret that the novel was not suitable. Only one of Browzer's pieces of adhesive paper had been removed, but the others were carefully initialled. A modest author would have concluded that his opening chapters condemned him, but Browzer's wrath against mankind only burned the more fiercely. He removed his traps, however, and sent Wilton's Wooing the round of the Row. ”

“ Had a chat with the Czar, and knocked off a plan for the introduction of "Home Rule." Czar polite, but didn't see it. Well of course every one has a right to his own opinions, still I think it would do. Czar didn't. Sent home to one of my Magazines, "How I lived for three days in the Mines of Siberia."
March.—Back to town for a few days, and then off again. Clark says travelling the best thing in the world for superfluous energy. Did China thoroughly. Drew up a plan for altering the language, manners, religions, politics, and customs of the Chinese. ”

“ This manuscript he sent, first, to a literary man, whose name he had seen in the papers, with a long and fulsome letter, asking for an opinion. The parcel came back next day, accompanied by a lithographed form of excuse. Browzer denounced the envy and arrogance of mankind, and sent his parcel to a publisher. ”

“ Well, well, youth will have its way. Sent in my special article for Christmas and the New Year, "The History of the World, from the Earliest Times to the close of the Nineteenth Century, by One who has employed his leisure moments in its compilation." ”

“ If a fresh Barony is to be created for Armitstead, what shall I have?" "Why, a Canne'd one," said Algy West, who is always so ready. (Signed) Autolycus.
"The Liberator Building Society:"—To liberate, means, "make free." If the present charges are proven, the title will be rather appropriate, considering how very free it seems to have made with a considerable amount of property.
[Pg 304]
The Foreman of the Jury.
THE MAN WHO WOULD. V.—THE MAN WHO WOULD BRING AN ACTION FOR LIBEL.
The following incident in the career of Browzer was recalled to memory by an article in a literary journal. ”

“ Evidently in most doleful dumps. "No, it's not the weather, Autolycus," he said. "Fact is that, although supposed to be a rich man, I am reduced to extremities. Lunched yesterday at the Carlton off dish of braised ox-tail, and supped at night at Beefsteak on cow-heel à la cordonnier."
Autolycus hears that, early in the New Year, Mr. Armitstead, Mr. Gladstone's host in the South of France, will be raised to the Peerage, under the title of Baron Biarritz Of Barmouth. ”

“ My Baronite says he misses the re-iterated interjection which should accompany the verb. "Ha! Ha! Foiled!!" would seem to be more the thing—but it isn't. The story is a simple one, wound about an old theme. It is well constructed, and admirably told. All the characters are what are called Society people; but Mrs. Henniker has studied them in the drawing-room, not from the area-railings, and reproduces them on her page with vivid strokes. Some of her acquaintances will probably feel uneasy when they read about Lord Huddersfield ”

“ Well, I try to give satisfaction; and so does Mr. Browzer. If that young Mr. Smith writes to the papers that my sugars are not original, that I plagiarise them from a sand-bunker, or that my teas are not good Chinese,—like Mr. Browzer's French, which is what is [Pg 305] usual in the Trade,—why, then, he interferes with my business. I bring my action, and hope to win it; and so, as a tradesman, I feel that Mr. ”

“ Finally Browzer discovered a publisher who would take Wilton's Wooing, on conditions that the author should pay £150 for preliminary expenses (exclusive of advertising, for which a special charge was to be made) , would guarantee the sale of 300 copies, and would accept half profits on the net results of the transaction.
The work saw the light, and, externally, it certainly did look very like a novel. The reviews, which Browzer read with frenzied excitement, also looked very like reviews of novels. They were usually about two inches in length, and generally ended by saying that "Mr. ”

“ The Friendlies in "Mars."—We are beginning to know more and more about the planet Mars every day. There are newspapers in Mars. Their journalists are going to communicate (by electric flash-light signals) news to Earth. Look out for "Pars from Mars." The Pa's probably intend having a good time of it when they get away for a Christmas holiday. ”

“ Browzer was wronged." There was no reply to these arguments, but I pity the Reviewers.
TO MAUD.—A Birthday Roundel.
An empty purse! It's true we often say
This weary world of ours knows nothing worse,
And yet I send you, on this festive day,
An empty purse.
Do not consign to an untimely hearse
The friend who treats you in this heartless way.
Don't let your pretty lips invoke a curse,
But let me wish you happiness, and may
You guess the reason from this little verse
Why at your feet to-day I humbly lay
An empty purse.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
The worst thing about Mrs. ”

“ But at last there came a longer criticism of Wilton's Wooing in the Erechtheum. Somebody took Browzer to pieces, averring that "Mr. Browzer has neither grammar" (here followed a string of examples of Browzer's idioms) "nor humour," (here came instances of his wit and fancy) , "nor taste" (again reinforced by specimens) , "nor even knowledge of the French language, which he habitually massacres." (Here followed à l'outrance, bête noir, soubriquet, all our old friends.) Finally, Mr. ”