Various

“ She divides her charming chronicle into three parts—Peace, The Vortex, and Victory. The first deals with the childhood of the happy brood of Anthony and Frances, delicate studies subtly differentiated. Even the little cats have their astonishing individuality, and I don't envy anyone who can read of Jerry's death and Nicky's grief without a gulp. The Vortex is—no, not the War; that comes later—but the trials of a world which tests adolescence, a world of suffrage rebellions, of Futuristic art and morals. ”

“ The Generals and Statesmen gathered round their stricken master, gabbling purest Prussian.
Millie appeared satisfied at last, although the CROWN PRINCE had scarcely glanced at her, for she was not his type. She took advantage of the commotion to procure two boxes of matches which had been thrown carelessly on the table. These she bestowed mysteriously beneath her overall.
"He deserved it too!" she muttered contentedly as she hobbled to the door; "and I don't believe so much about all his matches either. You can only get two boxes at a time even here." ”

“ Now above all things Millie hated breaking coal and filling scuttles, and I knew that she would not be carrying a coal-hammer without a very special reason. Her words revealed it.
"You, KAYSER, I've been wanting to get near you and smash you up, I have. You've gone a bit too far, you have ... No sugar without a card, and then only half-a-pound, and they do say it'll only be a quarter soon. And matches!—only one box at a time, and they don't strike, and how's a body to light a fire at all?" ”

“ With this she lifted her coal-hammer and brought it down with all her force on the KAISER'S head. Involuntarily I flinched; it was a terrible blow.
Several Generals, their iron crosses jingling, rushed forward and seized Millie, uttering guttural sounds of horror and indignation. But the KAISER stood unmoved—yes, unmoved. Millie gaped at him. He ordered his satellites to release her and, as they reluctantly did so, Millie nodded her head at them.
"You leave me where I'm to! He can take up his own part," she told them. ”

“ The Major's batman devoted the following day to the construction of a species of retiring-room at one end of the hut, wherein the modest members of the mess might bathe and splash at ease. The remainder of the servants went out armed and returned with (1) a zinc bath, (2) a stove, (3) a cuckoo clock, (4) a large mirror, (5) a warming-pan. "Once let us make a home for ourselves," we said, "and our energies will be free to finish the War." We devoted every cunning worker in the battery to this great end. ”

“ He was interrupted by another blow from the coal-hammer, which made him bite his tongue, for Millie was becoming exasperated and put all her strength into the stroke. The KAISER stepped back.
"Poor fool! You are wasting your strength, even as HAIG wastes his in blow after blow on the Western front." ”

“ With all eyes so focussed on the great deeds of our men in France, in Palestine and on the sea, there is a possibility of losing sight now and then of the constant and devoted efforts of the women and girls at home, without whose co-operation the War could not be successfully waged at all. ”

“ We are the debtors not only of the munition workers who, in their hundreds of thousands, are toiling for victory, but of women and girls in myriad other employments, which they have cheerfully attacked and mastered ”

“ Matter-of-fact Anthony, the timber merchant, always would insist that it was a mere common ash; but the others, Frances, and the children, Dorothy, Michael, Nicky and adopted Veronica, knew better, as also, no doubt, did Jane-Pussy and her little son, Jerry, who was Nicky's most especial pal. Miss MAY SINCLAIR, without being a conscienceless sentimentalist, does us the fine service of reminding us that the world of men is not all drab ugliness, but that there are beautiful human relationships and unselfish characters, and wholesome training which justifies itself in the day of trial. ”

“ Millie, who heard nothing. Having waited politely until his lips stopped moving in speech, she again cracked him on the head with the coal-hammer.
The KAISER ignored this uncivil retort and spoke again.
"You shall go back to your matchless country and tell them there that we have plenty of matches in Germany; that we have kept on good terms with Stockholm, and our matches are made in Sweden. We have all we need to kindle every fire in hell. Now are you convinced that you are beaten?" ”

“ Justice BRAY that bigamy is rampant at the present time has been drawn to the notice of the FOOD-CONTROLLER, who wishes it to be clearly understood that under no circumstances will the head of a family be allowed a sugar ration for more than one wife.
"I have in my possession," writes a correspondent of The Evening News, "a loaf of bread made by my husband's mother in 1821." This should dispose of the popular belief that nobody anticipated the War except Mr. BLATCHFORD.
Lug-worms are being sold at Deal for five shillings a score. ”

“ Perhaps (how shall I put it?) the eye-pieces of the writer's mask are a trifle too rose-coloured for strict realism; great-hearted gentlemen as we know our heroes to be, are they always quite so merry and bright as here? ”

