William Dean Howells

“ Decidedly pitch-darkness is becoming to you. Better turn it down again."
Campbell, rejoining her in the drawing-room: "No; it isn't so becoming to you; and I'm not envious, whatever I am."
Mrs. Somers: "You are generosity itself."
[10] Campbell: "If you come to phrases, I prefer magnanimity."
Mrs. Somers: "Well, say magnanimity. Won't you sit down—while you have the opportunity?" She sinks upon the sofa, and indicates with her fan an easy-chair at one end of it.
Campbell, dropping into it: "Are there going to be so many?"
Mrs. Somers: "You never can tell about five o'clock tea. ”

“ Somers is going to brevet everybody who comes to-day. She didn't say heroes to me, but—"
Mrs. Somers: "You shall have your tea at once, Mr. Bemis." She rings. "I was making Mr. Campbell wait for his. You don't order up the teapot for one hero."
Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! No, indeed! But I'm very glad you do for two. The fact is"—rubbing his hands—"I'm half frozen."
Mrs. Somers: "Is it so very cold?" To Campbell, who presents her fan with a bow: "Oh, thank you." To Mr. Bemis: "Mr. Campbell has just been objecting [18] to my fan. He doesn't like its being hand-painted, as he calls it." ”

“ MR. and MRS. BEMIS, and the OTHERS
Dr. Lawton: "Yes, I too. It sounded very much as if I were Brutus also." He stirs his tea and stares round at the company. "It seems to me that I have met these conspirators before. That's what makes Boston insupportable. You're always meeting the same people!"
Campbell: "We all feel it as keenly as you do, Doctor." ”

“ Mrs. Somers: "Not even about hand-painted fans? What an interesting fact!" She sits down on the sofa behind the lit [19] tle table on which the maid arranges the tea, and pours out a cup. Then, with her eyes on Mr. Bemis: "Cream and sugar both? Yes?" Holding a cube of sugar in the tongs: "How many?"
Bemis: "One, please."
Mrs. Somers, handing it to him: "I'm so glad you take your tea au naturel, as I call it."
Campbell: "What do you call it when they don't take it with cream and sugar?"
Mrs. Somers: "Au unnaturel. There's only one thing worse: taking it with a slice of lemon in it. ”

“ Campbell: "Now—"
Mrs. Somers: "Now all those geese are coming back from the other room, and they'll see that I've been crying, and everybody will know everything. Willis—"
Campbell: "Willis?"
Mrs. Somers: "Let me go! I must [41] bathe my eyes! You stay here and receive them! I'll be back at once!" She escapes from the arms stretched towards her, and out of the door, just before her guests enter from the library, and Campbell remains to receive them. The ladies, in returning, call over one another's heads and shoulders. ”

“ Campbell was so greedy he wouldn't wait."
Campbell: "Mr. Bemis and I are here in the character of heroes, and we had to have our tea at once. You're a hero too, Roberts, though you don't look it. Any one who comes to tea in such weather is a hero, or a—"
Mrs. Somers, interrupting him with a little shriek: "Ugh! How hot that handle's getting!"
Campbell: "Ah, I dare say. Let me turn out my sister's cup." Pouring out the tea and handing it to Mrs. Roberts. "I don't see how you could reconcile it to your No. Eleven conscience to leave [22] your children in such a snow-storm as this, Agnes." ”

“ Wharton some tea, but I can't stop its snowing."
Miss Bayly, taking her cup: "But [32] you're so amiable; we know you would if you could, and that's quite enough. We're not the first and only, are we?"
Mrs. Somers: "Dear, no! There are multitudes of flattering spirits in the library, stopping the mouth of my portrait with pretty speeches."
Miss Bayly, vividly: "Not your Bramford portrait?"
Mrs. Somers: "My Bramford portrait."
Miss Bayly, to the other ladies: "Oh, let us go and see it too!" They flutter out of the drawing-room, where Mrs. Somers and Campbell remain alone together as before. ”

“ Lawton: "Ah, now I should like to know what the victim of a compliment says!"
Mrs. Curwen: "He bows his thanks." Dr. Lawton makes a profound obeisance, to which Mrs. Curwen responds in burlesque.
Miller: "We all envy you, Doctor." ”

“ Roberts: "Amy, it's lovely! But it doesn't half do you justice."
Young Mrs. Bemis: "It's too sweet for anything, Mrs. Somers."
Mrs. Crashaw: "Why did you let the man put you into that ridiculous seventeenth-century dress? Can't he paint a modern frock?"
Mrs. Wharton: "But what exquisite coloring, Mrs. Somers!"
Mrs. Miller: "He's got just your lovely turn of the head."
Miss Bayly: "And the way you hold [42] your fan—what character he's thrown into it!"
Mrs. Roberts: "And that fall of the skirt, Amy; that skirt is full of character!" She discovers Mr. Campbell behind the tea-urn. He has Mrs. ”