“ She's expensive, and she can be done without. Obviously she's forbidden by the Defence of the Realm Act. We shall be fined and imprisoned if we conceal her here."
"Well, you'd better sit down and tell her so, and get it off your chest."
"I suppose I must play the humbug."
"Yes, do. She'll see through you all right, though."
"Oh, I say," said Francesca, "there's a P.S. to her letter. She says she's saved two pounds out of her sugar ration, and she's sending it to us as a Christmas present. Isn't she an old topper?"
"Yes," I said, "I forgive her everything. Is two pounds a lot?" ”

“ Forgive them, Pete! We are not all well-bred,
Not all so wise, so sensible as you;
Not all our sires, for generations dead,
To British homes were true.
Yet, prizing steadfast love and fealty, some
The gulf of their deficiencies may span,
And learn of you the virtues that become
An English gentleman.
We wish Russia wouldn't wash her dirty LENIN in public.
[pg 377]
DAVID IN RHONDDALAND.
DAVID. "I'M OFTEN AWAY FROM HOME. HOW DO I GET SUGAR?"
THE MAD GROCER. "YOU DON'T; YOU FILL UP A FORM."
DAVID. "BUT I HAVE FILLED UP A FORM."
THE MAD GROCER. "THEN YOU FILL UP ANOTHER FORM." ”

“ A highly-placed official tells me that the discovery that a number of people move about from place to place, that servants sometimes leave their situations, and that households are consequently liable to variation in their personnel, is due to a very smart member of the Sugar Commission, who will be suitably decorated. ”

“ Meanwhile they ask me to correct a confusion in the public mind by which the "Vicious Circle" is regarded as a synonym for themselves.
Manhood and Moral.
Every day brings me a sheaf of correspondence in which I am asked to give my opinion as to our prospects of victory in the near future. ”

“ The British Parliamentary Branch of the International Bolo Club indignantly deny that they have received a single pony, or any less sum, from German sympathisers in support of Pacifist propaganda. They generously recognise that Germany's economical straits are even greater than ours, and they would not willingly, even for the sake of a common cause, put a strain upon the resources of their German friends. ”

“ She's so true to type that you can hardly believe in her existence. To be related to her is to have a Stake in the Country and to be part of the British Constitution, which she ardently believes in without knowing anything about it. ”

“ When a young American finds himself the guardian of an Irish flapper—a distant relation—and comes over to take her back with him to the States, it does not require much perspicacity to guess what will happen. ”

“ Owing to scarcity of petrol several fire-brigades have had again to resort to horses. In consequence people who have fires are requested to place their orders at once, as they can only be dealt with in strict rotation. ”

“ A practical and very simple way of adding to their happiness and well-being is to contribute a mite to the funds of the Girls' Friendly Society, an organisation with the finest traditions, which is doing its best to build rest and recreation huts all over England, for the purpose of conserving the health and spirits of our great feminine army. ”

“ Last week the mistress of the house where he was mostly employed sent him to the grocer's with, as usual, a slip of paper. The paper was addressed to the grocer, and it said, "Please do your utmost to give the bearer some sugar and tea. Even the smallest quantity will be gratefully welcomed." ”

“ Since it is natural to expect that a much-heralded book will fail, when it does eventually appear, to fulfil the promise of its publishers, it is the more pleasant to find oneself agreeing with Messrs. ”

“ Entering the shop the soldier laid the message on the counter, prepared to wait patiently for the harassed tradesman to attend to him. He had often been there before and knew what it meant; but on this occasion the grocer instantly advanced to meet him, took the paper smilingly and read it.
"Certainly," he replied. "I suppose four pounds of each would be enough to go on with?"
"Four pounds!" said the soldier. "Strike me pink, she'd think herself the Queen with four ounces!"
Things we should like to see Illustrated.
From a recent novel:—
"... ”

“ Of course Canada is before everything an agricultural country, and we feel sure that BROWNING would be the last man to object to any adaptation of his lines which would make them more suited to the needs of the people and the times.
[pg 380]
THEATRICAL CORRESPONDENCE SUPPLYING ONE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION, "WHY DOES A DRAMATIST GROW OLD SOONER THAN ANYONE ELSE?"
From G. Sheridan Smith, author, to Sir James Benfield, actor-manager.
Dear Sir,—Herewith I am forwarding a copy of an original three-act comedy, entitled, Men and Munitions. ”

“ The House always enjoys these encounters, although the opponents, like the toy "wrestlers" of our youth, never get much "forrader." The Member for West Toxteth has probably forgotten more about the shipping trade than his opponent ever knew. ”

“ It is reported that the two thousand taxi-drivers still on strike have decided to offer their services to Sir AUCKLAND GEDDES for munition work. Suitable employment will be found for them in a high-expletive factory. ”